Emerging Courageous Online Magazine

I had to write and tell you how much your newsletter Emerging Courageous has lifted my spirits, given me hope and helped me with all that I've gone through in my life. I just recently and unexpectedly found your special newsletter and it has touched my life in many wonderful ways. I too have suffered from Fibromyalgia for over 21 years now and it's symptoms have become increasingly worse over the years. The last three years have been extremely hard for me and not only did I have to give up my nursing career, but it made me basically house bound and also feeling left out of life at the age of 40. As most sufferers of FMS I naturally blamed all of the symptoms that were occurring on the worsening of the disease itself. Unfortunately, I should have made the doctor's dig deeper instead of letting them to tell me that everything was " all in my head " - even though I learned a long time ago not to let them treat me like that anymore.

Even with all the tests I had done and specialists that I had seen no definitive answer could be found to explain all of my problems. Without going into every detail - the past year has been one that has brought out more courage than I ever thought my family or I ever had in us. With the help of friends, family and strangers I was given the strength to get through all that I had to face and now your newsletter has been able to help me to continue to hold onto it while I struggle through the challenges that continue to face me.

Last July I suffered a blood clot to my lung, a pulmonary embolism, that I luckily survived and only had to spend a week in the hospital and several months on oxygen at home to recuperate. Less than three weeks after this occurred it was discovered that my uterus had dropped and that I having a hysterectomy was the only option that would take care of the situation. Since I couldn't have the surgery while on the blood thinners for the clot I had just experienced, it was necessary for me to endure the severe pain and complications for the 6 month course of medication. Although the first thought was that the two were related they were just considered a coincidence and not related in any way. Finally, when I thought I couldn't stand the pain and discomfort anymore I was able to have the surgery around the 20th of January, but a week later I had to have a second procedure to deal with a small complication. Three days later I literally did not have the energy to even lift my head off the pillow. Little did I know what was in store for me.

On February 6th my husband called the ambulance and when I arrived in the ER my oxygen level was at 43%, which is not very conducive to life. 3 1/2 weeks later the large amount of medications that I been taking had decreased enough for my husband to explain that the doctors had put me on a special lung and heart bypass machine called ECMO, which kept me alive for 11 days and gave the doctors time to try and find a way to save my life. ECMO is mainly used on infants with premature lung problems and the few adults that have been put on it to save their lives don't usually survive. It was discovered that my body had been producing blood clots for quite a long period of time ( the cause of my worsening condition over the previous 3 years ) and that my lungs were so full of old and new clots that none of the medications they used could take care of them. That left either a lung transplant or a surgical procedure that had only been done a few times in a San Francisco hospital. Either way the doctors told my family that they honestly did not believe I would make it to my 41st birthday in April and to expect the worse. By this time such a large prayer chain had literally emerged all over the United Stated on my behalf that there is no way possible I could ever meet or personally thank all of those wonderful people who sent their blessings and prayers to God to watch over not only me, but my family and doctors as well. At this time I had absolutely no idea what I or my family and friends were going through and I still do not remember those 3 1/2 weeks of my life. Many people have ensured me that not remembering all that had gone on during this time is a blessing in and of itself.

On February 18th the best doctors at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center performed a surgical procedure for the very first time in their careers. They had to open my chest and surgically remove all of the clots that were keeping my lungs and ultimately my heart from working properly. They also had to close a large hole in my heart that was caused by the pulmonary hypertension from the blood clots in my lungs. The surgery was a tremendous success and the healing process went so well that not only the doctors called me a medical miracle, but also the many people that have heard my story have expressed this feeling as well. What the doctors didn't realize was that even though their skill and knowledge saved my life - the miracle was due to God using His healing powers through them. He had listened and answered the many prayers that were sent to heaven on my behalf by not only loved ones but loving Christian people who didn't know me yet knew their prayers were the best "medicine" to heal my body and give my family and I the courage to face each decision and challenge that every new day brought to all of us.

The road to recovery has not been easy, but everyday I still use the courage that God gives me to face and enjoy every new day that I have been blessed with. Most of the time I don't feel comfortable being considered a true miracle - when I've always believed that God's gift of life is the most precious miracle that we are given everyday of our lives. My hope is that I can tell my story to as many people as possible and hope that it gives at least one person the hope, inspiration and courage that we all need to face the many challenges that life will naturally bring our way each and everyday. I have been blessed to have the opportunity to speak at a couple of churches and thank them for the support that they gave to my family during the past few months and continue to do so as I recuperate. It was also important for me to testify about the power of God's love and unconditional devotion to all of His " children ".

This is the first time that I have actually sat down and wrote about this experience in my life and I'm hoping that it will help me to write not only about the medical facts of my illness, but to express all of the inner emotions and details. After I survived what appeared to be an unsurvivable situation many people have expressed in many ways that God wasn't through with me yet and that there was something I still had left to do in my lifetime. I wonder if they have any idea what a daunting and scary notion that is to live with on a daily basis. I am starting to believe that at least one of my tasks is to relate my story and feelings to others in order to touch at least one persons life in a positive way that will give them the courage and hope to face whatever struggle has come into their lives. I also want them to discover that they are not alone in their struggle, but there are others who can help them along the way. Especially wonderful people like you who have brought us all together to share our life's experiences, hopes, fears and dreams for a life that is made possible by our " Emerging Courage ".

Thank you very much for letting me share this with you and hopefully others. It was quite a bit longer than I thought it would be when I started writing to you, but I truly believe that it's the beginning of what is now one of the most important goals in my life. You are a very special person and I hope you know that this unique internet newsletter of shared stories and impressions has blessed my life at exactly the moment I needed it. I'm sure that I'm not the only one. May God Bless You, Your Family and This Wonderful Forum You've Created Always !!!