| �So what is going on?� Piper asked when Regan sat down across from her at lunch an hour later.
She sighed heavily and opened her lunch bag. �A lot.� Piper rolled her eyes. �Duh. What happened though? Did you guys� do what I think you did�?� �Um well�� she started, but was thankfully cut off when Bailey and Paige came over. �That line is too damn long,� Bailey announced, making a place for herself. Regan smiled at her. Every single day Bailey had something to say about that line, and it didn�t surprise her one bit that she said something. She was sort of immune to it by now. �Well what�s going on honeys?� Paige asked, opening her Combos and slurping her pop. �Not a lot,� Regan whispered, hoping Piper wouldn�t open her big mouth. But of course she could always be counted upon. �Reggie was about to tell me her story,� Piper cocked an eyebrow at her. �Figures,� she muttered. �You were?� Bailey asked, suddenly extremely interested. Regan shrugged and looked away. Chloe wasn�t there that because she was at her aunt�s for the next few days. This was the lot of them, and Regan could open up now or be closed mouth forever. �What story?� Paige asked. �Oh an interesting one,� Piper said, shooting daggers at her. Regan looked back down and didn�t open her mouth. �Is it about you and Chase?� Bailey ventured. No one could see it, but Regan was crying silent tears. She didn�t want them to know that talking about it upset her this much, but she still didn�t want to talk about it. She nodded. �Hon, tell us,� Piper whispered, reaching out to touch her hand. Regan violently pulled it back and wiped the tears out from under eyes. She sniffled. �This is so ridiculous,� she said, laughing at herself. �I don�t know why I�m crying. It�s not that big a deal.� �Reggie if it wasn�t that big a deal, you wouldn�t be crying,� Bailey pointed out. �Tell us. Did you and Chase fight?� Regan shook her head. �Tell us,� Paige entered the conversation, now wanting to hear it impatiently. She sat and cried for a few more seconds before she looked up at the three of them. �Can we go somewhere a little more private?� None of them said a word. They stood up, Bailey reached out for Regan�s hand, and they walked to the library. It was quieter, smaller, and best of all, you were allowed to eat in there. Just their luck, the library was full that day. Regan sighed, looking at Bailey in defeat. Bailey shook her head and led the small group over to a corner of the library. They sat down in a circle and Piper faced Bailey. �Tell us.� Regan lost it. She broke down into tears and cried like that for a long time. She finally looked back up at the three of them and their concerned faces before smiling. She simply said, �I am so stupid.� �You�re not.� �It�s okay to be upset.� �Tell us what�s wrong.� �Just what I said,� Regan answered them. �I�m so stupid.� They all sat there, completely confused. Before any one of them could open their mouth, Regan opened hers to continue. �I am a complete idiot. Here I was, walking around Central, thinking I had it all figured out. I figured Evan was gone and out of my life for good, and I figured that since he was gone and out of my life for good, I wasn�t in love with him anymore. I was so sure of it. I was positive that the feelings I had for him were gone.� They all looked at her blankly. �Is that it?� Paige asked. Regan didn�t acknowledge that she had spoken up. �I thought I knew that it was all over. I was wrong. I was walking around this school, in an illusion that I was finally at a point in my life when I had it all straightened out. I have great friends, I was finally over someone who had caused me great pain, and I had a man in my life I was very fond of. It was at a point, so perfect.� They nodded and waited for her to continue. No one interrupted her this time. They were too involved in the story now. �Then one night, I was lying in bed, excited to go to sleep and for the next day to come. And then a sudden wave of uneasiness washed over me. Why was I excited? What did I have to look forward to? I�m not being negative, but that�s something I do every so often when I do feel excited. I ask myself why, and usually there�s a good explanation. But this time, I racked through my brain to try and find one, but couldn�t. I mean, waking up and going to school wasn�t exciting. My classes definitely aren�t. Seeing you guys is nothing new, because I see you during school and on the weekends. Don�t take that personally. I love you guys. I can just see you whenever you know?� She paused to sigh. �Then I thought about Chase. Chase and I have a great relationship, and I can talk to him about whatever I want. But for some reason, the more I explored how close Chase and I are, the more I realized that the thoughts I was having about him were absent. Like, even though I tried to convince myself we were great together and had a good relationship, it made feel even lonelier. My mind was saying, �Regan, don�t be stupid. You and Chase are best friends and will always be there for each other.� But my heart interacted. It said, �Even though you and Chase are good friends and are always there for each other, you�re not in love with him. Regan, you never will be in love with him. In your heart, he will never be able to compare to Evan. Someone will some day, but not Chase. Accept it.�� The three girls were not shocked with what she was saying. It was true. None of them had ever seen her and Chase together for very long. They knew Chase was no match in Regan�s eyes for Evan. No man at that school was. She had been so in love with him and so completely devoted to him that it wasn�t going to take just one year to get over him. Regan was the only one who didn�t know that. �So I started seriously thinking about our relationship. It�s not like we�re together or anything, so it didn�t make a difference that I wasn�t in love with him. That didn�t stop me from feeling lonely, though. I have you guys and I have Chase, but something was missing. My heart felt cold and alone. It was this undying feeling that made me sick to my stomach. I couldn�t handle it. I hated it so much, but it was always there. I didn�t know what to do.� None of them had known this information, and were a bit surprised to hear it. �So I continued to put on a happy face for you guys and for Chase. I pretended nothing was wrong, but in reality, I was staying up until midnight, writing and crying.� This was information that was shocking. �Chase and I still went out, and we still had the same relationship as before, but I just went around, knowing this feeling plagued inside of me. When Chase asked me to prom, I thought there was some hope for feelings for him. I thought maybe if we went to prom together, I could finally lose that dark feeling in my heart and fall in love with him. Soon I realized I was mistaken. Then he asked me to come stay with him in his parents� cabin.� They all drew in their breath. This was where it would become extremely fascinating. �When we got there, I had hope. I had hope that maybe we�d talk, get to know each other even more than we already did. I had hope that I�d let him into my heart, fall in love with him. I had hope the darkness would fade away gradually. So we talked. We talked and I spilled everything to him about Evan, and that was the night I finally accepted the fact that I was still in love with him. Chase and I fell asleep together after talking and then woke up and talked some more. That�s when it happened.� The three of them never said a word. �When it first started, I wasn�t sure what to do. It was my first time, so I wasn�t sure whether to stop it or to let it happen. I was extremely nervous and very scared. I thought that maybe if we did what we did, I�d find it easy to fall in love with him� Now I realize that I�m not. I feel like I took advantage of him in some way. Like I was just using him as a comfort tool or something. I don�t want it to go on anymore, and I want to tell him what my heart told me so long ago. I�m afraid to tell him though. I feel like maybe he won�t want to see me ever again and I�ll lose him for good.� Finally, Paige spoke up. �Why would he never want to see you again?� Regan sighed and cleared her throat before going on. �He told me he was in love with me.� They all gasped. None of them had seen that one coming. They always perceived Chase and Regan�s relationship to be a close one, but a non-serious one. �When?� Piper asked. �The night we had sex,� she whispered. None of them knew what to say. They had been completely shocked with what she told them. Of course, the part about her and Chase was less shocking then others. They were astonished to actually hear her say it. A confession like that always sounds so much different in your own mind than when someone says it out loud. Regan started to cry again, and this time the three of them knew exactly what to do. They held her while she cried. |
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