317) Peter Jackson does not deserve a painful death just for making Gimli comic relief.
318) I will not play with Legolas' bow. -Val-chan
319) ...Or his "bow."
320) I will not poke Sam's belly to make him giggle. -SusieQ
321) Poncing does not make the blond one gay. -Ireth
322) Aragorn does not have a beer gut. -Razzle
323) There is no show callled "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Middle Earth Edition."
324) I will stop waxing the soles of Aragorn's boots. -Razzle
325) Hobbits may not be big, but they may well be clever. It is not my place to say. -Razzle
326) Legolas' bow is a weapon, not a hair accessory.
327) I will not refer to Haldir as "Halfy." -Razzle
328) Boromir did not have it coming. -Razzle
329) Yes, he did.
330) I will not pretend to be near death just to get Aragorn to snog me. -Razzle
331) I will not challenge Gimli for the elf.
332) Gimli is not "just the right height wink, wink, nudge, nudge."
333) I will stop replacing Legolas' clothes with harem pants.
334) I will not kiss dead guys just to make the elf jealous. -Razzle
335) I will not call dibs on Legolas' boat.
336) It is not suspicious that Aragorn is always the last person to see the victim. -Razzle
337) I will not laugh at the hobbits' weaponry or fighting skills.
338) I will not cheat at riddle games.
339) I will not encourage the orcs to form a dance troop. -Razzle
340) Nor will I teach them "Jazz Hands." -Razzle
341) I will not insist on Karaoke nights during the quest.
342) I will stop trying to get the elf drunk.
343) I will not call Legolas "Grandpa" on pain of death.
344) I will not feed Gollum to the kitty. -Dru
345) I will not tell everyone the hobbits are perverts. -Dru
346) "Legolas" is not another word for "quick lay." -Ches
347) I will not throw my underpants at Legolas and tell him they're for good luck. -Kally
348) I will not ask for Legolas' underpants to replace my lost teddy bear. -Kally
349) I will not refer to Elrond as "Rondy." -Kally
350) Legolas is not carrying Aragorn's love-child. -Kally
351) Aragorn is not having an affair with Legolas. -Kally
352) I will not show Gollum to people and tell them I was impregnanted by aliens. -Dru
353) I will not drop everything in the middle of a viscious battle just so I can stare at the elf. -Val-chan
354) Sam is not a fat hobbit. -Shelley
355) Pippin is not Merry's bitch. -India
356) I will forgive Peter Jackson for bringing the elves to Helm's Deep and killing Haldir. -Maeve (site-mistriss adds: ...eventually)
357) I will not make the Hobbits eat things I suspect may be poisonous.
358) I will stop trying to kill Gollum. -Stephanie
359) I will not ask Galadriel what type of hair she gave Gimli.
360) Sauron's theme song is not "Eye of the Tiger." -Ches