Ben's Platform

BEN DWERTMAN OFFERS A GUARANTEED STUDENT INCOME – FOR ALL STUDENTS, GUARANTEED

• As an SG Executive, I will receive a $10,000 stipend for the year
• I will be distribute this evenly among the student body
• You'll receive roughly $1.70 over the year (it'll come in installments) in any denomination of your choice: pennies, nickels, dimes – It's up to you!
• Invest it, give it away, buy a delicious Pepsi-Cola: but remember, one vote for Dwert, and you're making bank

AN ACTUAL DEFENSE POLICY

• Recent intelligence out of Howard U. suggests that Georgetown is developing Hoyas of Mass Destruction; could be detonated in the heart of Mary Graydon Center in forty-five minutes via metro
• Let's rebuild AU's Department of War, so we can be ready to mobilize the ROTC and organize a militia of students if such a tragedy occurs

A TIME CAPSULE – AT LAST!

• Creation of a special blue-ribbion committee to investigate the possibility of making a time capsule for the Quad
• Committee will develop a comprehensive list of capsule contents: perhaps, a student ID, and issue of the Eagle and a maple leaf – THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
• Destruction of all rival time capsules

BRINGING THE NEFARIOUS DR. V TO JUSTICE

• At last, we'll ensure the capture and speedy prosecution of Dr. V, a dastardly criminal mastermind who, incidentally, killed Ben's parents

MOVING WATKINS CLOSER TO THE QUAD

• Using the latest in experimental physics, we'll engineer space-time and move Watkins closer
• Finally, we can deal with the Registrar's newfound fetish of putting many classes in one of the most inconvenient buildings on campus
• We'll have to move Tenley Campus further away to make up for the rift in space-time, but who cares? They aren't real Eagles.

A MEMORIAL TREE FOR AMERICA'S FALLEN HEROES

• A tree will be planted to remember Aaliyah, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, Tupac, Biggie and Kurt Cobain
• This tree will have a very professional-looking commemorative plaque nearby

KICKING COCA-COLA OFF CAMPUS

• Let's continue to further the university's outstanding moral and ethical conscience and get rid of Coke
• Coca-Cola's suspect dealings in Colombia (several union leaders and organizers have been murdered) merit a swift removal, just like we've done in the past
• Now that Pepsi has cleaned up its act in Burma, let's think about inviting them back, a move appropriate for a university with such a high moral conscience

MAKING AU A GOOGLE CAMPUS

• Google offers a completely free program that would host American's email services
• Arizona State University has implemented this change successfully: Why haven't we?
• AU used to be at the front of the pack when it came to technology on campus; let's catch back up and get rid of Lotus Notes

A BETTER WAY TO CHOOSE CLASSES

• Is our system so bad we have to rely on the hack advice of disgruntled students over at ratemyprofessor.com and the unreadable and cumbersome data from the Registrar's office?
• Let's make sense of the six years-worth of student evaluations and put old course syllabi online
• We won't have to choose classes blindly anymore, but with the intelligence befitting a world-class university