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A Long Hard Journey - Living with Alzheimer's Disease
By Betty King

When Sherry married John for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, she didn't
anticipate Alzheimer's as part of the deal.

John was diagnosed with the dreaded disease that affects the mind, at the age of fifty-five, in 1997. For sometime
before that, Sherry and their daughter, Angie, were in denial of the subtle yet obvious clues.

Things like this happen to other people's families, not ours, they thought when faced with the devastating blow
from John's doctors. A strange look in his eyes was the first symptom John's family noticed. Later His inappropriate behavior and his risqué comments, to other people, were all out of character for John.

Before Alzheimer's affected Sherry's husband's behavior, he had been a quiet, modest man. His actions became
startling and upsetting, and his family was unsure how to deal with him or the illness.

Sherry and Angie were looking for answers and wondered if it could be depression, caused by the prostrate cancer he
had undergone in 1995. They noticed a big difference in him after he awoke from the anesthesia. They have since read where anesthesia, a fall or blow to the head, might possibly proceed or trigger the onset of Alzheimer's.

Simple chores became a problem for John. Then Sherry started getting calls from his employer worried about him and his
job performance. That's when she began to realize something serious was wrong. John himself had early on commented he
might be getting Alzheimer's as his mother and other family members had been stricken with the illness.

Even so, Sherry dismissed John's comment unable to admit to herself he could possibly have the disease.

People as young as twenty-something, with no family history have been diagnosed with the illness; it is not just something
the elderly face. With no known cause of the disease, and with the fact we don't know what we are eating, breathing or drinking or what our environment contains, the public, doctors and scientist are stumped with its prevention.

There are over 250 types of dementia. It is like holding an umbrella over your head and each section is a type of dementia, but they all make up the Alzheimer's umbrella. It was determined John had frontal lobe dementia of the Alzheimer's type.

"It is so important to go to a doctor for diagnoses, because there are so many other diseases which mimic Alzheimer's, and if recognized early enough can be treated," Sherry emphasized.

Coping with John's issues brought stress and tears, before and after his diagnoses; there were times Sherry doubted herself and others during the process. It was not an easy road to travel for all concerned.

With Alzheimer's, there are times when brain waves connect and patients remember. At other times connections fail and
people forget. There are amyloidal plaques growing in the brain and they become tangled preventing signals from getting through; these cycles may last two or three days or longer, depending on the severity of the disease. The plaques eventually spread, causing a patient more and more difficult problems.

Alzheimer's disease is a long, hard journey for the patient's family. A spouse feels as if they have lost their mate long before the actual demise. They are living with someone who looks like their mate, but doesn't act, or interact, as once they did. The mate can become overwhelmed, feeling at a loss to help their loved one. They many times, like Sherry, must become the breadwinner of the family.

Sherry took John everyday, for three years, to an adult daycare center, so she could continue to make a living and meet their needs. She couldn't leave John alone, for fear he might accidentally harm himself. Finally the sad day came when she had to have him admitted to a nursing home.

Sherry tried everything she could to help John. She took him to doctors, neurologist and to a psychiatrist, trying to find the right balance of medications to help his unpredictable behavior. She knew if John had known how he was acting it would have been upsetting to him. She tried getting all the help she could to delay the symptoms she feared would, and eventually did, take his life.

Angie found the father daughter role reversed. She had to allow him his new position in her heart and life; his off the wall comments and actions were devastating at times. She had to remember he was her father, though he wasn't acting the part.

John's words and actions were often disturbing, hurtful and even alarming to both Sherry and her daughter, yet they always used gentleness in their care of him. John never became combative, though there are patients who do. After some of John's comments, Sherry did feel the need to consult John's doctor; he advised them to clear the house of all guns and knives they might own.

The year 1997 found John not only with the diagnoses of Alzheimer's but no longer employed or the ability to drive;
confusion in his brain had swiftly taken its toll.

Sherry's greatest hurt was realizing her mate, the man she had known, loved and married, was no long there. His shell, his body, was present, but the companion she had hoped to live out her life with, was slipping away.

John's daughter watched her father, her buddy, the person she had been so close to become someone she didn't recognize - it hurt deeply.

When I asked Angie if she was fearful of inheriting the disease, she said "Yes."

There are test people can take, to see if they are susceptible to getting the disease, but Angie is afraid of the outcome.
The disease is on both sides of her family. She would like to know of the possibility, yet her fears prevent her from
going through with the test. She did say the doctor thought her chances were slim, but recommend exercise, proper diet,
along with activities that exercise her brain; also, taking vitamin E and folic acid was his recommendation.

Until you walk a mile in the shoes of a family stricken with Alzheimer's disease, you have no idea the mental, physical
and emotional stress that befalls them. Your support, comforting words and helping hand, may help in easing their
stress and burdens.

Though Sherry suffered a heart attack during John's ordeal, she tried to stay strong for John and Angie, and continues
to speak out on Alzheimer's for the Alzheimer's association. John died in February of 2005; it had been a long hard
journey for all concerned. Though the passage was difficult, when Sherry thinks back, it was not how John was at the end
of his voyage that she recalls, it was the John that she married whom she remembers most. She assured me if she had
it all to do over again she would still have married John Meadows, the man she loved, the man of her dreams.

Some journeys are worth all the effort; some loves are worth all the pain.

© Copyright by Betty King
[email protected]
Used by permission

Betty is an author, freelance writer, newspaper columnist and speaker. Visit her website [email protected]
Betty is a frequent contributor to the Chicken Soup for the Soul publications, the latest being For the Recovering Soul and The Grandma's Soul.

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