Betty: I dunno...it looks a little shabby to me.
Chris: Where am I going to be able to practice my tae-bo in this dump?
Krissy: I'm going to have to resort to buttoning these people with my foil if they don't give me the master bedroom.
Misty: Who cares about the location. Those chicks are hot!
Marcel: This is great. C'est si bon.
Nicole: It's too hot to wear leather pants here....isn't it?
That was just their first impression. You should of seen them on the first day.
Marcel: Lets look in the phone book, we could invite some of our new neighbors over, no?
Betty: Hmm...it's pretty light for a phone book.
(She opens it)
Bob- The house 20 miles south of the dirt pile
Joe- Somewhere between the piece of gravel and the cactus
Sue- 187 steps east of the water hole
Krissy: Where's the stinkin' phone numbers?
Misty: Population 3! I can dig it.
Chris: Who cares, where's my snapple?
Betty: We threw it out because the refrigerator doesn't work.
Misty: But it is a very stylish avocado color.
Marcel: I'm going to inspect the lavatories.
Betty: What fun. Maybe Misty would like to join you.
Misty: So Krissy.....how's about going out with me..Saturday night?
(Krissy hits Misty over the head with a screwdriver found laying on the floor)
Misty: It's ok, I can dig that.
Nicole: Where would you go out to? The cornfield looks like the hippest joint around.
Misty: Exactly. Lots of uh...corn.
Betty: I think I'll cook some nice crepes for dinner.
Chris: What do you plan to cook them on, the street? I mean, ground?
Betty: Actually, I was gonna use that stove over there.
Marcel: I'm afraid not. It's not really a stove. It's the televisional device.
Betty: What?
Marcel: Nevermind, it is of no importance.
Chris: What's with this linoleum...
Nicole: CLOSET SPACE, I NEED CLOSET SPACE!

I seem to have lost the second episode.

3rd week it is..and Payge arrives.

As our beloved bums sit around a moose head on the coffee table, the doorbell (yes, there is one of those) rings.
Payge: Hello, my name is Payge. I'm your Avon sales representative!
Misty: Ooh! Pretty!
Krissy: That's all we need here. Makeup.
Marcel: Ah, the finer things in life.
Payge: Oh my. That hairy person over there needs a good foundation and maybe some of our new facial wax.
Chris: You're not putting your hands on my Frank!
Payge: Of course I'm not. I just sell this crap.
Krissy: Hrrm. If anyone needs a makeover around here I'll give it to them....with my fist.
Nicole: You guys are so un-japanese. I'm gonna go do something cool and japanese now.
Betty: Have fun with your hipster Japs then.
Nicole: WOULD YOU STOP CALLING THEM THAT! They have major kawaii-ness
Chris: Frank was Japanese in a past life.
Payge: Whatever. I'm going to cook some noodles.
Krissy: We have been saved!
Betty: ...
Misty: I hope you all don't mind, but I needed to express my inner self so I painted beautiful flowers on your clothes. Now your aura will shine with peace.
Betty: Lovely, Misty. Lovely.
Krissy: The hell? Beautiful flowers my donkey!
Misty: (starts playing his guitar) Let's keep it groovin'.
Nicole: If you can't play any goo goo dolls, just get out.
Misty: Baby's black balloon makes her fly...
Nicole: YAY!
Misty: Say no to war guys, say no to war.
Nicole: That's it. You are so...ugh.
Betty: Definitely.
Chris: So um..what's up?
Marcel: I do think that this would be a magnificent time to share our feelings.
Misty: Yeah, I'm getting some serious negative vibes about this place.

4th Week!
It has been a month now, and our bums are getting restless. Maybe it was Betty's cooking, or maybe it was the public television broadcasts, but all in all things are getting out of hand. Misty has become the psychic advisor of the house, and has set up his room as "Misty's Mystical Miracles", a place where people may come in search of guidance, or even for a "good time", as Misty says.

Chris: What do you see in Frank's future?
Misty: Bananas....lots of bananas.

As you can see, he has great talent. Anyways, Krissy has secluded herself from the rest of the bums, supposedly plotting an attack against infomercials. Marcel set up a Croissant Stand, but needless to say the market isn't in his favor. One day though, a customer arrives...on a horse. The mysterious stranger dismounts, tips his hat at Marcel, and staggers forward.

Patrick: Howdy! Yer sellin' croissants, eh?
Marcel: Yes, I am! Would you like one?
Patrick: Well I usually don't go aroun' eatin' women's food...
Marcel: Women's food? Certainly not! Every frenchman loves a fluffy croissant!
Patrick: Well y'know, sometimes I don't know about them frenchmen.
Marcel: Only 3 francs!
Patrick: Well....
Marcel: (looks at the bumper sticker on Patrick's horse) President of the John Wayne fanclub, yes?
Patrick: Heh, yep, that's me.
Marcel: How impressive!
Patrick: Well I guess I could use some food...
Marcel: Lovely! I'll wrap one up for you in pink cellophane.
(Betty comes out of the house with a plate of unappetizing looking cookies)
Betty: I was thinking you might attract more people with my...um..who invited Wild Bill??
Marcel: C'est Patrick!
Patrick: Hey, how'd ya know my name was Patrick?
Marcel: Misty's Mystical Miracles are quite informative, tu sais. He predicted a swarthy stranger named Patrick would stop by today.
Patrick: Really?
Marcel: No. You happen to have a name tag on.
Patrick: Oh...yer right.
Betty: Well I hope you didn't invite him in.
Marcel: Why?
Betty: Because....because he's really DIRTY!
(Nicole steps out to see what is going on)
Nicole: You guys are disturbing my vacuuming.
Patrick: Well, howdy miss.
Nicole: Wow! What a gritty looking man.
Patrick: (wipes the sweat/dirt mixture off his forehead) It's the 'true grit' that makes the man.
Nicole: True Grit! One of the best JW movies!
Patrick: You like ol' Johnny?
Nicole: He' s only my favorite.
Betty: He is NOT your favorite! You're so pathetic. He's a dirty cowboy for goodness sake!
Nicole: Would you like to stay for dinner, Patrick?

To be continued.

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