| February 1, 2002
Ah, new month, new beginning. Well not exactly. The attitude between Michelle and I is still the same. We still throw looks back and forth. Hopefully this year I have a secret admirer for Valentines. That would be grand. No one has ever really liked me like that before. I think that Seamus does for some reason, because it seems he is always talking about me to Theo or Michelle. I don�t know. I get confused. Yesterday in Potions, Professor Snape must have been feeling extra evil (not like that is anything new) because he assigned our partners. Guess who I was stuck with� Michelle! I wished that Theo were my partner. Our partners are for tomorrow when we make the silent potion. It makes you lose your words. I wish I could put that on Mich� Oh no, she just walked in. I�m sitting in the library, looking up information for Defense Against the Dark Arts. I have to go. Schoolwork calls. Stephanie February 3, 2002 Could life get any plainer than this? Oliver and I are not speaking. It�s not that we got into a fight or disagreed about something and are making a commitment to be away from each other. We just� don�t talk. Does it make sense to be in love with someone you can�t even stand? I got partnered up with Stephanie in Potions. It�s only two hours out of my day, and the class sucks as it is, why not throw in some extra discouragement? Doesn�t matter. Class is not for judging and socializing anyhow, it�s for getting things done (oh boy, if Hermione could see this entry). Word around school is there�s supposed to be some kind of ball in May. Normally, I�d be overjoyed at this, but seeing my situation with my oh-so-wonderful fianc�, there�s not a chance I�d be leaping for joy. I�m sure the second I take off that ring� you-know-who will ask Oliver to the dance in no time flat. Speaking of the ball, I was up in my dorm thinking about that today when I came across the dress robes Fred got me for Christmas. I started to touch them and remembered how silky they were. I was surprised. I pictured myself in the gown, my hair swept into cascades curls, wearing the jewelry I got that matched so perfectly, and you know who�s arm I was on? You guess. Michelle February 5, 2002 Ugh. I hate guys. Well, I don�t exactly hate them, I just get tired of them and their attitudes! Like today in Transfiguration, Seamus kept giving me this weird look. I don�t even know why. It was kind of bothering me because after he would look at me he�d look at Michelle and smile! Anyway, I guess there is going to be a ball in May or March or something. It might be a rumor. Hopefully it�s true because if Oliver and Michelle break up, I call him! I mean� well that�s what I mean. I wonder who Draco is going with? I saw him staring at Theo today in library, Michelle even noticed. Well, in Potions, you know how Professor Snape assigned us partners. It turns out that my partner MICHELLE is my partner for the rest of the school year. I thought I was going to cry when he told us. Michelle just looked at Fred and rolled her eyes. Bloody hell. My schoolwork is calling. Stephanie February 8, 2002 The worst holiday ever is approaching. Well, it hasn�t been the worst holiday the past four years, but I only wonder why. I can�t believe that mine and Oliver�s five-year anniversary is next week! We started dating first year and we thought we were going to be together forever. What a lie. Apparently Stephanie is my partner for the rest of the school year. It�s only until June. I can tough it out, especially with Fred in the same class. Fred�s been acting kind of weird lately. Come to think of it, everyone has. I find that the closer to Valentines Day we get, the more and more I want to be around Fred. Is it just me pulling toward the next male I�m close to because I�m losing Oliver? Or is it something else? Something deeper? I don�t know. It�s too early to decide. We�ll find out in a few days I suppose. I tried on my dress robes yesterday. The rumor of the ball has been confirmed. On May 18, there will be a Spring Ball in the Great Hall. Everyone is required to attend for the minimum of an hour. No one�s required to bring a date, but it sure does feel like it. I guess it�s a little early to decide on all that. I�m probably not going with Oliver at this rate. Fred�s here. He wanted to talk to me about something �important.� He�s probably going to ask me if I think his club is still �in tact.