MST: The Two Trouble Makers, by Lady of Rivendell

MSTed by Queen Aragorn

[Queen Aragorn, having glued two caterpillars to her eyebrows and donned a tiara, is holding council in Imladris]

QUEEN ARAGORN: (to an empty room) You have done well to come. You will hear today all that you need in order to understand the purposes of the Enemy. There is naught that you can do, other than to resist, with hope or without it. But you do not stand alone. You will learn that your trouble is but part of the trouble of all the Western world: The Sue! What shall we do with the Sue, the least of Sues, the trifle that Legolas fancies? That is the doom that we must deem.

That is the purpose for which you are called hither. Called, I say, though I have not called you to me, strangers from distant lands, like New Jersey. You have come and are here met, in this very nick of time, by chance as it may seem. Yet it is not so. Believe rather that it is so ordered that we, who sit here, and none others, must now find counsel for the peril of the world.

Now, therefore, things shall be openly spoken that have been hidden from the authoress until this day. At first, so all may understand what is the peril, the Tale of the Sue shall be told from the beginning to the lucky chance of Writer’s Block. And I will begin that tale, though others shall end it.

[New scene. Queen Aragorn has Aragorn, Arwen, and Legolas tied up in the theater.]

QUEEN ARAGORN: (pointing swords to their necks) Now, are we going to behave, or are we going to behave? (grins at Aragorn) You don’t have to behave.

ARAGORN: (angrily) You have tricked us! This is no convention for Hobbit Fanciers!

ARWEN: Nor is it a identity-theft clinic!

LEGOLAS: (sobs) And you told me it was a salon!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Well, what did you expect, after last time? The truth? You never would have come of your own free will! And my armies of can-can dancers are still quite exhausted from the last siege on Minas Tirith!

ARAGORN: Were it not for their colorful skirts and lacy undergarments, never would you have taken me alive!

ARWEN: *shudders*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Well, that’s all in the past. This is a NEW badfic. Actually, it’s the MOTHER of all badfics. So that’s why I’m MSTing it with you.

LEGOLAS: You have devised new methods ever cruel, o evil one!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Oh, come on! It’s your duty to Tolkienists everywhere! They loved you, they built shrines to you in the clothes closets, and now it’s your turn to do something good for them.

LEGOLAS: Only if you ask Tabachka to stop making human sacrifices on her shrine.

QUEEN ARAGORN: That’s very unfair. She only sacrificed Kate Bosworth and Nicole Kidman. And a number of Sues.

LEGOLAS: (relaxes) That’s all right, then.

QUEEN ARAGORN: So! Let’s begin!

GIRL TREE: Hehe…I’ll do the sacrifices for her, then.

QUEEN ARAGORN:  Oh no . . . you again.

GIRL TREE:  Aye, me!

Galadriel, daughter of Arwen and Aragorn; king and queen of Gondor,

EVERYONE: *narf*

ARWEN: How original.

GIRL TREE:  Hmmm . . . Now WHERE have I heard that name before? *taps picture of Lady of the Light* I just can’t put my finger on it!

QUEEN ARAGORN:  I think she was one of the characters on ER.

GIRL TREE:  No no no.  It was Dawson’s Creek.

ARWEN:  Shut up, both of you.

scurried through the hall, as fast as her feet could carry her. Mirkwood elves had come to visit the Royal Family of Gondor, one a close family friend.

LEGOLAS: *rocks back and forth in a fetal position*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Get ready to fall in looooooove.

LEGOLAS: Sacrifice her! Quickly, before it’s too late!

GIRL TREE:  Ok! How do you want it down? I’ve got poison, screwdriver, Rohirric sword, Gondorian sword, Rohirric spear, dr –

QUEEN ARAGORN:  Shut.  Up.

LEGOLAS:  But don’t wear safety guards when you handle those weapons.

She, when young, had met a rather annoying elf prince of Mirkwood

EVERYONE BUT LEGOLAS: *snort*

LEGOLAS: HEY!

ARAGORN: Well, you ARE rather annoying. All that business on the Quest about everywhere we stopped having an electric socket –

LEGOLAS: FOR MY BLOW-DRIER!

ARWEN: *nods* I see what you mean.

ARAGORN: And all that nancing can turn one’s stomach.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Especially with a water pitcher.

and had prayed, when Galadriel had found out about them, he would not be in their company.

LEGOLAS: Wait – who had prayed?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Well, Galadriel found out about them, and then someone else prayed that Galadriel’s childhood annoyance wouldn’t come.

ARWEN: It’s like they TRY not to make sense.

Coming to the rather big doors,

ALL: *snort*

ARAGORN: Well, the doors ARE rather big. Still, Legolas’ head can hardly fit through.

LEGOLAS: Why is this Pick-On-The-Elf day all of a sudden?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Every day is Pick-On-The-Elf day.

GIRL TREE:  Unless it happens to be Pick-On-The-Trojan-Prince-Day.            

QUEEN ARAGORN:  The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

GIRL TREE:  True, true. 

the heralds announced her name as ‘the Lady Galadriel’, and she scowled at the herald.

ARWEN: How many heralds?

ARAGORN: *counts* One . . . two . . . five.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Three, sir, three.

ARAGORN: I knew that. (a coconut falls from the sky onto his head) Stupid laden swallows.

The princess hated to be called ‘lady’ or ‘princess’ and above all else;

ARWEN: Then she must HATE this author.

