:onland://online/practice/

12.17.2001 This is Writing Writing/Practice Naked (I'm not really naked). I choose a topic and write on that topic for no more than ten minutes. The only editing I do is for typos (I won't fix grammar, and sometimes, I won't even fix typos. As a matter of fact, you may occasionally come across unfinished sentences). This "non-editing" function does indeed have a purpose. I believe that raw writing is telling about the person writing. If I wrote in my practice notebooks at home with a pen, it isn't likely I'd go back to edit the text. So it is here. I may have a computer--but I'm trying to...shall we say..."keep it real." If you find the topic inspirational, I would love to post a link to your own rendition. Please email me your link. I think it'd be fantastic. Enjoy!

Wonderful! I got four Christmas presents in the span of a week! One from my Secret Santa. She got me The Two Towers, the second Lord of the Rings book. Just in time too, cause I'm now reading The Fellowship of the Ring and loving it! Then, I also got as gifts from Chris (thank you!) three books on my wish list: Writing to Save Your Life: How to Honor Your Story Through Journaling, The Warsaw Diary of Adam Czerniakow, and Becoming Vegan: The Complete Guide to Adopting a Healthy Plant-Based Diet. Woohoo!

Therefore, my writing exercise this morning is quite simple. I'm going to do the first exercise suggested in Writing to Save Your Life. As I've mentioned before, if you decide to try it at home, email me your link and we'll connect.

On to the exercise!

Start the process by identifying your fears. Simply make a list answering these questions: What are you afraid of? Is it causing you to procrastinate? Write down what scares you about writing the truth. Is it because you fear someone will find out or are unsure how you will feel when you begin to write? Is it because you are afraid you can't say it perfectly or it won't help? Answering honestly may help you dispel some of these notions.

My fears about writing are spread. Online journaling presents different problems than simply writing in my journal. I suppose it's the paper writing I want to focus on. As a list: I'm afraid of learning something about myself in rereading that I would prefer weren't a characteristic. I'm afraid that once I put it on the page, it will be set in stone and can't be change. I fear a reader analyzing my written mistake, or written-in-haste entries, like Freud. Classrooms of high school students reading the journals of Christen Roberts, deciding she was anal, crazy, demented, full of herself, or as good ol' Freud himself: obsessed with sex. The nerve of such people! I'm afraid also of never being too honest because of the consequences honesty can cause. Learning about myself. My family. My life. In not being completely honest, I'll lose myself. Wonder where I am, who I am, and isn't that really what journaling is supposed to do for a person? I don't write all that I want, as often as I want. I want an audience but an audience that doesn't know me for that is the problem I encountered with an online journal. I knew people I know were there, reading. And even if I never wrote about them, I wrote about me and my perception of me is not the same. Censoring myself in journaling. Crossing out words, writing and then she said, but never showing ~~I wanted to kick her in the head!~~ Written journals, I can write fuck, shit, where am I?, what's going wrong? how do I fix this? Obsess over anything and everything and somehow, that's okay. Online I write for an audience. Don't disappoint, I try to remind myself. Think. Really think this time. Use the writing wisely; practice! And I never really practice. But I never really write. I'm stuck somewhere in between. I'm not saying what I want to say and what I am saying is lousy. Not worth it. Wasting time. Wasting time. Wasting time. I would hate to journal and waste my time. What does this accomplish for instance? I have to meet Jon for lunch in five minutes and still I'm typing wondering what the hell sense this makes? It's not a very good first attempt, is it? But I won't edit it and go back and fix it and write something better that makes more sense. I won't because if this is my online notebook, would I care if it were on paper? No. Nobody reads it. I stick it in my bag and walk away, eat lunch, say "Who cares? At least I wrote." And eat my stinky roasted garlic and tomato soup that will give me terrible breath. What a dork. I just remembered the yogurt I forgot to put in the fridge, but at the same remembered that I did put it in the fridge. My mind is lost. Help me!