jokes

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Grimace painfully while smaking your forehead and muttering "Shut up dammit! All of you just shut up!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's A Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway from side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Shave.
7. Crack open your breifcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
8. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
9. Stand silent and motionless inthe corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
10. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarassed when they open by themselves.
11. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask then to call you Admiral.
12. On the highest floor, hold the doors open and demand that they stay open until you can hear the penny you dropped down the shaft to go "plink" at the bottom.
13. Do Tai Chi exercises.
14. Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
15. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh not now, damn motion sickness!"
16. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
17. Meow, occasionally.
18. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
19. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, Gotta go!" then sigh and say, "Oops!"
20. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
21. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
22. Holler "Chutes Away!" whenever the elevator descends.
23. Walk in with cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
24. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
25. Leave a box between the doors.
26. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
27. Wear a puppet on your hand, and talk to other passengers with it.
28. Start a sing-along.
29. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
30. Play the harmonica.
31. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
32. Lean against the button panel.
33. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
34. Shadow box.
35. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
36. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk, and announce that this is your "personal space".
37. Bring a chair along.
38. Blow spit bubbles.
39. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
40. Announce in a demonic voice "I must find a more suitable host body"
41. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
42. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
43. Wear X-Ray specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
44. Stare at your thumb, and say "I think it's getting larger!"
45. If anyone brushes up against you recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
46. Each time the elevator door opens yell, "Here's JOHNNY!"
47. Whenever someone comes in, say in a deep voice, "GET OUT!"
48. Claim that your Santa Clause and inform the person next you that they have been bad.
49. One word - SEIZURE!
50. Breakdance to the elevator music.
51. When the elevator starts going up say "Beam me up Scottie!"
52. Jump at each floor to make the elevator bounce.
53. Continually talk to yourself about pubic hairs.
54. Go into the elevator with a large bag and a beeping watch, set the watch to go off a few seconds later, and when it does scream "Oh my god, we've got 10 seconds to live!"
55. Throw a dollar bill on the floor (make sure people see you do it) then pick it up and say "It must be my lucky day!"
56. Put your arm around your "invisible friend"
57. Act as if your are really drunk.
58. Take refired beans into your mouth, then spit them intoa paper bag, ask the person next to you to hold the bag while you get out another one. Then say "Damn flu!"
59. Wear a trench coat then when the door opens for you to get on the elevator, open up your coat and speak into it "Alright I have hostages" loud enough so everyone can hear you.
60. Bring a dartboard and practice your throw.
61. Bring an invisible dog leash and tell your "dog" what a good boy he is.
62. Practice the bagpipes.
63. Re-tell the story of how you were swindled into robbing a bank, and include the sound effects.
64. Drop your bag, then look around at the other passengers like it was their fault.
65. Fart.