Chapter 10
Are You Kidding Me?
Table of Contents
Day 288 - I speak to Robert in the afternoon.  Fordham Marble has a piece of Azul Austral (my counters) left over, so John can fix the wall  properly, and remeasure for the backsplash behind the sink.   Robert and I talk about the front bathroom (i.e., the blue glass tiles, the improperly laid floor tiles, the chipped sink... Did I mention the chipped sink that John says he can take care of by filling the gap with white caulk?  My feeling is, if it was chipped when he picked it up at Gem Marble, he shouldn't have accepted it and if he chipped it, he should replace it.  Do you smell a lien in the distance?).  John didn't come in today, and the floor wasn't prepped, so the cork flooring probably won't be started this week, either.  He tells Robert he will bring in some of the wall unit tomorrow, but not Friday, because it's supposed to rain.  I heard it's going to rain tomorrow, so maybe John isn't coming in anymore this week.  Swell.
Day 287 - Primary Day - No Comment about this, except to say, I don't think I will still be doing my Renovation blog come the Presidential Election,  but you never know.  I go up to the apartment after I vote.  Louie is there.  The wall behind the sink isn't fixed and I don't know what bedroom Otto was painting, maybe he was fixing the back bedroom, because the front one is still not painted.  Louie asks me if I like how everything is coming out.  I tell him about, then show him the front bathroom floor.  He asks me why I didn't say anything before.  I tell him I just saw it the other day.  He says, if I don't like it, he'll start breaking it up, so it can be redone.  I say the spanish equivalent of "whoa!" and tell him I want to talk to John, figure out how much it will cost to get more tile (and who's going to pay for it.  Ha!  I can dream, can't I?), and how long it will take to get it.  I'm not ripping out anything until I have everything I need to redo it.  And it's not like there's nothing else to do.  Later, I call John and leave a message suggesting that he pick up the wall unit today and not wait until 9am tomorrow when this master cabinetmaker opens his doors.  John doesn't return my call and I doubt he took my suggestion.
Day 286 - Monday, March 1, 2004 - I don't go to the apartment today.  I leave a message with Robert, but he doesn't get back to me.  I speak to John who says, Louuie is fixing the wall behind the sink and Otto is painting the bedroom.  I ask him about the living room wall unit, and he tells me, the wall unit guy is putting on the finishing touches and he (John) will be able to start picking it up on Wednesday.  I just want you to know that this is the simplest, most basic styles of wall units you can imagine.  It's just three sets of shelves above cabinets, straight edges, no fancy scrollwork, nothing.  It;s taken over three months for John's "professional" carpenter (this is his JOB!) to do it.  A handy person could have finish it by now, just working on the weekends.  Incredible.
Days 284-285 - It's the weekend.  The weather is beautiful.  I barbeque on Sunday.
Day 283 - Fri. - I meet Robert at the apartment in the morning.  Louie is there and so is John!  There's a bit of a chill in the air.  John and I haven't spoken in three weeks.  John goes about his business while Robert and I look at paint colors in the kitchen (still no decision) and wait for Dana from Waterworks.  She soon comes with her boss.  I show them the whole apartment, stopping in the bathrooms (where they can see some of their tile).  We get to the front bathroom where I point out the tiles with ridges (Robert thinks they look like stretchmarks).  They say, the ridges look like trowel marks and that each individual tile had to be "buttered" on the back.  I also show them the mosaic floor, which we all agree could have been laid better (it's a little lumpy).  I ask Robert to get John (I don't want to be talking behind his back).  He comes in and tells us all of the tiles were "buttered-backed" and they didn't use a grooved trowel and he called the tile company before he started, etc., etc. (a little defensive, I think).  So, Dana is going to call the tile company about it.  I'm not sure what the upshot will be.  Probably, either to live with them, or order a couple of boxes of new tiles that will probably be (at least) a teensy bit different.  I guess if the tiles were defective, replacing them won't be at my cost (yeah, right).  Well, let's wait and see.  Next, I point out that the mosaic tile floor is bumpy.  My mother noticed this, didn't want to tell me, and was losing sleep over it.  Sorry, Mom.  You can also see where one square foot of tile ends and another one starts.  About the lumpiness, John says that's because of the radiant heating pads underneath.  Dana had said it was because they probably didn't tamp down the tiles into the thinset.  John said he could fix some places where the tiles don't line up correctly and didn't go further about the lumpiness.  When we take the paper up (the floor is completely covered with brown paper), we'll revisit this, but I'm not sure there's a lot I can do.  After Dana and her boss leave, Robert, John and I start at the front of the apartment and work our way back going through things.  John says the wall unit should be finished and he can put it in next week (ha, ha!), Warren the electrician is coming next week and can finish putting in the light fixtures and switches, Louie and Otto (yes, supposedly Otto is coming back) will prep and paint the front bedroom, hallway, and living room, and fix the wall behind the sink, and the plumbers may come to hook up the gas. I'm not sure what they're waiting for.  John is going to wait until next Wednesday to prep the kitchen floor, then start laying the cork on Thursday and finish up on Friday.  I'm sure we'll be done in just a few more days.  HA!  That's a good one!
