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| AN ELVISH SOCIOLOGIST VISITS THE SUBURBS OF NEW JERSEY (originally published in Ossiriand Sociological Review) |
| The Human Social Structure (continued) One of these potions must be rubbed under the armpits after bathing, or in the morning. This ritual must be done in private, and each member must have his own potion. Because humans apparently cannot stand their own scent, these potions are scented, usually with a rancid chemical smell. The potion is supposed to protect the wearer from hexes- those who don't use the potion, or choose the wrong one are admonished that they will be shunned from society. Strangely enough, after removing their natural scent (and pheronomes), another potion is used to attract sexual attention. This, too has a smell of chemicals, and, of course, like all human potions, it is highly ineffective. Humans pay a lot of money for these things, however, since there is a taboo against honesty about sexual matters, and it is strictly forbidden for a human to express sexual desire in a natural way. The Human Family Human infants are separated from their parents and families at a young age, and are sent away as soon as possible to unlear whatever bonding they may have learned at home. The only time they spend with their families is at night,when they go "home" to eat and go to bed. The human home is divided up into separate units, and efforts are made to keep the young from bonding with each other, by keeping them separate, encouraging competition and hatred, and emphasizing material possessions and autonomy. They are often encouraged to give their affection to inanimate objects, such as toys, and ridiculed for being affectionate towards other humans. I had the opportunity to visit a human school, and observe the "classes" in progress. Unlike the teaching that we experience at our Elvish Love Academies, the human schooling largely consists of training in passivity and indifference. Any creativity or love of life is quickly suppressed, so that the young can be trained up as unthinking slaves. If a human child weeps, for instance, the others are instructed to ignore it, and the weeping child is removed and refused comfort. Children are forbidden or discouraged from holding or touching each other, and adults are fobidden from most comforting and nurturing of each other. The result of this is that the young quickly become used to the idea of being indifferent to each others' suffering; along with this, they are steeped in images and stories of bloodshed ad violence. This gave me some inkling of an explanation of why humans are, on the whole, so violent a race. How quickly the human race seems to be turning into a new breed of orcs!!! But, of course, I will leave the subject of prophecy to the theologians. Material Possessions I found it very odd that these folk have a curious fascination with inanimate objects, particularly metal things with motors. Like most elves, I have an aversion to metal (particularly iron), but I had to hide my distaste in order to "blend" with the surroundings. Apparently, these strange folk spend an inordiante amount of time buying and caring for the largest of these, and on more than one occasion, I observed a a large male human bathing and caressing such an object, with more care than he took with his own young. (Humans seldom bathe, feed or caress their young, except for the first three years). The more of these objects one has, the higher status a human has in this society; ironically, the highest-status humans tend to dispense with their possesions frequently, to buy "new" things. The old things are sent to a poor nighborhood, where they are put in a smelly pile known as a "landfill". Food It is well-known that humans eat all sorts of poisonous substances, but I was amazed by the intricacies of the human eating rituals. Humans grow their food far from their homes, and these foods are put into ritual vessels. Large numbers of them are employed at putting food into ornamental packages, which are marked with indecipherable inscriptions. A strict code regulated these inscriptions, and only the upper members of the hierarchy are allowed to make these rules. The vessells have many layers, and these layers are put into the "landfill" after the contents are consumed. Of the actual foods eaten, much of it would be barely considered edible by elf standards. These foods tend to be very salty, of a rubbery texture, and primarily consisting of dried up gummy substances. One such product, called "cheese food product" turned out to be some sort of yellow adhesive paste. |
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| by T. Thalionwing |
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