| Test after test was done on Regan. It had been eight days since she had been admitted to the hospital, and she was anxious to get out. She loved Blake unconditionally for coming and supporting her whenever he could. That was even pretty often. Every spare moment he had was spent shopping for Regan, talking to her, sitting by her, holding her, kissing her, or just staring at her while she slept. Every single second of his day he prayed for her, and he prayed that she would survive all of it.
He also spent every single extra second working on a new hobby he had, which was painting. He had tried it once before two years ago, and since it wasn�t right for him he didn�t try it again. He never had the kind of inspiration and drive it took to accomplish that goal. That is, until he met Regan. He tried his hand at it a couple times when they had first met, and found that it was more successful than it had been at his first attempt. Now, he was full out trying to create a painting just for her, to show her how much he appreciated being inspired again. His sketches had been bringing him more joy than he could ever think of. He had the first one he drew of Regan on the soccer field and the other one he drew of her while she had been sleeping. Those were his favorites, and hung on his wall to show how much Regan meant to him. He had tons of little ones, ones he had played around with while he was bored. He called them �doodles� and didn�t consider them all important, but they were great nonetheless. Blake was very open with her about his work, but had refused to show her the ones he had drawn of her so far. He told her that she�d see them when the time was right. He wasn�t sure what time that was going to be anymore. When she got out of the hospital? When she was completely healthy again? Her seventeenth birthday? He wasn�t sure of anything anymore. He never told her about it, but he stayed up late at night crying for her. The way he got through most of the mess with Regan was by painting or sketching, but sometimes picking up his charcoal pencil or paintbrush just wasn�t enough to fill the void he felt in his heart. It was almost like a cavity, one that hurt every single time he fed it thoughts and hopes and dreams and wishes of Regan. Sometimes his work just wasn�t enough to divert himself from the real problem at hand. Often all he wanted was to lay down and think about her, and think about all that was happening. Even after he was done painting or drawing to get his mind off of things, there was still some silence left there for him to think over. In this silence, he thought of the things that plagued his mind every time he went to see Regan. Why her? Why not me? Why does she have to go through all of this? Why couldn�t it have been me diagnosed with something so awful? Why can�t it be me in that awful hospital room? Why can�t it be me that has to wake up and look around and see all sterile, white hospital equipment? Why does it have to be her that stays up all night, looking at the white tiles on the ceiling, counting the holes that puncture them, wondering day in and day out if the disease inside of her will get better or worse? Will it fade out or will it take over? Why can�t I be the one suffering? Why can�t she be the one living? Why does everything have to happen this way? He never told Regan about his late night thoughts. He didn�t want to upset her any further than she already was. Blake also knew she would think it was stupid of him to think that way, because she was a firm believer in things happening for a reason. She would tell him it was stupid of him to think about the �what ifs� instead of the actual problem at hand. So day in and day out he kept all of his emotions bottled up inside of him, and told her he was scared for her, but never told her to what extent he was scared. His emotions all came out when he picked up his artistic tools and let himself go, and that was becoming more and more of a frequent thing. It scared him to feel all of the passion inside that he suddenly had when he came home each day, but little by little it seeped out among his illustration. The final test was going to be done on Regan that night and then she would be released from the hospital for the time being. She was more and more grateful each hour and prayed that it would all be over soon. Blake was with her, waiting for her miraculous leave from the hospital. He was anxious to get her home, to her own bed, and he was excited that he was able to spend the night with her. She felt perfectly well, she was extremely energetic and optimistic the entire day, convinced that everything was okay and ecstatic about getting out of what she and Blake had dubbed �The White Cell.