Poems #4
These poems range in time from about 1986 till present.....I have tried to preserve them in chronological order.
I am the only one who can save me
From this prison of agony
Dreams of life beyond this pain
Solidify, so much to gain
Beautiful friend, you helped me through
Gardens of pain, I reached for you
Ugly wastleland where nothing grew
All I wanted was to become you
I wish I were beautiful
Inside and out
No longer living with
Shadow and doubt
I cannot deal with
Light and ease
Soul shriveled up
Blown with the breeze
Pain is the lover
I embrace in my arms
He fills my life
With his frightening charms
I twist and turn
With exquisite agony
Inflicting the wounds
That call him to me
Barren and lifeless
Unfulfilled
Once fertile soul
Never tilled
Wasteland spreads
Thru the soul
Desperately wanting
To be whole
Others seeds
Cannot grow there
When a soul
Runs out of air
Blood sister, bound by need
Pain sister, from others greed
Numb sister, years of doubt
True sister, can't get out
Heal sister, let me in
Whole sister, let life begin
Buildings may crumble into dust
But the foundations remain
If I were only beautiful on the outside
It would not matter that I am ugly on the inside
A light piercing the dark
Throws the past into shadows
Reveals the troubles
Reveals the sorrows
A time has come
To choose at last
To move in the light
Or falter in the past
I will conquer the pain and fear
That bind me to the sorrow here
Within my grasp, is hope at last
That I will grow beyond my past
Transform my pain, slowly into
The dream of love that sees me through
Shards of faith
Scattered on the floor
Pain comes back
Hit once more
Baby face slammed
In the door
Abuse creates
Just one more
Whispering leaves
Blown by the breeze
Swirling on the ground
Gently twirling around
Lifting gracefully in the air
Like a dream I want to share
Violate the body, destroy the soul
Violence creates an ugly black hole
Sucks away self-esteem, freezes all hope
Pain will end, hanging by a rope
Aimlessly drift through, where will it end
A life not begun, severed by pain
No will to go on, numbness seeps in
A return to the Womb, let's healing begin
Pain strips bare
The will to care
All is through
Nothing to do
No more hope
Only broken rope
That held me to
Nothing new
What is it about me
That leaves men cold
This life has left me
And I feel so old
I want so much
To find someone to care
But all I get
Is empty air
I try so hard to believe in me
But the beauty inside, no one will see
Is it wishfull thinking
That it is there?
It must be, because no one cared