| �Reag, what�s up? You�re real quiet.�
It was six thirty. Chase and Regan had gone to dinner and were now at the beach, walking along, holding hands and watching the dusk settle. Regan had cleaned herself up after lunch and by the end of the day looked normal again. So normal, Chase didn�t even notice anything had been wrong, therefore relieving her the pressure of having to tell him what was wrong. He was the type that wouldn�t relent until she said what it was. She made it home and hadn�t cried since lunch. She wasn�t happy about what she had to tell Chase, but the longer she put it off the more it would hurt both of them. She turned to him with a big, fake smile on her face. �Nothing�s wrong.� �Sure,� he said, obviously unconvinced. Her smile faded. It was probably not going any further than that right there. She would have to bring it all up herself, and that wasn�t something she was looking forward to doing. She silently prayed that he kept on asking her what was wrong so she could tell him without having to say it herself. �Isn�t this great?� Chase sighed. Regan sighed as well, but hers was of dejection. It was hopeless. She was going to have to bring it up herself. �Being alone, together, during sunset. I never thought life could get better.� Regan gulped to herself. How could she do it when he was spouting off lines about how beautiful his life was? And he was talking about how beautiful his life was now that he was with her. She had to say something before it was too late. �Ch-Chase�� she began. He didn�t even hear her. He looked down at her hand entwined with his and smiled gently. �I sometimes wish this could have happened a long time ago. That I could have told you what I wanted to tell you so long ago.� �Chase�� Regan started again, not wanting to hear any more. He still didn�t seem to hear her. �Regan you and I have been dating for so long and I have always wanted to tell you how I�ve really felt about you, but I was always afraid you didn�t feel it back.� Regan now closed her mouth and looked away guiltily. He had just said the one thing she knew he would say that would shut her up for good. �I know you must feel something, but I don�t know what it is for sure. I can only hope it�s what I feel for you.� He was silent again. He dropped her hand and watched the sunset again. He closed his eyes and relaxed himself. Regan couldn�t bear to tell him what she had decided to tell him. She thought it would hurt him too much. But she knew she couldn�t walk around forever without telling him what she felt. She watched his face and how it seemed to be so relaxed against the dying sunlight and the soft, warm wind. He was in love and there was no denying it. It was evident on his features how much he felt for her. She couldn�t bear it. Regan dropped his hand and got up to walk around. Chase�s eyes opened and his gaze went straight up to Regan. She looked troubled as she wandered toward the edge of the sand. �Reag?� �Chase� I �� she began again. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. �Hon what�s the problem?� She couldn�t stop the sobs from starting. Tears flowed freely from her eyes and her shoulders shook. Chase was startled. She had been quiet all night, but he didn�t think she had been upset about anything. At least, not this upset. �Reag, tell me what�s wrong,� he pleaded. �I can�t,� she answered. �Sure you can,� he reassured. �Listen to me,� he turned her around and looked down into her wet, misty eyes. �You can talk to me about anything. You know me. I will definitely understand.� This made her burst into tears even more. Chase was at a loss for words. He didn�t know what to do and what he had say that had made her cry like this. �Reag just tell me what�s wrong,� he begged. �I told you�� Regan sobbed. �I can�t.� �You�re talking crazy, you can tell me anything.� �Yeah I know, but not this.� Chase was very confused. �Well why not?� �Because,� Regan said, not wanting to go any further. �Because�� Chase repeated, wanting her to continue. �I just can�t okay?� she said, breaking from his grasp and walking to sit down on the sand again. �Well tell me why you �just can�t!�� he demanded. She sighed, walking over to watch the sunset. She crossed her arms over her to block her body from the chilling wind. �I don�t want to hurt you. I do love you a lot Chase.� He smiled at her simply. �Well, then what�s the big deal? If you can�t tell me, then how much do you really love me?� She closed her eyes and sighed. A small smile crept onto her lips and she couldn�t resist smiling at him any longer. �Chase, how do you always manage to do that?� �Do what?� �Put a smile on my face?� �I have no idea, but it�s a good thing,� he said, smiling at her. She smiled widely and he tilted his head over to kiss her. Their kisses deepened and soon they both found themselves where they had been only so many days ago. It was now twilight on the beach, and no one was around but the two of them. Regan was deeply disturbed the entire time, but that fact wasn�t evident to Chase. She kept thinking about when to tell Chase what she needed to tell him. He had told her how much he loved her and that he prayed she felt the same� she couldn�t have done it then. She needed to find the right time to do it, or she knew she would burst inside. Chase had to know that Regan didn�t feel the same way for him, and that no matter how much he wanted her to love him, it probably wasn�t going to happen for her. Her heart had been telling her that. Her heart would continue to tell her that until she told Chase what she needed to tell him. And he wasn�t being at all helpful. �Oh Chase,� Regan sighed when they were through. He smiled at her, an arm around her waist, and his head gently rested against her. �Yes?� �I don�t know what I did to deserve you,� she said, almost as if she was ashamed to say it. �Hon, you�ve done your share to deserve me,� he answered, softly kissing her shoulder. �No I haven�t,� she whispered, just loud enough for Chase to hear. �What�s that supposed to mean?� �I don�t deserve you.� Chase propped himself up on his arm and looked Regan over. �What do you mean I don�t deserve you? Regan,� he said, looking down at her. �Hmm?� she asked, not looking back up at him. �Regan, you don�t know what it�s like to love you. You�re beautiful, you�re smart, and you�re so creative. You�re full of life, and full of spirit. There�s no denying that. You have a passion inside of you that burns and I see that each and every day. That�s why I love you the way that I do. �Everything about you makes me smile, even the little things that get to me sometimes. That still makes up you. That�s still who you are. And I love who you are. �So don�t say that I don�t deserve you. That�s the farthest thing from my mind.� Regan didn�t want to hear any more. She had been sobbing the entire time. She didn�t want him to list off all the qualities he loved about her, which was the last thing she needed to hear. She wanted to be able to tell him what she needed to tell him without risking losing him for good. �Reag, what�s the problem hon?� �I don�t want to lose you.� Chase�s features changed. �Lose me! You�re not going to lose me! Why would you ever think you were going to lose me?� She shook her head and looked back down. �Oh, Reag,� he said, becoming silent. All she wanted was to get home, curl up with her pen and paper, and pour her heart out. Right then she really needed it. |
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