| Title: For the sake of love Part: twenty seven By: Spanky Content Warning: Adult language, and content. Previously: Chief McConikee assures Roy his job is safe Authors Notes: Two weeks later ....... Walking into the day room Johnny stopped in order to study Roy. Being as close as to Roy as he was Johnny could still detect a portion sorrow still lingering in his partners eyes. Walking up closer he could see Roy's eyes filled with water as he stared down into his coffee." Hey Pally." Johnny greeted Looking up as if he just noticed Johnny in the room Roy greeted. " Oh hi." Before taking his seat at the table just as the rest of station 51 piled in. " Hey Pal." Captain Stanley greeted. " Hi Capt, guys." Roy greeted not making eye contact Following Roy, Johnny also took his seat. " So tell me how was the mountains? I bet it's pretty this time of year." " It is." Roy said " So how are you doing, How's Nicci?" Captain Stanley asked " I dont know Capt. I've spent the last two weeks trying to get her to talk to me and she refuses. Jo's even tried and nothing, Nicci just pulls away." " She's going to have to start talking about it and dealing with it if....." Chet started just as the Klaxons sounded ............ Two hours later. Entering the day room Roy was surprised to see Joanne sitting at the table." Hey Jo what brings you by." He asked " Oh well I thought Nicci could use some time out, so her and I are going to catch the early show at the movie house. We have time to kill before show time so I thought we would come and bug you guys for a while. " She smiled watching her husband take his seat next to her." " Hey DeSoto I think you need to go check on Nicci, she's in the latrine puking her guts out." Chet said With those words Roy got up and headed straight to the bathroom followed by Johnny " Nicci, you okay?" Roy asked worriedly stopping at the first stall " I'M FINE, LEAVE ME ALONE." She barked between gags. Watching Nicci as she exited the stall after her heaves were complete. Roy took in a gasp of air as he saw her pale complexion and her eyes sunken deep in their sockets." Nicci are you sure? you look sick, you running a fever?" Roy asked Reaching for her forehead " I'm not sick." Nicci said flinching at Roy's out reached hand. Then leaving the room before Roy could persue any farther. Following Nicci into the dayroom Roy could see her body shake with each step. Then placing his hands gently on her arms to stop her from walking to the couch he began to speak. " Nicci. whats going on, why wont you talk to me? I'm your dad, and I have to tell you your scaring the hell out of me. Your not eating and when you do you lose it. " He said his voice lined with worry." Nicci if you dont start talking to somebody, anybody then what happened is going to eat at you until there's nothing left." " What do you want me to say dad?" Nicci asked hanging her head " You can start by telling me why you kept my birthday cards that I sent you unopened in a shoe box." Turning her shaky body Nicci spoke in a whisper." I didn't need your cards or your money, I needed you. And you weren't there." Tears threatening with each spoken word. " I'm here now Nicci." Roys words spoke softly as he Pulled Nicci's back close to him." Nicci come on, please talk to me." " I dont know what to say." Nicci said jerking away from the hold Roy had. " Tell me what you feel." He urged " Nicci we can't go on like this. Now tell me how you feel." With those words, Nicci spun around. Raising her voice she spoke." YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL? I FEEL FILTHY." she snapped before her voice became a whisper." Do you know how it feels to feel so dirty that you scrub and scrub but no matter how hard you scrub you still feel dirty? Do you know how it feels to want to scream but your afraid because if you do, you'll get whipped with a belt so hard that for a week after you have to wear pants to hide the welts? I do dad, I do." She said her stomach threatening to rise again." Do you know how it feels when your only five years old and your laying in bed so scared that you want to die? Oh you want to stop it but you cant. All you can do is roll over like a limp log just to get it over with so you can cry, but you cant cry out to loud so you bury your head in your pillow before just before you go to sleep." She stopped her tears now a steady flow " Why didn't you tell your mother Nicci?" Roy asked " I did, and do you know what she said? She said not to tell anyone because if it wasn't for him, we couldn't survive." She said wiping her tear stained cheeks. " That's why I asked you if I could come live with you and Jo." " Nicci I dont know what to say, I'm so sorry." " SORRY DON'T BE SORRY, IT'S YOUR FAULT." She screamed out." It's all your fault and God I hated you so much after that" She said bringing her voice back down to a whisper. " If you would have taken me with you when you left that day then it wouldn't have happened." She said as fact remembering back the night Roger went to far." I was only ten and I was so scared. I didn't know what was happening. It hurt so much and there was all this blood. I thought I was dieing." She cried out her body now shaking violently." Oh daddy, it's my fault I was a bad kid, That's why he couldn't love me?" " Nicci I want you to listen to me, it's not your fault and you were never a bad kid. And I wished I knew why, but I don't. " Roy said soothingly" But Nicci you are safe and Roger is in a place where he can never hurt you again." " Oh dad, I'm so sorry for what I've put you through I shouldn't have blamed you, I know it wasn't your fault. I was just so angry with everyone." She ended giving into tears " I know sweety, I know you had every right to feel angry." Roy said with compassion." Nicci I'm sorry too. Seems we both have a lot of forgiving to do. So what do you say we start right now." Roy said softly while holding out his loving arms. Taking his daughter in his arms he allowed her to cry into his chest. He could feel her body shake in his embrace. " Shhhhh, it's okay baby, it's okay, I got you....Let it all out...." He soothed "Oh dad, I'm so scared." She whimpered still clinging to Roy. " It's okay baby I got you and you dont have to be afraid anymore." Pulling away from Roy she turned and advanced a couple of steps forward. How was she going to tell him about how she was feeling inside. She had felt this way before. How was she going to tell him that she was having the same feelings. Feeling unsure she spoke " Dad, I have to tell you something." " What Nicci, you can tell me anything, I'm here for you." " I'm scared, I dont know what's wrong with me. But I've felt this way before, Just before the night I started bleeding." " Nicci?" Roy asked. Once again he took her in his arms so that she was facing him." What are you trying to tell me Nicci?" " I don't know." She said hanging her head in tears Sencing what she was trying to tell her father Captain Stanley walked over" Roy." Captain Stanley started." Why don't you and Johnny take her over to Rampart to get checked out." TBC |