| Title: Through the eyes of a child Part: Three Rated: R By Spanky Content Warning: Child abuse and mention abuse towards Johnny Previously: Johnny has flash backs from his past Roy was never so glad to see a shift end as he was this last one. After Johny's last outburst the rest of the crew tip toed around him afraid of setting him off. Roy felt for Johnny he knew that Johnny tried to never show his emotions of feelings to people and to have him loose it three times in one shift had to be tearing him apart. Joanne DeSoto watched her husband stop his car and then just sit there. " Hi honey, how was the shift?" She asked leaning into the open car window. "Jo, I don't know what to do." Roy said in a whisper. " Well start by coming inside and then tell me what is wrong." Joanne said softly as she led roy from the car " This last shift was real bad one for Johnny." Roy stopped and wiped ineffectively at the tears forming in his eyes. " He was so upset all throught the shift he lost it twice. Once with Marco and once with Chet and if that wasn't enough embarrassment for him he had a horrible nightmare." " Do you think he's sick?" Joanne knew that Johnny had put up his wall again over the last few weeks but she hadn't realized that it had gotten this bad. " I'm not sure. He's been so edgy and everytime someone goes near him he withdraws. I tried to get him to go see Brackett and he refused. How do I help him Jo, How? Roy's concern for his partner and best friend was almost more than he could handle. " Be there for him." Joanne stated taking Roy in her arms ........ Roy finally convinced Johnny with the help of his children's pleas to see their Uncle Johnny to finally come to dinner. He wasn't sure how he was going to convince Johnny but he knew that seeing Brackett was the right thing for Johnny to do. Upon arrivall Joanne could immediately feel Johnny's tention he stepped back away from he when she went to give him a kiss on the cheek, and didn't even respond to the kids the way he normally did. going into the kitchen so she could hide he tears, Joanne cried. " Noney are you alright?" Roy asked as he wrapped his strong arms around his wife's waist " Roy do you remember my cousin?" Joanne stopped to turn and face Roy." She died of a brain tumor last year at the age of thirty and she had a lot of the same actions that Johnny has now." Her words were spoken quietly Roy could feel the nausea rising in his stomach at the thought of Johnny possibly having a brain tumor, and of his losing Johnny'y friendship when they had just gotten it going. " Honey?" Joanne questioned with her one simple word. " I don't know, but one thing I do know is that Johnny will go to see Brackett even if I have to get Capt. to make it a direct order." roy said with conviction As the evening preceeded Johnny seemed to relax a little, seeing his chance roy plunged ahead with his plan to convince Johnny to see a Doctor. " Hey Johnny, have you given anymore thought to seeing Brackett?" Roy asked " I told you I don't need to see Brackett, Roy I'm fine really." Johnny's posture had stiffened and his voice had dropped to a whisper. " Your not fine Johnny, and last shift proves it. I don't want to fight with you, I want to help you. If you don't want to see Brackettt, I'll go with you over to Harbor General." Roy offered in the most soothing voice he could " I said I was sorry for last shift, what more do you want?" Johnny whispered " I want to know that you are going to be alright." Roy responded. " Please leave it be." Johnny begged as he raised his head. Roy was now even more upset to see tears in Johnny's eyes. " I can't Johnny because I'm afraid for you." When Johnny left the DeSoto home he found himself driving around aimlessly. Before he realized where he was he was pulling to a stop in front of the William's home." I don't know how Ms. Becka Williams but you are the source of my nightmares." Johnny said to himself as he sat and watched the Williams home. Upstairs in that same house someone else was watching." Oh Please Mr. Gage , you have to help me. I can't take anymore." Then watching Johnny pull away she cried. " No.......no......don't leave.......come back...come back....." Her voice was now in a whisper as her tiny hand cluntched in a fist hit the pane of glass. Then limping painfully Becka picked up her yellow dress and headed for the bathroom. " Where do you think your going?" Buck Williams growled. " To wash my dress like you told me." Becka whimpered in fear. " Yeah well you had better do a good job and you better not ever let it happen again." He snapped smacking her across the face leaving behind a bloody nose. Becka scrubbed furiously at her dress and then began to cry as she remember her father's warning. With one final sniffle she rubbed the very fresh bruises on the back her legs. .......... Johnny reported for the next shift now beyond the exhausted stage, he was on the verge of collapse. As he entered the apparatus bay he noticed Chet and Marco flee for the kitchen. " Guess I can't blame them, Man I should have just stayed home." Johnny mumbled as he entered the locker room " Hey partner." Roy called softly as he pushed the door open." Listen Chet and Marco weren't trying to avoid you." " Sure they were Roy, they think I've gone craze, hell I think I've gone crazy." Johnny sighed as he scrubbed his face." You know were I spent last night Roy?" Johnny looked at his partner with eyes filled with pain." " Come on you two, the Chief just walked in." Mike Stoker called " Oh man." Johnny groused as he buttoned his shirt while running to line up for roll call. " Nice of you to join us Gage." Chief McConikee comented as Johnny slid into line " Yes sir." Johnny mumbled dropping his eyes " What was that son? Look at me not the floor." He ordered now standing directly in front of Johnny. " Looking up Johnny paled and took a step backwards." I....said....yes...sir.....sir....."Johnny stuttered feelling his stomach becoming even queasier. " Very good, very good that's what I thought you said." The Chief smile and extended his hand to Johnny. Johnny looked at the Chiefs out stretched hand and could feel the palms of his own hands become clammy. taking a deep breath he wiped his hand and raised it at the same time he raised his eyes. Panic filled him as he bolted backwards almost falling in his haste. " John?" Captain Stanley questioned " Sir." Johnny whispered now sweating heavily. " Shake the Chiefs hand Gage, he's a busy man and has stuff to do." Stanley ordered his tone of voice a mixture of concern and anger. " Yes Sir." Johnny's words were mumbled as he attempted once more to raise his hand forward. his entire body shook with fear as he faced Chief McConikee. " No." He whispered before bolting for the locker room. " I'm sorry Chief, I just don't know what has come over him lately." Stanley started to apologize " Nonsense Hank, it's quite obvious he's ill. I know Gage, he's a good man. DeSoto go check on that partner of yours." The Chief ordered Roy didn't have to look far to find Johnny as the sounds of retching floated out of the latrine." Dammit this is getting way out of control." He cursed Johnny sank into a sitting position once his vomiting was complete. " Please let it end." He begged as tears flowed down his cheeks " Johnny you okay?" Roy called into the stall. Standing, Johnny shakenly exited and went straight to the sinks to splash cold water onto his face without acknowledging Roy. Sighing Roy watched as Johnny's body still shook." Johnny it's time to stop saying your fine, If I have to I'll get Capt to make it an order for you to see Brackett." Roy said knowing that his words would not sit well with Johnny. But he also knew that there was no backing down. " You have no right."Johnny whirled around to face Roy. " I'm not sick." He continnued as the klaxons sounded TBC |