| �Did you tell him?�
�I couldn�t.� �Why not?� �Because he was sitting there telling me how much he loved me, and how he had prayed for me to love him, what could I tell him?� �Hmm, that is a problem.� Maria and Regan had talked about what happened in sixth hour the day before. Regan told Maria what she was going to tell Chase, and Maria thought it was for the best. Only the next day, Regan told Maria that she hadn�t gone through with it. �Well you do know that you have to tell him, right?� �Of course I have to tell him. I just don�t know how.� They sat in silence again for a few minutes. There were only a few days left until prom, and everyone seemed to be excited except Regan. She wanted to tell Chase what she had to tell him, but that meant risking going to prom stag. She didn�t want to do that. But she desperately needed to tell him what needed to be told. �So how�s the season?� Maria asked, wanting to change the subject. �Really good actually,� Regan answered. Regan was on the Varsity girls� soccer team, and tried to commit to it as much as she possibly could. She had trouble sometimes since there was so much going on in her life, but she never thought about it as much as she did other things. She was actually surprised when people brought it up sometimes. �Oh yeah? I wish I could stop screwing around and make it to one of your games,� she joked. �Yeah, for real! You need to come!� Regan said defensively. �I will, I will, in time!� Maria joked. �So you write anything new to your story?� �Huh? Oh, yeah, actually. I wrote about a page since you read last,� Regan told her, reaching over to get it out of her bag. �Yeah well you better be letting me read it! Just leave me hanging like that!� Maria said in mock anger. Maria was the only one out of all of Regan�s friend that shared her passion for writing. Of course, Regan was more of a personal experience writer, where as Maria plucked any idea out of the sky and wrote with it. Regan pulled it out and slammed it on her desk. Maria grabbed the paper as if she were a starving lion that hadn�t eaten in several months clawing at a piece of meat. She read it over and then looked at Regan, her mouth hanging open. �You are such a bitch!� Regan smiled guiltily and tried to pull off an innocent look. �What?� �Gawd!� she screamed, flinging the paper at her. �First you make him tell her that he�s not in love with her anymore, and walks out on her crying. And now! NOW!� �I know, I have to add a little bit of drama to it,� she said, obviously proud of herself. �Yeah, you put her in a car accident! What happens next?� she demanded. �Oh, you�ll just have to wait and see.� �REGAN NICHOLE!� Maria screamed at her. �Do you have yours?� Regan asked after laughing. �Yes, but I don�t know if I should let you read it,� she said snootily. Regan rolled her eyes and turned her attention away from Maria to focus on her teacher. She wanted to get her mind off of things, and Maria was the perfect person to help her do so. It didn�t take long before Maria tapped her on the shoulder and wanted to talk to her again. �Are you excited about prom?� she asked. Regan shrugged. �I�m kind of like in between excited and just �don�t care.�� �How can you say that? I�m jumping off the walls I�m so excited,� she said, bouncing in her seat a little. �It�s the whole Chase thing that gets me to where I�m not as excited as I want to be. He�s excited, and I act like that around him, but I just can�t help but think that if I tell him what I need to tell him, that maybe he�ll get rid of me beforehand.� �Well then don�t tell him before. Tell him after,� she said, and looked back down at her desk. �You know what? I should do that. Prom�s only a few days away right? It won�t be on my chest for too long,� she decided. �Good.� They both smiled, as if agreeing to something silently. �Oh!� Maria said, remembering something she forgot to say. �Huh?� �You know my friend from Lumcoast? The one that Jasmine tried to set me up with?� �OH! Yeah, the uh, poster boy that you didn�t hit it off with. How in the hell did you not hit it off with a poster boy?� Regan demanded. �He�s not my type. But anyway, he�s been asking me when he can come to the school to meet some girls,� Maria informed her. �Yeah! Right! Central Wayne? If he wants a one night stand he knows where to come!� �UH! I take that offensively and so should you! We�re both girls at this school!� �Well, if this guy wants romance, here is not the place he should be looking,� Regan said simply, shaking her head. �Bite your tongue,� Maria reminded her. �Someone in this room found romance, and not just one time. Right here in our school.� Regan bit her lip to keep from saying the wrong thing. �So, I was wondering, do you think it�d be okay for him to come along with me to your soccer game?� �Sure,� she said, as if it was the simplest question in the world. �Why wouldn�t I think it was okay?� Maria shrugged again, turning to look at her. �Because trust me, even if he is just my friend, if you are on the field and you see this guy in the stands, you won�t be able to concentrate on your game!� Regan smiled widely and shook her head. �He�s not coming for me, he�s coming to look at other girls remember?� �No sweetie, I said he wants to find a girl. You�re a girl right?� �Yeah right, Maria,� Regan said as soon as she knew what Maria was getting at. �Like some guy from Lumcoast will want to date me of all people when he has his choice of just about everyone in the school.� �You might surprise yourself there hon. You aren�t as bad as you seem to think you are.� Regan rolled her eyes and pulled out a book. �I�m pretty sure a �poster boy� from a private school won�t be looking at me, so we can just drop it there.� Maria shrugged, not wanting to argue anymore. They stopped talking about that one subject for the rest of the hour. They left class and Maria agreed to walk Regan to her car. They were talking about prom excitedly when they both left. Regan was still not looking forward to it as much as everyone else, but she put on a smile and faked it as best as she thought she could. Friday afternoon, all of her friends were on a different planet. Chloe and Bailey couldn�t sit still at lunch while Paige and Piper joked about having an even cooler get together to make up for not going to prom. Regan sat and listened to them chatter about it and she threw in her two cents every once in a while, but didn�t speak much. She was thinking too seriously about Chase. �What�s up girl?� Chloe asked, nudging her from her seat. �You can�t be that quiet when it�s so close to prom!� She smiled happily and shrugged. �I guess I�m just weird like that.