QUEEN ARAGORN: *sighs* So stereotypical.

WEARING DRESSES!

QUEEN ARAGORN: I reiterate.

LEGOLAS: What’s so wrong with wearing dresses? At least she can do it without being called Nancy!

OTHERS: Shut up, Nancy!

GIRL TREE:  No comment.  None.  *mutters* Poncy.

QUEEN ARAGORN:  And Water Pitcher!

Being nearly eight-teen years old;

ARWEN: Oh, so she’s only about three by human standards. That makes more sense.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Five, sir, five. She’s half-mortal.

her royal naneth and ada had expected her to be more like a lady.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (sings) Luck, be a lady, tonight!

ARWEN: (as herself) You must be more like a lady, and get out of my sight! Children should be not seen, and not heard.

But their oldest daughter and child would have none of it.

ARAGORN: WHAT DID SHE DO TO ELDARION???

QUEEN ARAGORN: Scheming hussy.

She rather would rather have leggings and men clothing

QUEEN ARAGORN: Transvestite.

LEGOLAS: Once and for all, IT’S NOT A CRIME!

GIRL TREE:  *snigger* But it’s bloody hilarious.

and hunting yrc that come a stray.

LEGOLAS: Yrch? That means "bloody hell" in Elvish.

QUEEN ARAGORN: As Tolkien did not care to explain!

ARAGORN: Good thing we have Nancy.

GIRL TREE:  And Poncy. And Water Pitcher. How lobsters know Elvish, I don’t know.

Her parents and, brother who was older than her

ARWEN: Thank Ilúvatar.

LEGOLAS: They did say, though, that she was the oldest daughter and child.

QUEEN ARAGORN: What did you expect? Logic, the sworn enemy of Sue-kind?

was talking to a group of elves and one, Galadriel noticed, looked rather familiar.

LEGOLAS: It’s Haldir. Let it be Haldir. Or . . . or Lindir. Or Funion!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Movie canon, sweetie, movie canon.

LEGOLAS: *twitch*

The rather familiar elf, and by seeing her, grinned. "Mae govanenn Lady of Gondor." She paused; very few people were aloud to call her ‘lady’ (which she was grateful), ‘I wonder who this elf is...’

ARAGORN: His name is Nancy and he’s a friend of the family. Be nice!

ARWEN: (as Galadriel) Perhaps we could exchange wardrobes . . .

Galadriel crossed her arms and cocked her head to one side.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Cocked. Heh heh. Cocked.

ARAGORN: Dear Eru, it’s Boromir come back to haunt us!

"Maus govaded le my lord..."

TOLKIEN: *rolls over in grave*

LEGOLAS: (as Galadriel) Nice firm arse, my Lord. Or something in fake Elvish.

GIRL TREE:  *twitch* WHY can’t your motto be: “If I don’t know Elvish, then I won’t use it at all” rather than “Even if I don’t know Elvish I’ll make it up and burn the eyes of the clinically insane”?

Her quick half- elven eyes saw blue eyes, (which were looking, at the moment, like they were dancing with amusement), and that yellow hair... she knew she had seen it before. Galadriel’s eyes were on fire.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Denethor got another one.

LEGOLAS: Do you think I pay my colorist in gold to have my hait called YELLOW?!?!?!

GIRL TREE:  Well I call it white . . .

"LE AD!!!!!!!!!!!!" She shouted at the elven prince,

ALL: *blink*

QUEEN ARAGORN: (as Galadriel as Frankie) Get the lead out!

ARWEN: (as Legolas as Francie) I think I’m getting to old to visit Galadriel. Yesterday she didn’t pinch my cheek, but something more private.

LEGOLAS: Stop. Stop right there.

causing more than one person to look her way.

ARAGORN: No small wonder!

* FLASH BACK*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Ooooh, don’t ya hate these?

A ten-year old Galadriel

ARWEN: Equivalent of three.

sat on a bench in Rivendell,

ARWEN: Why Rivendell? We live in Minas Tirith!

GIRL TREE:  Why can’t she visit “Rivendale” or “Milkwood” like all the other ‘Sues?

a book in her hands. She was reading of the twenty Rings of Power.

LEGOLAS: (as Galadriel’s book) As many rumors say, the whole Ring ordeal was just a cover-up for illicit spanking games. After all, why would they have detoured to Las Vegas if it was otherwise?

Her head was itchy, it needed a scratch.

ALL: *snort*

Putting her hand on her head, the daughter of Arwen felt something fuzzy.

ARWEN: Great. Just throw me in.

She screamed, brushed the ‘spider’ off her head and unsheathed her long elven sword.

ARWEN: (to Aragorn) You let a TEN-YEAR-OLD carry a SWORD?

ARAGORN: *gulps* Children scare me.

ARWEN: So you give them SWORDS?

QUEEN ARAGORN: You should leave him. Buh-bye now. (to Aragorn) It’s just us then, meleth nín.

ARAGORN: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

GIRL TREE:  What kind of sword? I thought it was a girl!

Galadriel; daughter of Aragorn came face to face to...

LEGOLAS: What is with these random "daughter of"s?

GIRL TREE:  She’s trying to deny the fact that “Galadriel” is not a daughter, but a son.

A helpless toy spider lay on the bench... doing nothing.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Because usually toy spiders do the macarena.

