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| AN ELVISH SOCIOLOGIST VISITS THE SUBURBS OF NEW JERSEY (originally published in Ossiriand Sociological Review) |
| The Human Eating Habits (continued) Humans seldom eat together in feasts, as do we elves. The food is apparently so distasteful that they must eat it without looking at it. This is accomplished by cramming it in their mouths while sitting in one of the metal transportation machines, or in front of the big black box they all have in their front rooms. The food itself consists largely of either chemicals, or natural foods that have been sprayed with poson. Chemicals are sprayed on, or in virtually every food. thus, it shouldn't amaze us that humans have such pitifully short lives. Human Entertainment Unlike elf social activities, which largely consist of storytelling, singing and dancing, human entertainment seems to revolve solely around witnessing violence, cruelty and humiliation. They all have these big black boxes in one or more of the "rooms" of their houses (to minimize any type of bonding, each member often has one of these for themself, so they will not have to stay in the same room as the others). Another feature of human entertainment is the passive aspect of it. Games, singing and dancing are viewed, rather than participated in, as they are broadcast onto the "machine". The typical human spends hours looking at this machine. Where the young do participate in games of any kind, they are not played for sheer joy, but are used by the adults to teach the children hatred and aggression, often by example. If the human children refuse to pick fightswith each other, the adults then commence to start a fight, to provide an example. Environment I found it laughably ironic when I observed a human family watching a "Nature" program on television, featuring deer, birds and bears. This same family had hacked away at every living creature ad plant in its vicinity, and complained about wildlife in their own area. As is known, the typical human has an aversion to nature and wildlife, and they take great pleasure in destroying trees and plants. This is usually done on weekends, since the week is spent in seclusion in front of one of the black boxes. Each human house is surrounded by a miniscule plot of land, which is kept almost comletely barren of animal and plant life. A small wall of woven metal surrounds each plot, and there is a great social taboo against anyone entering these, except the owners. Often, the natural flora and fauna are referred to as "weeds" and are replaced by specially bred grasses, which are then sprayed with various poisons. These poisons then end up in the humans' water supply, further shortening their pitiful lives. Human seem to take especial delight in wandering through their little plots of land, cutting off tree limbs and uprooting young plants. I observed a few humans growing little gardens on these plots, but as in all human endeavors, competitiveness and avarice prevent them from growing communal gardens, as we elves do. Human Physical Activities Humans seem to have a great fear of walking outside, and spend most of their time in their moving metal machines, which they use to transport themselves even small distances. (They still haven't mastered soul flight yet, and seem uninterested in it). Due to the sedentary nature of their lives, some exercise is needed to keep the limbs from atrophy. Therefore, rather than walk outside, the humans walk indoors, in a room filled with walking machines and electric lights. While walking, the human stares blankly at a computerized screen, and avoiding eye contact with other humans. By doing this, the humans mangae too keep themselves away both sunlight, nature, and each other as much as possible. Conclusion Now that this rigorous experiment has concluded, I am greatly relieved to return, once more, to my beloved Ossiriand, and be back in the company ofmy fellow elves. The rigors of living among humas have, unfortunately, taken their toll on me, and I am having to undergo intensive therapy, with fondling sessions lasting many hours. Suffice to say that, although more research is needed in this area, there is much evidence that the nature of human society is much to blame for the sorry state of human affairs. We do know of humans who were raised by Elves who tended to be more Elf-like in their disposition. To what extent genetics plays a role in these things is yet to be determined. I will leave these questions to the researchers of tomorrow, as I am unwilling to go back to that strange land again. |
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| by T. Thalionwing |