� Talk about important! Michelle February 8, 2002 Well, Michelle is going to be my partner until June. Bloody hell. I guess that the rumors have all cleared and there is going to be a ball. I believe the date was May 18! That is coming up soon, but what shall I wear? Something that will make Oliver stare. Hopefully Michelle will trip or something. Whoops, some of my evilness has risen. Hehe. Maybe Seamus will ask me to the ball. A date with another person isn�t required but you never know. My schoolwork is calling Stephanie February 10, 2002 Valentines Day is fast approaching and things are getting very, very strange. Fortunately, Oliver is breaking out of his shell. Unfortunately, he is not talking to me. Just the Quidditch team. He is eyeing Stephanie a lot. I do mind, I�m not happy about it or anything, but it doesn�t hurt anymore. He can ogle all he wants as long as he�s not doing it in front of my face. Here�s another reason I can�t get angry with him: I�m doing it too. I�m feeling this unbelievable urge to continuously stare at Fred Weasley. WHAT?! Fred and I used to share mud pies when we were four, how can I even think about Fred like that? Okay. I just slapped myself. What is going on in this castle? Michelle February 11, 2002 I have been having weird mood swings lately. Like I will be totally in love with Oliver, than I will hate him so much. I don�t know what is wrong. The mood about hating him is gone, now I am totally in love with him. It is so weird. He has been looking at me a lot in Potions. Michelle and I had to sit together. What a drag. Anyway, I drifted away and stared to think of what Oliver�s and my kids would like. It was really scary. They weren�t that bad either. I mean� WHAT AM I SAYING> I have to go to Charms in five minutes. Regards, Stephanie PS I really, truly, honestly, love Oliver! Oh yeah, I�ve been noticing Michelle and Fred are flirting. More than usual February 12, 2002 I really don�t like Valentine�s Day. Nothing new in my life, not since I wrote last. Except for maybe that I�m under some kind of crazy Spell. Other than that� everything is relatively boring. I�ve decided from here on out- I am giving up on Oliver. It even hurts to write it but it�s true. We�ve been together for so long that it hurts to just watch it go away. I have to let him go, though. It only makes sense. He�s moving on to someone else, and I am all by myself. Are you? AHHHHHHHHHH FRED GO AWAY! Isn�t this cool? George and I figured out how to tap into other journals with this secret diary, and I wanted to say hello. Will you go away? I�m kind of writing here. What have you read? Just that last sentence. I can�t see anything unless you are specifically addressing me. Well then how come you popped in on the last sentence? That�s all I can see, that�s how I can start. Are you angry? I�m not speaking to you. Go away. UGH! I hate guys. Michelle February 13, 2002 I am having really weird feelings for Oliver. It�s strange because tomorrow is Valentine�s and all. Geez. Well, first of all, I was in Transfiguration and he sat two seats on my right and kept looking at me. Literally STARING! It was so weird. Michelle was with him, and when she saw him she did a pretend cough to get his attention. It was so grand! I wondHELLO????? STEPHANIE???? Who in the bloody bat is this? OH HELLO! IT�S ME, FRED! Have you been reading this? NO, JUST THE I WOND� PART! Well go away! ARE YOU MAD AT ME? Well, no but you need to mind your own business! OK, I'M SORRY, BYE! Are you still there? YEAH, SORRY. I�M GOING. Grr, GO AWAY! I AM! Are you there? Hello? Okay, anyway. Where was I� Oh yeah! I wonder if he likes me� hmm� well, I better go before Fred comes back. Stephanie. SHH I AM STILL HERE Fred! Go away! February 14, 2002 Welcome to the weirdest day of my entire life. It�s a little after midnight so my head is finally cleared and I know what I�m talking about. Let�s just say� I finally know who Oliver is. I woke up this morning and I was feeling very dazed. I remembered what today was and as much as I�ve been dreading it� I was excited! I was happy about it. I dressed in PINK! AH! What�s wrong with me? Well, at the time I didn�t realize it was a bad thing. All I could think about was getting to breakfast so I could see Fred. FRED WEASLEY OF ALL PEOPLE! FRED! WHAT? Go away for a second, I need privacy. I�ll leave, but I was actually tapping in to ask if you wanted to come down to the common room really quick. Sure, I�ll be down there in ten minutes. Okay. Fred? Hello? Okay. Anyway, all I could think about was Fred. When I saw him, he looked like everything to me. I couldn�t believe how badly I needed to be by him. He felt the same way about me. We walked to every class together, and I couldn�t stop staring at him. He was beautiful from head to toe� I didn�t sit in any of my regular seats, and NONE of the teachers seemed to care! Luckily enough we didn�t have Potions today. But in Transfiguration, Oliver and Stephanie were doing the same thing Fred and I were. At the time, I didn�t even know who �Oliver� was. Everyone was acting weird today. Some people who are already together (like Ron and Hermione) were acting no different than any other day. It was strange. Seamus was following Stephanie and Oliver around like a lost puppy. Stephanie would acknowledge him only when Oliver walked away from her. Then she would be super sweet to him, as opposed to a lap dog like she was for Oliver. Oh, it�s so strange. I can�t believe I�m about to write this down. Fred and I did all of our homework together today, got all of our work done, He said he wanted to keep some time open for me. So we sat in the