Day 282 - I call Robert to see what, if anything, went on today.  Rumor had it Warren the electrician was coming, but I don't know if he did.  I get a message from Robert to meet him tomorrow at 9am at the apartment.  John should be there and Dana from Waterworks is coming with her boss to look at my blue glass tile ridges.  Any bets those were caused by John (or Louie) not spreading the thinset evenly?  Find out tomorrow on the next installment of-- As the Stomach Turns.*
*Thanks and acknowledgements to Carol Burnett.
Day 281- Wed. - I'm not really sure what went on today.  John never went to the apartment.  I think Louie might have been there.  Robert went up and looked at the blob of wood filler (I think that's what it is) where Louie fixed the wall.  They can't possibly leave it that way.  It's just a hunk of something that fills the space between the moulding and the radiator pipe.  It looks awful.  Robert agrees it looks terrible, but thinks they are going to do something else to it.  Robert tells me John wants to prep the kitchen floor on Friday and will start laying the cork floor on Monday, so he doesn't want anyone going in over the weekend.  I am now convinced that John is doing everything he can to keep me from moving in.  Let's recap:  months went by where the apartment was too cluttered to move in, he cleans up the back rooms, but there are no radiators, he installs the radiators, but puts in a new door with no lock, he puts in a lock (still no doorknob), and now he needs to prep the floor.  So, what do you think?  And you know he's not going to lay the floor on Monday.
Day 280 - I meet Robert at the apartment in the late afternoon.  Louie is there.  He's fixing the baseboard moulding behind the radiator.  John wasn't there at all today and I think Otto is off my job completely.  I point out some things to Robert (current (not new) front door keeps scraping one of the slate tiles, some blue glass tiles have what appear to be ridges behind them, the back bedroom ceiling is bulging in some places where it was taped.  I could go on...).  I look at more paint samples (no decision, yet) and we leave.  I still have no doorknob.
Day 279 - Mon. - I make plans with Robert to meet him and John at the apartment in the late afternoon.  One small problem, John can't make it today or tomorrow, either.  He's obviously a busy man.  Obviously not in my apartment.  Robert tells me John says, all that's really left is painting.  Really?  Then why does the place still look like a construction zone?  On a positive note, I now have a lock on my back door.  No doorknob, but hey, I can't expect everything...
Day 278 - Sunday, February 22, 2004 - It's nine months today.  I pack some stuff (clothes, sheets, towels, toiletries, folding chair, clock radio and futon) and head into the city with my parents.  Robert sent a cleaning lady over on Saturday, so I thought there was a chance that I could stay in the apartment.  If nothing else, I wanted to let John know that (whether he likes it or not) I'm moving back soon.  I was hoping (for moving back purposes) that the radiator in the back bedroom was hooked up, too.  Good news!  The radiator is in!  More good news!  John finally hung one of the new entrance doors!  Bad news!  There's no lock on the door!  That's right, they put on the new back door without any lock, so anyone can just walk into my apartment.  Well, maybe (with any luck) someone will just walk in and take some of John's crap, I mean tools and equipment out.  That would go a long way to making the place look livable.  Oh, BTW, while we were unpacking things from my mother's car (the Lexus), a U-Haul tries to squeeze by the double-parked car and succeeds in scraping down the side of the car, bending back the sideview mirror and partially tearing off the front bumper. Nobody was hurt and two policemen were our witnesses.  Welcome back from vacation!
Days 270-277 - One relaxing week of vacation later...
Day 269 - Friday the thirteenth - I go up to the apartment in the morning.  No one is there.  I look at the paint samples on the walls.  They are all to bright, dark, colorful or vibrant.  I'm really not sure, but they're more "something" than I had in mind.  I was going for something lighter and more subdued.  I leave messages with Robert about all the things I noticed (I'll spare you). I speak to him later in the day.  He tells me he doesn't like any of the colors, either.  Apparently though, Benjamin Moore now has small (4 oz.) sample cans of some of their paint (350 out of about 1800 colors) for about $3.50 each.  Robert is going to buy some cans of similar colors to those I had chosen, but in lighter, more muted tones.  He'll have Otto put them on the walls and they'll be there when I get back.  I'm going on vacation tomorrow-- Club Med Punta Cana in the Domincan Republic.  With my family.  We do it every year.  I'm planning on forgetting about the apartment and John for a while.  I'm planning on the three S's-- sea, sun and sleep, the three R's-- rest, relaxation and red wine, the three B's-- books, bronzing and beer, well you get the idea.  Anyway, I'll be back and blogging in about a week.  See ya!