� She hopped onto the gurney they used to take her to the testing room with a wide smile on her face. Blake laughed at her and waved as she rode out of the room, a look on her face that reminded him of a gleeful two-year-old. It seemed to take forever. Blake sat in the Regan�s hospital room on the vinyl avocado chair next to the bed. He slithered down into the depth of the chair for what seemed like an hour. In truth, it had only been thirty-four minutes since she had left, but it seemed like every second was an eternity for both people. Regan�s face wasn�t as cheerful when she got back, but she saw Blake and automatically remembered she was leaving. Her mom came in only minutes later to take her home, and Blake would follow behind. Regan hopped off the gurney and sat in the bed for the next few minutes, waiting for the doctor to come in and tell her she could go home. He came in, told her they would get the results from the tests in a couple of days and if there were any complications, they�d call and have her hauled back in. Regan hoped and prayed to herself that nothing went wrong and that she wouldn�t have to see the horrible hospital bed another time. Once for over a week was plenty. She rushed into the bathroom with her clothes pressed tightly up against her chest. It only took her five minutes to escape the horrid hospital gown and put her clothes on. She stared at herself in the mirror for a few minutes and sighed. She felt like her old self once again. The hospital stay had been too scary for words, and too uncomfortable to stay for much longer. She ran out of the bathroom at top speed and jumped right into Blake�s arms comfortably. He laughed at her childlike excitement, kissed her passionately, and then set her down. She tucked her hand into his arm and they followed her mom down the hall, to the elevator, and then out to her mom�s car. She got in and chatted a mile a minute about what she was going to do as soon as she got home. Her mom just listened and laughed, and deep down in her heart was sincerely glad that Regan was finally out of the dreaded hospital. They pulled into the long dirt driveway and Regan jumped out of the car happily. She watched as Blake�s car pulled in behind her mom�s and as soon as he parked and got out, she ran over to him just as she had at the hospital. She jumped into his arms with ease and he chuckled as he carried her into the house. He took her right up to her room, put her on top of her bed and kissed her gently. �Oh it feels good to be on this bed again!� she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck. �Feels good to kiss you on a different bed,� he joked. He looked her over and whispered, �God you are so beautiful.� Her face lit up more than before and she watched him. �Really?� �Of course. I don�t lie,� he whispered, burying his face into her neck and smelling her hair before looking back up into her face. �I love you.� �I love you.� A few minutes after talking and snuggling, Regan set out to do the many things she wanted to do. She took a shower, ate, cleaned up her room, started revising her story, and Blake tagged along like a loyal puppy throughout all of it. She read him bits and pieces of the story, and he told her what he thought and what to correct. She did that for about ten minutes before she lost interest and turned all of her attention on to Blake. �You know, you really are amazing,� he whispered to her. �Oh yeah?� she laughed. �How am I amazing?� �Girl,� he said, throwing a hand up and going into �Springer� mode. �You got the moves, you got the look, you got the talk. Damn girl you fine!� he joked. She laughed at him and kissed his cheek. �Then you�re amazing too.� �Oh?� he asked with a questioning look. �Explain�� She rolled her eyes. �You�re cute, you�re funny, you�re smart, you�re sensitive.� �You make me sound like a woman.� Regan let out a full gut laugh. �Well, you didn�t let me get to the part where I talked about how masculine you are.� �Are� or look?� he asked, jokingly trying to boost his ego. �God! You are so self centered!� �I am not! I�m just messing!� �You know what? I don�t care,� Regan said, throwing her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. �I love you. I fell in love with you, not your cute butt or your rock hard arms.� �I know,� he said, kissing her head. After a couple minutes, he looked down at her and whispered, �You really think I have a cute butt?� �Definitely,� Regan whispered softly, looking up at him and smiling softly. She kissed his lips and he deepened the pressure. He put his hand softly on her cheek, tilted her head back, and they eventually ended up on top of each other lying on the bed. They fell into synch after a while, and made love for what seemed like hours. Afterward, Blake kissed Regan softly on the head and she was too energetic to lie in his arms for long. She jumped up, threw on a bathrobe and smiled mischievously at him. �What are you thinking about you crazy girl?