Lindsey

Lindsey, the hand behind the sock monkey.

Lindsey was born in a quiet little town in the middle of nowhere. As she was hideously deformed (having only 2 arms), her mother put down her crack pipe just long enough to take the newborn baby outside and toss her in the dumpster. As she already possessed many evil powers, baby Lindsey survived and managed to grab the attention of a passing woman.The woman already had a husband and a child, but was so kind, she decided to take the baby home and pretend it was her own.

The woman's other child was a happy, innocent child, who enjoyed dancing and non-violent protests. But as soon as Lindsey came, she exerted enough evil influence to turn the boy into a deranged loner who killed people and left them in his room as his "friends". Of course Lindsey denies this, which is really just what you'd expect from someone like her. She also turned the woman from a completely normal person, into an almost normal person with a slight obsession about her dogs. But fortunately Lindsey had no impact on her new mother's ability to make cupcakes.

A really bad artist's rendition of Lindsey's birth mother.

Don't fret. I will continue the story of Lindsey as the story progresses...for now, enjoy the beautiful sights of Paris.

As Lindsey grew older, she realised that she was much more important than most people. And as a result she refused to talk to other people (or "scum" as she so often calls them). Some people may have assumed that this was a result of being abandoned by her own kind at such a young age, but it is in fact due to her dreams of becoming something more than her humble beginings would suggest. She dreamed of becoming among the rulers of the world, and with the help of the Canadians, the Bus People (often one in the same), and of course our great leader, the Sock Monkey, she will soon achieve that goal.

Lindsey was annointed the hand behind the Sock Monkey in a private ceremony in Florida. It was attended by Tony (the attractive man formerly of Gatorland, who now resides in Lindsey's bathtub), the Sock Monkey, and the head of the secret police (who will remain nameless, or it wouldn't really be much of a secret police).