Day 268 - I go up to the apartment in the evening.  I'm meeting my parents there.  It's about 5:30 and John, Louie and Otto are still there.  I walk in on Louie and Otto getting dressed in the kitchen.  This is the first time I've spoken to or seen John since last Thursday.  We don't have too much to say.  The buzzer rings, it's my parents.  Otto, Louie and John are on their way out, but they meet my parents .  My Dad didn't recognize John.  He thought John was taller.  My Mom suggests that it's because you get shorter with age... (get it?).  Anyway, most of the handles are on, one radiator is in (on a little bit of an angle, but what can you do?), the toilet, sink, and shower fixtures are all installed in the front bathroom (the steamhead in the shower was moved to line up with the fixtures above it, but now it's too far to the right), and both bathroom light fixtures are in.  I'm not sure either one works well in their respective places.  The one in the front bathroom casts a weird pink glow on the wall behind it, but it might just be the bulbs.  One of the reasons I went up to the apartment was to see the paint samples painted in the hallway and living room.  Unfortunately, at 5:30-6:00 in the evening in February, it's too dark to see, and if you recall, I don't have any lights in the hallway or living room.
Day 267 - Wed. -I don't go up to the apartment today.  I thought I would go in the evening, but I never made it.  I spoke to Robert at 10:30am.  He was up at the apartment and John was there.  No one else.  John said, Louie and Otto had stayed late the night before (but remember, they got there at 1 o'clock).  Not all of the handles are on yet.  Apparently, some of the drawer fronts are thicker than the cabinets fronts and the screws aren't long enough and John can't just go to any hardware store, because  (of course) these screws are metric.  Did you see that one coming?  Speaking of seeing something coming, yesterday I spoke to Robert about having John redo the backsplash behind the sink.  Why you ask?  Because it's not symmetrical and the wall above it is sloppy looking.  I thought this was because of the way the pipes run behind the sink.  So, I asked John about it the other day and he tells me it's like that because he told the guy from Fordham Marble, who came and did the measuring, NOT to measure for the backsplash, just to do the counter, then John would fix the wall and the guy could come back and measure for the backsplash and then come back and install it.  Not surprisingly, Mr. Measureman didn't want to do this and he measured  and installed the backsplash on the hastily (, badly and unsymmetrically) framed wall.  When I find this out, at first I'm pissed at the Fordham Marble guy (who, as you recall didn't mark where the corners on the counters should be cut.  Argh.), but then I got to thinking-- WHO (other than John) wants to do a job in four days that should take two?  So, I really can't blame him, and if John had taken the time to frame the wall nicely and symmetrically (even if it didn't exactly match the angle of the front of the counter, which is what John was going for), it would still look nicer than it does now.  Anyway, I told Robert that there was an extra piece of granite in the apartment (from where they cut out the cooktop).  I asked Robert if he thought it could be used to fix the backsplash.  He thought so, but he was going to speak to John.  Well, long story coming to an unsatisfying, but predictable ending...  when Robert was in the apartment... guess what?  He saw that the extra piece was now broken.  That's right, it fell over yesterday and broke.  Did anyone guess that?   If you did, take 20 points.  If it will make you feel any better, John says it wasn't big enough.  But, what is he going to say?
Day 266 - I don't go up to the apartment today and I don't speak to anyone.  John may think I'm already on vacation or he's just not calling me.  It's just as well, I really have no desire to talk to him.  Robert calls me in the evening and tells me he saw John in the morning (at another job) and everyone was going to go to the apartment at 1pm.
Day 265 - Monday, February 9, 2004 - I don't go up to the apartment today. When Robert calls me from the apartment at 11am, no one is there.  Robert calls John, who says they'll all be there at about 1pm.  John asks Robert ifI've left yet.  I"m going on vacation next Saturday for a week.  I wasn't going to tell John, but somebody (Louie or Otto) spilled the beans.  I smell a ratoncito.  Anyway, Robert says there are handles on most of the upper cabinets and they look good.  The radiator in the den is installed, but in hooking it up they scraped the baseboard moulding.  Punchlist Item No. 1.
Days 263 & 264 - It's the weekend.  I e-mail Robert some possible Benjamin Moore colors.
Day 262 -I go up to the apartment in the morning.  I have to check to make sure the handles were all put in the correct cabinet or drawer.  It's 9:30am, and no one is there.  I double check the handles-- they were all right, but now I can sleep more easily.  Well, I won't be tossing and turning over the handles, but there's still plenty that keeps me up at night.  I try getting John about three or four times today and I just keep getting his voice mail.  I leave messages, he never calls me back.  I speak to Robert.  He tells me he saw John at another job along with Louie, and Otto is sick.  Great.  He also tells me, John didn't appreciate what I wrote in the memo of the last check I gave  him-- "Extortion to Finish."  My attempt at humor.  Oh, by the way, the handle looks really good.
