MST: SOLF, by Michicko

MSTed by Girl Tree

 

[Scene opens on a seemingly empty room.  The sound of a scuffle is heard near the exit.  Girl Tree is trying to shove two huge sacks through the door, and there seems to be muffled voices coming from inside them.]

GT: Why do these doors have to be so damn small? [Finally, all two sacks are in a heap by some chairs] There.  Now, you two, I know you can hear me, so listen up.  I’m going to let you out, but you’d better listen or I’ll call in the other Dúnedain Pirates.  And Sparky.  And the elf/eyeball mutant we keep in a cage.  Understood?

[Muffled voices saying “yes” are heard. GT nods happily and bends over to open the sacks.  Soon, the figures of Merry, Pippin, and Boromir are standing and stretching.]

GT: PIPPIN! What are you doing here?

Pippin: You expect me to leave Merry with Boromir alone? You know what he’s capable of…

Boromir: Namely, he wants to join in.

Pippin: *grins*

GT: *shakes head* Ok, ok, whatever.  Now, you will watch this until the end, and if you do, I’ll give you…er…Oreos.  And a…hotel room.  *cringes* Why do I have the feeling I’m going to regret this? Anyway, give me too much trouble and I’m tying you down.  Got it?

Boromir: Of course, m’lady.

GT: *temper flares* Call me that again and I’ll tie you down in the hotel room with no chance of escape!

Boromir: *face turns white* Sure, no big, Homie G.

GT: Oh, Eru. I’ve got to keep you away from QA. Have fun, fellas. [walks out]

 

SOLF

 

Pippin: What the hell kind of title is that?

Boromir: *shakes head* The stupidity of these people…

 

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE LORD OF THE RINGS.

All: THANK GOD FOR THAT!

 

A/N: I had to remove this story to add chapters. My account was frozen for some incredibly stupid reason.

 

Merry: Hmm, let’s think.

Pippin: (as Fanfiction people) *hit “freeze” button* Oops, did we ‘accidentally’ stop her from writing? My bad…

Boromir: What will people these days do next?

Pippin: (as Fanfiction people) Oops! Did I delete that pen name by ‘accident’…

 

Chapter One: Glow in the Dark Abs

 

Pippin: Huh? What is this chick on?

Merry: I know something else glow-in-the-dark we would enjoy more…

Pippin: Ohh…Lemme see!

[Merry bends down]

GT’s voice: NO! This is only PG, guys! Perhaps Pg-13 if you keep it up…

 

"I think we took a wrong turn at Caradhras." Gandalf said.

 

Merry: We never turned at Caradhras!

Boromir: We turned around.

Merry: That’s not the point! We did not turn left or right…we went the fastest way: through Moria!

 

Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin were giggly insanely.

        "Dude.look at all the stars."

 

Pippin: I resent that.  First off, I don’t giggle.  And secondly, I don’t say dude.

Merry: Ditto.

 

Obviously, they were high.

 

Merry & Pippin: WHAT?  We don’t get high!

Boromir: *snorts* Yeah, right.  You meant to do that when I met up with you in pub…

Merry: I wasn’t high…I was drunk!

 

        "Oh my gosh Becky look at her butt. It is soooooooo big!" Pippin sang, "I like big butts and I cannot lie."

 

Pippin: Becky? Who’s Becky? What is that crap I’m singing?

GT’s voice: HEY! That’s Sheep-boy’s song!

Merry: Er…Girl Tree?

GT’s voice: Huh? Oh…sorry…

 

        Take that back. They were extremely high.

 

Merry: Were not.

Boromir: I think you are high. [sees looks on the hobbits’ faces] I’m …er…talking about the author.

 

        "Sometimes when we touch.the honesty's too much.and I have to close my eyes and hide..." crooned Sam.

        Okay, the hobbits were wasted.

 

Pippin: It is really hard to be wasted when you don’t get high.

Boromir: *muttering* Liar…

Pippin: What was that? I couldn’t hear you that well.

Boromir: I said…Er…fire.

Merry: Fire?

Boromir: Yep.  Thought we might have to evacuate.

Pippin: *clueless* Oh.  Good idea.  Pity it didn’t work.