� She shrugged innocently and with her toe, she turned on her CD player and put on her Bryan Adam�s CD. She did a sort of goofy, seductive dance with her robe in front of him and he continued to laugh at her. He sat up in bed and pulled the covers around him. She stopped for a second and marveled at how well chiseled he appeared. She was so happy that she had ended up with one of the most attractive men ever. It happened in the most magnificent way and almost every time she looked at him she was amazed at how good looking he really was. He indeed was a �poster boy.� He stood up, dropped the covers and she couldn�t stop herself from joining on the bed again. They rolled around playfully for a few minutes before they stopped, breathless, staring at each other. �What do you want most in the world?� Blake asked her. �You,� she answered without hesitation, kissing him. �I know,� he smiled. �But for real. What do you want?� �Oh, my future used to be all mapped out, down to the very last detail,� she said, sighing and looking away from him and up to the ceiling. �Now it�s just a huge mess.� �What do you mean?� he asked, frowning. �I mean, I was going to get married to Evan. It was all planned out� I was going to graduate, get a writing scholarship to Michigan State, move in with Evan, we were going to get married when he graduated from college, and then try and start a family after my twenty-first birthday. After I graduated, we�d buy a house and move back to Jackson. It�s amazing isn�t it? How much not only your life, but your future can change with one conversation?� �Well what do you want now?� he asked, still not relenting. �Oh, it�s so different now. I want to go to Ferris State now. I still want to get into writing. I want to get married. I want to have a family. I want a big family. I just want a perfect life.� Blake sighed. �I can give that to you.� She turned and looked at him dreamily. �You could?� �I could give you all that and more.� �Oh Blake,� she whispered, reaching over and kissing him. Everything from her heart to her soul exploded with emotion. �I�m serious,� he told her after they shared their lip lock. �I want nothing more than for you to be happy.� �And all I need to be happy is you,� she told him honestly. He watched her underneath him and smiled. �You�re silly and cute,� he whispered. �I know,� she said, pulling his head down to meet her lips again. �What time is it?� Blake asked, snuggling close to Regan to keep his unclothed body warmer. �Who cares?� He giggled against her and pried himself out from underneath the covers to look at the clock. �It is nine thirty.� �Nine thirty?� Regan asked incredulously. �Yeah,� he laughed, pressing his body close to hers. �Wow,� she breathed. The hours with him had passed like minutes, and she barely even noticed that the sun had gone down and the stars outside were shining in her window brightly. �I could stay like this forever,� Blake told her, kissing her neck a couple of times. �Then stay with me forever.� �I intend to.� A long moment of silence passed before Regan shifted and moved out of the bed. The light didn�t come on and Blake lay still for a couple seconds before he couldn�t take it anymore. He lifted himself up and scratched at his now disheveled mop of curly blond hair. �What are you doing sweetie?� She was silent, but he could see her moving around in the room. The next thing he knew, she was holding something in her hands and was on the edge of the bed. He crawled over toward her, still holding the blanket firmly over himself to keep in the little warmth that remained in his body. �What�s up?� he asked her. She sighed and he watched as she ran her fingers over the front of what appeared to be a thick covered book. He knew instantly what it was and wondered why she had gotten it out. �I have a few things to say to you.� �Oh yeah?� he asked, not bothering to hide that he was nervous about it. �Don�t worry,� she quickly reassured him, touching his face ever so softly with a few of her fingers. �Nothing bad. Just listen.� He breathed deeply and reached his hand up to her back and rubbed it soothingly. �I�m all ears.� She smiled at him and thought of a smart ass comment to shoot back, but decided against it. �Well, this is obviously my journal.� He was quiet, waiting for her to continue and when she didn�t, he opened his mouth to say, �Way to state the obvious Reggie.� She shot him a playful glare and started again. �I started this journal the day after my whole fiasco with Chase.� A sharp intake of breath from Blake caused Regan to pause before continuing. �It was going to be my outlet. The one thing that always listened when no one else would.� �Yeah,� he agreed, continuing to rub her back. �But my problems weren�t that in depth,� she pointed out. �So after a while, it became more of an outlet. It became one big thought.� She paused again and turned to look at him. He was startled by the honesty that he saw pouring out of her misty brown eyes at that moment in time. �After a while my thoughts turned toward you. I wrote a lot about you in this journal, and that�s what I wanted to tell you.