Day 261 - Thurs. - I go to the apartment in the morning.  As you know, today is "Handle Installation Day!"  John, Louie and Otto are there.  Otto is touching up the closet, Louie is still grouting the front bathroom and John is cutting the legs of the front bathroom sink stand.  John asks where I want to start (handlewise).  I call Robert, who says he'll be over in two minutes.  John and I start going over the pattern for the kitchen floor, that is, where and how to place the Cleopatra Negra in coffee, Barriga in armagnac and natural colored Edipo cork.  Robert comes in while we're doing this.  We come up with what I think is the best way to lay the cork and I make John mark it on the floor.  Meanwhile, Warren the electrician and his helper, the air conditioning guys (Thing One and Thing Two), and the plumber have all come over.  I had no idea any of these people were coming, let alone all of them.  I'm not sure this is going to be "Handle Installation Day."  We start doing the handles, that is, deciding how far from the top, bottom or side of the cabinet or drawer each handle should be placed.  Then, using my carefully color-coded kitchen cabinet layout, Robert and I  put the correct sized handle in the corresponding cabinet or drawer.  I'm sure Robert did it right, but I would rather have done it all myself.  Making a decision I hope I don't regret, I leave.  I meet Robert later on, at Lighting by Gregory, I buy the lights for the living room and the undercounter lights for the kitchen.  At about 2pm, I call John to see how he's doing with the handles.  So far he's put on one.  Hooray for John.  Robert and I walk along Bowery Street, going into lighting stores along the way.  I find a bathroom fixture in a place that seems to cater to Chinese restaurants-- heavy on the scenic lit fountains.  We take the train to Simon's Hardware. I need to buy peepholes, doorstops and I think they sell this floating shelf system that I want for above the desk in the kitchen.  We need to have a part of my old peepholes (which we don't have with us) in order to buy new peepholes and they don't carry the shelf system with three shelves like I wanted (just two).  I call John and leave a message asking how many handles are on now.  We leave and go to Lee's Studio where I order the Triple Fixed Cable Shelf.  I call John again and leave another message.  I never find out how mandy handles were put on.
Day 260 - Wed. I don't go up to the apartment today.  I speak to Robert, who tells me that at 10:30am, so far nothing is grouted.  We make plans to meet in the morning at the apartment tomorrow for the start of "Handle Installation Day" and then again in the afternoon down in the Lighting District.  I speak to John in the afternoon.  He tells me that Louie's grouting the front bathroom  and he (John) is grouting the entryway.  He can't finish today (of course), because he needs more grout.  I'm pretty sure he was the one who told Robert how much grout to order.  Anyway, he told Robert to order more and he would pick it up tomorrow.  For now he's going to do what he can, then jump back into the front bathroom and help Louie.
Day 259 - I go up to the apartment at 9 o'clock in the morning.  No one is there.  There are still doors resting on paint cans in the den.  The front bathroom floor is still covered with paper-- I have yet to see it.  The front bedroom and the living room still look like a construction zone-- there are still holes in the walls, wires hanging out.  The stone is up in the living room.  It looks good.  The Jura Grey stone is slightly more beige than I remember.  Robert and I picked it out at the slabs from some marble yard in College Point on October 11, 2003 (See Day 143), then I decided to go with 16x16-inch tiles, then went back to slabs.  John said, Gem Marble checked and they still had the slabs we picked and marked "Hold."  Are these actually  those slabs?  I'd like to think so, but we'll never know.  Anyway, they look good.  I speak to John in the afternoon.  Long story short-- he wants some money and I want my apartment back.  I ask him if there is any reason that, except for punchlist items and the wall unit for the den, my apartment can't be  finished in the next three weeks.  He say, "hmm, that sounds reasonable."  I say, "so by February 20th, you'll be done?"  And he says, "except for some minor touch ups and the wall unit, yes."  Dear readers, after 259 days, should I fall for it?  I'm not buying any bridges, either.
Day 258 - Monday, February 2, 2004 - I speak to John in the late afternoon.  He tells me the stone is installed on the fireplace.  He says, "yeah, it looks good," after I ask.  Of course, I'm nervous, but I'm not going up to the apartment until tomorrow and what difference does it make anyway?-- the stone is up.  John says he picked up the grout and will clean the bathroom wall tiles and start grouting the bathroom and the entryway on Wednesday.  He says, he has started cleaning up the front bedroom (FINALLY) and Otto will be able to start painting in there soon.  John says Thursday is good for "Handle Installation Day."  It's good for me and Robert, too, so Thursday it is.  By the way, today is Groundhog Day.  Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow that means six more weeks of John, uh, I mean winter.
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