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| �So where did you go?�
�I�m not at liberty to say.� �Guys, enough with the bickering. It�s nearly midnight.� The Marauders were outside of Hogwarts on that crisp November night. James had been trying to make Sirius talk about the Hogsmeade trip for two weeks. Sirius and Cassie made a promise to each other that neither would tell anyone about the spot� or as Cassie had surprisingly deemed it� their spot. �We�ll come here whenever we need some time.� �Like you did before?� �Yes, but this time, it�ll be both of us. If I need you, I�ll just come right here. If you need me, you come here. I�ll know.� �I guess I�ll know too.� �Then it�s settled. Our spot.� �Ours.� Sirius was sure within every fiber of his being that it was not the last thing that he and Cassie would call theirs. That was when James had decided to make it his mission to figure out what exactly Sirius had done that night. He was determined that he�d done more than he�d led to believe. �The moon�s coming, I can see it. Let�s go,� Remus whispered. The three boys followed suit, making their way toward the Whomping Willow, stepping on a knot in the trunk, and running down inside of it. �I don�t understand!� James was whispering harshly to his friend in the dark. �If you two just went for a walk afterward, why were you so happy when you got back to the common room?� �I can�t say, but what I can say is nothing happened!� �Oh, come on!� James yelled. �I�m your best friend, we�re practically brothers. You�ve never kept anything from me before! I�d tell you!� �Oh you would, huh? Well, tell me then, oh pal of mine, what happened between you and Lily two nights ago when you were both late to dinner?� It was too dark to see, but Sirius knew James was definitely flushed, from the base of his neck all the way up to his forehead. �I don�t know what you mean.� �Gentlemen, can we not talk about this� now?� Remus said nothing more, as the change had taken over him. James whispered to Sirius, �We�ll talk about this later.� With that, the three remaining boys transformed into their animal shapes, and another night of Marauding began. They arrived back in the morning, tired from the night�s events. James and Sirius had long since forgotten their argument and went up to bed for a few minutes of sleep and peace. Cassie�s words hit Sirius full force when he woke up. �If you need me, you come here. I�ll know.� What had that meant? Did that mean she had some kind of connection? Then again, she did have the ability to See, so of course she would know. Yet that didn�t explain his feelings that he would know if she was in pain as well. A lot didn�t make sense anymore. He descended the stairs and poked his head into the common room. Lily was sitting on the couch with one or two of her friends, frequently glancing up the staircase. She was waiting for James to come down. When of all moments, had this happened? Sure, James had explained it, but it still didn�t make any sense. People didn�t just change, did they? James had changed, though, whether or not Sirius liked to admit it. As he thought about it, he was sure he had as well. They had humbled a lot from their past years at Hogwarts. No longer were they strutting about the corridors, picking on people for pure enjoyment. After detention in sixth year, things had started to change. Remus had tried his hardest ever since he was named prefect in fifth year to convince them that they were too arrogant for their own good. Of course, he did it in his own Remus way. He said nothing. Why had they been so completely rude to people less fortunate? It didn�t make any sense, but then again, as Sirius had just been reflecting, nothing did. Lily spotted Sirius and smiled widely. That was not something that would have happened two years ago. She would have looked right past him as if he were a piece of glass. He knew it had something to do with Cassie, and James� severe change in attitude had everything to do with his budding relationship with Lily. Damn women. �Are you, uh, going down?� said a voice behind him. Sirius whirled around to face a Gryffindor fifth year he didn�t know. He mumbled a, �Sorry,� and let him pass by. He shook his brown hair off of his face and walked down the remainder of the steps, headed over to the couch where Lily was sitting. �Good morning, Lily,� he greeted cheerfully. �Hello, Sirius, rough night?� she asked, winking playfully. She knows. I�ll kill that bastard James! Sirius thought vengefully. He only smiled and shook his head. �Nah. Slept like a rock. Yourself?� �Great. Stayed in one spot all night.� Dammit, James. �That�s good to hear. So, are you waiting for James?� Lily nodded, smiling bashfully at her friend. �I guess you could say that. Is he still asleep?