for starters here is an articile written in humor by some guy. and then anther article showing that women sometimes can't take a joke. this e-mail came from beanie.(jodie)
Advice for discerning males
(BY Ryan Halfhill...The Slyfox)
The Sly Fox is here with something that is finally worthwhile for all of the men of the University. Plagued with how to reach a male audience in the newly renovated, mainly female staff of Page 3, I have undertaken to provide the male reading audience with advice that is of much use to him in this paradise full of the beautiful ladies.
Ooooh, I loves them ladies.
What could I write that would affect the men of the University, make them proud to rise up and proclaim their sexuality? I thought long and hard, delving into all that is inherent in maleness. Through the help of some of my friends I have compiled a list of advice for men to use on their weekend endeavors. Here goes.
Welcome to the Sly Fox's Singular Evening Rendezvous Advice for the Discerning Gentlemen.
--- Avoid any of your friends and your friend's friends when searching for the proper companion
for your evening of enjoyable lust. That could lead to many problems later on in your various
other relations with said person.
--- Do not introduce yourself by grabbing her buttocks, this will give away your intentions, and we don't want that. Make sure you are polite the entire way through your encounter, therefore making it much more satisfying, and easier to end for both parties.
--- Learn both her first and last names. I know that sounds like a lot of work, but if you
don't you will only cause problems. It's not only polite, but it prevents the nastiness of
incest. And we don't want that. This tip is void in West Virginia, Appalachia, southern
Tennessee and where prohibited by law.
--- Do not try and get with her friends either before or after you make your attempt to get her in the sack. Girls are very territorial and you become a possession of hers until you kick her to the curb in the morning. Don't cause any fights that don't need to happen. Avoid this tip
if you know you are going to get both of them in the sack together.
--- When you leave to go back to your place for the night's activities, make sure you blindfold
her and take the most roundabout route home, so that she has a more difficult time finding her
way back to your place.
--- When you are ready to enjoy the pleasuring company of your accomplice, make sure you wrap
up your small friend. This helps avoid sexually transmitted diseases, strange sex funk and
other nastiness. It will also help insure that you won't have an unwanted visitor on Father's
Day, making comments like, "I named him after his daddy. Well, I didn't know your name, so I
named him Robbe. You always looked like a Robbe."
--- Make sure you hide your wallet in your shoe, because you may have picked up a prostitute
instead of a college girl. Or your female companion just might be mad that this is a one-night
stand, and take offense. Her revenge would be to just take your money and run. Beware!
--- Bawdy talk is fine. Just make sure you avoid three word phrases, like got a beer?; spank
me daddy; and the dreaded I love you. It's hard enough making girls understand that it's a one
night thing, already.
--- Make her feel like a queen; a little romance never hurt anyone. It may be just the thing
to make her not want to steal your life savings, or maim you while you sleep. And it will make
her feel better about it being a one night stand.
--- If you say you'll call, do. So don't say you'll call. Better yet don't even ask for her
phone number. It makes it much easier to avoid calling her that way.
--- Give your female companion a shirt to wear home on her "walk of shame" in the morning. It
will make her look like less of a whore in the eyes of those people who might see her.
--- Better yet, go back to her place for the evening, so that you have to do the "walk of
shame" in the morning. Who's gonna say anything about what he's wearing in the morning. It was
probably what he wore when he went out anyway. You all know it.
--- Not all girls will understand that fact that it was a "One Night Stand." Beware of your
female one-night stander to keep coming around looking for love in all the wrong places. She
will assume that you really like her and things will just be bad. In that case you will have to
review the Sly Fox's Stalker Removal Tips for the Discerning Gentleman.
I hope that you have studied these well and will put them to use in the near future. Thank you,
and good night.
as if some man saying things like this in joking weren't funny enough. they would be even more humorus and sad if the mad believed this. it just adds to the humor this second article does. i think people ar funny like that.
(SECOND ARTICLE)
ADVICE FOR MORONS (BY Amy Noftz...an angry reader)
This e-mail is regarding the article "Advice for discerning males" that was printed
Thursday, Nov 8.
It's funny that the word "moron" appeared just under your article, Advice for discerning
males. You not only degraded women by this article, but you also ruined your chances of ever
having a one night stand with any female that was ever so lucky to read this article. (Were you
not thinking when you plastered your face next to your article??)
First of all, when you refer to males as men in your article, you should also refer to
females as women, not girls. If you want to take home a naive little girl, go to a first grade
classroom. We have brains, we aren't ignorant. Do you actually think we are looking for a
relationship when we leave a bar or party with a guy? Now, come on. Use your brain. Oh, and
here's a news flash for you and any male ignorant enough to follow you - Women want random ass
too. Who said we ever wanted anything more than a one night stand? Males aren't the only ones
with a raging sex drive. Females get horny too.
So you men think you, and I quote, kick us to the curb in the morning? Do you ever think
that we go running the first chance we get? We don't want to smell the beer from the night
before on your breath, and honey - you just aren't as cute as you were the night before. Please
don't tell us you'll call. We know you won't. We prefer you didn't. You men may be good for
pleasuring company, but your conversation sucks. The only way we could stand you the night
before is because your mouth was busy elsewhere. Don't be fooled when we giggle at your jokes
or ask you about your interesting life; we just wanted to get you into the sack. So don't even
bother to ask for our phone number. We'll probably make one up anyway. We have lives. We
don't want you to tie up our phone lines. Learn my first and last name?
You'll be lucky if I can pick you out of a crowd next week.
Don't get your hopes up at getting my friend and I into the sack together.
She's out getting her own ass, breaking those poor boys hearts along the way.
No need to blindfold us on the way to your place, we don't care enough to remember anyway.
Don't worry about your wallet - we won't take it for revenge because once again - WE KNOW IT WAS
A ONE NIGHT STAND. We knew the minute you rubbed your "small friend" against our buttocks on
the dance floor.
Why should you avoid the phrase, "Got a beer?" God knows I'd want one too. That long walk
from the bars sobered me up and my vision is coming back.
Damn, people aren't lying when they say beer makes people beautiful.
The "Walk of Shame"? Its more like the walk of "yeah! I just got a piece of ass!" Don't
call us whores. I am sick of society saying it's ok for guys to hop from female to female, but
we are looked down upon. Wake up - its the year 2000, things have changed.
By the way, thanks for the shirt, I can add it to my collection of men I have concurred.
Attention to any women that may read this - Not all boys will understand the fact that it
was a one night stand. He might assume that you really liked him and things will just be bad.
In that case you will have to review the "Why is he a Moron" handbook.
I hope you have studied these well and will put them to use in the future.
Thank you, and good night. God knows mine will be good.
Beth,
thanks for the complements. As for your date, you will never change. You'll say whatever will make the person the least mad at the time and never what is honest. some people might apperichate this but i am more sencible than most people. you're right about me not liking (you going on a date with ben), i don't. but on the other hand i don't care either.......
the letter continues like this for awhile. no one really wants to hear him talk. see, this boy is the same boy who cheated on my three times, yes shame on me for letting him. this is why boys can't be trusted to do or say anything reasonible and why more and more of my theories are proved true everyday. yes i am angry at this hypocracy and yes i am being immature about it all. hell i don't even want to be around the guy anymore. but you see as a women, i know that i am overreacting and after a period of time i will not think about it anymore and i can admit this. but my little friend here can't and that is what makes me better. thank you and good night.