Sheathing her sword, Galadriel stomped off for revenge on Legolas... the annoying elven prince.

ALL: *snicker*

LEGOLAS: (sarcastically) Because I’m so prone to practical jokes.

QUEEN ARAGORN: . . . in bed!

GIRL TREE:  EW! How do you know?!?!

Not even looking at the book, laying on the sword that cut the Ring of Power off Sauron’s hand.

ALL: What?

ARAGORN: She’s not talking about Andúril, is she?

ARWEN: I like your OTHER sword better . . . if you know what I mean.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (grumbles) So did your mom.

Legolas; prince of the Mirkwood elves blinked as the sun streamed into his room. Putting on his house coat, (do elves wear house coats?),

ALL: *snicker*

ARAGORN: Straight Elves don’t. But Nancy could.

LEGOLAS: AND I FEEL NO SHAME!

GIRL TREE:  That’s right, dear, you tell ‘em.

he ran a brush through is yellow, long, elvish hair.

LEGOLAS: I’M TAKING THIS UP WITH MY COLORIST!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Bet you’re glad you came to the salon now, huh?

GIRL TREE:  Stupid people – it’s white!

A grin crossed his face at the memory of the spider he had place on Galadriel’s head.

ARWEN: Without her NOTICING?

ARAGORN: I knew it! She’s NOT mine!

Being hungry he opened the door of his chamber and was greeted, on his first morning in Rivendell, by a... SPALT!

QUEEN ARAGORN: A spalt. Well, that’s not too bad. But I would have preferred a barbershop quartet.

A bucket that was filled with horse dung landed on Legolas. He gritted his teeth... don’t yell, don’t get angry... father wants to be proud of his only son....

ALL: *snort*

ARAGORN: Weggsie want to make Ada pwoud!

LEGOLAS: Hey, if THAT was my goal, I wouldn’t . . . never mind.

"GALADRIEL EAVENSTAR I’M GOING TO GET YOU!!!!!!!!!!"

TOLKIEN: *turns over in grave*

ARAGORN: Maybe Eavenstar is just a curse, or a bad word, or something.

QUEEN ARAGORN: First rule of Sues: give them no credit where they deserve none. This author obviously knows nothing of Elvish names. *snickers* On a lighter note, Legolas is going to "get" her.

He yelled, but was only greeted by his enemies laughter

ARWEN: (as Galadriel) Haha, he thinks we’re enemies, but we’re really gonna have sex! Tee-hee!

GIRL TREE:  EGADS!
*Elvish Translations*
Mae govanenn; Well met Maus govaded le; Pleasure meeting you Le ad (!); you again (!)

ALL: Riiiiiiight.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Lle Atara. Your mom!

*******DISCLAIMER**** O.K!! Here is the disclaimer I should have done in the first chapter of this fic.

ARAGORN: (as authoress) And here is the knife I should have use to kill myself in the first chapter of the fic.

QUEEN ARAGORN: That’s nice very nice, meleth nín.

ARWEN: STOP IT!

ME; * hugging all of the characters of TLOR’S*

LEGOLAS: Thank Eru she’s not hugging us.

"I own all of the characters!" (Coconut falls on my head and I let go of my prisoners.)

ALL: *crack up*

ARAGORN: I can’t believe this. The same thing happened to me near the beginning!

QUEEN ARAGORN: And I didn’t even read ahead!

M.E.; "Okay, okay, I get the message!" (Ghost of J.R.R Tokien appears)

QUEEN ARAGORN: And strangles her.

ARAGORN: Who is this Tolkien fellow, anyway?

J.R.R; "That’s better"
THE END! *AUDIENCE claps hands and I bow*

LEGOLAS: But you were strangled!

ARWEN: Why do you think the audience clapped?

Galadriel tapped her foot against the marble floor. "What are you doing here Mr. Princie?"

ARWEN: So apparently she IS about five.

QUEEN ARAGORN: *sings* You’re a gay one, Mr. Prince!

LEGOLAS: I sort of like that. From now on, everyone shall call me Mr. Princie!

ARAGORN: The only person who would possibly agree to that would be Sam.

Her parents glared at her ill manners. "Galadriel! That’s no way to talk to a Prince! And why he is here it is because we are planning to have a ball in honor of the Fellowship of the Ring

QUEEN ARAGORN: Which is not at all stupid and predictable.

LEGOLAS: You know, she didn’t ASK why I was here.

and we want you to attend wearing a dress... Even if we have to drag you!"

ALL: *snort*

ARAGORN: Legolas can help! He’s a Drag Queen!

ARWEN: (as Galadriel) Drag me, baby!

Said her Nanneth; Queen Arwen of Gondor. "Me, wear a dress???!!?!!!?!? You gotta be kidding!!"

QUEEN ARAGORN: And we’ve now been teleported to the ghetto or something.

LEGOLAS: I have riddle. What’s even worse than a Mary-Sue?

ALL: *sigh* A cross-dressing Mary-Sue.

LEGOLAS: You’re so smart.

ARWEN: Notice how they all get dressed up anyway and we have to hear exactly what they’re wearing and how beautiful they look.

King Aragorn sighed. Why did his oldest child have to be so stubborn?

ALL: What?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Again with the Incredible Eldarion Disappearing Act!

Two servants grabbed her by the hands and dragged her, closely followed by Arwen.

ARAGORN: Heh. She IS getting dragged.

