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Which Memory of Me? by Michele Starkey

     I wonder which memory of me will be on the minds of my family when I am finally called home. What stories will the family reminisce about at my funeral? Which ones will make them smile? What lasting memories will linger long after the flowers on my grave have lost their fragrance?
     My extended family is so large that we rarely get together outside of weddings and funerals. Nevertheless, they are my family members and the many cousins that come along with most large Italian families are loving and supportive and they are always in attendance at all of the functions. I mean all of the weddings and funerals. As the years pass, the extended family members see each other three or four times a year. Over the course of a normal lifetime, that equates to roughly 200 formal visitations. The older I get, it seems that there are more funerals and less weddings.   It could have been my funeral that brought them all together four years ago when I had my ruptured brain aneurysm. I guess I wasn't ready to be the reason for the party. There was a greater plan in store for me and I wasn't ready to leave the earth just yet.
     I remember seeing the light. Only it wasn't the "light of peace" it was the paramedic shining the light into my pupils before he announced, "We're losing her." I remember thinking "Who are they losing?" Surely not me. I remember the sounds of the helicopter blades as they sliced through the dark of the night. I remember the rush of medical personnel as the chopper landed on the pad. I think I can even remember my mother kissing my forehead before I went into the operating room.
     Eight months of recovery followed the surgery. Eight long months of being at home with only my beloved, Keith, and my immediate family. Only those who have survived a catastrophic illness can imagine the horror of looking into the mirror for the first time and seeing your shaved head embroidered with a railroad track scar that extends the length of your scalp. Add to that the fact that you are a woman, a successful businesswoman, and you end up with a depressing concoction.
     I was bound and determined to return to the workplace - bad haircut and all. Bound and determined to get myself back on my feet and out in the world again. I survived brain surgery and was confident that menopause would be a breeze in comparison. Maybe there truly is a reason for everything. Prior to my aneurysm, I dreaded the thought of mood swings and hot flashes. After my brain surgery, these became a common occurrence and I survived them, too.
It took eight months to return to work as a medical product manager and little less than six months to realize that God had better ideas for my life. My career path would change drastically and I would re-enter the business world as a small business owner of a woman's fitness franchise. I purchased my Curves franchise with my sister long before Curves became the largest fitness franchise in the world. Imagine that.
     I spend my days helping women overcome their fears, anxieties and face themselves in the mirror to see what God sees. Underneath the surface, there is a woman who can climb any mountain, face any situation and emerge successful. She can pull herself out of the deepest pit, the darkest room and light a candle of hope for others to enjoy.
     What memory of me will linger long after I leave this place? More importantly, will it make my family smile? I'd like to think that the memory that I leave behind when I reach the end of my earthly life would be one of true love. May all of those who knew me, know that I found greater happiness in concerning myself with their well-being and happiness. If that is the legacy that I leave behind, I will be proud of my memory.

Michele Starkey
[email protected]

Michele Starkey is a brain aneurysm survivor who enjoys writing and sharing stories with others. She is living life to the fullest in the Hudson Valley of New York.

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