March 31, 2005
Crystal Balls
I have a friend who believes the fiat based American dollar will soon be displaced by the fiat based Euro-dollar and the American economy will collapse. Doomsday appears to be just around the corner. Being quite concerned I went to Walmart and picked up a new crystal ball. Although I admit no two of the ones I tested at the store appeared to operate the same the one I eventually purchased had this to say:
2008 - Backed by rich white people’s money and poor brown and black people’s votes President Hillary is elected. The Democrats protest the election but it’s just out of habit. And Republicans have no one to blame but themselves. They out sourced the voting machine programming jobs and lost control of election results.
2009 - President Hillary rams through a new national health care plan. Now everyone can get some kind of health care eventually. Contributions (formerly called taxes) are increased to pay for it. Growth slows but she explains it’s because of her predecessor’s failed policies.
2010 - Iranian terrorists explode a suitcase nuke in Atlanta. Hillary apologizes to Iran and pledges to work together toward peaceful resolution of our differences.
2012 - Powered by the felon and illegal alien vote Hillary is swept into a second term. This time Al Gore is the only Democrat to protest.
2013 - North Korea fires a nuclear tipped missile toward the west coast but fortunately they don’t have the same reliable guidance technology Clinton I sold to the Chinese. The missile hits Canada. Hillary apologizes to North Korea and Canada. She promises to North Korea to work together toward peaceful resolution of our differences. She doesn’t promise Canada anything.
2014 - John Kerry moves to impeach Hillary because she didn’t serve in Vietnam. The motion loses momentum when Kerry is killed in a drive by shooting. The death is ruled a suicide.
2015 - Congress rules that any church receiving faith based charity money must have at least ten percent gay membership. Conservatives protest that the ten percent number is based on a flawed study and gays don’t comprise anywhere near that high percentage of the population. The Supreme Court rules that everybody knows it’s ten percent and lets the law stand.
2016 - Voters, realizing Democrats are not the answer, forget Republicans aren’t the answer either and put another one in the White House. In an interesting sidelight Pat Buchanan carries Florida. This is considered odd because Buchanan isn’t even on the ballot. But elderly Florida voters get confused and vote for him as a write in.
2017 - The president swears recommitment to Constitutional principles and orders a huge new federal agency be created to enforce limited government.
2018 - Some of the people who didn’t cash their Social Security checks quickly enough have them bounce. Democrats claim no checks have bounced and the ones that did are the fault of greedy rich Republicans.
2025 - Fiat money collapses. Millions of survivalists eagerly trade canned goods and bottled water for gold then quickly starve and dehydrate to death because you can’t eat or drink gold.
2050 - Democrats demand an exit strategy from Iraq.
3010 - Democrats demand an exit strategy from Iraq.
4075 - Democrats demand an exit strategy from Iraq.
The future gets a little fuzzy after that but what can I expect a crystal ball to do for a lousy $3.78?
- Ed Powell