ARWEN: I would NEVER treat my daughter like this.

ARAGORN: But she’s not your daughter.

ARWEN: Good point.

"Im mog le Prince Legolas!" She yelled at the Mirkwood prince, as the door slammed shut.

LEGOLAS: Nice to see you, too. It’s been eight happy years.

GIRL TREE:  Again with the Elvish-That-Isn’t!

"I already knew that missie" Legolas mumbled as a servant lead him to his chamber and prayed a quick prayer to Eru that he would not be greeted by horse dung.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (as the horse dung, wearing lingerie and draped on his bed) Hello, Legolas.

WRONG! He was greeted by... a pile of compost.

ARAGORN: But she didn’t know he’d be here!

ARWEN: That girl is one fast operator.

QUEEN ARAGORN: In more ways than one.

LEGOLAS: Your mom was a fast operator last night.

QUEEN ARAGORN: *sniffs* Helen has trained you well.

GIRL TREE:  No! Not another sicko!

************************************************************** A bath was being made for her so Galadriel sat on her king- sized bed and wrote on her dark blue dairy.

ARAGORN: Dairy as in cheese?

QUEEN ARAGORN: *sings* The cheese stands alone! The cheese stands alone! Hi ho the dairy-o, the cheese stands alone!

‘Dear diary, you will never guess who is paying us a visit!

LEGOLAS: (as the dairy diary) Sunny and Cher?

PRINCE LEGOLAS! Nanneth told me the reason he was here... a B-A-L-L!!!!

ARAGORN: Yes, we’re giving him one.

QUEEN ARAGORN: . . . Nancy.

My parents are making me go to the ball and wear a silky sky blue gown.

ARWEN: What did I tell you?

And of course I MUST wear a tiara.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (as Galadriel) Just like Grandpa used to.

What’s the point for tiaras?

ARWEN AND LEGOLAS: They’re pretty. *spurious glance at one another*

All they do is stick in your and head and make you look like a princess and make prince’s fawn over you.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Unless you’re a bitch like you.

LEGOLAS: *pouts* Princes never fawn over me.

Ball’s are soooo annoying, in my mind. Of coarse Galadwen and Tintalle are talking about which Prince’s and nobles are going to dance with him.

QUEEN ARAGORN: The name Galadwen she stole, and Tintalle is no kind of name at all.

LEGOLAS: Which Princes and nobles are going to dance with HIM? Finally!

I must go my bath is done and my mother is getting cross with me.

ARWEN: Oh, believe me, you have NOT seen cross.

ARAGORN: *shudders* Don’t do the monster face again.

P.S. I have made entertainment for my self at the ball.

QUEEN ARAGORN: "Entertainment". Heh. Heh.

P.P.S I told Legolas I hated him at the King’s Chamber where I first saw him. And he was greeted by compost when he entered his room too.’

LEGOLAS: Why? WHY?

ARAGORN: Because she’s a snotty little bitch.

GIRL TREE:  And oh no, she just HATES balls, even though she explains it in detail!

Galadriel closed the diary and locked it with a silver key. Placing her secret book in her closet she and went into the washroom where her bath awaited her and a very crossed Queen.....

ARAGORN: NOW you can do the monster face.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Ten bucks says Legolas is going to read her diary at some point or another.

GIRL TREE:  Well duh, even if he wasn’t MSTing it, I’d tell him!

The bath took about half an hour since she was very dirty

QUEEN ARAGORN: Ohhh, dirty girl!

and didn’t really like baths. And at the end the servants and maids had a washroom to clean.

ARWEN: So maybe I judged to harshly. The author DOES know that she’s five.

The maids put the sky blue dress and let the queen do her hair.

ARWEN: WHAT? I don’t do hair! I’m the QUEEN!

ARAGORN: Your atar used to do yours.

ARWEN: That’s different. He also used to wear a feather boa around the house.

GIRL TREE:  Until I burned it.  He scared me!

Galadriel’s middle hair was braided into braids and then into a bun, held together by silver, small, bird pins.

LEGOLAS: Her MIDDLE hair?

ARWEN: Here it goes. The description of her beauty.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Shut your eyes!

GIRL TREE:  Bird pins?!

The hair that was left lose on her shoulders and the tiara was place on her head.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Little did she know that it had a bomb inside it and was about to BLOW HER AS HIGH AS THE SKY IN THE BLUE IN THE DRESS!

GIRL TREE:  YAY!

ARAGORN: Heh. Calm down.

Shoes with high heels were placed on her head

ALL: *burst out laughing*

LEGOLAS: This is just too easy!

ARAGORN: (as Galadriel with shoes on her head) I know you’re not supposed to wear them on your head, but that’s what makes me so punk-rock!

GIRL TREE:  *dies laughing*  Holy shit!

and an Evenstar of the House of Gondor, which was attached to a silver chain, lay on her chest.

ARWEN: What the hell?

ARAGORN: *smirks* The Evenstar on her chest. Now the lesbian action begins!

ARWEN: Shut up!

GIRL TREE:  Even better!

All the while Galadriel was grinning of the surprise she had come up with the Hobbits help and thanks to Gandalf the White as well.

ALL: What?

ARAGORN: He went to Valinor!

LEGOLAS: Even the movie-canon people know it!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Maybe this was before RotK came out. It’s still no excuse, of course.