 

        "SHUT UP SAM!" Aragorn shouted, "That was, what? The 1,889,778,454th time you've sang that song?"

        "No," said Legolas, "It's the 1,889,778,455th time. I've been counting."

 

Merry: They don’t talk like that.

Boromir: Gee, I wonder why they sound like teenaged girls?

Pippin: I dunno. Maybe some aliens came down from Mars and took over their bodies and want to join all giggly teenaged girls of the world and take over!

Merry: Or, maybe they’re extremely OOC.

 

Legolas triple flipped his hair

 

Boromir: Not possible.  He hates that. Apparently, he doesn’t want his hair to get tangled.

 

and girls around the world sighed. (except for my friend Adrienne who thinks that Frodo's hotter. Eww!)

 

Merry: Well he is.  And don’t add little author’s notes.  It bugs me. Trust me, that’s not a good thing.

 

        Merry stumbles due to his wastedness

 

Pippin: Not a word!

 

and falls on something very hard and black. "Ow, what is this stuff?" He looks down at the black thing. It had two yellow lines running through the middle of it.

 

All: Huh? You mean a STREET?

Boromir: God, WHAT IS SHE ON?

Pippin: You asked that already. Who are you talking to? ‘Cuz no one’s answering. 

 

        "One time, at band camp, we were playing spin the bottle and I had to kiss this guy for like, 30 seconds and it was SO FUNNY!!" giggled Pippin. Insanely.

 

Merry: *hurt* What?! You said I was the first!

Pippin: You were! I’ve never been to band camp! And I don’t know what spin the bottle is!

 

        "Look! An odd looking house! Let's go ask for directions.

 

Boromir: Of course, because it is very safe to walk into strange houses to ask for directions.  And why am I the only one who hasn’t said anything yet?

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Pippin: Purdy flowers!

 

        Meanwhile, Diana, Anne, Lydia, Amanda, Jenny Hess, Jen Heller, Katherine, Jenna, Hanna, Miriam and Adrienne were having a slumber party.

 

All: AHHHHHHHHH! GROUP SELF INSERTION! WITH FRIENDS! IN THE 21^ST CENTURY!

        "Why do they call it a 'slumber party'?" Katherine asked, "No one gets any sleep."

 

Merry: Heh. So naive.

 

        "What else would they call them?" Diana replied, " 'Let's-stay-up-all- night- and-get-sugar-highs party'?"

        "Well."

 

Pippin: A—

GT’s Voice: Don’t say whatever you were going to say.

 

        "YAY! THET PARTS COMING UP! HE'S GOING TO DO THAT THINGY!"

 

Merry: Heh.  Thingy.

Boromir: Who exactly are they watching?

 

Diana, Hanna, Jen Heller, Katherine, and Jenna all screamed and gathered around the tv.

 

Pippin: It was taped?!

 

Amanda, Jenny Hess and Adrienne just smacked their heads. Miriam, Anne and Lydia just kind of sat there.

        The 5 members of Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirls, (S. O. L. F. for short.)

 

Merry: So that’s what the title meant.

Boromir: That’s so stupid!

 

watch as Legolas did that REALLY cool stunt with the horse.

 

Merry: (as girls) *squealing* Like, Oh, My, Gawd! That was, like, rilly cool!

 

After that bit was over, they all sighed.

 

Pippin: And then choked on…whatever they were eating, and died. The end.

 

Amanda, Jenny and Adrienne smack their heads. Again.

 

Pippin: So hard, that they got concussions and died.

 

        "You know what would be really cool?" Diana says, still half dazed due to Legolas's severe hotness,

 

Merry: If you stopped this self-insertion, Legomance. 

Pippin: And died.

Boromir: You really have it in for them, don’t you?

Pippin: Uh huh.

 

"It would totally awesome if Legolas had glow-in-the-dark abs."

 

Merry: (As random drooling girl) Like, totally, and even better if he, like, had awesome pink highlights!

Pippin: (As another random drooling girl) Like, omigawd! We could SOOO have a, like, stellar sleepover!

 

        All of a sudden, a loud pounding is heard. "I hope that's not Cassie. She's the spawn of Satan." Amanda said out loud.

