I had to reach Dean. I had to have him. Now you think I'm bad again, I know. Well, you're not alone.
I know I shouldn't be this way, but I am, OK? I mean no harm. But I'd spent so many years living a lie, and now I'd found a man who was what I really wanted. So I wasn't about to let that opportunity slip away. I spent every chance I could get talking to him, and I really cared for him so much. We became good friends, but that wasn't enough. You can imagine my horror when I found out he was going out with someone.
Cassie told me. She was pleased for him. I don't know why she didn't realize that I might be hurt to find out he was seeing someone, because she knew I was attracted to him, but then, hadn't I told her I wasn't interested? Yes, I had. It just never clicked to her that I might have changed my mind. So now when I was watching him come and go, with Cassie filling in for him more often, I had to watch him with her. He even brought her in to my store and introduced me to her, with a casual line.
"Hi Sandi, this is my girlfriend Alessa,"
And I was supposed to say pleased to meet you and smile politely, but it felt like a knife being twisted in my gut. She was beautiful. She made me look very ordinary, and I hated her for it. And I looked at him and my eyes pleaded for mercy, but none came. I'd shown him I was interested in him, so how could he do this to me?
Late one night I was at home and there was a knock at the door. It was Dean. I didn't even know that he knew where I lived. He had an important looking letter for me. Apparently it had come to the store after I'd left, Cassie had locked up for me, and was going to bring it over to me as it was the long holiday weekend, and she was concerned it might be something I was waiting for. When she told Dean this he'd asked her where it had to be taken, and offered to bring it himself, as it was less out of his way, which wasn't true. It sounded to me like he grabbed an excuse to come over, so I didn't complain. I just asked him in.
The letter wasn't important, but I was so glad he'd come. Now I had to grab the opportunity with both hands. I offered him a drink, poured him a double and we sat down to talk - to begin with it was awkward again, but after a second top-up of whisky he relaxed. I told him a little bit about my life, and he told me a little bit about his. Neither of us exactly opened up fully, but it was a start. I made him laugh, and then I made my move. Returning from the kitchen with yet another drink I sat beside him on the couch instead of my armchair. He looked very uncomfortable, but it didn't take him long to relax. I turned the conversation a little more personal, and when I thought the moment was right, I kissed him. Not too much. But when I pulled away I made sure I was still within easy reach, and it worked. He pulled me back and kissed me harder. The rest was easy, I led him willingly to my bed, we made love, and I felt victorious. But when I awoke the next morning he was gone.
It was much later when he phoned me. He said he was sorry, that he'd had too much to drink, and he hoped it wouldn't spoil our friendship. I just didn't get it. I tried to explain that it had been a beautiful thing, not a mistake, but he was adamant. The rest of my weekend, alone, was hell.
Tuesday morning I arrived at work not knowing whether I was coming or going. I kept myself busy but at lunchtime couldn't avoid seeing him leave with Alessa. I guess he was on a guilt trip because he'd cheated on her. I just wanted rid of her. So I set him up.
I threw a party for no reason, and lied and said it was my birthday. I invited him and his woman, and managed to get hold of his loud brother too. I got Andy to come over early to help me on the pretext that I needed a strong man to help me move stuff, and his ego made him accept. I told him how funny his stories about Dean's teen years were and how Alessa would love to hear them, and could he add a few more? Then, after my guests were all settled and chatting, I made sure I kept his glass full, and kept him loud. It all worked to perfection. I had a nicely placed grouping so that he had a crowd to play to, mostly people he didn't know, and when the moment seemed right, he did as I'd asked and launched into "funny stories about Dean" with aplomb. As he got to the contact lenses stuff, and went into even more detail about how the nearsighted teen had made a complete fool of himself, Dean looked like he wanted to die. I had a pang of conscience then. I didn't want to hurt him, and I was. I just wanted to put her off. Andy kept it up until I thought I would have to stop him, but I couldn't, because if I protested he could have turned round and announced "Hey, you asked me to do this". No, I had to sit and watch Dean suffer until Andy bored and moved on, but at least I thought Alessa looked uncomfortable too. Her smile disappeared, and she didn't come to Dean's defence. She looked sullen. Maybe it worked. But my heart was breaking.
