Emerging Courageous Online Magazine

Emerging Courageous Online Magazine - Stories

Somewhere by Carol Lamica

I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 1986. Although they did all the pleasant tests like EMG (that one is electrifying), spinal tap, and muscle biopsy (showed something consistent with a collagen vascular disease with inflammatory process for which they wanted to put me on Steroids). Thank God my other Doctor told them no! Thank you Dr. Bell!!!

I still have the overwhelming fatigue... legs give out , myoclonic siezures(big word for muscle spasms), but I'm thankful I can usually feel it coming on. My left side goes weak on some occasions for which all I can do is stay in a supine position. Wheel chair won't really help unless someone is pushing me. There are the flu like body aches above and beyond sick and tired. So, of course, I had to get on an antidepressant because I feel like a burden. Even knowing the Lord Jesus is with me, I still believe He gave us medicine for certain purposes. The word of God is medicine for me, along with encouragement and understanding from friends and relatives. There are support groups and other people available to talk to with the same problems. Not all of them have the neurological problems, but there are different stages. I supposedly have gotten to one of the worst stages but there is hope for improvement.

The days of brain fog are like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz - "If I only had a brain". Other days, I'm like Dorothy , I just want to go home. Then I sometimes feel like my thalmus in the brain is not working right. So I'm in the poppy fields with the wicked witch saying, "Sleep, Sleep!" When I finally wake up, which is like coming out of the poppy fields or a recovery room from after having surgery, I feel either like the tin man or the scarecrow. The tin man is a little better than the scarecrow. As the tin man, I feel stiff and soar. But the scarecrow, I can't walk or talk and the stuffing is knocked out of you. The lion days, I feel like if I really had enough strength, I could get some courage. So, life for me with this condition, since the doctors don't seem to know exactly what to do with me, is living minute by minute. So I have to not forget to have ice packs on hand for the cluster headaches!

The words from "Somewhere over the rainbow....." give me strength and hope...

Somewhere Over the Rainbow from The Wizard Of Oz sung by Judy Garland
"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me,
Where troubles melt like lemon drops.
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly,
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow,
Why oh why can't I?"

Carol Lamica 4/2/2002
Write 2 Carol [email protected]

******

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws