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| Every day after that seemed to drag on forever. Every person in the school had heard about what happened to Regan and Chase, and everyone had their opinion. Everyone had heard a different version of the story however. It was Evan all over again, in her sophomore year. It was a nightmare.
�Regan are you okay?� Paige asked for the eightieth time that day at lunch. Regan looked up from her journal (the book that was now her right arm) and smiled simply at her. �I�m going to be.� Paige and Piper weren�t at prom, but it got around so quickly that it wasn�t long before they both knew. They were worried about her, and saw that Chase walked around all day looking completely forlorn. Since the girls had heard what went on, they had no sympathy for Chase. Piper begged Regan to tell her what was wrong during third hour, but Regan refused to explain until later when they weren�t in school. Bailey and Chloe also had heard what happened through the grapevine, but knew it had to do with chase. Maria had agreed to keep her mouth shut about everything, and hadn�t told anyone anything she knew. Even her closest friends. Regan sat quietly during all of her classes and lunch now, simply writing in her journal nonstop. It was Bailey who first questioned her journal, and Regan simply answered that it was now her best piece of work. Every single day was the same routine now for Regan. She woke up, got dressed, drove to school, and wrote all day. She barely even talked to her friends anymore, and it was starting to grab her friends� attention. They watched as she calmly sank lower and lower into the hole she dug herself to crawl in. They didn�t want to watch their beloved friend slip slowly into nothing while she wrote in her journal every day. And it seemed like it was going to take forever to fill the journal up because it was so thick. They weren�t going to wait that long before Regan opened up again. In reality, it was only Maria who could convince Regan to put down her pencil for at least two seconds to talk. She did it with so much reluctance that after a while Maria wanted to give up. Eventually, day after day, it didn�t take as much persuading to make Regan stop writing. Finally one day, she walked into her sixth hour and didn�t write at all. Maria decided this was the day to talk her out of her shell. �Hon you�ve got to dig yourself out of the cocoon you�ve wrapped yourself in.� �What cocoon? I�m perfectly happy,� Regan replied. �Trust me Hon, you make think you�re happy on the inside, but on the outside, you aren�t talking to anyone, you�re withdrawn, you�re introverted, and all you do is write in that journal. What happens when the journal is full? The journal can�t talk back to you, Reggie. It�s not going to always be there for you. We are. You need to talk to us. Piper and Paige are so confused about all of this. They don�t know what to say to you. They weren�t there, and they have no idea what is wrong. You don�t talk to anyone but that journal and me. That�s a problem,� Maria pointed out. �I know. I just have so many feelings and confusions and emotions that I have to put them down on paper before they leak out into my actions.� �That�s understandable Reggie. But you have to balance out your time between your friends and the journal. Write when you need to, but don�t write all the time. It still helps to talk about it. Hon, sometimes we feel like we�re losing you.� Regan�s eyes popped open. �Losing me? How?� �We notice how much you don�t talk like you used to, and we�re afraid of what�s happening to you. We don�t want to lose you completely and we�re all so worried.� Regan looked down at her hands in shame. �I didn�t realize that people were worried about me. It�s not like I�m doing it on purpose.� Maria nodded. �I know, I know. Just be more conscientious of it from now on. Split your time between your writing and your friends. They�re worried about you more than that journal is.� Regan smiled. �I�m sorry. I�ve just been so full of emotions this last couple of weeks that it�s been hard for me to do much else but write.� Maria smiled back, half chuckling to herself. �I know what you mean, sweetie. Sometimes you can�t stop writing. I know how it feels. Maybe you should talk about it more instead of writing about it so much. I am not trying to discourage you from your writing, but think about it a little. Okay?� �Okay,� Regan whispered, looking at Maria full on. �I know exactly what you mean.� �Okay,� Maria said, satisfied. �So how far are you in that journal anyway?� Regan shrugged, picking it up and opening it to the last used page. �I�m about half way through. I was afraid I would finish it and not be able to find another good journal to write in.� �You�re probably right. That journal is one of a kind,� Maria commented, smiling. �I love it though,� Regan said, putting her hand on it and feeling the texture of the cover. �I know!� Maria yelled, rolling her eyes. �It�s my greatest accomplishment though. Maybe I could get it published, something like what Sebastian did with his journal,� Regan said, her eyes lighting up with the idea. �It was Annette who published the journal, and remember? You gave up on love! You�re not going to have someone to publish it for you,� Maria teased. �Who said I was going to wait until I die to publish it? I�ll do it myself,� she commented, sticking her tongue out at Maria. She rolled her eyes and eyed the journal carefully. �I�d really like to read what�s in it, to be honest with you. Of course I won�t invade your privacy until you make your privacy public.� �I intend to do that. It�s actually not that bad now that I think about it. I don�t swear too much,� Regan said, flipping through it. Maria smiled and shook her head. �Oh! I�ll be able to come to one of your soccer games!� she exclaimed suddenly. Regan�s face brightened. �Really? That will be SO cool! Do you know which one you can come to?� �Yes! I can come to the one on Thursday next week,� she said, looking up to remember. �Awesome! I can�t wait!� �Oh, I�m bringing my friend from that private school.� �And I care� why?� Regan asked, not interested in hearing about guys. �Oh come on Regan! You�re not going to be able to lose your interest in men altogether. It won�t fool me,� Maria said, giving her a nudge. Regan rolled her eyes. �I gave up on them, and that is what I fully intend to do. I don�t want to date another guy and I don�t want to fall in love again.� �I hate to tell you this but you can�t help who you fall in love with.� �I hate to tell you this, but I am not going to be interacting with any guys long enough to fall in love.� Maria shrugged, looking back at her own work. �Obviously I can�t convince you, but believe me Regan Stanbury, there is going to be a guy that will come along and convince you. Trust me on that one.� �Right, whatever you say.� Maria smiled knowingly at Regan. She knew for a fact that her best friend loved having male companionship, and her friend had always bragged to her about how great being in love was. She was always happy for her when she was in love and broken for her when she was in tears. And because of all that, she certainly didn�t buy all of this �giving up on love� crap. She knew (even if she didn�t know who it was going to be) there would come a man in Regan�s life who wouldn�t break her heart. A man who would change her mind about giving up on love and a man she would be able to trust again. As soon as Maria got home, she realized that her friend she was bringing to Regan�s game had called to make sure he was still coming. She called him back, gave him the details, and told him to meet her at her house at three-thirty that Thursday. The game was at four, and he had no clue how to get around Central Wayne. It was going to be a task of leading the blind, but she was determined to do it. He was so determined to find a girlfriend of his own at that school she couldn�t deny it to him. Regan went home that day, taking the advice Maria had given her and decided to put it to good use. She sat down for a long time, looking at her journal. She decided not to write it in tonight, but only to smile at the thought of having it near her, just in case. She was determined to get over the rough patch in her life, no matter how many tears were shed. She wasn�t going to let a man into her life again only to be torn apart by him. But she made a vow to herself that night. Whenever he came, whenever he decided to present himself to her, she would let her match in. The �one� as Regan liked to call him, and when she knew it was him, she was going to let her guard down. Her defenses were going to remain up until he arrived. But how long, she thought sadly to herself that night as she stared out her window, will I have to do that? |