 

Merry: If she came over, wouldn’t she be a friend? And if she’s a friend, then why are you being so mean.  I don’t know many who would enjoy being called “the spawn of Satan”.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Pippin: I’m hungry

 

        "Who's going to knock on the door?" Legolas asked. HE looked around at the rest of the fellowship. The hobbits were either singing, on the ground twitching or passed out. Gandalf was trying to revive Pippin and Aragorn was being driven insane by Sam's singing. Merry was passed out, Frodo was twitching and Gimli and Boromir looked afraid to touch the door.

 

Boromir: I’m mentioned for the first time!

 

"Fine, I will knock." Legolas knocked and waited for someone to answer the door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        Since it was Diana's house, she got up to answer the door. She hoped it was the pizza guy. She was incredibly hungry. As she reached the front door, she could hear someone singing and someone yelling and a loud thump. She opened the door anyways.

 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHH- (takes deep breath)

 

Pippin: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SELF INSERTION! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Merry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Boromir:  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Diana screamed. Katherine, Jen, Jenna and Hanna came running to the door. They did the first thing they could think of when they reached the front door. They screamed and then fainted. The rest of the girls came running thinking that their friends were dead.

 

Pippin: Can they stay dead? Forever?

 

        "Oh my gosh!" Adrienne said, "You.are.Legolas Greenleaf!"

        "Umm." Legolas quivered in fear.

 

Merry: ‘Cuz everyone quivers when they’re scared.

Boromir: He does not say “Umm”. I might not know him the best, but I still know Legolas.  He says a lot of things.  “Umm” is not one of them.

 

        "Dude you better get out of here before-" Too late. The 5 members of S. O. L. F. had already awakened and were clinging to Legolas's legs.

        "FLY!"

 

Boromir: THAT’S GANDALF’S LINE!

Merry: THEIF!

Pippin: SHE SHOULD BE ARRESTED! AND KILLED!

Merry: (as Legolas) Like, dude, far out, dude!

 

 Legolas shouted to the rest of the fellowship, "Save yourselves!" He sniffed, "It's too late for me."

        "WAIT! If you stay , we promise we won't cling to your legs anymore." Diana said.

        "Why?" Legolas asked, trying to break free of their grip.

        "For the sake of continuing this story."

        "Umm.no."

        "I've got pizza."

        "Okay!"

 

Merry: How did we know what pizza was? I didn’t know what it was ‘till I met Girl Tree.

Pippin: Chapter One done!

Boromir: And here’s chapter two!

Merry: There’s more than one?! Crap!

 

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings characters.

 

Pippin: We’ve been through this before. We know. And we’re happy.

 

A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long to put up! My account was frozen.

 

Merry: *Drily* Wonder why.

 

Chapter 2: Pippin, The Croc Hunter

 

Pippin: The last time I checked, Steve Irwin was The Crocodile Hunter. 

Merry: I thought so to. But you never know what else they may screw up in these wacko stories.

 

        "Hey! You said you had pizza!" Legolas said.

 

Boromir: He should be saying, “What the hell is pizza? Who the hell are you? Where the hell am I? Ewww! Get it off me…its fangirl-ness will rub onto my new Armani tunic!”

Pippin: Yeah, he probably would be. And screaming bloody murder, too.

 

        "We do, it's jut not here yet." Amanda said. Diana, Jen, Katherine, Jenna and Hanna were standing with their mouths wide open, to stunned to speak.

 

Merry: Again with the random listing of this author’s friends! WHY WHY WHY MUST THEY ALL BE INCLUDED?! AS THOUGH ONE RABID FANGIRLWASN’T BAD ENOUGH…!

Pippin: You’re right.  They should all be killed.

Boromir: I’m sensing a great amount of hostility towards these girls, Pippin.  Why?  Why kill them off when you could torture them and make it even worse for them?

Pippin: Hmmm…good point! That’s it, I’m turning over a new leaf.  Who has thumbscrews I could use?

 

        "How did you get here, anyways?" Lydia asked.

        "Well," said Pippin, a little less wasted, "It's a long story. It all starts with a mommy and a daddy and then they go up to the-"

        "Fool of a Took! That's where babies come from." Gandalf said, "We actually don't know how we got here."