� �Oh come on! Quince is so excited about coming with us in the limo!� she said. �He talked about it in band today before class!� �Oh yeah?� Bailey questioned. �That�s all Trevor was talking about last night on the phone. How cool it�s going to be to ride in a limo! He would not shut up! It was so cute.� �What about Chase?� Chloe asked Regan, and she turned unexpectedly to face her. �Oh Chase? Couldn�t be more excited. It�s all he talks about too.� They didn�t believe her, but were too excited to stay focused on what Chase really wanted for long. They continued to talk about it until the bell rang and until they all had to part and go to class. Regan found herself dreading the next night, even though it seemed to be all any junior or senior could talk about. She wasn�t looking forward to going to sixth hour, knowing Maria would talk nonstop about it too. The bell rang after an entirely too short fifth hour and Regan made her way to her psychology class. She happened to bump into Matthew on the way. �Hey Reggie,� he said, smiling brightly as he always did. �Hi Matt, what�s doing?� He shrugged, readjusting the large duffel bag slung over his right shoulder. �Not a lot. Just trying to make it to my sixth hour without hearing the �p� word again.� �The �p� word,� Regan repeated, laughing. �Don�t tell me you�re not excited!� �Oh, I�m plenty excited,� he said, shaking his head in disbelief. �I�m just a little burnt out on talking about it for the three millionth time.� �I totally know what you mean,� she said. �You must be the only girl in school not excited about prom. How come?� he asked. It was just like Matt. Always concerned, no matter what. �Things going on between Chase and me. Kind of confusing.� �Oh yeah? Bad things? Good things? Or are you going to smack me and say Matt shut the hell up?� he said, his crooked smile melting onto his attractive face. That crooked smile was always Regan�s undoing, no matter what their status had been. �Nah, it�s a weird and confusing thing. I�ve wanted to tell Chase how I really feel about him, but he�s not giving me the fair end of the deal. I want to do it after prom, so I�m still not looking forward to telling him. It�s putting a damper on my prom spirit.� �Ah, I get it, I get it. Well, we must part now. I�ll see you tomorrow! Hope everything works out for ya!� he bid while waving over his shoulder and walking away. Regan sighed to herself right before walking into her sixth hour. �Me too, Matt. Me too.� She had been right. All Maria could talk about was prom, and how excited she was to be going with Matthew. Of course she picked up on the fact that Regan wasn�t as talkative as she, but she didn�t question it until she had gotten everything she wanted to get out. �So what�s up with you? You don�t have those pre-prom jitters?� she asked, pretending to tremble while wiping her arms. �Not really. I guess I�ll be excited about it when we get there. Or I get dressed up. Or something,� she said, giving Maria a small smile. �Well it�s about what you have to tell Chase, right?� she asked. �Yeah, that�s pretty much it.� �Ah. When are you going to do it?� �Tomorrow night,� Regan declared. Maria looked at her wide-eyed. �Tomorrow?� she exclaimed. �I�ve come to the conclusion that it can�t wait any longer, and I don�t want to upset him before the biggest night of his life,� Regan explained matter-of-factly. �Why that night? Can�t you wait until the next day?� Maria kept asking. Regan shook her head. �I have to get it out before anything else happens. If we happen to have sex that night, he will only continue to think I love him. When clearly I don�t. If I refuse him without telling him why, it will hurt him more when I put it off to tell him.� �I can understand where you are going with that. But just remember you never know what his outburst is going to be. I mean, you are telling the man who is in love with you, and the first man you�ve ever made love to�that you don�t love him, and probably never will. How would you react?� Maria asked her. Regan sighed dejectedly. �I suppose you�re right, but I�m still thinking of doing it tomorrow night. Even if it may be the best night of his life. He�ll get over me. Everyone does. Look how happy Evan is.� Maria turned to glare at Regan. �Yes. Yes, let�s look at how happy Evan is. Up at college, drinking every night, failing most of his classes, trying to get laid but not being able to make it happen. I�m thinking that without someone to level him in his life, he�s happy as can be.� Regan felt the tears burning at her eyes. Every time she thought of Evan this happened. Especially recently. �He likes it better that way. He�s happier now that he doesn�t have anyone he�s attached to.� �Oh Reggie,� Maria said, putting her pencil down and turning to her. �You have to realize that it�s better now that he�s out of your life. Yes, six months with him was amazing. But it�s over. A year ago it was over, hon. Almost two. I know you can never forget how much he influenced your life. You�re never going to be able to stop loving him in any way, even if you find yourself no longer in love with him. But there are better men out there. Ones that your heart will allow you to fall in love with. Everyone is meant to be with someone. It just takes some people a while before they find the one for them. It�s just taking you a little longer to get started then most.� �Maria�� she said, almost sobbing now. �I want to love someone. You have no idea how desperate I am to fall in love with someone again. I just don�t want it to be wrong.� �Of course you don�t sweetie.� �I want to be able to look into the eyes of the man I�m meant to be with� and know. You know what I mean? I want to be able to just look up into his eyes and know everything about him in one second, and know that I�m going to fall in love with him, and we�re going to be together forever. I want to find him. I want to fall so deeply in love again that I won�t be able to see anyone else in the world but him� like I was with Evan. I want to feel that way for another person again, and I want it to last this time. Not just half a year. I don�t want to be promised forever again and then have it not come true. I don�t want to be burned so badly again that it takes me years to recover.� �That�s a lot to want. Break it down to one thing first,� Maria said gently, while putting a reassuring hand on her friend�s arm. Regan looked up with tearstained eyes, and looked quickly into Maria�s. Maria was taken aback by the loneliness, the fright, and the pure hope and desire for one thing that all came pouring out at that one instant. �I want to be loved.� |
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