At last all was ready for the Great Feast and Galadriel and Arwen left her room to the ball.
Im mog le- I hate you & Nanneth- mother. Thanks for reviewing and plz review!

 

ALL: Riiiiiiiight.

*OKAY! The third chapter (‘The Ball’) will take about two to three days or so. In the mean time review!

QUEEN ARAGORN: I edited out her reviewer responses. And you know what’s scary? Some of them are MY reviewers.

ALL: *shudder*

GIRL TREE:  *twitch* Can I burn them?

- Lady of Rivendell

GIRL TREE:  Can I burn you?

*Elone, Galadriel and Elanneth are ALL of my inventions.

LEGOLAS: Considering we haven’t even been introduced to two of them.

QUEEN ARAGORN: What about Galadwen and Tintalle?

ARWEN: Stolen, most likely.

LEGOLAS: Or she forgot about them.

But * cries* I don’t own; Arwen, Aragorn AND Legolas.

ALL: Thank Eru!

I OWN THEM ALL! * laughs*

ALL: What?

ARAGORN: Schizo!

Aragorn; But I thought you said you didn’t own us! ME; I do, that’s why I said I owned all of them! Aragorn; but you don’t! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME; do to! Aragorn; Do not! ME: Fine! I don’t! Only the ones you don’t recognize ARE mine!

ALL: *blink*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Is she trying to be funny?

LEGOLAS: Your mom was funny last night.

QUEEN ARAGORN: No, Legolas. It does not work for you.

GIRL TREE:  Yah…considering the sparkly dress you wore when you walked into Boromir’s room last night…

******* Arwen and Galadriel entered the Hall of Feasting and she joined her friend; *Elone. Elone’s father was King Aragorn’s adviser, so Galadriel and her friend saw her friend quiet often.

QUEEN ARAGORN: A different friend?

LEGOLAS: Hey, I’m shocked that she HAS friends.

GIRL TREE:  She doesn’t.  They’re imaginary.

"Will our plan work?" asked Aragorn’s oldest daughter to her friend.

ARWEN: What, does she keep forgetting her characters’ names?

Elone pointed to a white thin string going around the Hall and then was tied to a bucket filled liquid made by Gandalf.

ARAGORN: Which of course none of the RANGERS or ELVES would notice.

QUEEN ARAGORN: When they say "liquid" "made" by Gandalf, they don’t mean . . .

ALL: EW!

The two girls had lied to Gandalf the White telling him; "we need it for a craft.

ARAGORN: A CRAFT? A CRAFT?

LEGOLAS: What sort of sick craft could they do with THAT?

The wizard did not question the two only had made it with a raised eye brow. Truly, it was to land on Legolas once he sat on his chair beside Lord Celeborn, her great grandfather,

LEGOLAS: No, really? Who could have guessed?

QUEEN ARAGORN: This reminds me of Indian Runner.

ARAGORN: Never. Mention. That. Movie. Again!

GIRL TREE:  Indian Runner! Indian Runner! Indian Runner! Indian Runner! Indian Runner!

and Elanneth, an elf maiden from Lothlorien who had been flirting with Legolas countless times.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Why would an ELLETH flirt with LEGOLAS?

"Look what the Halflings added" whispered Elone, now giggling.

ARAGORN: Oh Eru. Oh Eru.

ARWEN: I do NOT want to know.

Galadriel looked and grinned. Another bucket lay beside the bucket... to land on Elanneth.

ARWEN: Yup, this is where the looooove begins.

She had to close her mouth because her giggles.
Soon the dances began and Galadriel and Elone danced with Lords and Dukes, Princes and advisers.

ARAGORN: (high-pitched) I thought she HATED balls!

Galadriel talked with Eowyn who was engaged to Faramiar.

ARWEN: For eighteen years running?

ARAGORN: I guess they like being "friends with benefits".

"Don’t you wish you were in love with someone?" Eowyn asked her.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Oh my, Éowyn’s coming on to her!

ARWEN: (as Éowyn) Even though you’re a baby by human standards?

ARAGORN: I always thought there was something faintly pedophilic about that shieldmaiden.

Thankfully it was time for dinner & Elone and Galadriel sat beside each other grinning madly. Nothing could go wrong now!
************* "Friends and Honored guests, we are here to honor the Fellowship of the Ring, most of all Frodo& Sam who went into the Fires of Mordor to destroy the One Ring..." Faramiar began.

ARAGORN: How on EARTH can they spell it Faramiar? Far-uh-mee-are? No! Just . . . no!

"Galadriel, look!" Hissed Elone into her ear. "What?!" Came the annoyed answer from her friend. She gestured to two seats, Legolas’s and Elanneth’s seats. Galadriel’s face paled, Celeborn & Lord Elrond was sitting on them!

ARWEN: What? Ada didn’t leave either?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Don’t try to make sense of it.

‘What? Then where are Legolas and Elanneth?’

ALL: *snicker*

ARAGORN: Where indeed?

LEGOLAS: *does victory dance* This Elf is getting some tonight!

GIRL TREE: Um? Should I tell Boromir you aren’t committing?

 

Galadriel caught sight of a flash of brown and yellow hair, she saw her two enemies grinning at her. Galadriel and chair fell down to the floor with a clang and Faramiar’s voice stopped and there was silence. Elone’s quick eyes saw the buckets leaning, ready to fall on the wise Lords.

LEGOLAS: How exactly were they timing this?

