It's actually a little hard for me to think write now, because I'm not pacing, because, you see, pacing is one of the main ways I get my mind thinkin. People see me pacing and they think I'm worried and they come up to me and go, "Sandra, what's wrong?" or "Sandra, is everything okay?" "Sandra, are you nervous?" But no, no, no. Not at all. When you see me pacing, it merely means that I am thinking. I just like to think while pacing, or pace while thinking. It's like that famous statue of that Grek--or Roman-- guy kneeling on one knee, with his chin resting on his fist, and his elbow resting on his knee. Know that one? He's deep in thought, and I guess he just likes to think in that position. Me, I like to think while pacing. Nothing's wrong with that, surely.

And another thind, do I think in Chinese or English? Both, and neither. Sometimes I think in Spanish, my spanish is, FINALLY, good enough for me to think effectively in it. OCcasionally, I think in whatever broken bits of Japanese I know. But usually it's English, mixed with some Chinese. I think in whatever comes naturally, and sometimes it's English, sometimes Chinese, sometimes Spanish, and sometimes Japanese.

Actually, when I'm rambling-thinking, I usually don't start thinking about how I think. I just think. So I guess this is not really a typical does of my thought, but rather, a rambling-thinking on how I think. In the style in which i think. 

I usually think as though I'm talking to someone, usually a specific person. In fact, that is the only way I CAN think. Anytime I'm thinking, be it rambling-thinking, or analyzing a math homework problem thinking, I always think things through as though I'm talking to someone. I'd always thought this was perfectly normal, and that everyone does this, until one day, during my last (sniffle, sniffle) CTY summer session at LMU in LA, California, I was walking with my roomate Any Tsou to our chemistry study period, and I asked her about this, and she gave me a kind of funny look, and sai, "No, I never think like that." So this means that either I'm nuts, and people don' think like they are talking to people, or that Amy's nuts, and everyone DOES think like they are talking to peopel. Or maybe we're both nuts. Who knows? Anyway, how do you think? Write to me and tell me, I need people to respond, it keeps me going. Thanks.

Anyway, so yeah. I guess it's kinda scary, because this might man that, if I've met you, I've held long, long conversations -monologues- with you and you've never known it. Actually, conversations, dialouges sometimes, because occasionally, I imagine what the other person is saying. But I HAVE to think like I'm talking to someone. I think this may be a sign of mental insanity, because it sort of grew from a fear I had in 6th grade through middle school. I always felt like someone was watching me, reading my thought, monitoring my every move as I went about my daily activities. I always felt like I was watched. I feel less of it nowdays, now that I'm a little gronw, but that may be because I've replaced it by controlling who I believe to be watching me, turning them into a friend, facing them, talking to them. Or maye it was just because I always used to feel alone, friendless, unnoticed, so I made up imaginary people who would care enough about me to actually watch me all the time. In any case, I do believe I'm sane now. Yeah, sure. Hehehehe. Real sane. But what is sanity anyway? Where is the line, when does one cross this supposed line? It's rather stupid, I think. What makes a person insane? What if there really are strange beings everywhere, and the crzy people who see them are the ones who know the truth, whereas the rest of us are really insane, because we can't see what's really there? And we all have weird obsessive habits? How far do we go until it becomes a disorder? And how exactly do psychologists draw the line? How can they say, okay, if you're at this point, you're crazy--or excuse me--mentally disturbed, but if you are right, rightabout here, yes, right here, you're okay? How?

I've rambled long enough. I just though of something to add to my "bad" list. Actually, I may add it to the "beyond bad" list. I want to add a word about my annoyance with grossly incorrect spellings and grammar usage, substitution of numbers for letter, and the like. Also, just because we are chatting online, or writing e-mail, or using this new fangled Internet thing is no excuse for descending into the depths of language hell. We must still write legibly, because the point of writing is communication, and if you go about riin 2 ppl like ids, den how teh hell will thye now wat ur tryin to say? How, I ask you? How? Sure, they might be able to dicipher your secret message. Okay, this is it. Now I'm really triled up about this, and I MUST go put this on the beyond bad list. Oh and if you've found some mistakes on my website, please tell me about it. I would hate to have mistakes on this thing. If oyou find any and tell me, I will correct it and be eternally grateful to you. Eternally.