This has to be the hardest thing that I have ever done. I have shared my story with people but they were the ones I trusted. I have always been told that my story will someday help someone so I truly hope that it will help each and everyone one of you that read it.� Just a WARNING before you continue reading on.� This maybe triggering to you and if you trigger easily I would suggest clicking here and returning to my abuse page.I am a survivor of both sexual and emotional abuse. I was only a little child when I was being sexually abused but I remember it everyday that I live. The abuse would take place everyday by my next door neighbors. There were 4 teenage boys and a girl that lived next door to me. I was over there a lot because I looked up to them like they were family. I trusted them the same as well. But nonetheless they still hurt me. She didn't abuse me but watched it happen and did nothing to stop it. The abuse went on for over a year and only stopped because I moved away.
The emotional abuse still goes on because my relatives do it. To them I am dumb stupid and�I can never measure up to any of their children.� Even with my sister they would compare me.� A lot of that comes from the fact that I am the only bi-racial person in the family.� They didn't like that.� I still have a lot of things that I need to work out but slowly I am learning that I am somebody and not a dummy.
I now also have a hard time trusting or loving. I never really learned what it meant to fully trust or truly love because I never had it.� Any time I had anything close to it, it turned out to just be another big hurt.� The ones I trusted most as a child of the age of three or four taught me how to close my shell.� They taught me this by abusing me every chance they got and none of them had it in them to help me.� They teamed up and helped each other.� Watching each other and cheering the others on.� Even the one female that lived in the house didn't help me.� She just watched as it all happened.
I have had a few friendships that have really educated me on the true meaning of friendship.� They have been that support even when I didn't want any.� I had a hard time trusting them and they knew this and still stood by me.��
They have been trying to show me what it is to be loved and how to be able to trust. They did not have an easy job of teaching me but they managed to break down the walls that were protecting me.� They taught me to care for not only myself but also my friends. Without them I would have not made it in this life like I have. Or I would have never learned what a true friend is.
Recently, I have been rediscovering myself as I have been healing.� I am finally at the stage of my life where I can deal with my past without breaking down.� Through this healing I have learned more about myself. I have learned to accept me and my sexuality. I thought that I was gay but realized that I was just scared of men and was safe with women. It was hard to accept that I wasn't gay after I taught myself to deal with it. With the help of my friends I have learned that my true friends will love me no matter what. For this I thank them.
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