Quickly Elone jumped yelling; "Watch out!" Elrond and Celeborn were greeted by a sticky brown liquid falling on their faces and hair.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Heh. Heh. EW!

The turned to Galadriel, who was standing up, and Elone. "Hehehehehehe?"
********
(In the King’s Council Chamber)
"Which one of you planed this?????!!!" Said a very angry King of Gondor. "Us?" Said the two girls meekly.

ARWEN: (as Galadriel) We were . . . uh, BUSY at the time Just ask the stable boys!

Legolas giggled and Aragorn shotted him an angry glance.

LEGOLAS: Giggled? I GIGGLED?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Your mom giggled last night.

"All three of you are to not to be in the Gondarien Archery grounds for eight weeks!"

LEGOLAS: All THREE? But I didn’t do anything! Besides, he has no right to punish me!

ARAGORN: Except in bed.

LEGOLAS: Right.

ARWEN: Excuse me?

ARAGORN: Go back to sleep, honey.

They all groaned and the Prince of Mirkwood and the Lady of Gondor shot angry looks. "But my Lord there is news from abroad of Orcs are gathering and we need more archers."

ARAGORN: Orcs are gathering in VALINOR?

LEGOLAS: Yes, it turns out that Manwë and Melkor were secret lovers all along.

GIRL TREE: Is that even possible?

ARWEN: You are so going to get smited for that.

Said the Kings adviser. The King rubbed his chin, "very well, I shall send this three trouble Makers to help Eomer, King. They set out tonight!"

ALL: What?

QUEEN ARAGORN: You send your daughter, another man’s daughter, and an Elf over which you have to control –

ARAGORN: Except in bed.

QUEEN ARAGORN: - except in bed, to fight with Éomer? Why aren’t you helping?

They all groaned and marched out into their chambers, slamming the doors behind them selves with a big BANG!!!!
REVIEW PLZ!!!!!!!! And have a great Spring break: o) and the next chapter, (‘the journey to Rohan’), will have a bit of a dead line because of Spring Break. In the mean time Review!
- *Lady of Rivendell*

QUEEN ARAGORN: It’s not Spring Break.

Chapter Four;
The LONG journey to Rohan

ARAGORN: It’s three days. Suck it up.

• (1) I made it so many of the children of Gondor, at the time, had elven names.

ALL: Huh?

LEGOLAS: None of them DO . . .

Galadriel, Legolas & Elone packed there few belongings they would be needed for the long journey ahead of them.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (as Galadriel) Let’s see . . . condoms, lingerie, scented oils, condoms, candles, condoms, Elf porn, condoms . . . oh yeah, and more condoms.

GIRL TREE: Eh? Sick? Noooo, not at ALL.

And through a lot of grumbling and complaining they came into the court yard. "Ada, what’s she doing here?" Asked Galadriel, pointing at Elanneth, who was shifting her bag on her shoulders.

ARAGORN: Well, she’s screwing Legolas, so I had to let her go. *grins* She persuaded me.

"Elanneth’s a companying you three, to Rohan... and will be your leader and you will obey her

LEGOLAS: Over ME? Does she even know who I AM, for crying out loud?

GIRL TREE: A gay white-haired elf?

...as long as it’s reasonable." Added King Aragorn.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Naked leapfrog in the cabbage patch is reasonable.

ARWEN: So are spankings for naughty behavior.

GIRL TREE: Do you two “hang out” a lot?

Galadriel and Elone gave each other annoyed looks and leaped gracefully onto their horses;

LEGOLAS: Promptly falling into the mud.

ALL: *cheer*

• (2) Edrahil and *(3) Aldamir, and waited for Elanneth and Legolas to mount their horses. "May the blessings of Elbereth be upon all of you." Said Arwen, raising her hand in blessing.

ARWEN: And when I say blessings, I mean the blessing that I prayed for last night. The one in which you die.

LEGOLAS: Hey!

When all was ready, the four companions passed through the Great Gate of Gondor and passed the many walls of the great, and ancient, City.

ARAGORN: Gondor is not a city!

ARWEN: I think she meant the gay and ancient citadel.

The Sun was all ready high in the Heavens and it gave a sweaty and humid long journey.

LEGOLAS: *preens* I look manly when I sweat.

OTHERS: *snort*

But with the swift elven horses,

QUEEN ARAGORN: Elven horses? Animal sex is illegal!

LEGOLAS: You’re telling me this NOW?

they were able to cover more the two miles, before night fall closed about them.

ARAGORN: Whoa, you are SLOW riders!

LEGOLAS: It’s not my fault! Galadriel and her friend kept stopping to take "water" breaks, and we couldn’t get them out of the bushed for hours!

Tying the horses to a high, sturdy, tree, the elven Prince and Gondorian ladies (Galadriel; I heard that!)

ALL: *blink*

errrr, rangers,

ARAGORN: An Elf, two bitches, and a fangirl. How are they Rangers?

GIRL TREE: I think they stole some Old Toby.  They think we CARE about their little game of Let’s-Be-Mean-Then-Have-Sex.

made camp; in a clearing, not soo far from a little stream of water.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Heh. "Water" break.

"Elanneth, since you are the appointed leader of my (4)* ada, won’t you please get us the bucket of water?" Asked Galadriel, sitting near Elone, leaning on a tree.

LEGOLAS: Wow. I must be psychic!

