| More Jokes |
| If your dog's name is Mypenis: 1. Sorry I was late, I was playing with Mypenis. 2. Sorry I was driving so slow officer, I was looking for Mypenis. 3. Mypenis looks cute lying down, but cuter standing up! 4. Miss, have you seen Mypenis? 5. Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis? 6. Mypenis likes to run between the legs of guests. 7. Mypenis looks for an open hand under the dinner table. 8. Mypenis likes being pet. 9. Don't step on Mypenis. 10. Don't worry Mypenis doesn't bite. 11. Mypenis has been sleeping with the bitch next door. 12. I go to sleep with Mypenis in my hands. 13. Mypenis is truely a man's best friend! 14. I just recently gave Mypenis a bath. 15. I shaved Mypenis for the summer. 16. Mypenis lives next door to a full fledged asshole. 17. Mypenis has two friends that are nuts! If Men Got Pregnant... 1. Maternity leave would last for two years, with full pay. 2. There would be a sure for stretch marks. 3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 4. Morning sickness would rank as the world's number one health sickness. 5. Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained. 6. Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment. 7. They would think twins were so cute! 8. They would stay in bed for then entire 9 months. 9. Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags. 10. Women would rule the world! Top 18 Ways To Annoy Other People: 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150%, dark, 17" paper, 99 copies. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual message". 3. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go". 4. Insist on keeping your windshield wipers going in ALL weather conditions "to keep them tuned up". 5. Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think". 6. Practice making modem and fax noises. 7. Highlight irrelevant information in specific papers and "cc" them to your boss. 8. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with proohecy". 9. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 10. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". 11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times "Did you hear that?" "What?" "Nevermind it's gone now". 12. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 13. Ask people what gender they are. 14. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 15. Sing along at the opera. 16. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 18. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a little notebook, mutter something about "psychological profiles". |