        The doorbell rang again. The fellowship pulled out their weapons ready for battle. Anne went to go answer the door. Aragorn pulled her back.

        "Stay back!" He shouted, "It could be an ambush!"

        "Um, that's just the pizza man," Anne replied.

        "YAY! PIZZA!" The hobbits said in unison.

 

Merry: We wouldn’t know what pizza is!

Pippin: We should shove pizza in their faces! And in their clothes! And everywhere they go, there should be pizza! Until they are tortured by the sight, smell, sound, or feel of pizza!

Boromir: *grins nervously* Hehe…maybe a little less with the torture plans, Pip.

 

The four of them sheathed their swords and ran to the door. They opened the door and took the pizza from the guy.

        "That'll be 20 bucks," said the pizza man in a monotonous voice. Pippin just slammed the door in his face. Adrienne grabbed the pizza from Frodo.

        "Sorry hobbits, but we need nourishment too."

        "Damn." Frodo said looking very disappointed. (In case you're wondering, Adrienne's not clinging to Frodo 'cause his legs are WAY too hairy)

 

Merry: How would you know!

Boromir: We should call in Sam.

Pippin: We should! He could probably help me torture them in ways I couldn’t even dream of!

 

Adrienne passed around slices of pizza to everyone. Diana, Jen, Katherine, Hanna, and Jenna were still following Legolas around with their mouths wide open. Amanda, Jenny and Adrienne smacked their heads.

        "Okay, that is starting to hurt." Jenny said rubbing her forehead.

        "Get used to it," Amanda said, "We're going to be smacking ourselves a lot."

 

Pippin: Good. Maybe you’ll knock yourselves out and leave us in peace.

Merry: I must agree with you there.

 

        "Do you want to stay for the slumber party?" Miriam asked.

        "Slumber party?" Frodo asked, "What's that?"

        "You stay the night at someone's house. Miriam replied.

        "Oh. We call them Let's-stay-up-and-get-sugar-highs party." Sam said.

 

Merry: No, actually, we call it Going-to-the-Green-Dragon-and-getting-high-and-drunk-so-we-can-lynch-self-insertion-authors party.

Boromir: *intrigued* Really?

Pippin: Really.  You should come sometime.  We could always use someone else, since one person has to stay in the getaway cart just in case.

Boromir: Yeah, well, my friend—

GT’s voice: Plan later. MST now.

Pippin: Fine.

 

        "Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhht.."

        "AHHH! It burns! Feel my wrath!" Gandalf zapped his pizza and it turned into a pickle. "BWAHAHA! I'M ALMIGHTY!"

        "Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhht.." All of a sudden, Sam, Katherine, Merry and Pippin started singing the song..

        "Sometimes when we touch. The honesty's too much. And I have to close my eyes and hide."

 

Pippin: Because we can read each other’s minds and silently decide what song to sing!

Boromir: …Right.

 

        "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Aragorn shouted and covered his ears, "The infernal song of doom!"

 

All: YOU’RE TELLING US!

 

        "Do you even know what infernal means?" Lydia asked.

        "No." Aragorn ran into the corner of the kitchen. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He slumped to the floor and sucked his thumb. He was also rocking back and forth. Legolas shook his head.

 

Boromir: I’m shaking my head, too!

Merry: Ok, I would understand unshaven, mumbling, and dirty.  And a flamer.  BUT HE’S THE BLOODY FUTURE KING OF MEN! HE’S NOT STUPID! OR A BABY!

Pippin: He’s right! Aragorn’s not the one who rocks back and forth.

GT’s voice: *gleefully* I’m the one who rocks back and forth!

Pippin: Precisely. No offense.

GT’s voice: None taken.

 

        "WOW! That one's a whopper!" said Pippin, trying to imitate the crocodile hunter, " She's a beaut!" Pippin was holding a spoon. "Now, I've got to be careful, female spoons are feistier than-" Pippin shrieked wildly,

 

Pippin: What the hell!?!  Who IS this “crocodile hunter”? Why am I talking about a spoon? AND SPOONS CAN’T BE MALE OR FEMALE!

