Dark Clouds...Dealing with Depression by Diane Dean White
The day
started out as if a dark cloud was hanging over the sky and a feeling that is
like no other surrounds me. I looked outside my bedroom window to see why
it appears to be raining again, yet the sky is beautiful, with blue color and
puffy white clouds chasing one another. I can't figure out where the
darkness is coming from.
Deep inside me I want to go back to bed and pull the covers over me, I know I'm
unable to greet this day with any type of excitement. What is happening to me,
why am I feeling so terrible? I wonder how I can continue to live like
this, life seems hopeless, I return to bed. I do cry out to God…"Please
help me, Lord, help me." Is He listening? "Where are you God?
Help me!" I wonder if living in this area is going to continue to be
like this.
I can't seem to cry any tears. I try to sleep. When my husband comes home
for lunch I'm still in the same place he left me when he went to work.
"What's wrong are you sick?" he wants to know. I don't' know how
to answer him, I stare blankly ahead… "No, I don't think so, I
don't know what is happening to me." I answer him.
He makes a call and helps me to dress. The next person I'm talking with is my
doctor, why am I here? He asks a number of questions, many I am unable to
answer, I want to be left alone. I don't know what is going on.
"Please help me" I say with my head hung down. "I can't tell you
how awful this is, or why I feel as if the world is ending."
He looks at my husband and they talk quietly for a few moments. "Have there
been changes?" he wants to know. My husband explains that there have
been. "We just built a new home, (in a small southern town.) I thought she
was happy. We went to visit our family who live up North (a large northern
city) and just returned yesterday from our vacation. She seemed quiet when we
went by our old home where our children were born. She cried, but I
thought it was just from being tired traveling with the children to the area
where we used to live. What's wrong with her doctor?" My husband
asked.
"Your wife is experiencing some depression, which can be caused by any one
of the things you described. And a move in itself can be quite a culture shock,
I'm going to place her on an antidepressant, see that she takes these, it will
take a few days before she'll feel better, but eventually it will help her get
out from under this." He instructed my husband. He probably told me the
same thing, I just remember his eyes were kind and we left the office.
I can't tell you that everything was back to normal right a way. It took a while
for the doctor to find a medication that could help me. Depression is a
hard thing for anyone to deal with. I often think of how hard that time
was. But through the help of someone who cared and knew how to deal with
depression, my doctor, and my husband, who knew nothing about it, but quickly
learned, and God's Word, which soon I was able to concentrate on reading, we got
through this time. I don't take medication any longer, I've learned to identify
with what causes those feelings, and I pray it never comes like that again!
I can now look back and see how so many things contributed to me going into a
frozen state, something I was equally unprepared to deal with. But people do
tend to shut down when too many disappointments or changes come at them. I
was one, and never knew it. I'm now able to help others who are going
through this type of thing, because nobody knew how I felt when this happened. I
know how much someone is hurting until they can get help and are able to get a
grip on it.
I had someone ask me "Couldn't you have snapped out of it?" They
have never been depressed, one doesn't "snap out" of it, and the
sensitivity of others is appreciated, but not always understood. If help
isn't obtained, the person might become worse and need more than a doctor’s
visit. I'm sure over the years before doctors were able to identify depression,
many people were considered "nuts". Thank goodness we have made
progress from that.
Some people have chemical imbalances that can cause a bout with depression.
It is more than a "blue day" but a time when you need complete rest
and no stress to deal with. Often the simplest task seems
like a mountain to climb.
Today there are a number of clinics across the country who can help women and
men who are facing depression, and doctors are learning more about it today,
than they did when I went through it almost 25 years ago.
Sometimes eating changes are needed, well water which often has cooper in it
should be eliminated, and bottled water used; seeing a counselor who can help
you understand what you are dealing with can also be helpful.
People need not suffer alone. There are support groups and places to seek help.
If someone had told me to read the book of Psalms when I was first going through
this I would have turned my back and walked away, but when I was able to
concentrate, I started to read God's Word, and I realized He knows all about
this problem, and just reading His words and listening to some positive tapes,
along with the medication, helped me.
We live in a world that can be beautiful and it is to most people, so when
someone can't move or understand where feelings that take them so low are coming
from, it is time to seek help. And today it is out there!
*****
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