| Week 6 - 12 November 2005 What a week! I have Festive Lunch Event coming up on Wednesday and a Sports Carnival on Saturday. I think I'm going Crazy! Well, I'm feeling pretty good lately. I think a guy likes me. Sounds pretty self-absorbed but I can't think of why he would call me for no reason at all and talk for more than an hour! (And yes, I actually entertained that, what's wrong with me?) It feels nice to know that there is someone who kinda finds you interesting enough to want to talk to you that much!I've been doing some online dating recently and I love it! It's so fun when you find a website that provides you good quality guys |
| Week 18 - 25 December 2005 Ooohh! Christmas is on the way! Such a happy occasion but yet at the same time I feel sad. It has been a great year for me, I must admit. I got engaged recently on Sat 26 November 2005. Oh wow! I'm gonna get married and today I'm meeting the house agent to view my new home. Who would have guess that I will marry so soon? It is what I want and I have nothing to complaint about. How's married life gonna be, I wonder. Will it last forever? I'm happy that I no longer need to look for love anymore. Jibbee is the sweetest guy, I love him and I want to be around him. He understands my mood and he tries his best to accomodate my difficult personality. The way he loves me put many men double his age to shame. For a 21 year old guy, he loves unconditionally. He understands me and we seldom querrel at all. We might have difficulty financially but at least we are happy. |
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| rather than inviting those sex maniacs or people who just writes you a few lines and expecting you to jump right at being their friend or lover! This website I found has introduced me to a few high fliers white guys. Now that I'm back to it again after 5 years, the great guys are still there. Of course not all of them are Mr Nice but I like who I meet so far.But I think about it, this does not feel like cheating to me. Though I'm in a relationship, I feel that I wanna be sure that I cannot find anyone else better. In fact, most correspondences they are really friendly & respectful. Would I meet the one through this websites? Well, who knows? |
| Week 8 - 14 January 2006 I've come to a conclusion that I have an anger management problem. I'm easily disturb and burst out into anger over a slightest thing that pisses me. But look here...I'm pretty likeable, most of the time , at least I think so, people like being around me. But when it comes to love ones around me I'm just really different. I have never lost temple with any of my friends. Oh yes, sometimes I'm pissed when they are late and walk off but I don't exactly starting screaming at them, y'know. So what's wrong with me? Am I spoilt? So right now, I carry an MP3 player with me. Whenever I start feeling irritated, I'll start blasting my music to calm me down. It actually works...especially 50 cents, usher and Jay-Z music! But of course I can't be depending on that. I don't know why my heart just start panting so hard when someone says something that does not react well to my ears. I'll crush my own marriage one day and probably no one would ever want to marry a nasty girl like me... Why am I so desperate to settle down? Then it make us wonder, if we go into marriage as part of the progression, because of convineince or it is the next right thing to do? What the fuck are we thinking gals? Who are we kidding? |
| Week 23 January - 28 January 2006 I feel so sorry for myself now you won't believe it. Life's really hard to live now. It makes want to cry to know that no one is on my side. No one thinks I'm right. This is not all a joke you know. Do people really think I get into some serious shit without checking the consequences first? What am I? A bimbo to most people. I just need ONE person to believe in what I'm doing, supports my decisions & I'm not even asking them to understand me. Just one, who will not question what I do, who believe the path I take is correct. I get a lot shit in my life, you don't even want me to start. I just can't stop all these tears. I feel so sorry for myself. It's hella pathatic, I tell you. I'm so concern about other people, sensitive to their feelings, who da hell is watching my back? I can just choose the easy way out of walking away from this all. But if I do, I might never stop running. You know, sometimes I just wanna get away from everything now that is bothering me. Meet someone who knows nothing about me and spend weeks just talking about nothing at all. I don't even need a man in this case. Just a human. Someone who will disregard who I am and listen to my story as if it is a fairytale and supports my. Human are scared of things they have never engage with. This is the problem every fucking human being I come into contact with gives me. Who are they to tell me that what I do is wrong? That it won't work out. Tell me now, who are they to say that! When they have not even gone through that. It never happen to them, isn't |
| Week 19 - 25 Feb 2006 What do women really want? That's the question even me as a woman wonder sometimes. Why do we aspire to have that special someone in your life and then woke up one day and question if there is really forever? When we think something will work just fine then something else come along and we wonder if what we have now is not good enough. Why do woman settle for men that are not what they dream of? Is it really okay to settle for less? Will we somehow be happy in the end of it all? What about women being the giver all the time? We get tired but god made us that way isn't it? We give until we get drain and we feel sorry for ourselves that no one appreciates me or rather no one tries to understand your needs. I for one, give all the time. I give without question. In fact I try to make them feel that it is nothing at all. I'm afraid that they feel bad to received what I give so I make it seem like is nothing at all. Eventually they keep taking and taking and before you know it, it breaks you down and you just want to run away from it all. I have come to this point of my life that I just do things that people expects of me.Women for one should stop giving and starting demanding things in return. Don't be afraid that they will like you any less. If they decide they wanna go. Let them At least you have yourself back once more. |
| Journal 4 |