| The days passed and with each day, Regan�s and Blake�s love and desire for each other grew and grew immensely. Blake knew all too well he was about to fall madly and deeply in love with Regan. Regan knew she would as well, but she was more unwilling of it then Blake was. Blake had been hurt before, but he knew his relationship with Regan was for real. She wasn�t going to cheat on him, she wasn�t going to leave him for any reasons in her power. She just had trouble accepting the fact that he wouldn�t leave either.
It was suddenly June, and only a matter of days before Regan got out of high school. It still blew her away that she was going to be a senior next year. A senior! After four years of going through everything imaginable, she�d be in her final year and soon it would be all over. Time for her had passed so quickly it was beyond belief. Before the beginning of June, it hadn�t hit her full force. Her junior year was almost behind her, and exactly a year later, she�d be graduated. She�d be going into the real world. She would sit up at night, writing about her feelings for hours on end. She couldn�t even begin to imagine how Blake must have felt. Blake was already graduated. She and Maria had gone to see the commencement. Regan felt not only a great deal of pride for him, but she also felt an extreme tug at her heart watching him graduate. She had felt it when she watched Evan graduate, and when she was watching Evan, they had been nothing more than friends. She didn�t feel for Evan the way she felt for Blake at that time. Because of that, the tug was much stronger. Blake was going to Ferris State in September, and Regan wasn�t sure how to handle it. She knew all to well how these relationships ended up, and she wasn�t sure that she could put her heart through it again. Especially not with someone like Blake. Blake reassured her that things would be different, and that no matter how busy he became, he�d always make time to talk to her. He promised her that there wasn�t going to be a day he didn�t hear from her. Whether it be by phone, email, or instant messaging, he would always find some way to communicate with her. He�d let her know the minute he was going to be free again to come down and visit her. She didn�t know what to do, so she agreed to take it in stride. Whatever was meant to happen would happen. For now, she wanted to enjoy the summer with him while she still could. Writing in her journal had suddenly become her favorite pastime. She would find the time to just sit down with it and let all of her feelings pour out of the pencil. She had almost finished the entire journal, and made a silent vow to herself to have it completely full by the end of the school year. That however, was only a few days away. Blake was eagerly awaiting three o�clock when he knew Regan would be home and he could call her and come over. That was what he looked forward to every single day. It was almost beginning to be something he woke up just to do every day. �Hello?� Regan answered, picking up after the first ring. �Hey cutie,� he replied. The �Blake smile� as he liked to call it, appeared on her face at that moment. �Hey you.� �Hey yourself. What are you up to?� he said happily. �Not too much, actually. Just writing.� �Are you ever going to let me see your journal?� �Are you ever going to let me see that drawing?� He was silent for the next couple of seconds. �Moving on.� She smiled and chuckled a little bit. �That�s what I thought.� �Oh that�s what you thought?� �Did I stutter?� He paused for a few seconds and laughed to himself. He absolutely loved their play bickering. �What are you doing tonight?� he asked her. �Nothing, actually. Probably just going to sit around and write or watch TV. Or see you, if you want to,� she joked. �No way. I don�t want to see you,� he said disgustedly. �I�m going to come over and visit your mom.� Like Evan had, Blake had grown instantly close to Regan�s mom, and liked her immensely. It always pleased Regan to see them talk like the best of friends. �Oh okay,� she said, still smiling. �Sure.� �Sure?� he asked, shocked. �What do you mean sure? You don�t have any friends. You�re lucky I�m talking to you at all!� �Fine!� she said, yelling at him. �Yeah that�s what I mean!� �Whatever!� �Whatever,� he mocked her, smiling up a storm. She didn�t say anything and the next voice she heard was Blake�s. �Regan� you dead?� �Not that I know of,� she said, smiling to herself. �Good. Don�t know what I�d do without someone to pick on.� Regan rolled her eyes. �So are you going to come over or not?� He laughed. �Of course I am. When do you want me to come?� �Anytime would be perfect.� �Okay, I�ve got some work to do but I will be over around five okay?� �Okay,� she answered, smiling a mile wide. �Alright,� he said. �Bye.� �Bye.� To think I am going to graduate in exactly one year is absurd. I mean, honestly� where did it all go? Freshman, sophomore, and junior year� poof! All gone in a flash. It�s so weird to think about you know? Three years of my life are completely gone now. I didn�t even realize they were going by. It makes you really think hard about how much time we really have left in this world. You can�t waste your life on small things, you have to live life to the fullest. I just realized that today. That�s why I think I�m finally going to be able to let go of Evan and Chase. Everything that has happened to me happened for a reason. I have to accept the fact that we broke up. As a wise person once said, don�t cry because it�s over. Smile because it happened. I owe so much to Blake as well. He�s the perfect guy for me. I realized that too. He makes me feel great to be who I am, and he makes me laugh. I love talking to him, and I always heard the best person to marry was a person you could talk to. Oh jeez. I just made a reference to marry Blake. You know what the funny thing is? I didn�t even realize it. It just kind of came out naturally. And if I know Blake as well as I think I do, it wouldn�t have bothered him one bit if I had said it to him. He probably would have been touched. I know I love Blake, but I can�t tell him. I don�t think it�s right just yet. I guess I still might need a little more time to sort things out before I can say it to him and really mean it. I�m not even sure if I am in love with him just yet. But I know that I feel so strongly for him that it would absolutely devastate me if I ever lost him. I could never have that happen. Oh my heart is taking such a huge chance with this one. I love being with him. He makes every single day of mine 200% brighter. Everything inside of me is telling me this is right, and everything in my heart is saying that it doesn�t matter what happened to me in the past. Blake is never going to hurt me the way I was hurt before. Blake and I are perfect together. Our lips touching felt so undeniably perfect and right that I couldn�t believe we had actually gone so long without kissing. His lips seemed to have been made to fit exactly to mine. It�s so unbelievable. I wish I could explain it in enough words, but I just can�t. It was so perfect, and I�ll never tire of kissing him. I also don�t like to say it out loud, but I guess writing it isn�t as bad. I hope some day, I am lying wrapped up in Blake�s arms, married to him. I want him to be the last man that I ever love. I want him to be the last man I kiss, I want him to be the man I die next to. I want to be buried next to him. I want my tombstone to say, �Mrs. Regan Nichole Stanbury-Turner.� It�s not supposed to be some middle school shot at writing �I Heart Blake� all over my binder. It�s a real cry of love. It�s something I seriously want in my life. It�s something that I love to have. If I ever really do get that, I will die happy. �REGAN!� her mom�s scream broke through her thoughts. �Yeah mom?� she answered, putting her pencil down. �We�re ordering pizza, is Blake coming over?� �Yeah, he is.� �Okay. Just wanted to know if we needed to order more or not,� she called back. Regan laughed. �Yep, you might have to.� She smiled to herself and went right back to her writing. Ten minutes later, the dogs were barking and she heard a car pull into the driveway. She smiled pleasantly to herself, knowing full well who it was. She continued to write and carry on like she had no idea anyone had even pulled up. Soon after she began writing again, she heard footsteps coming slowly up the stairs and a smile spread slowly and involuntarily across her face. He opened the door, his blonde curls appearing first. �Hey beautiful,� he whispered. She smiled at him, set down her pencil and turned to look at him. �Hello there handsome.� He grinned, walked over toward her, and knelt down. He took her hand in his, closed his eyes peacefully, and kissed the top of her hand tenderly. �You taste better each time I kiss you.� �Oh yeah?� she asked, smiling even wider. �But that�s only my hand.� �Oh,� he said, looking at her hand as if just remembering. �That�s right!� He brought himself closer to her, put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. �Guess I�ll have to see what other places taste like.� With that, he placed a soft sweet kiss on her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck. The next she knew, he had picked her up and carried her over to her bed. �Oh Regan,� he whispered, looking down at her. He gently touched her cheek and swept the hair off of her face. �You�re so beautiful.� �I think my lips have you completely bewitched,� she said, laughing at him. �It�s not only your lips that I�m bewitched by,� he said, kissing her forehead. �Blake�� She places her hands upon his face and stared up at him. While looking at him she thought what good fortune she had stumbled upon. After Chase�s rendezvous with some prom slut and Evan�s hateful contradicting words, she had finally found the man she had always dreamed about. A man she had written about in her journal, almost deathly sure that he did not exist. But he did. He smiled at her, kissed her one more time, and then made himself comfortable next to her on the bed. He lay quietly for a couple of seconds, holding her protectively close to him. �We�re ordering pizza,� Regan said, breaking the silence. He looked up, almost startled. �Yeah? Awesome.� She smiled and turned toward him to look at his attractive, peaceful face. He opened his eyes and she was taken back by what she saw in them. His feelings were so deep and his emotions were so many that she did not know what to think. �Regan�� he whispered, bringing his face closer to hers and kissing her gently on the forehead. �If you only knew.� �If I only knew what?� she asked, smiling softly at him. He sat up and closed his eyes, taking her hand in his and caressing it softly with his other hand. �How much this last month has meant to me.� Regan touched his cheek delicately and listened. �Well then tell me.� �Oh,� he sighed. �So much was happening in my life before I met you. I mean, after losing Kristen, I really thought that was it for me. I spent the entire summer of my junior year completely unhappy. It was easily the worst summer of my life. I was in mourning until the beginning of my senior year, when my best friend Jasmine snapped me out of it. I think you know her.� �Jasmine!� Regan exclaimed. �Yeah, I forgot you knew her!� �Oh I know her. I met her my freshman year and we were just acquaintances until summer. When she found out what had been going on with me, she befriended me instantly and we got to be very close. After the summer, she told me that Kristen wouldn�t have wanted me to just sit around and mourn for her all the time. She encouraged me to get back out there, but I knew that I would never find anyone I loved as much as Kristen.� Regan smiled, knowing in her own way in which the story was going to end. �She set me up with some friends of hers from your school, but I didn�t hit it off with anyone. The only person who I hit it off with� but not in that way� was Maria. She and I weren�t attracted to each other in any way, but we decided to hang out. After that we got to be really close.