� �When I left he was in the bathroom, getting ready to come down. He spends more time in there now because he�s got someone to impress.� Lily turned a shade almost as dark as her hair. She countered it quickly with, �What about you, Sirius? Don�t you have a reason to spend a good amount of time in the lavatory?� Sirius coughed, looking away from her as he leaned over the back of the couch. �I have no idea what you mean.� Lily only smiled knowingly, not pushing the matter further. She turned to talk to her friend when James and Remus emerged from the stairs. �Good morning, Padfoot!� James announced almost too brightly for having only slept a good hour. �I trust you�re in a good mood this morning? After all, you do have Defense Against the Dark Arts today?� Sirius� eyes shot over to Lily�s. She was stifling her laughter. He only rolled his eyes and sighed animatedly, trying to act as if he didn�t know what they were talking about. �Shall we go to breakfast, then?� Sirius asked brightly, walking toward the portrait hole. He didn�t wait for an answer before quickly ducking out. There was something about Lily�s bright inquiring eyes that made him want to confess everything. She had that affect on him. It was not the first time that Lily Evans had cottoned on to his peculiar behavior. She was much more intuitive than any of his Marauder friends, but in a way, he appreciated that about her. He also felt that she was the only person he could really talk to. He didn�t actually talk to her until the night before she left Hogwarts for the holidays. James and Sirius had long since packed to leave as well, and James was asleep in his bed after an exhausting two hours of snowball fights with Remus, Peter, Cassie, and Lily as attendants. Sirius couldn�t get to sleep as easily as his friend could. He lay awake for hours, thinking about Cassie and the snowball fight. So many times in that long two hours he had caught sight of Cassie in the snow and lost all sense and reason. She looked like a pure angel standing amidst the white background. Her long, golden blonde hair swept around her head and her blue eyes sparkled like the falling snowflakes. The usual slight rose color of her face was that much pinker with the blistering winds wrapping around the teenagers. He had gotten nailed hard in the face with a snowball every single time he�d stopped to stare. His cheeks were bruised. It didn�t matter that much to him, though. Staring at Cassie had become something of great pleasure, and he wanted to pretend that he didn�t know why. Cassie was just a good friend, and he wasn�t sure he wanted it to be more than that. Cassie sure didn�t seem like she wanted anything but pure friendship from Sirius. Lily finally brought him to his senses that night. He followed the stairs down after getting tired of listening to James snoring. The sky was dark, the fireplace was still lit, and the common room was seemingly deserted. He rubbed his hands over his face, walking over to sit down in front of the fire. Not looking down, he fell onto the sofa, only to notice something hard underneath him. �Oof!� the figure cried, picking their head up. Sirius recognized the bright red hair to be Lily�s. She smiled at him sleepily and stretched out. �Good evening, Sirius. You�re the last person I expected to sit on my head at this hour.� He smiled at her and sat back onto the couch comfortably. He stared into the flames and asked without looking up, �Why exactly are you down here at this hour?� She smiled, pulling her hair into a ponytail. �I fell asleep about three hours ago. I was down here doing homework. I guess the real question is for you. Why are you awake this late? Thinking about something?� �No one.� She smirked. �I said something, not someone. Come on, Sirius, quit playing this game. I know what you�re on about. Don�t lie.� Sirius sank back into the comfy confines of the red couch. He sighed again, not wanting to admit it, but knowing there was no way around it. �I like Cassie.� �Ah, could have told you that.� Sirius shot a menacing glare at Lily and her smile faded into a smug expression. �Well, I don�t mean to sound rude or anything, Sirius, but that�s how I am. I guess it�s because I�m outside of the situation. I could see the stars in your eyes last year.� �You never hung around us last year.� �Well, I was around. I saw you with a Ravenclaw blonde that I sort of knew from a study group. When I saw the look on your face when you talked about her at the Gryffindor table, I knew it wasn�t going to be long before you fell for her.� �Lily, why are you asking me about this? You like James, right?� Her green eyes lit up at the mention of James. �Does that mean I can�t be friendly with his friends?