| THE JOKE PAGE |
| Pirates - The captain of the battleship 'octavia' was surveying the seas with his telescope one afternoon, and in the distance he saw a pirate ship. He called his cabin boy and said, "Get me my red shirt boy," and the boy went and found it and brought it back to him. A few hours later they had defeated the pirates. A few weeks later, the captain saw another pirate ship in the distance and, again, called his cabin boy to fetch his red shirt. There was another great victory over the pirates, and the cabin boy came to speak with the captain, "is that red shirt a lucky charm," he asked. "No," the captain replied, "but I wear it when I go into battle just in case I get wounded, so the crew do not see and get demoralised." The cabin boy left it at that and went about his duties The next week the captain sighted a fleet of 30 pirate ships on the horizon and instantly shouted for his cabin boy, "BOY, get me my brown pants!" |
| Heres one for the techies - Q How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A None, they can't do it, thats a hardware problem |
| A sausage, a bacon and an egg walk into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "sorry, we dont serve breakfast" |
| A guy walks into a doctors surgery with a penguin stuck to his head. The doctor says, "whats seems to be the problem" and the penguin replies, "well I've got a strange growth on my foot. |
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| And now, for the first ever joke sent in by e-mail. This was sent in by cutey:) |
| A man went on holiday to sunny california on a friday, and as his wife was on a business trip she was going to meet him on the saturday at the hotel. When he arrived, he decided to send her a fax to tell her that he had made it ok. He tried to remember her number from memory, but unknowingly pressed the last few digits in the wrong order and the fax was sent to a preachers wife, whose husband had recently passed away. As the fax came through she looked at it, screamed and passed out on the floor. Her greiving family heard the scream and came running through, only to find the fax in her hand reading; Dearest wife: Just checked in, everything prepared for your arrival tommorow P.S. sure is hot down here |
| A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So, next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beggining of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12 3. There are 12 disciples not 10 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass 6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him 9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 12. The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the cherry 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's |
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