Merry: He’s this Australian who likes to pretend to be brave and go ‘this close’ *holds hand and shows how close…you know what I mean, right?* to getting killed.  And he olds a five month old baby one foot away from a huge crocodile.  It’s really fun to make fun of, but other than that, it’s kinda stupid.

 

"AHHHHHHHH! ME ARM! SHE'S BITTEN OFF ME ARM!" He let out a very long string of bad, nasty words.

 

Pippin: Haha! No! I don’t curse…the memories of me mum washing my mouth out with soap is still too near. *twitch*

Boromir: And you’re not missing an arm.  Trust me, I know. If you had, you wouldn’t be able to—

GT’s voice: ENOUGH!

 

        "Your arm is still attached to your body." Jen said.

        "HOLY CR- oh, you're right."

        "Anyone for a drink?" Merry asked.

        "One, I don't drink," Diana said, "Two, where'd you get the beer?"

        "NOT TELLING! Anyways, how 'bout a drinking song then?"

        "OK!" Diana, Hanna, Merry and Pippin jumped up on the table and started to sing.

 

All: *twich*

Merry: Everything about that was…wrong. Just wrong.

 

        "Hey Ho, to the bottle I go,

        To heal my heart and drown my woe!

        The rain may fall, the wind may blow,

        But there shall beeeeeeeee, many miles to go!

 

        Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain,

        And the feet that fall from hill to plain,

        Better than rain or rippling brook."

 

GT’s voice: That’s MY song!

Pippin: Errr…

Merry: Not really.

GT’s voice: I’m a pirate, I steal things.  And sing them really loud as I walk down the hallway at school.  Therefore it is my song.

Boromir: That’s makes sense, actually.

 

        Diana sang, "And a mug of beer inside this Took!"

 

Pippin: Now THAT’s my line!

 

(Incase you haven't noticed, that is the song Merry and Pippin sing in the Green Dragon in the Extended version of FOTR.)

 

Boromir: No shit, Sherlock!

Merry: *sarcastically* I had no idea.  Did you know that Pippin?

Pippin: No! Wow! Go figure!

 

        "Hey, that was my line!" Pippin said.

 

Pippin: I just said that!

 

Aragorn was giving them evil glares.

 

Boromir: For a future King of Men, he is really…odd.

Merry: Unstable.

 

        "What do you want to do now?"

        "TRUTH OR DARE!" The hobbits and Gimli squealed.

 

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *collective twitching, shuddering, and rocking back and forth*

 

        "Okay." Adrienne pondered (HA! That's a big word like 'cat'!) "Uhhh, BOROMIR! Truth or Dare?!"

        "Hmm, let's see." (20 min. later)

        "How about..." They all smiled. "No, no. That's stupid." They all sighed. (An hour later)

        "Umm.."

        "You picked dare? Ok, good."

        "But I-"

        "I dare you to."

 

Boromir: Wha…? WHY AM I ALWAYS A GIT?!

Merry: And it randomly ends there.  

Pippin: Really? That’s all?

GT’s voice: Nope, there’s nine chapters, remember?

All: *groan*

    

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lord of the Rings. So no suing!

 

Boromir: Damn! I was just thinking about doing that!

 

A/N: Please don't ask about the dare. It's an inside joke.

 

Merry: Then don’t bloody add it in! WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

Pippin: Which is why you should just delete this story.

 

Chapter 3: Squirrels and Video Games

 

Boromir: Because squirrels and video games go together like bread and brother, or Merry and Pippin, or Sam and Frodo, or Helen and your mom, or—

Merry: We get it, dude.

 

        "I KNOW! I dare you too-" Adrienne was interrupted by the front door opening. Another of Diana's friends, Hayley, skipped in singing.

 

Pippin: Crap. There’s another one.

 

        "We're devils, we're black sheep, we're really bad eggs, drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, Yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"

 

GT’s voice: NO! That’s my song, too!

 

        "HAYLEY!" Diana shouted.

        "DIANA!" Hayley shouted back.

        "HAYLEY!"

        "DIANA!"

        "MERRY!" Pippin screamed.

        "PIPPIN!" Merry yelled.

        "MERR-"

 

Pippin: We never did that.

