-If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
-Now who's cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
-If a man stands alone in a wooded forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
-If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
-Is there another word for "synonym"?
-Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
-What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
-If a parsley farmer is sued, do they garnish his wages?
-Would a wingless fly be called a "walk"?
-What should you do if you see and endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they scared someone will come in and clean them?
-Is a shellless turtle homeless or just naked?
-Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
-If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to talk?
-Why do they put Braille on the drive-thru bank machines?
-Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
-Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
-If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out its nose?
-Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because "they taste funny"?
-If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap a piece of toast to a cat and drop it?
-If practice makes perfect, and there's no such thing as perfect, then why practice?
-What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
-Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
-If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
-How do you know when you are out of invisible ink?
-If you take an Asian and spin him around, does he become disOriented?
-Is it okay to use an AM radio in the afternoon?
-What do chickens think we taste like?
-What do you call a male ladybug?
-What hair color is on the license of a bald man?
-When dog food is said to be "new tasting", who taste tests it?
-Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitos?
-Why is it called "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot at them?
-Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
-Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?
-If you sqeeze olives to get olive oil, then where does baby oil come from?
-What would Geronimo yell if he jumped out of an airplane? "MEEE!!"?????
-If "con" and "pro" are opposites, then are CONgress and PROgress opposite?
-If flying is safe, then why is the airport called the 'terminal"?
-If American mothers give their babies tiny forks and spoons, then what do Chinese mothers give their babies? Toothpicks???
1) Though shalt not sneak out while thy parents are sleeping.
*Why wait??*
2) Thou shalt not do drugs.
*Alcohol lasts longer.*
3) Thou shalt not steal from K-Mart.
*Wal-Mart has a bigger selection.*
4) Thou shalt not get arrested for vandalism.
*Destruction has a bigger effect.*
5) Thou shalt not steal from they parents.
*Everyone knows Grandma has more money.*
6) Thou shalt not get in fights.
*Start them.*
7) Thou shalt not skip class.
*Just take the whole day off.*
8) Thou shalt not strip in class.
*Hooters pays more.*
9) Thou shalt not think about having sex.
*As Nike says "Just do it."*
10) Thou shalt not help old ladies cross the street.
*Just leave them in the middle.*
-Nice shoes..wanna f*ck??
-You must be tired cause you've been runnin through my mind all day!
-Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants!
-Did that hurt?? When you fell from Heaven??
-I lost my phone number..can I have yours?
-Hey Darlin! Wanna go scrub our dentures after dinner? *obviously for the older daters*
-You should be arrested, cause you stole my heart!
-I know milk does the body good, but DAMN! How much did you drink?!
-Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
-Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call God and tell Him He's missin an angel.
-A guy throws a glass of water on you, then says "We've got to get you home and out of those wet clothes!"
-Was your daddy a thief? Cause he must've stolen the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
-That dress looks great on you! It would look even better on my floor!
-Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only 10 I see!
-Hi! The voices in my head said to come over and talk to you!
-A guy with braces comes over, points at your braces, and says "Hey! Wanna hook up sometime?"
-If you're standin with another guy, he says "Hey Baby. Drop that zero and get with a hero!"
-My name is Doug. That's God spelled backwards, with U wrapped up in me.
-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
-Stand still so I can pick you up!
-Do you come here often?
-What's your sign?
-Hi. My name's Charlie. Wanna be my angel?
-I've lost my teddy..can I sleep with you tonight?
-Are you free tonight? Or will it cost me?
1) Don't you have some laundry or somethin to do?
2) Oh, you're so cute when you get pissed off!
3) You're just upset cause your butt's gettin bigger!
4) Wait a minute..what time of the month is it?
5) You sure you don't want to consult the Great Oprah on this one?
6) Sorry, I was just picturing you naked.
7) Whoa, time out! Football is on!
8) Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this mornin!
9) Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
10) Who are you kiddin?! We both know that thing ain't loaded!
