dementia. Your week probably sucked ass, but fear not, I will provide Sanity
for the Sick and Twisted( full of lots of robots and aliens). This week's
newsletter will feature your favorite DEAR PEZORGY, and two new segmants. One
called EASY LIZ, and another called NOSTRA-THOMAS the newest scam in telling
the future.Plus this week i've included a list of people that i hate at work.
Let's get this bitch started. My first letter is from ChokeOnKittie
AAH! im gonna kill your editor!
lena
That's funny lena, cuz i don't have one. I made that part up, sorry. My
next letter is from my girlfriend Nikki ( I do have a girlfriend named Nikki,
I didn't make that part up)
be nice to me you shit i was just trying to voice my
opinion
Oh i'm nice to everyone Nikki, just don't expect me to play favorites,
even if you can give me what others can't. Ok, enough of these short letters,
my next one is from some hoe i banged last month, oh hell, what was her name
again? Oh yeah, Bean.
Pezorgy,
I am writing to tell you just how true the letter Dan sent in is ( and yes
Dan I did experience childhood difficulties with cereal...my mother pelted me
with Cheerios when i didn't wash the dishes...but this is besides the point).
Well this is the story, I was sitting in my friend's room and I was reading
the latest edition of STT and my friend Beth decided to read it too. Now you
know her and she thinks you are the most interesting and possibly the most
humorous person that she has conversed with via instant messenger. So you
see, everyone, you laugh a little at college with this newsletter and it
catches on quickly...I have people looking over my shoulder right
now...disturbing...I wish they would go away...well, even though this has
nothing to do with the fact that anyone thought I was looking at pornography,
(which i think is just an addictive stimulator which the world would be
better without) and I have no one laughing at me...well I guess this is not
even remotely related to Dan's letter...but i just wanted to laugh at him too
via e-mail because I wasn't there in the cybercafe to do it.
~Bean~
So there are people over your shoulder right now
huh?......Interesting.....you better be careful, you never know who could be
one of the robots. You may laugh now, but we will all be thier slaves in the
not-so-distant future. If you have run into a robot, or are having trouble
determining some-one's robot-ness, just use these following hints: 1) Start
drinking some oil, whipe off your oil mustache and make a yummy face. Now
point the glass towards them, raising just one eyebrow slightly over the
other one. If the person reaches for the glass accepting your offer, you know
he/she is indeed a robot. 2) Start playing some techno music (the more German
the better), if he/she starts dancing immediatly, he/she most likely is a
robot. 3) Start walking and talking backwards, if he/she understands you,
he/she is a robot. 4) Put a dead puppy in a box, give it to them, and wait
for them to open it (note: make sure to watch thier reaction very carefully).
5) Put on an old Pauley Shore movie, Bio-Dome or Son-In-Law are great for
this trick. If thier head explodes in a violent rage, then they were not a
robot, and you just killed your friend. Well those are all the steps that I
know of, so this goes out to everyone,beware of the robots!!!!!!!! Now our
next letter comes from a new recipiant of my newsletter, elizarda.
dear pezhead,
i couldn't even finish reading your letter before i felt the need to respond
to it. i was wondering if you hate the alphabets cereal or if it was just
the magically devious lucky charms that have struck your fancy to hate?
maybe you are a short man who is merely tired of the leprechaun jokes? just
a question not an attack on your stature.
my next point is about you evil twin, who i think of as bible thumper. what
do you think he would do if he ever found you...pray for you. throw a bible
at you and run away. as far as i can see he is cowardly and ass backwards in
his thinking. you could probably tell him where you work and he would walk
right by you. his god would not let him hurt you....but you can hurt him.
make it so he cannot breed if you ever get the chance. it is important that
logic prevail in this world. and the next time you talk to him you might
want to point out the imperfection in his god to let an angle be created
that could turn against him in the first place. it was a poor move on god's
part.
sorry to the guy who asked people not to knock on religions, my bad. i just
have to say things some times, and etiquette takes a back seat. by the way
tom, jodie told me about the green light. do you really believe in ufo's?
and if you do, why do you think that aliens have yet to make real contact?
are humans just to shallow and stupid to except other beings in this
universe?
have fun boys and girls
elizarda
Oh hell yeah I believe in U.F.O's, I've seen one with my own eyes. For
those of you who don't know the story, me and a few of my friends were
sitting out in my park on March 31, 1998. We all lokked into the sky and saw
this green light hover through, faster than a plane, but not as fast as a
meteor. When i say green, i mean radioactive neon green. Now this thing was
huge, and low to the ground, lower than planes go, and it moved really fast.
