columnfrannybio

Full Name : Franchesca Ascehcnarf Horrishwoman
Date of Birth: June 6th, 1976
Gender: Female
Occupation: Hooker/columnist/former housewife
Place of Birth: Street Corner in Munich, Germany

Little is known about the tragic young life of Franchesca Horrishwoman. What we do know is as follows:

Franchesca has had a life full of struggle and style. She began drinking and using heavy heroin at the age of six. Unfortunately for her, the syringes she though were filled with heroin were actually filled with air and the booze she drank was actually just water sold in either brown or green bottles covered by a brown bag. After living on the streets for 17 years, she decided to kick her habits and start a noble and clean profession: hooking American tourists for phennigs.

Life was sweet for Franchesca. Then on a fateful day in the middle of June 2001, she was approached by four unknown Totino-Grace students who promised a phennig each if she could succesfully seduce one Tim F. Unfortunately, Tim spent the entire trip faking his voice when she would call him and she was unsuccesfull. She tried saying that Tim was "role playing with her", pretending to be various people such as James Bond, Kermit D. Frog, or Chark DeTweak. But the Totino-Grace foursome was unmoved, and said "No *&%*", no phennig."

So Franchesca left her comfortable life in Germany to fulfill her contract. She stowed away on a Minnesota bound Amsterdam flight and began her search for Tim. After a summer of searching, she was about to give up hope, when she met one of the Foursome. She learned that Tim would be attending Totino-Grace High School for another year. So she decided to hunt him down in September. Franchesca looked for 20 days with no luck. Then on September 19th, 2001, she collided with one of the Totino-Grace Foursome on his bike at the corner of Round Lake Blvd and Main in Coon Rapids. She immediately was sucked into his head, and resides there to this day. In that head, she met the man of her dreams. She had met and had fallen in love with Karriem Abdul Yomamma. Karriem was also a trapped soul in this unnamed body. So after a few jobs she did for Karriem, they decided to stop the money paying and just get married. So they got married. Unfortunately, Franchesca's problems were not over. The flights began a month later, and Franchesca was forced to stop hooking. Now Franchesca had never failed to fulfill a contract when she was given one, and this cut her deep. Later in January, the body the two resided in was not attending the Mid-Winter Semi-Formal, and he let the two go out for a night on the town. On that night, Karriem attempted to pay for dinner with one of Franchesca's hard earned Phennigs, and the fighting exploded. The two started driving back from the dinner when Franchesca hit him over the head with her purse. (She keeps it loaded with bricks in case she needs to defend herself while she is hooking). She then drove him up to Lake Superior and castrated him. She left him there floating in the water, and he was found three weeks later.

Alls well that ends well, now. She is currently attempting to find Tim and finish what she came to do. She is also romantically involved with a nice young personality named Hans.