� Sirius nodded absently. �Why don�t you take the chance with her? What do you have to lose?� �Her.� They were silent for a long time before Sirius stood up and walked over to the window. He watched the snow fall onto the window and he thought immediately of Cassie�s angelic face surrounded by the flakes. His heart twisted in pain as he thought of her and what Lily had said. �Do you really think she�s not feeling the same thing?� Sirius shook his head. �I think I know she�s not. She doesn�t want to get involved; she�s had her heart broken. She doesn�t want it to happen again.� Lily was quiet for a moment, and then she whispered, �Would you break her heart, Sirius?� Sirius didn�t want Lily to see him cry and he certainly didn�t want it to look as if he was crying. Hell, as a member of the male persuasion, he didn�t want to let any tears leak out of his eyes. But he finally managed to answer in a whisper. �Never.� �Then why are you so worried?� �I don�t want to tell her and then have her run away.� Lily got up and walked over to Sirius. She placed the palm of her hand on his back soothingly, and he jumped at the contact. He hadn�t heard her walk over. �Sirius, you have to ask yourself� is she worth it? Would you chase her if she ran away? That�s the true test of love. If she runs from you, is she worth the chase?� Sirius turned around and faced Lily, his eyes brimming with tears he didn�t want her to see. She smiled sympathetically, patted his back, and turned toward the staircase. He watched her leave and smiled one last time when she turned to look at him. They didn�t need to exchange any more words. Enough had been said. The first Hogsmeade trip that had been scheduled after break was to be the weekend of Valentine�s Day. Sirius had taken everything Lily said straight to heart. He was going to ask Cassie to spend the Hogsmeade trip with him again, and this time, he was going to confess his feelings for her. She had accepted the invitation he extended in Defense Against the Dark Arts that day and Sirius found himself both nervous and excited for the upcoming trip. Lily approached him in the hall several days after he�d asked her. �What are you going to do?� she whispered excitedly. �With Cassie?� he asked just as quietly. �Of course with Cassie! Aren�t you excited?� He only laughed at her. �You�re more excited about this than I am.� �No, you�re just nervous,� she said, walking with him toward the Great Hall for lunch. �Well, that too,� he said. He shot her his dashing smile and nudged her playfully with his shoulder. �Come on, then! What are you going to say to her? Are you going to tell her that you fancy her? In love with her?� Sirius looked around quickly, shushing Lily. �Not so loud, Evans!� �You can tell me, Sirius! I�ll take it to the grave.� �That�s what James agreed to when we started the full moon thing. Look who knows now,� he said. She gave him a smug smile and raised her eyebrows at him in a playfully suggestive manner. �And you know he wouldn�t have told me if I hadn�t pressed it out of him. He�s a hard one to squash information out of, so just know that it wasn�t completely him. I manipulated him a little.� They said no more, as they had entered the Great Hall and were passing the Ravenclaw table to get to the Gryffindor one. Lily gave Sirius a knowing smirk as she joined James and Sirius couldn�t help but look in the other direction. Cassie was seated between her friends, engaged in what could only be intelligent and classy conversation. If that was the one thing that his best friend was, it was classy. She was everything he wanted to become. She looked up from the conversation and spotted him. She smiled meekly and looked away again. Sirius was somewhat discouraged, but quickly disregarded this feeling when he saw the blush creep up Cassie�s already rosy face. It seemed so agonizing a wait until Valentine�s weekend. Sirius eagerly counted down the days, glad they were coming, but also terrified that they were flashing by so fast. That meant that he had to figure out how he was going to confess his feelings to Cassie� and he had to do it soon. Before he knew it, Saturday had come. Lily had stayed up with him the night before, giving him words of encouragement. It seemed like every day he wanted to chicken out, and every time he spoke to or saw Cassie, his heart pounded so heavily in his chest he knew she had to hear it. Sirius saw her bright, beaming face that night when they met in the lobby. She had her Ravenclaw scarf on, and Sirius couldn�t help but notice how wonderfully the blue complimented her sparkling eyes. On her hands were gray gloves, which gripped the banister tightly. She was nervous. �Hello, dozy,� he greeted softly. �Hi, stupid,� she whispered back. Sirius stared at her for a few more seconds, wanting desperately to take her hand in his. He knew it was a rather forward gesture, one implying almost exactly what he wanted to say. That was the last thing he needed. �Well, let�s go then!