June 23, 2005
Mr. Guilty
Call me Mr. Guilty
Guilty is my name
I’ve been found out
Without a doubt
I am the one to blame
- Loudon Wainwright III
I must admit being a liberal is proving more difficult than I had anticipated. Sure the intellectual aspect is less taxing. But to anyone looking to join our ranks I must warn you. Do not underestimate the burden of guilt we anointed must shoulder.
In my former life I felt guilty when I did something bad. Fortunately I didn’t do too many bad things and few that were truly awful. And since Jesus died for our sins I was allowed to pray for forgiveness. A simple, yet effective system.
But being a liberal is a whole different ball game. The good news is that I can no longer be blamed for my own actions since I am a victim. No more personal guilt. I don’t even have to stand in line, fill out any paperwork or pay a fee for this. The bad news is I am responsible for the actions of others, whom over critics would say I have no control.
But the truth is I did it. I did it all. I oppressed the poor. I caused despair. I de-homed the homeless. I warmed the globe. I failed to do enough about AIDS. I added arsenic to our drinking water. I forced teenagers to have children out of wedlock. I ruined the economy. I excluded people. You name it I’m to blame. Even things that happened before I was born such as slavery and the Crusades. All because of me. Perhaps most interesting is I’m now responsible for violence both against and by the Jews.
But I’m not one to complain. If it helps humanity I’m willing to bear this heavy load of guilt. Now that the scales have fallen from my eyes I can see the worse I feel about myself the better off my fellow man is.
Next subject: Why we are worse than the Nazi’s.
See you soon.
- Ed Powell