Hey you messed up bunch kids, this is the third newsletter i've sent out,
it really needs a name, if you have any suggestions please send them to me,
and if i pick your suggestion i'll send you a limited edition Sinbad
autographed toilet seat. And please no screwed up names like "bitch-cunt's
army of egg children", i need a snazzy name that i can write a jingle to.
Now for a new edition to my yet un-named newsletter, the top three, why
the top three???? Because its less work for me.....heehee....Well this weeks
top three is the top three "get rich-quick" schemes me and my good freinds
Zambo and Dan have come up with (when i say come up with i mean me being the
evil master mind, and the other two being the lackies....sorry guys but you
just don't have the evil force in you, you still need more training till you
become a master like me)
3) Well my third choice would have to be my zany plan for fast cash. You
know that jar you stash all those damn pennies in?? Well the gang and I
decided to cash them all in, but to make it interesting i decided to carry
them all in my pockets, it was so heavy, like i was walking in a pool. The
part where it went wrong was every time i would sit down, my penis would get
crushed by pounds of pennies. I even put a dent in the front of Zambo's car
when I accidentally walked into it... ooops sorry Z.......cash made: $23.37
2) The next best thing to working is owning your own business, and the
best business to own is a retail one. Do you know how many times I've sold
my soul to different people. You wouldn't believe how many people are
willing to buy one, its absurd. The way figure is if there is a hell i'm
already damned, so i don't need this "ticket to heaven" anyways, and nobody
realizes how many times i've already sold it, heehee........cash made: $37.50
1) And the number one get rich quick scheme has to be my inventions...Get
this one, a computer screen that gives you a tan, think about it, as much
times as you spend on this damn box you can get a nice fake bake..Here is
another one, a cologne that smells like money, everyone will think that you
are filthy rich when in reality you are just filthy. But my greatest (and
ironically the most politically incorrect as they come) has to be my at home
abortion kits. What an easy way to avoid all those lousy protestors waiting
outside to pelt you with their flyers.
[Unable to display image]
Well now its time for the letters page. I'd like to thank all those who
wrote, and encourage all those who didn't. My first is from Darkremanent lord
of the morlocks..
dear tom
i will like to say that the statement that you are demented is highly
inadequit for you are the lord of demencia and i bow to you but that is not
my point you are a what many people fear and few strive to be now that i have
fully complamented you i must say keep up the good work and i leave you know
with a quote
" those who are truly insane have the most fun "
Dear darkremanent, i'm not sure what your letter or name even implies,
your words are too big for my understanding. I think maybee next time if you
added a few puncuation marks, and smaller, simpler words that i can reply to,
....I don't really know where this is going....next letter is from
PurpleIvy81, lord of the hippies
conpliment..... compliment maybe :-) I luv ya Tom, but you just can't
spell... give up the big words... ok, give up the small words (satin!!) ....
stick to painting, it's what you do well, it doesn't involve words, most of
the time :-)
instalment, two L's :-)...nearbye....nearby... the list goes on and on...
I'd suggest trying spell check, but you wouldn't be able to tell which
suggestion was right... maybe send them to someone who'll spell check them
for you before they go into print :-) I could do it... but I'm not sure if it
bothers anyone else but me... ok, and maybe Zambo, cause I know he's big on
the spelling thing :-)
Love ya Tom :-)
Thanks for the input there, i guess i mispell more than i realize, oh
well, as the old saying goes "it doesn't even matter". Next time can you
refrain (hey darkremanent, look i used a smart word) from the color red, it's
mine to reply and you are just not evil enough to use it.
Well that's about all i have for this week, i'll just leave you all with
a piece of advice, "nothing hurts more than soap in the penis, so watch out
for renegade Dial, it's wanted in many states for burning ureathras" Check
me out next week for the THIRD ANNUAL HOOKER CONTEST, and COOKING WITH
FRANK-N-FETUS
S
T
#
3
