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The Manacles of Freedom
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Dr Freud: I've been accused of blaming all human activity on
sexual urges. You came to me trying to find the basis of your fetish,
and looked back to a pre-pubescant time. Have you found it there?
Moi: Not exactly. I know how this began, as I've described, and I know
that as the years have gone by it has become more and more of a
primeval force, but I still don't really understand it. But it began
early, yes, before I had sexual urges.
Dr Freud: Can you remember a moment, a SINGLE moment when you put two and two together.
Moi: That much I can, yes. I was in my early teens, my hormones were
running like the sap on a tree, and I was in France - Paris in the
Spring in fact.
Dr Freud: Bit of a cliché.
Moi: That can't be helped, that's where I was and that was the first time it all became clear to me.
Dr Freud: That you had a fetish?
Moi: I didn't know that's what it was. A guy had caught my eye. He was
about 18 or 19 I guess. I was much younger. I'd been flirting with him,
and I knew, I remember knowing, realizing, distinctly, that I
found him attractive because he wore glasses. I mean he was handsome
anyway, but that was what made me flirt with him. We kissed, nothing
more, but I was totally turned on. I wanted more. I just never got the
chance.
Dr Freud: So that was when you knew you could only be really attracted to men who wore glasses?
Moi: No, I already knew that. I can't say how long I'd known that. No,
what I learned at this time was that I was trapped. It felt like a
heavy door closed, but it was never clear which side I was on. I think
maybe I'm the gaoler. I think I'm trying to get IN.
Dr Freud: So a lot of men have received this attention from you?
Moi: More than I can count - more than I can remember. Sometimes a song
or a smell will bring one back to me, but it's an endless list.
Dr Freud: Have you ever been attracted, sexually, to men who don't wear glasses.
Moi: Actually, no. But.......not that I was aware of it at the time. If
I find myself attracted to a man, inevitably I discover later that he
DOES wear glasses, or at least contacts, or that he needs to. It's
subconscious! It's like I have an extra sense. It never fails!
Dr Freud: NEVER?
Moi: Never. Never once, ever. I used to think I was jinxing them.
Dr Freud: How so?
Moi: It happened too regularly. I've developed a theory that what I'm
actually attracted to is one or more specific eye shapes, and that this
shape also happens to physiologically lead to vision problems. All the
men I like have beautiful eyes. But then eyes are generally beautiful
anyway, aren't they? The only part of our bodies that reflect.
Dr Freud: So you are still attracted to these men when they are not wearing their glasses?
Moi: Oh yes. It's like two men in one really, two different looks. I am
affected......deeply, simply by knowing they need glasses, whether they
are wearing them of not.
Dr Freud: So props won't do.
Moi: Absolutely not.
Dr Freud: Not for a little fantasy?
Moi: No, it doesn't work.
Dr Freud: So is it the man, the eyes, the glasses or the need that you are attracted to.
Moi: The whole package. Even if a man just squints momentarily he has my undivided attention.
Dr Freud: Ah! The "sexy squint".
Moi: Yes, I know, it's a classic comment, but it usually applies to
women that men are atttracted to. You hear far more men admitting to a
glasses fetish than you do women.
Dr Freud: Well, that's not so surprising. Men like women to be slightly
vulnerable, it makes them feel protective. Do you like your man to be
vulnerable?
Moi: I think I like a little vulnerability yes.
Dr Freud: So it's a combination of things really.
Moi: Without a doubt. I think what I'm admitting is that I don't really know what is the basis and what led on from that.
Dr Freud: Well, don't spread this around but even I don't always know
the root cause of these things. I do think they begin early, and you
agree with that.
Moi: Yes, and then I think it builds. Each positive experience builds on the last.
Dr Freud: That's the association factor again.
Moi: Right. So now it's very fast. I'm hard-wired, the stimulus goes straight downwards.
Dr Freud: You are turned on immediately by the sight of a man in glasses.
Moi: Not just any man, I can't emphasize that enough. An ugly man is
always an ugly man no matter what he adds to himself. These men have to
be attractive to start with. Like a beautiful painting when it is
framed.
Dr Freud: But if he fulfils all other criteria, that instant you see him, you are sexually aroused immediately.
Moi: Oh yes, in a nanosecond, a rush, a "pang", yes, it's instant. Sometimes it's so powerful I make a sound.
Dr Freud: A sound?
Moi: Like a moan, or gasp.
Dr Freud (mopping brow): I see.....and if the fellow notices?
Moi: That only happened once.
Dr Freud: Would you like to tell me about it
Moi: I think I'll turn that experience into one of my stories.
Dr Freud: I think you should................
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