� she said, finally breaking the tense silence. They walked into the village together, talking about class and school, things that seemed completely unimportant. Cassie seemed to have a lot on her mind and Sirius was too nervous to say much. They browsed around for over an hour and Sirius tried his hardest to find a decent time to tell her� he had to find a good moment� he had to get her alone. The perfect opportunity arose when Cassie mentioned she was getting cold and thirsty. Sirius confessed he was as well, and they made their way over to the Three Broomsticks. The pub was almost completely full when they arrived. Anyone who entered was hard pressed to find a seat. It was going to be impossible to confess anything in here. Sirius was glad that he was off the streets, though. It was cold and he was definitely thirsty. �Oy! Padfoot!� Sirius turned and saw James, Lily, Peter, and Remus, seated in a booth in the back. James was waving him over obnoxiously. Lily was laughing, but nonetheless, when Sirius approached, she shot him a questioning look. He gave her a curt nod, indicating he hadn�t said anything. They sat down together and began talking about what they�d found in the village. Remus pulled out a bag of Wolf Caramels, offering one to everybody. They all declined as Peter showed off the joke wand he bought at Zonko�s. �Who wants more butterbeer?� Lily called in the middle of the conversation. Everyone raised their hands, while James imitated a small child, jumping up and down, crying, �Me! Me! Me!� Lily rolled her eyes, making to get up. �So, that�s six butterbeers?� �Aye,� Peter said, raising up his empty bottle and shaking it. �Sirius, will you help me?� Lily asked. He frowned at her, and then looked back at Cassie. She seemed to be entertained immensely by the incessant prattle of his three companions. He got up and followed Lily to the bar. Madame Rosmerta leaned over and smiled at them happily. �Good evening, Miss Evans, Mr. Black. Back for more butterbeers I expect?� Lily nodded. �Six, please.� �Coming right up,� Madame Rosmerta said. Lily turned to Sirius then and raised an eyebrow. �Haven�t said anything yet, ay?� Sirius sighed, running his hand through his shaggy brown hair. �No! I either can�t find the right moment, the right words, or I just chicken out.� �You know you�ve got to tell her.� �I know.� �Do you want her to know?� Sirius was silent. He stared over at the table, watching Cassie laugh at his friends� antics. She loved being around his friends, and he loved the fact that she loved his friends. It wasn�t just any girl who could say that. He�d come to find out most of the girls at Hogwarts were either repelled by the Marauders� arrogance, or completely attracted to them. Either way, it was a lose/lose situation. The only attention they ever got was that of annoying hero worship. It was definitely something if Cassie liked not only him, but also all of his friends just as much. He realized that Lily had asked him a question. Did he want Cassie to know he liked her as more than a friend? Did he want Cassie to know that he thought about her every five seconds? Did he want her to know that he fantasized about touching her hair, holding her tightly in his arms against him, kissing her soft, pink lips� and staring into her ice blue eyes with all the love he had ready to give? �Yes.� �Then what are you waiting for? Get her out of this place, and tell her.� Sirius watched thoughtfully for a second and then started as Lily forced three butterbeers on him and stalked back to the table. �I missed you!� James said when Lily came back. �Hmm,� was her only reply as she handed a drink to him and Remus. �Your friends are too funny,� Cassie said to Sirius. He grinned devilishly at her. �You think they�re funny?� She opened her butterbeer and drank it, peering over the top at him. She looked at him curiously. Sirius could feel a cold sensation spreading throughout his body. The more she drank, the less time he had until he had to confess everything to her. He nursed his slowly. �Ah! That�s the good stuff,� James advertised loudly. He slammed his bottle down and pounded on the table in a marching cadence. Sirius looked at Cassie. She appeared to either be very thirsty or very nervous. She kept picking up her bottle and guzzling. He watched in fear. His butterbeer was still quite full. She set her empty bottle on the table and looked at Sirius. �I think I�m warm enough to go back out. Are you?