Merry: Duh. We’re not THAT stupid.

 

        "SHUT UP!" Gandalf said.

 

Boromir: Very well put.

 

        "Yessir!" Merry and Pippin said in unison.

 

Merry: WHAT?!

Pippin: I only do that kind of thing in the bedroom…

GT’s voice: Kindly shut up, Pippin dear.

Pippin: Ok.

 

        "OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" Legolas put his hand over her mouth.

        "Been there, done that." The five members gave Hayley glares of jealousy.

        "ANYWAYS..." Adrienne said, "Boromir, I dare you to lick Aragorn's armpit.

        "WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NEVER!" Boromir ran towads the glass door, thinking it was an exit. He ran right into it, and was knocked out cold.

 

Merry: As GT says, twitch.  Just twitch.

Boromir: Sicko. That. Bitch. Is. A. Sicko.

 

        "So much for that dare."

 

Boromir: Thank God.

 

        "Who's next?"

        "Oh! Oh! ME!" Gimli squealed. "Umm.... I'll pick..you! What's your name. Oh, Amananananda."

        "It's just Amanda." She replied.

        "Same thing. Hmmmm.. I dare you to dress in a squirrel costume, climb a tree, and yell, 'I WANT NUTS!'"

        "NO!" Amanda cried shrilly, "That has innuendo written all over it!"

        "I know." Gimli smiled cheesily.

        "What does innuendo mean?" Frodo asked. Thankfully, no one answered.

        "Are you going to do it or not?"

        "NO."

        "I'll give you a kiss."

        "NO!"

        "How 'bout for twenty bucks?" Sam asked.

        "SOLD!"

 

Merry: (as authoress as she writes) Hmmm…I think I’m gonna write random shit!

 

        So, in the end, Amananananda- I mean, Amanda, dressed up as a squirrel, climbed a tree, and yelled 'I WANT NUTS!'. Sad, really. I won't go in to the details as they are scary and they made my eyes sting.

        "I'm getting bored of this game." Pippin whined.

 

Pippin: I was bored before it started.

 

        "I know!" Diana said, "We can play video games!" They all headed into the basement. Diana turned on the TV and the playstation. She put the Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King game into the console. "Who wants to play?"

        "OH! OH! MEEEEE!" Merry said. Diana gave him a controller. Dian chose Legolas-of course- to play for the game. The real Legolas twitched.

 

Merry: Finally something that might really happen.  If we every played with video games…

 

        "Who should I be?" Merry asked. There were many characters to choose from besides Legolas; there was Aragorn, Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, Merry, Pippin and Faramir.

        "Ew! Who'd want to be Pippin?!" Merry said.

        "Yeah, he's such a whiner and he eats a lot." Pippin, who oddly agreed went on, "And he doesn't know a thing about battle and- HEY wait a minute!"

        "What?" Aragorn asked.

        "I forgot to say that he's not quite that smart and- WAIT!"

        "WHAT?!"

        "I also forgot that he's also simple-minded too." A couple minutes passed by before Pippin realized what he just said about himself. "Hey! Merry, you tricked me!"

 

Pippin: Right.  ‘Cuz I would do that.

Merry: Usually, I would laugh, but this chick is way off.  Went way too far with the whole “stupid” thing.

 

        "Pippin," Merry sighed, "No one cares."

        "Oh," Pippin said cheerfully, "Okay."

        Merry choose to be- what a surprise- Merry. They picked to play the Pelennor Fields level.

        "What you have to do," Diana explained, "is fight the orcs until we kill sixty of them. Then, we have to go and kill the Oliphaunts before they kill Eowyn and...well, you. After we kill three, a Nazgul" Frodo cringed, "will come and we have to hurt it. It will go away after a while and we go back to killing Oliphaunts. Then, the Nazgul comes back and we kill it and we beat the level. Got it?"

 

Merry: Nope.

 

        "Yup!" Merry replied.

 

Merry: Huh.  Something doesn’t add up here, does it. 

 

        "Ready?" Merry nodded. "GO!" Diana, controlling Legolas, slashed through Southrons and Mukmamil. She had killed about 10 by now.

        "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Merry died. Already.

        "It's okay, you have a respawn." Diana said.