� Regan smiled. �It�s kind of weird how you knew all of my friends and yet it took you so long to meet me.� �Yeah I know,� he said, smiling in spite of himself. �Anyway, after all of that dating I figured it was about time I start to enjoy being single and by myself. You know? I liked the idea of not having to worry about anyone sometimes. But after a while, you kind of start to miss it. I mean, during the day I was okay, seeing the problems some of my friends were having in their relationships. I was glad that I didn�t have that to worry about. But at night, when I got time to myself to think, I would think about how much I needed someone there for me. It�s like� I can�t be alone sometimes and I hate it. I told Maria one afternoon, just joking around of course, to hook me up with someone from her school. She took me seriously and decided to invite me to a soccer game so I could see some of the girls. I didn�t seriously want to look around, but I decided to come anyway. But you want to know something really funny?� Regan nodded, watching him closely. �At the last minute I decided to go. Jasmine was going to set me up with someone else again. If I had decided to go, I wouldn�t have met you,� he kissed her hand. �I couldn�t handle thinking about not having you with me,� Regan told him. �Me either,� Blake whispered to her. �Me either.� He put his arms around her, pulled her close, and kissed her passionately. They continued to hold each other close as he lay her down, kissed her neck and ran his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes in pleasure and felt her fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. In the midst of the kisses, she thought she heard him mumble something. She didn�t think anything of it until he picked his head up, hovered just above her lips, and whispered. �I love you Regan.� Her heart stopped in her chest. They were just the words she had wanted to hear from him, but it didn�t give her the effect she had wanted it to. She yanked her face out from under him and glared hard. �What did you say?� she snapped. �Regan?� he asked, his face contorting to hurt. �I didn�t know you�d�� �I didn�t know either,� she said, feeling her face begin to burn. �You didn�t just say that.� �But Regan� it�s true.� �No!� she screamed, jumping up and walking away from him. �You can�t love me. You can�t!� �Why not Regan?� he asked, feeling himself fall deeper and deeper into some kind of pit. He bared his very feelings to her and she had denied them. �You can�t.� �Why not?� he screamed in exasperation. �Because!� she yelled back. �Every man who has ever told me that has not really loved me.� He gulped. So that�s what this was about. It had come back to Evan and Chase, as it normally did. �Regan you are just going to have to accept what happened with them so you can move on in your life.� She turned around to face him, eyes glaring and fiery, tears glistening off of her face. �I don�t have to do anything. I�m entitled to a little grieving.� �Regan! You and Evan broke up your sophomore year! You�re going to be a senior! You have to come to terms with it!� �DAMN YOU BLAKE!� she screamed, starting to cry more. �You don�t understand!� �I understand PLENTY!� he shouted back at her. �I understand that you two were engaged and that you were planning on having a life together! I understand that he decided to let you go when you didn�t expect it! I understand that you spent years crying and you are still trying to get over him! But YOU have to understand that Evan is not the one who you are involved with! It�s ME! Evan has been out of your life. And yes, I understand that it hurts. It hurts to think about him sometimes, and it hurts to remember what happened. That�s fine. But Regan, I don�t know how long I can have a relationship with you AND your luggage. I have told you before that I won�t leave you. If you can�t believe that, then I can�t be with you.� Regan�s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. �W-What?� �I have to get out of here Regan. You need some time to think.� �No! Don�t leave, please,� she begged, running over to him and grabbing his arm. He didn�t turn around to face her. In fact, he did everything in his power not to look at her so he wouldn�t cry either. �Regan, you need time to think about what you�re getting yourself into. You are obviously still attached to everything that has happened to you. Before you get yourself into another relationship with someone who very obviously loves you and would do anything for you, you need to think.� �But� I don�t want to think� Blake all I want is you,� she said, crying. He sighed, feeling tears of his own form in his eyes and unwillingly let them out. �Regan� I�ll call you in a couple of days. You just need to think.� He yanked his arm out of her grasp and walked out of the room. She found herself on the floor for the next few hours, crying. Her mom had come up to tell her the pizza was there, but she refused to come down and eat. A little while later her mom came back up to ask what was wrong and Regan explained everything to her. �Regan he�s right,� she said. Her mom had a knack for telling her like it was whether she wanted to hear it or not. Regan cried some fresh tears and wiped them away just as quickly. �I don�t know how to get over everything that has happened to me.� �A lot of it comes with time�� her mother began. �But a lot of it is psychological. You can�t let everything that�s happened to you freak you out in this new relationship. Blake is a genuine guy. I can see that. He�s not going to hurt you Regan.� �I know, I see it too,� she said. �I just didn�t know what to do when he said it. I freaked out.� �It�s understandable. Those three words are pretty scary. But you have to realize that you can�t dump all of your old feelings on him whenever you hear something familiar. It won�t work for the best. You�ll end up losing him.� She nodded, looking out the window at a large silver moon. �I know. I noticed that.� |
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