ARWEN: (whispers to Aragorn) Care to take a water break of our own?

QUEEN ARAGORN: NO SEX ON MY WATCH!!!! Unless it’s with me, of course.

"No, I do not plan to fetch the water; in fact, I believe it’s your turn to fetch the water!" Retorted their leader.

ALL: *snigger*

QUEEN ARAGORN: "Fetch the water". I’m using that!

Galadriel couldn’t argue with her, so she went down to the stream with Elone.

(Aragorn and Legolas watch avidly)

While Galadriel was filling two jars of water Elone went a little way off. And so, came back, with a huge grin on her face, and something in her hands that Galadriel could not see. "What is it?" she asked her friend. "You wait and find out" came the reply from Elone and they went back to the camp for supper.

QUEEN ARAGORN: (sarcastically) How exciting.

Dinner that night was a chicken, but Elanneth was really picky with her food so she had lembas, (an elvish rye bread... I think).

ALL: *sigh*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Waybread. Way – bread. It’s not that hard.

GIRL TREE: You’ve forgotten that this is the child of Aragorn and Arwen, and her name is Galadriel.  She has no brain.

At night time they pitched up their tents and, after dieing out the fire they all said good night and went to sleep... except Elone. Waiting until midnight, she crept, silently, out of her tent and went into Elanneth’s tent.

ALL: *gasp*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Someone’s getting laid tonight!

GIRL TREE: *sings* Do a little dance! Make a little love! Get down tonight!

Allowed noise was released from her enemy’s noise,

ALL: *blink*

she stiffened a giggle, she had no idea that her ‘leader’ snored! Placing a rather large snake on Elanneth’s pillow, she left the tent and went to sleep. And she was only awakened by piercing screams.
Galadriel quickly sat up, what was that? Then she knew, a high piercing shriek reached her ears, the quick memory of Elone holding something, gingerly, in her hands, passed her mind. What had Elone put in their enemy’s tent? With that thought in her mind the uuuh, ranger, went out to investigate the ‘horrible’ matter.

QUEEN ARAGORN: *yawns* This is getting so incredibly dull.

GIRL TREE: *puts on pjs* Wake me when it’s over.

When the matter was solved, it was made that Elone would make the dinners and fetch water, for the rest of the journey to Rohan.

ARWEN: What did I tell you? "Punishment"!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Heh. Fetch water. Heh.

With that settled they settled out for the long journey ahead of them.
*SEVEN HOURS LATER*
Being bored Galadriel, who had a rather beautiful singing voice, (inherited from her mother), began to sing.
"Lay Down

ALL: AUGHHHHHHHHH!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Gah! Gah! I hate this! I’m editing it out!

ALL: *breath a sigh of relief*

She finished her song. "Finally you’re done that horrible song!" Exclaimed Elanneth, relieved.

ALL: *smirk*

LEGOLAS: I’m liking this Elanneth more and more.

"O? You want more songs? Okay!" Said Galadriel and began her second song. "No, no, no! I didn’t mean it! Really!" Said an annoyed ‘ranger’, but... it couldn’t be helped.

LEGOLAS: Bitch!

QUEEN ARAGORN: Honestly! She sings ‘In Dreams’ next. I’m cutting it too.

ARWEN: You’re my hero.

QUEEN ARAGORN: I know.

GIRL TREE: I love you.  Platonically.

Galadriel grinned and was about to sing again when Elanneth piped in. "No more please!" "But I want more" came Galadriel’s answer. "But I don’t!" "I do" "But I don’t!" "I do" "But I don’t!" "I do" "But I don’t!" "I do" "But I don’t!" "I do" "But I don’t!" "I do"

ARAGORN: All right, ENOUGH!

LEGOLAS: (to QA) I am going to kill you one day.

"But I -hey! Where are Elone and Legolas?" Questioned Elanneth stopping her horse and looking about.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Heh. Heh.

LEGOLAS: No. I refuse to believe this.

"There, they are!" Said Galadriel pointing, to two people; on horses: Legolas and Elone. "Hey guys! Wait up!" Called Elanneth and she and Galadriel, chased there companions.

LEGOLAS: Ah, sweet relief.

ARAGORN: What do you mean? THEY found you.

LEGOLAS: Oh. Never mind.

**********************
Heya! I’m back from Sri Lanka: and had a great time with my family.

QUEEN ARAGORN: She went to SRI LANKA? Rich bitch!

These 3 pages and a half our putting up for the weeks in Spring Break, that I didn’t write.

ARWEN: You know what? That’s okay. Really, it is.

(*1) Ada- father in elvish, (*2) Edrahil; means brave; wise loyal: name made by J.R.R (*3) Aldamir; Tree-jewel * I do not own the two songs that Galadriel sings; In Dreams and Into the West. They are by; Enya.

QUEEN ARAGORN: No, they’re not! Annie Lennox sings ‘Into the West’.

PLEASE REVIEW! (THIS CHAPTER TOOK almost a WEEK!!)

LEGOLAS: How could that BE?

I like In Dreams so I’ll sing it again;

ALL: Noooooooooo!

ARAGORN: She’s pure evil!

QUEEN ARAGORN: *sighs* Again with the editing. Next chapter.

*Chapter Six*
**********************
Author; Ha-Ha! I got two reviews! Well, actually ONE review AND a FLAME! * glares angrily at Tindomiel*

ALL: Go Tindomiel!