 

All: *collective twitch*

Merry: That is not exactly one of my abilities, thank you.

 

Within 10 seconds, Merry was playing again. And within 3, he died. Again.

1        "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Merry cried in agony, "CURSE YOU!" Merry pulled out his infamous carrot and nibbled on it to make him feel better.

 

Merry: Er…I would never eat my ‘carrot’…

 

        What will they do next?

 

Merry: Kill you.

 

Why did Gimli call Amanda Amananananda?

 

Pippin: To make her melt like the Wicked Witch.

 

Is Pippin really that dumb?

 

Boromir: No, but you are.

 

Why is merry horrible at playing video games?

 

Merry: Because I’ve never PLAYED video games before.

 

When will the insanity end?

 

Boromir: Heaven help us if it isn’t soon.

 

You probably won't find out in Chapter 4, but read it anyways!

 

All: NO!

GT’s voice: Sorry guys.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Lord of the Rings characters. A/N: Sorry this chapter took long! Internet problems AND writers block.

 

Pippin: Why couldn’t your internet die forever and your writer’s block never end?

 

 Sucks, I know. Anyways, here chapter 4!

 

Merry: Damn.

 

Chapter 4: The Doom that is Keith

 

Boromir: Random. Very random.

 

        "Maybe video games isn't such a good idea." Diana was about to turn the console off, but Boromir spoke up.

        "NO! I wanna play!" He cried.

 

Boromir: UH! False characterization!

 

        "Yeah," Hayley said, "Me too!"

        "Hey," Adrienne said, "I thought you didn't like video games!"

        "Well..."

        "Okay then." Boromir said, "The match has been set. Whoever gets the most kills, wins."

        "You're going down, son!"

        "I beg to differ!"

        Hayley decided to be Aragorn and Boromir decided to be Faramir. Boromir wanted to know why he wasn't in the game, and no one wanted to answer. They chose the Black gate level and started to play.

 

Boromir: I’m not stupid. I already know, I die. 

Pippin: Why are you here, then?

Boromir: To tell you the truth, I have no idea.

 

        Hayley was doing pretty well. She got used to it quickly. She had killed about 12 guys by now.

        Boromir was doing well, but he wasn't adjusting as fast as Hayley. He had only killed 5.

        "Hey!" Hayley shouted, "I was about to kill him!"

        "So?" Then, the scene changed. They could hear Gandalf talking about destroying the evil that marshals before us etc. Then, the orcs surrounded them on all sides. They came first from the right, then from all sides. After they killed 6 bosses, they faced the Nazgul. Hayley threw spears and killed them all.

        "HEY! You didn't let me kill any of them!" Boromir pouted.

 

Boromir: Do I pout?

Merry: Not that I know of.

 

        The end, they both killed 76 orcs, mumakil, and southrons.

        "There's only one way to settle this." Jenna said. "NAME CALLING FACE- OFF!" (dramatic music plays.)

        "DORK!" Boromir shouted.

        "Is that the best you could think of?" Boromir nodded. "You're such a dumbass."

        "I am not a donkey!" Aragorn whispered something in Boromir's ear. "Auta miqula oruqu*!" Boromir said triumphantly.

        "Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina*!" Hayley replied.

        Frodo now whispered something to Boromir. "GERMAN GIRL!" At this everyone gasped.

        "OH MY GOSH!" Jenny shouted, "YOU CALLED HAYLEY A GERMAN GIRL! HOW COULD YOU! I mean- wait, I don't get it."

 

Pippin: No one does, because it’s an “inside joke”.  Except not a joke.  I think, anyway.

 

        "It's a long story" Adrienne said. "Did you know, that when you squeeze a ketchup bottle, the ketchup comes out at 25 mi an hour?" "Yes Diana," Anne said, "You've told us this before." "But did you know that when you sneeze-" "Yes." "And also when-" "You can never keep your eyes open when you sneeze, we know." And then, there was a knock upon the door. Again. Lydia stood up to answer it, and Jen joined her.

        A teenager who looked to be 17 or 18 stood in the doorway. He looked familiar. Lydia thought she had seen him on some show.

        "Who are you?" Jen asked.

        "Hi, my name's Keith."