The next time I saw Dean he actually apologized for his brother. I double-bluffed
"It was my fault for inviting him, I just thought he'd be amusing."
I then learned, listening between the lines as it were, that Dean had a problem with Andy's "way". No mention of how Alessa had reacted. Well, we'd see. I continued to show a lot of interest, to talk to him every chance I got, flirt a little, which he obviously enjoyed but never reciprocated, and to watch everything he did. Maybe once a week I got a glimpse of him in glasses and I cherished those moments as if they were religious visions.
When spring came I decided to redecorate the store and I closed for a week to do it. Halfway through he came in to see how things were going, and he was wearing his glasses.
In my defence I had waited months for this moment, when I'd finally be standing close to him and could really look him in the eye when he was wearing them. I realized now that they were much stronger than I'd been able to tell from quick glimpses at a distance, and I liked that. He had me at a disadvantage therefore, and it wasn't long before I found myself moving closer to him - and he backed off visibly. He tried to keep the conversation on the work being done, he tried to avoid too much eye contact with me, he tried to pretend that the signals I was giving out weren't getting to him, but a man can only stand so much, and finally he said
"Sandi, please......don't do that."
I played the innocent, but he wasn't buying it. So I went for it.
"I'm sorry Dean, but I've been alone a long time, and here you are, you're standing right in front of me and you are a very, VERY attractive man. I've tried to show you how I feel about you so many times, and it's like you don't see me. It's very hard for me."
"Sandi, you KNOW I'm seeing Alessa."
Well, I had hoped that would fall apart, but clearly not.
"Well, if you ever stop seeing Alessa, just know that I'm waiting for you"
He looked at the ceiling.
"I didn't hear that Sandi. We have to see each other every day. Don't make it any harder for me."
So he WAS interested! So it WAS mutual! So I WAS getting to him...but he'd decided to try and make a go of it with the tall, elegant blonde. He'd decided, consciously, to resist the small weird brunette. OK. It was like a red rag to a bull.
My next scheme was to pretend I was angry with him for rebuffing me. It worked like a charm. Within a week I had him falling over himself to be nice to me because I was so obviously cool with him. I had learned this sort of manipulation from the master you see, my ex. He knew how to wrangle people's emotions. He always got what he wanted. Friday night I had just got home when the phone rang and of course, it was Dean.
"I'm sorry Sandi. I'm just sorry. What can I do to put things right between us."
"Come over."
I heard a deep sigh.
"Sandi, PLEASE."
"Come over, I can't talk to you on the phone like this."
I heard an even longer sigh.
"OK. I'll come over. To TALK."
He gave it a real try. He drank only coffee. He sat in the armchair. But I seduced him anyway. It was like taking candy from a baby. Somehow I made sure I woke next morning before he did to make sure he didn't escape. I didn't move, just waited for him to wake, and then I kissed him.
"I have to go......"
"No, you don't. You don't have to. Do you want to?"
He gave a muffled cry of pain.
"Why me Sandi? There must be plenty of available men out there?"
"But they aren't you are they? They're someone else."
He just looked at me, and I could see his contact lenses. They had to go. They look hideous when you actually look at them. I mean, it was a good thing to see, because of what they MEAN, but there's something very ugly about them anyway. And glasses are so beautiful. I couldn't tell what was on his mind, but he looked troubled.
"Do you love her?"
"What!?"
"Do you love her or is she just a pretty thing to have on your arm?"
He shook his head and went to get out of the bed, but I pulled him back. I knew. I knew because it was SO obvious. The truth does that to a man. And I knew he wanted me, so I didn't give him any time to think twice or try to leave again, I gave him the best, the VERY best blow he'd ever had in his life, of that I was quite sure. He said nothing more. He got up, dressed and left.
Monday morning Cassie told me that Dean was feeling low because he and Alessa had split up.
Part Three
