It was a silent and quite foggy night on Arliss Mulligan's Cow and Potato farm. Farmer Arliss was busy inside the house, polishing his shotgun. Suddenly, from inside the barn, he heard a "moo."
"Dag blammit! Somebody's in m'barn!" the man announced.
Trusty (and quite shiny) shotgun in hand, Farmer Mulligan trekked into the foggy outdoors to find out just what was makin' them cows go "moo."
He kicked open the barn door, unleashing the moon's bright illumination to the living things within. There inside, much to Mulligan's irritation, sat an old gypsy woman with three teeth trying to bite into a rock.
"Boobulla boobulla, that's bright light," stated the old gypsy woman. She looked at the rock she had been gnawing on for quite some time. "Boobulla boobulla, I was wondering why this tomato was so hard."
"Git yer wrinkled, rock-eating rear end outta my barn! Farg nabbit, yer botherin' th' cows!" boomed Farmer Mulligan.
The old gypsy woman stood up. "Boobulla boobulla, I curse you!" she exclaimed.
"You what?" inquired the confused farmer.
"Boobulla boobulla, I curse you with SATAN'S WRATH! I curse your cows! I curse your potatoes! Satan curses your cows, Satan curses your potatoes! Boobulla boobulla!" The woman began to glow bright red.
"If you say 'boobulla boobulla' one more time," spoke the steamed farmer, "I'm gonna empty both these barrels right into ya, durg flurbit!"
"Boobulla boobulla," continued the red woman, "I curse your cows and potatoes! They belong to BEEZULBUB! BOOBULLA BOOBULLA!"
With that, Arliss Mulligan pulled both triggers, and the woman's bloody inards sprayed all over the barn wall behind her.
Harvey and Ethan worked at Big Bunyan's Burgers and Fries. Both of them were seventeen years of age, and both of them happened to be cleaning toilets when their 57-year old assistant manager Dennis ordered them to take care of the incoming delivery of frozen hamburger patties and french fries.
"Hey, guys!" Dennis tried very hard to look sober.
"Yes?" Harvey tried very hard to look sober, too.
"You guys get to take care of the delivery," Dennis slurred.
Harvey and Ethan groaned. They made their way to the back delivery entrance and met the delivery guy: a large black man with no hair and claw marks on his head. He was carting boxes of frozen goods with a hand truck.
"Here, grab some of this mother f**king s**t and help me get this s**t in here," the man requested.
Harvey and Ethan made their way to the delivery truck, which read "Mulligan's Frozen Fries and Burgers." They picked up some boxes.
"S**t, this has been one miserable f**kin s**t-a** day. I got a call to make a delivery at the mother f**kin post office. Then I get a call, some f**ker shot another guy and they didn't want the order. I'm draggin my a** over here to get you guys your mother f**kin s**t, and then those mother f**kers decide to call me back to tell me they want me to drop off their s**t anyway! So I drive this mother f**kin truck back there, and when I get there they won't f**kin let me in! I swear, man, I'm gonna quit this mother f**kin job. Just gonna drive out to the middle of nowhere, drop this f**kin truck off on the side of the road, then call my b**ch and have her pick me up!"
Harvey and Ethan laughed at the black man's pain. Suddenly, the radio made an announcement about the local shooting at the post office.
"See? Guy doesn't know whether or not he wants his delivery and s**t. Mother f**ker shoulda shot HIM."
Harvey and Ethan finally got the entire delivery inside, when somebody wrang up an order that totalled $6.66, and the burgers and fries came to life and ate everybody.
Tom Jones, who happened to be there, ran out screaming "Well, that is unusual!"
© 1997 kyle t.
IMPROVINOVELS
(there's like, a million to choose from)
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