common room just staring at each other. Can you believe it? All we did was sit by the fire� and then� here it comes. He kissed me. It was the most magical thing I�ve ever experienced in my life. Even in my hazy state of being, I noticed how real it felt. It felt a lot better than Oliver has been kissing me that�s for sure. It felt like he really cared about me, like I was loved and beautiful. But I don�t know if any of it was real. I�m not sure what Fred wants to talk about with me, so I�ll just swallow my pride and go talk to him. Wish me luck Michelle February 14, 2002 Today was so strange. First of all, I don�t think that Oliver and Michelle are together because Michelle is falling for Fred. I know what you are thinking. I think that she dumped Oliver. After Michelle and Oliver weren�t talking, he came up to me and asked if I was having a good day. I was really shocked. I nodded and kept reading my Charms book. He just sat there not talking, then go up and walked off. I wonder what that was all about. Another strange thing is that it seems like Seamus is following me all over! Ron came up to me and asked if Michelle put a spell on Seamus to follow me around like a puppy. I don�t know. I don�t thing so, since she was into Fred the whole time. During supper, Michelle sat by Fred and totally ignored Oliver! Michelle and Fred were looking at each other the whole time, it was really quite pathetic if you ask me� well I can�t say that because I was staring at Oliver the whole time too. Wink, wink. After supper, Oliver came up to me and asked if I was ready for the Quidditch match in a couple of days. I nodded and smiled. Then he walked off! It�s like he has nothing else to say I don�t know. Tomorrow will come. Stephanie February 19, 2002 Everything is back in order, as in order as it can be anyway. I didn�t tell you what Fred had to say to me, so I�ll just go straight into that. I went down to the common room and realized that Fred made sure no one else was there. I mean, who would be? It was twelve-thirty! Anyway, we stayed up talking a long time about what happened today. He told me he knew what had happened to the castle. Hermione explained it to him, Ron, and George once she figured it all out. Apparently, this year, someone put a True Love Spell on the castle for Valentine�s Day. What happens is you kind of go around in a daze, acting out all the fantasies you�ve had in your heart and making them reality. Fred and I seriously talked for so long that night. He told me to tell him honestly what I thought of him, and I knew I couldn�t lie at this point. It was no use. So I told him that ever since the beginning of the year, I�ve been seeing him in a whole new light, and I�m not sure Oliver is who I�m supposed to be with anymore. But even though Fred told me he felt the same way, he wouldn�t explain. We just left it at that. So things between Fred and me have been pretty tense to say the least. We still hang out, just not as relaxed anymore. I hate it! Why can�t I tell him the truth? I�ll just tell it to my diary. I AM SO IN LOVE WITH FREDERICK WEASLEY THAT I WANT TO SCREAM. There I said it. I have to go do something. It�s not going to be easy, after four years. But I have to do it. I must also add that Seamus is devastated right now. After seeing how Stephanie was looking at Oliver all day and not at him, he�s just crushed. I feel so unbelievably bad for him that I offered to do his Potions assignment. Of course I got a royal earful from Hermione (who, by the way, has just confirmed her relationship with Ron after Thursday�s events) but I just feel so bad. I hope things work out with him, even if I do think Stephanie�s being a little insensitive. She has to know he likes her! It�s so obvious. Besides that, in our Gryffindor Awards last year (SO much fun) he got Most Likely To Cast a Laughing Charm. COME ON! What kind of girl wouldn�t like a guy like that? Which reminds me. I have to go. Michelle February 20, 2002 Well, I guess that there was something going on in the castle during Valentine�s. Somebody put a spell on it that made everyone let out their true, deep feelings about someone else. That is really scary. Hermione just told me that she and Ron are together. That is so cute! I knew they would end up together. I love happy love stories, don�t you? Well, Seamus is acting really weird around me. He won�t talk or even look at me. It is really strange. I mean� what happened to the Seamus I used to know? I think that Michelle is eager to say something to me about it because whenever I walk past her and Seamus, it looks like she is about to shout something at me. Oh yeah, I guess on Valentine�s Day, Draco went up to Theo and told her that he liked her! I almost passed out. How could he do that? It makes me really angry. Well, for Oliver and I� I think that we might something together. Love? Stephanie February 23, 2002 I � I just can�t believe I did it� I don�t know what�s going on anymore. It�s been four days, but my whole body feels numb. Does that make sense? I