May 22, 2004
Western Civilization Man
From The News Agency, The People That Bring You The News
Archeologists in North Central Texas have discovered the skeletal remains of
a species long extinct. Dubbed "Western Civilization Man", this creature
provides many fascinating clues as to how modern man evolved.
Professor Stephan Bloughardt, head guy in charge of the university team
which made the discovery, describes the importance of this find. "Until
now we could only speculate about this species. We were confident there was
a large population of achievers at some point in history based on existing
engineering marvels and scarce remnants of free markets in some parts of the
western world. But now we have hard proof."
He explains the difference between modern man and this ancient ancestor
"Their spine was much stronger, ranging from around thirty percent in the
United States to as much as fifty percent in parts of Western Europe. In
fact," he says with a laugh "you could literally say they were made of
stronger stuff."
Although much work remains to be done Professor Bloughardt speculates. "I
picture this creature as living his life with courage and confidence. I
believe he was capable of analytical thought and highly independent. Sure
they were brutes. I don’t deny they were willing to use force when
justified. But there is every reason to believe this behavior was driven
more by their primitive societal version of morality than by ill intent.
But we can’t prove any of it. Because in the end, this man no longer walks
among us."
- T.N.A.