� �Uh huh,� he said, urging her to continue. �It scared me at first how much passion I had for one person. Especially a person I had just met. I promised myself after Chase that I was done. It�s too much to handle sometimes, being in love and all. But when we met and I started having those feelings all over again, I was terrified that the feelings would eat me up again. That they would make me blind like last time, and I didn�t want to have to deal with it.� She gulped and looked up at him again. �But you didn�t. Never have you lied to me, and caused me to sit here and wonder what I really meant to you, or what you meant to me. Because I know inside and out,� she said, reaching her fingers up to softly touch his lips, �how I feel about you.� He smiled slowly and leaned in to kiss her gently. �Regan, you don�t have to ever wonder where you stand with me. It�s going to be so obvious you�re going to wonder when I will let up.� She laughed through tears she didn�t even know had imagined to escape her eyes. �I know Blake, and that�s what scared me at first... but now gives me more hope than anything that I will always have something to live for. Your love burns right through me, inside and out... and I know for a fact that you�re not going anywhere. Your love is like a drug I�m addicted to, and keeps me going through the tough times.� He smiled at her tenderly, and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. �You�re everything to me, and nothing less of that. You always will be.� �You stuck by me through everything, and I love you unconditionally for it.� �It wasn�t a choice. I had to stay with you. I love you far too much to not be right by your side.� Tears flowed easily from her eyes as Blake gently wiped them away with his thumb. �Don�t cry.� �I�m not crying out of pain or sadness.� �Then what are the tears for?� �I�m too in love with you to not cry.� He kissed her once more. �There aren�t enough words that you have written in that journal to express how much I love you.� �Maybe you�d like to see that for yourself,� Regan said, barely saying the words loud enough for him to hear. �What?� �You heard me.� �Hardly,� he said, playfully smiling at her. �I�m giving you my journal,� she said, wiping it off and handing it to him. He stared down at it in disbelief for a few seconds. �What?� �Are you having trouble hearing tonight?� �N-no I... wow... Regan, are you sure?� She looked down at the brown leather book in her hand and then back over at the bright blue eyes of the man she loved, and her heart answered before her mouth had a chance to. �I�m positive. I want you to have it, read it, and hold it close to your heart.� He watched her as she gazed from the book to him every few seconds, and saw that she was positive in what she wanted to do. �Alright Regan.� He took the book from her and unlatched the Velcro on the outside. Blake opened the book and after reading a couple lines, was surprised to find how much passion she had written with when she needed it as a tool for comfort. �Read it all later, you don�t have time tonight,� she whispered in his ear. �I-I know... Regan... I love you so much... I had no idea you wanted to give this to me. You don�t know what it means to me that you gave this to me.� �No?� he shook his head. �Then tell me.� He sighed, continuing to stare at the journal that she had been kind enough to place in his hands. �Regan, I know for a fact how passionate your writing is to you. I mean, I have that with my art so I understand and I know the feeling. I just never knew that you were going to entrust me with a piece of your soul this way.� She barely blinked at the words he had just used and then took his hand in hers, kissing the fingers on it softly. �Why not? I�ve already entrusted you with every piece of my heart.� He looked up at her and realized with a burning passion that she was the only woman he would ever want for the rest of his life. He set the journal down and embraced her so forcefully that she almost fell over. �You�re my everything,� he whispered to her, tears flowing steadily from his eyes. �Don�t cry,� she whispered, feeling his shoulders shake. A hand went quickly to his beautiful hair in a calming gesture. He kissed her shoulder comfortingly. �I�m not crying out of pain or sadness.� �Then what are the tears for?� �I�m too in love with you to not cry.� She smiled inside of herself, and forced tears not to come out of her own eyes as well. He tilted his head back and met her slightly parted lips with his, and then kissed her and made love to her until they fell asleep in each other�s arms. She needed him like she needed nothing else in her life. He was her oxygen. Nothing else mattered to her more than he did at that exact moment. |
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