suppose it should. I mean� Oliver and I have been together since we were first years. I finally did it. I broke up with him. I couldn�t believe how hard he cried. I seriously thought I was going to give in and tell him I wanted him back. I talked to him alone that night, and I slipped the ring off of my fingers and told him I couldn�t handle it anymore. I hate the way he�s been treating me, and I�m having serious doubts about our love for each other. I mean, I went into this whole speech about our relationship and how it�s been wavering for months, and all he could do was stare at the ring in his palm. His mouth was just hanging open. Oh I�ll never forget it. Then he started to cry. He asked me why. Why didn�t I love him anymore? I asked him the same thing. He said he thought he did love me, but he really thought that he was just going through a dry spell, getting cold feet. But he woke up to all of that on Valentine�s Day and was surprised to find that he didn�t want to be around me as much as he used to, especially with the way the castle was enchanted. I told him that I was had feelings for someone else. He knew right off who it was. He knew it was me? Hullo, Fred. Hi, Shell. Listen, about the past few days� Yeah I know. I don�t know what�s going on anymore. I just feel like I don�t have a handle on things anymore. Oliver had the ring in his Quidditch robes during practice today. I�ve never seen him so depressed. I really can�t believe you went through with it. Neither can I. Um, Shell� I don�t mean to sound conceited or anything, but was this really for me? Well, Fred, it was. Partly. Does it make sense to you to feel like this for someone you grew up with? Yes, it makes perfect sense. Does it make sense to you? No. Oh. Can we talk in person? My hand is getting tired. Yeah. February 24, 2002 Well, I have never seen Oliver so depressed. I thought that he was going to break down and cry. I guess Michelle gave the ring back to him because he wanted to be with Fred. I knew that they would probably end up together. I hope that Oliver gets over the Michelle thing and gets interested in� well, me. I really like him because he is so nice, a real gentleman. I really like him. Draco is going to ask Theo out. I heard him telling Crabbe and Goyle that. Scary. It would be weird if they went out because she is my best friend and I don�t want to see her with a broken heart like I had. Bloody hell. Hermione is still reading that Charms book she got for Christmas from her parents. Poor Hermione. Oliver will finally ask me out sooner or later. Hopefully. Stephanie February 26, 2002 Why does Potions have to get harder every time I walk into that blasted class? Not to mention that Stephanie is desperately in love with Oliver, so I can�t escape the bloke wherever I go. Not that I want to. Oh, Oliver. He is taking this harder than I thought he would. It�s actually really surprising to me. I thought since he was being so indifferent toward me that he would have taken our breaking up as a huge relief. But he still can�t look me in the eye� oh my. I am so confused. Oh, not to mention the fact that I fall for Fred steadily more each day. We decided the other night that for the time being, we weren�t going to act on our feelings, more for Oliver�s and my sake than anything. Fred had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about even though he does. That surprised me. He�s been friends with Oliver for a long time and he felt like he had �stolen� me away or something. I couldn�t convince him otherwise. So we�ve decided to act like we always have, but there are those times when I see those big blue eyes just staring at me� and I know. I know for some reason, Oliver was all wrong for me from the beginning. Oh, and I�ve also been to Professor Flitwick about Privacy Charms. I put one on my diary so Fred can�t get into it unless I don�t care. It�s on right now. But I know how his brain works. He�ll figure out what I did and find a way around it. He�s such a git. The ball is still set for May. I wonder if Oliver will be over all of this by May� I�d like to go with Fred and I have a feeling he�s going to ask me but I wonder if I shouldn�t go with Oliver. I have a feeling that Stephanie really wants to go with him. Michelle February 28, 2002 Potions is getting worse than ever. It is really hard to be Michelle�s friend after what happened between Oliver and her. Looking at him makes it even worse. I guess that Fred and Michelle have really strong feelings for each other. I respect that, but in some ways it seems weird because they used to be really good friends when they were younger. I wish that Oliver would talk to me. He keeps looking at me all the time and when I look at him, he looks away! In the library I saw him whispering something to George. I think it was about me because Michelle heard and looked over immediately. I don�t know what it was about but I�m pretty sure it was me. I have a lot of schoolwork to do. Bye. |
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