I had only taken three bites out of my baloney sandwich when I slapped my forehead in startling realization that I had forgotten to put any mustard on it. Or baloney.
However, anything I had done prior to that was suddenly gone, for the other thing that I forgot was my neurosurgeon's dying words: "Do not, under any circumstances, whether you are forced at gunpoint or it just strikes you to do so, slap your forehead and take the risk that your brain will fall out."
I suddenly found myself faced with an astounding TWO missions: to find my brain and to finish my sandwich. My endeavor began with the latter.
Okay, well, my lack of brain in mind, it occurred
to me that I had indeed lost any memory of all of my experiences that happened
before my brain fell out. Therefore, I had not only mustard and baloney to
find but the bread as well. Luckily, I had left the bread out on the counter
next to the mustard and the baloney. I guess it wasn't really a matter of
me having forgotten to put baloney and mustard on the bread, but rather,
I just hadn't made any attempt to put a sandwich together at all.
The sandwich came together with surprising ease.
Now I had to look for... what was it again? Oh yeah. Brain. It took me awhile, but I found it dangling from the back of my neck by the cerebral cortex. A phrase popped into my consciousness: "It's always the last place you think of looking." Once my brain was inside my head, however, it suddenly became apparent that the reason it's in the last place you look is because you have found it and there's no need to continue searching.
It never occurred to me how stupidity can make someone so smart, for now I have dynamo brain power. I have conquered many previously daunting dilemmas and stumbled upon quite a few startling realizations since rediscovering my brain. I've also come to conclusion that every day is Monday except for Monday which is Wednesday. I wrote a story involving a man on trial for the murder of his psychiatrist who had hypnotized the man into murdering him. When I couldn't think of a decent ending, though, I ran outside in the snow and threw my hands in defeat.
Scientific reasoning has also led me to believe that religion is totally
valid.
© 1999 kyle t.
IMPROVINOVELS
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