� He nodded nervously, taking one last sip of his drink (which by now had lost all flavor), and pushed it away. Lily smiled encouragingly as he stood up and followed Cassie out. The cool February air bit him in harshly in the nose. He knew he should have had more butterbeer, as Cassie appeared to be quite comfortable. His nerves had decided otherwise. He watched Cassie enthusiastically bounce down the street. Butterbeer seemed to act as a relaxant in her case, as she had been rather nervous and jumpy before they entered the Three Broomsticks. He knew where she was going though. She was going to her spot� their spot. �Your friends just crack me up, Sirius! Especially Jim. He�s the funniest!� she said, giggling. Sirius frowned suddenly, forgetting his nerves. �It�s James,� he said. �Jim.� �James.� �Jimmy.� �James.� �Jim-bo!� �JAMES!� he yelled. All Cassie did was giggle at his irritation. She enjoyed baiting him, and the way it lit up her face when she laughed didn�t bother him at all. �What about your friend Remus Lupin? Remo Lulu. Lulu, I think I like that!� she said. �Jim-bo and Lulu!� Sirius gritted his teeth in frustration. It was amusing to hear her laugh and it didn�t bother him at all, but he had to be a little annoyed just to get her laughing harder. �How about Peter? Peter Pet-it-grew? Peter Pedigree!� she squealed with laughter, causing several people to look over at her. �PEDIGREE!� Sirius nudged her. �Shut up!� �Jim-bo, Lulu, and Pedigree. Quite an odd group of friends.� They trudged up the hill toward their spot and Sirius noticed the silence. He stopped suddenly and turned to her. �What about me?� She blinked. �What about you?� �Where�s my stupid nickname?� �Oh!� she said, as if she was affronted. �Oh, well, it just so happens that I am out of stupid nicknames.� His mouth dropped open in a mock form of hurt. �So you don�t have one for your best friend? The man of your dreams? The most wonderful guy in the entire world? The best wizard there is?� �Don�t make me laugh!� He narrowed his eyes at her threateningly. �Well, try the name in an accent or something. Try a lisp, try Pig Latin, try-� �Thiriuth,� she said, and then laughed maniacally. �Thiriuth. I love it!� �I�ve created a monster,� he sighed, walking away from her. She continued on, not ceasing for one second. �Thiriuth!� �Not listening.� �Thiriuth!� �Not listening!� �Thiriuth!� He stopped in his tracks to turn and look at her. She was absolutely glowing with enthusiasm and she had never looked more beautiful. She continued on and he couldn�t help the thoughts that flowed through his mind. �Thiriuth!� �Not listening,� he said, this time with less fervor than before. �Oh, Thiri-� But he�d cut her off mid tease. He had decided to take a chance by grabbing her scarf, pulling her close, and pressing his lips unexpectedly down on top of hers. Her eyes flew open and her lips warmed up to him all at the same time. He pulled away, but kept his face close. He reached up gingerly and touched her cheek. �I� I don�t know what came over me.� Cassie looked like she was either going to scream at him or kiss him again. He couldn�t decide which. She backed away from him quickly, tears filling her eyes. �Why did you do that?� He frowned at her. �W-What?� �Why? Why did you do that?� she demanded. �Because I wanted to.� �Why?� she repeated. �Tell me what compelled you to do such a thing.� �I like you, Cassie. I like you a lot.� �I-I know,� she said. �Not that way. I like you, Cassie. There�s more than friendship between us. Don�t tell me that you can�t feel it.� She was not looking at him. Her eyes were focused on the ground. �No.� �What?� �No. I don�t want to feel it.� �But you do.� �Yes, but I don�t want to.� There was silence as Sirius contemplated what to say next. �C-Cassie� I�m�� �No,� she whispered again, looking up at him. He was surprised to see the tears streaming down her face. �You can�t like me. I can�t like you. We can�t let this happen. You wouldn�t want to be with me after you knew.� Again, Sirius frowned. �Knew? Cassie, what in Merlin�s name are you talking about? What do you mean I wouldn�t want to be with you? That�s what I�m telling you. I want to be with you.� �We can�t let it go any further. I could get hurt. You could get hurt.� Sirius remembered what Lily said. �Don�t you think it�s worth it? Am I worth it to you? Would you risk everything for me, like I would for you? Am I worth it?� Cassie looked up at him, her eyes looking even more crystalline as they shimmered with tears. They told him that she wanted nothing more than to be with him freely, that she wanted to like him, even at the risk of getting hurt again. She looked away adamantly and concentrated on what she said next. �No.� |