272) I will not keep pestering Gimli to show me his "real" axe.
273) Boromir is not the only real man on the quest.
274) Legolas is not a ditz.
275) I will not steal Elrond's strawberry-scented bubble bath. -Belladonna
276) I will not use said bubble bath to bathe in Galadriel's Mirror. -Belladonna
277) Under no circumstances will I refer to the Mirror of Galadriel as a birdbath, especially not in the presence of said all-powerful Elf Queen. -Belladonna
278) A Palantir is not a really big marble, no matter how marble-y it looks. -Belladonna
279) I will not as Saruman where he got that sexy manicure. -Belladonna
280) I will stop trying to force Legolas to have a facial expression. It isn't going to happen. -Belladonna
281) After being stabbed, it does not sound perverted when Frodo yells Gandalf's name. -Ches
282) There's nothing wrong with Arwen stealing Glorfindel's part in the movie, even though he deserved it. -Ches
283) I will not ask Eomer to unsheathe his "sword," even if I want him to. -Ches
284) Everyone does not want to shag Legolas. -Ches
285) I will not organize "Hands across Middle Earth."
286) I will not call Legolas "princess."
287) Saruman does not have a lightsaber.
288) The two towers are not phallic symbols.
289) The sleeping arrangements of the fellowship are none of my business.
290) I will not refer to the Eye of Sauron as the Flaming Vagina of Doom. -Kari
291) "But Aragorn did it too!" is NOT an acceptable reason to grope any part of Legolas' body. -Kally
292) There is no evidence that Elrond made Legolas go on the quest just because he wanted to save his own sons. -Danny
293) Aragorn wears a necklace because he got it from Arwen, not because he forgot to take it off the last time he dressed up as a woman. -Danny
294) I will not look into the Palantir just to establish "Eye"-contact. -Danny
295) Haldir is dressed as a Galadhrim, not as a girlie. -Danny
296) I will not tell Sauron to blink. -Danny
297) I will not make fun of Galadriel in front of the Dwarf (and his axe). -Danny
298) I will not use Eowyn as a shield when the Orcs attack only because her people all her "shieldmaiden." -Danny
299) I will not scream "Ai! A Balrog has come!" in front of Glorfindel. -Danny
300) I will not tell Tom Bombadil that he sings like a cave troll. -Danny
301) I will not sneak up on Sam and whisper "Yesss, my precioussssss," just to freak him out. -Danny
302) I will not translate Glorfindel's name as "Goldielocks." -Danny
303) I will not tell Boromir to "save it for Oprah" during his death scene. -Danny
304) There is no evidence that pipe-weed is in fact that illegal stuff. -Danny
305) I will not offer Sauron Visine. -Samantha
306) I will not go bowling with Saruman's Palantir. -Samantha
307) I will not replace the pipe-weed with weed-weed. -Spalven
308) I will not shave the hobbits' legs while they are asleep. -Spalven
309) Or dye them red. -Spalven
310) I will not expect Elrond to add "Mr. Anderson" or "DOOM!" to every sentence. -Spalven.
311) Pepper spray is not an acceptable Christmas gift for the Ring-bearer, no matter how useful it might be. -Belladonna
312) Hobbits don't celebrate Christmas.
313) I will not call Eowyn butch, no matter how manly she looks in her armor. -Ireth
314) I will not tease Legolas about his claustrophobia.
315) Nor will I tease him about his arachnophobia.