at Ashley Oglethorpe.
ASHLEY: Yeah, what is it, Claud?
CLAUDIA: It�s something I must tell you in private. (Pleading) Oh, please, Ashley.
ASHLEY: (Reluctantly) Oh, all right. (To MELANIE) Will you excuse me for a moment, my dear Miss Melanie? (He and CLAUDIA step over to the side.) What is it, Claud? It had better be something good.
CLAUDIA: (With all the allure she can muster) Oh, Ashley, why don�t you call me Miss Claudia, like all the other men?
ASHLEY: Well, to tell you the truth, Claud, I don�t really think of you as a Miss. You�re more just one of the guys.
CLAUDIA: (Dejected) Fine. Well, good. I�m nobody. I�m unisex.
ASHLEY: Now, Claud, I didn�t exactly say that. Now what was it that was so important you had to tell me?
CLAUDIA: (Breathlessly) Oh, Ashley � I love you!
ASHLEY: Don�t be a twerp, Claud. I�m going to marry Melanie.
CLAUDIA: Marry Melanie?! How can you do that? Don�t you care for me? (Ashley is unmoved.) You frogface! You stumphead! You trutlebrain! I can�t think of a name bad enough to call you!
(In a wild rage, CLAUDIA slaps ASHLEY with all her strength. ASHLEY remains calm and returns to MELANIE. CLAUDIA continues her tantrum, picking up a piece of pepperoni pizza and throwing it across the room, just in time to hit FRANK BUTLER in the face, who has just walked in. FRANK is wearing the smartest summer outfit of all, right out of the pages of International Male, including a white Panama hat.)
FRANK: I arrived here by way of bus. I�m a driver.
CLAUDIA: (Suspiciously) But you�re not just any bus driver. I know who you are. You�re from � Macon! And you�re the driver of the Wineville bus!
FRANK: (Calm and collected) How very clever you are, Miss O�Wesley. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Frank Butler. (He bows slightly.)
CLAUDIA: (With disdain) Yes, I�ve heard all about you. I�ve heard how you trifle with unsuspecting women�s hearts.
FRANK: My dear, what a thing to say.
CLAUDIA: Well, I�m not worried about that. But I do hate you.
FRANK: Why should you hate me? You just met me.
CLAUDIA: I hate you because you brought them with you, didn�t you?
FRANK: Yes, I did. I brought the first busload of Seniors in just moments ago.
SISSY: (Running in screaming again) The Seniors are here! The Seniors are here! (She runs off.)
(Everyone in the room groans, as CLAUDIA throws another tantrum.)
CLAUDIA: Oh, no! Oh, no! The Seniors! The Seniors! I�m so tired of camp I could spit! I don�t think I can face another day!
CHARLES: (Coming over to comfort her) Miss O�Wesley, it�s not that bad.
CLAUDIA: Oh, Charles, what do you know? You whiny sap! You don�t know the half of it! It�s already time for Senior Assembly, and � and � and I don�t have a beau yet! I�m going to be an old maid! (She sobs hysterically.)
CHARLES: (Tenderly) Don�t cry, Miss O�Wesley. I care about you. In fact, I�d like to marry you. I know I�m not nearly good enough for you. I�m so clumsly and stupid.
CLAUDIA: (Frankly, to audience) Yes, Charles, you are a real jerk.
CHARLES: But Miss O�Wesley, if you�d consider marrying me. I�d do anything for you. I�d do your laundry. I'd plan your schedule for the week. I�d laminate and cut out your nametags. Anything.
CLAUDIA: (With a look of bitter jealousy, she spies ASHLEY and MELANIE in each other�s arms. She immediately makes up her mind.) Yes, Mr. Oglethorpe, I will marry you.
CHARLES: (Flabbergasted) You will? You�ll marry me?
CLAUDIA: I�ll marry you under one condition � If you take me away from here! I can�t stand camp any longer!
CHARLES: How about if we go to Brunswick for our honeymoon?
CLAUDIA: No, I want to go to Hawaii. (Then not wanting to push her luck) Anywhere. Anywhere! Just take me away!