The strange part is that we didn't hear a thing, and when it went bye the
trees it dissapeared into thin air. Of course the next day was April 1, April
Fool's Day, and nobody believed our story. That green light still haunts me
to this very day. So when you ask if i believe in U.F.O's Elizarda, I answer,
how can i not? Now my next letter comes from my cousin Jen.
Now going back to the religion thing...I can honestly say that Im a
Christian. But there is a difference between myself and others who go to
church. I do believe in God, but I will not shove my beliefs down other
peoples throats. You know as well as I do, that I do attend church
regularly, for my personal beliefs, not to get false teachings and eventually
teach those false things down on other people. I don't like that.
Especially preaching to those who can not, and will not accept those
teachings. My religion is very personal to me, so personal that I tend not
to express it to others. What's the point?
Love your beautiful cousin,
~Jenn~
It's amazing just how much responce i got out of the religion thing,
sorry everybody, I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like this. But hey,
I try to put in as many of the responces that I can, everyone's opinions
count here. Thanks for the input Jen, but some of those Christians are the
very people i think are robots. You have to admit, all that chanting in
church sounds pretty mindless don;t you think? Our next section is called
Easy Liz, I was tired of answering all the questions around here, so i asked
Easy Liz an age old question "I hate pants, why do we have to wear them?"
Well Tom, that's a very good question. Wearing pants is a time honored
tradition in this country as you may well know in some counties such as
Scotland men don't have to wear pants, they also have the option to wear
funny skirts called Kilts.But in America pants are all we know. You have to
wear them because if you don't someone will call the cops. Now this is not
because you are threatening them this is a reaction for your safety because
pants offer protection from the elements and also add style. I personally
like pants my self and feel society expects me to wear them,but that's not
alwats how it was for women you know. But wearing pants is a good idea and if
you ever go to Scotland don't hesitate to wear a skirt but as long as you're
in Amrica and want to remain out of jail I'd wear pants.
Thnx for the ?--Liz--
Well i hope this answers everyone's questions about pants. I on the other
hand, still refuse to wear them. Thanks for the insight and history on pants.
NOSTRA-THOMAS SPEAKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: " the end of the world will come
at a time, when Bob Saggot gets another sitcom. This is the word of
NOSTRA-THOMAS!!!!"
Now for the time you have all been waiting for, here is the list of
people that i hate at work, with an explanation of just why i hate them.
1) Herb - this guy is as dumb as Keanu Reeves acts, i swear this guy has
had parts of his brain removed through a straw. Not only does he walk around
like an erect penis, but he talks like Lurch from the addams family.
2) Sue - you ever give a chicken coccaine? Well add some coffee and
you've got Sue. Not only is she anal enough to re-fold every single pair of
jeans in the wall every day, but she stays to clean after work hours. This is
the kind of chicken you would love to see run around headless.
3) The Fat Ass In Juniors - I'm not exactly sure of her name, I believe
she lost her nametag somewhere on her body. She is so rancid, I'm sure the
blind customers get turned off.
4) Juanita - Remember the Golden Girls? Well Juanita doesn't remind me of
any of them. I swear this old bat hasn't seen any action since the sinking of
the S S Titanic. If the lady from "Driving Ms Daisey" had a mother-in-law,
Juanita would be her. She would have better posture if she would remove that
six foot stick from her ass.
5) The half tards they bring in in the morning - As a "special works"
program, we get a half dozen half tards each morning. They always give them
bitch jobs like cleaning the windows. The problem is that with thier constant
drooling, the windows just get smeared.
Well thats it for this week, i hope you all had a laugh and got
offended at some point. Till next week!!!!