QUEEN ARAGORN: It’s so refreshing to know that there are still good people in the world.

GIRL TREE: I love you! Platonically!

Everyone else in the Story; you mean WE did! Author; uuuh, yes, we got reviews *sighs* don’t own anything in this story; nor places nor characters; only the ones you don’t recognize! On with the story!
*****************************Rohan
It took nearly a week to get to Rohan,

ARAGORN: Three days! It takes three days!

ARWEN: Maybe they ran into a Nazgûl.

GIRL TREE: Or Customs.

with all the grumbling from Elone, Elanneth and Galadriel; and soon Legolas started it to be very snappy at the girls because they were being grumpy and snappy back to him.

LEGOLAS: *snaps fingers* Look at me, I’m so snappy! I’m gonna snap this Mary-Sue in half!

So the group entered the plains of Rohan at Dawn on the fifth day

QUEEN ARAGORN: Thief! Stop thief!

and saw the City of Edoras and the Golden Hall of Medasuld, (is that spelled right? If it’s not can you guys please give me the right way in spelling it?),

QUEEN ARAGORN: Meduseld, you twit!

GIRL TREE: How do you not know this!

at Dusk.
The Door Keeper knew Legolas and Galadriel’s father and, with few questions of how it was doing in Gondor and of greetings, they were let through.

LEGOLAS: (as Door Keeper) And Aragorn? Still a pervy hobbit fancier? Good, good, go on in!

They were met by King (*1) Eomer and he lead them to the Great Hall. When the doors were opened Galadriel saw a White Lady; wearing a beautiful blue dress, at in her hands; hilt downward; was a sword. For indeed, standing at the left side of the King’s throne, was Eowyn; Shield maiden of Rohan, the White Lady of *Ithilien (*spell check...err.)

ALL: Errrrr . . .

ARWEN: Why isn’t she AT Ithilien?

GIRL TREE: She decided Eomer was better in bed so I got Faramir.

QUEEN ARAGORN:  A-HEM?!?!?!?!  INCEST!!!!!!!  *remembers Túrin and Nienor*  Eh.

All of Gondor knew of Eowyn; sister-daughter of the former King of Rohan; Théoden, who had died in the War of the Ring, for she lived, now, in Gondor, with her husband; Faramiar,

LEGOLAS: Weren’t they just ENGAGED a few chapters ago?

ARAGORN: Eh, she probably got knocked up.

GIRL TREE: But he’s MINE!

Galadriel’s father’s Steward. But now Eowyn was visiting her brother; King Eomer of Rohan. She greeted the four travelers "welcome, Ladies of Gondor and you; Legolas son of Thrunduil;

LEGOLAS: Thrunduil? THRUNDUIL?

GIRL TREE: *twitchtwitch*

who aided us in the War of the Ring." All bowed, or bowed heads to the Lady. Four servants came and lead Elone, Elanneth and Galadriel away to their chambers. But Legolas stayed with Eowyn and Eomer, and had many tales to tell and they also talked of the War of the Ring and the conflict of the uprising of the, once scattered, Orcs.

QUEEN ARAGORN: Orcs don’t uprise by themselves, dimwit. They’re too stupid. They need a leader.

All of the girls had cool, long, baths and brushed maid brushed their long hair.

ARWEN: A brushed maid? What is a brushed maid?

GIRL TREE: Is it legal?

Night gowns were laid out, much to Galadriel’s, and Elone’s, disgust

ALL: Heh.

LEGOLAS: (as Galadriel) What? We can’t sleep naked? But then how will we . . .

and struggled as the maids tried to put them on. "My lady! If you really don’t behave I’ll really have to knock you out by my self!"

ALL: Do it! Do it!

QUEEN ARAGORN: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Exclaimed a maid named Arlarwen (hard name to pronounce? Ar-lar-wen)

ARWEN: Not really. And not a Rohirric name, either.

GIRL TREE: It’s not from anywhere I know!

Galadriel just scowled and let them to fasten up her night gown.
But when the maids had left she tucked the night gown under her mattress and slipped into her leggings on and fell asleep; not bothering to go to Dinner.

 

ALL: *snigger*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Tsk tsk. She IS a dirty girl.

*********************************************************** Sorry that this chapter wasn’t that very long but I’ll try to make the next chapter longer. (*1) can any one tell me who Eomer marries, IF anyone?

QUEEN ARAGORN: Lothliriel of Dol Amroth, nitwit.

P.S. Arlarwen is my invention (and name)

ARWEN: WHO would have guessed?

**************Review Replies*****************************************
Tindomiel; who cares if the name is named after an elf? I’m sure J.R.R Tokien wouldn’t mind that I had. And nobody else cares. And, another thing, my story won’t burn in deepest circles of Hell for your information!

ARAGORN: Wanna bet?

GIRL TREE: Even if it doesn’t, I will flame it to the deepest circles of hell and back!

LEGOLAS: *shaking* Is it . . . over?

QUEEN ARAGORN: I’m afraid so. Now, everyone throw cabbages at Lady of Rivendell, who was kind enough to write the worst badfic I’ve ever read.

EVERYONE: *throws cabbages*

QUEEN ARAGORN: And a big hand to me for MSTing it.

EVERYONE: *throws cabbages*

QUEEN ARAGORN: Hey!

GIRL TREE: No one loves me?

 

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