        "Oh no.. You were ever on American Idol?" Lydia asked, sounding a little scared.

        "Yes." Keith replied angrily. "But those idiots rejected me." Keith pushed pass the two girls and walked into the room. He stared at all four hobbits still eating.

 

Merry: Oh Eru.  An American reject.  There. In the same room as me.  He’s gonna be so stupid that we’ll wish you get lynched if you are rejected on American Idol.  I’m gonna puke.

Pippin: Not on me, you’re not.

 

        "Hey, weren't you guys in a movie or something?" Keith said, sounding gay.

        "What's a movie?" Pippin asked Merry.

        "I think you eat it." Merry whispered. The rest of the Fellowship came into the kitchen along with everyone else.

        "HOLY CRAP!" IT'S KEITH!" Miriam screamed in fear. Keith took this the wrong way, and thought he was well liked in this house.

        Fat chance.

        "Since you like me so much," Keith, unfortunately said, "I will sing for you!"

        "No, really you don't have to-"

        Too late. Again. Why is it that no one can stop anything bad from happening in this story?

 

Boromir: Yeah, actually.  If fanfiction.net deletes this story, and the author’s Pen Name.

 

~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

        PLEASE REVIEW!

 

GT’s voice: I’m choosing to read that as “Please Flame”.

 

All the elvish in the story was Go kiss an orc (Auta miqula oruqu) and You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. (Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina)

 

Merry: So random, it’s not even funny.

Boromir: Bring on the next chapter.

 

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lrod of the Rnigs characters.

 

Pippin: Honestly, I don’t think anyone owns “Lrod of the Rnigs”.

 

Nor do I own the Lord of the Rings characters.

Merry: Thank Eru for that.

 

Chapter 5: Angergorn!

 

Boromir: Is that a transparent attempt to be funny?

 

        "Like a virgin..touched for the very first time!"

 

GT’s voice: NOOOOOOO! You SO just ruined that for me!  Ewan now hates you!

 

Keith sang, and everyone was curled up into balls, rocking back and forth.

 

Merry: Ya.  With good reason.

 

        AND THEN THE UNICORN CAME IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH WHO ELSE BUT JACK SPARROW ON IT'S BACK!!!!!!! !

 

All: *Twitch*

 

        "You know what, Keith, mate? SHUT UP!" said the infamous man of pirate gloriosity,

 

Merry: For some reason, Leggsie made me meet him, and I know, he would not just show up like that.  He would run the other way. 

Boromir: And “gloriosity”.  Not a word. “Mate”.

Pippin: I even know that.

 

and hit him over the head with a bottle of RUM. It wasn't gone.

 

Merry: Yes, it was.  That’s what was burning on the island…are you really this stupid?

Boromir: It’s like they don’t have the attention span to sit through an entire movie to understand even the basic plot!

 

        "OH MY GOD! IT'S THE INFAMOUS MAN OF PIRATE GLORIOSITY JACK SPARROW!" Merry shouted.

        "How do you know Jack Sparrow?" Dianda asked.

        "Oh, come on. EVERYONE'S seen Pirates of the Carribean."

        "Such a pretty boat!" piped up Hayley, doing a very bad Jack Sparrow impression.

        "Ship!" finished Pippin.

        Hayley snorted and accidentally inhaled a kernel of popcorn. (YES, she was eating popcorn, it did not just APPEAR.) (Okay, maybe.)

 

Merry: NO BLOODY AUTHOR’S NOTES!

 

        "Argh!" she fell down and starting having convulsions.

        "Should we help her?" asked Frodo, peering at the twitching figure.

 

All: NO!

 

        "No, this happens all the time. She'll get over it."

 

Pippin: Why can’t she pass out so they all go to the hospital and then the OOC Fellowship can escape?

 

Katherine said, and went over to inspect the unicorn.

        "How did you get a unicorn?" Katherine asked.

        "It's a rental." Jack replied, being all dazed-like. As usual..yeah.

 

GT’s voice: He’s not dazed, stupid! He’s either drunk or hung over!

 

        "I WANT A UNICORN!" Aragorn shouted.

        "NO!"

        "YES!" "NO!"

        "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!"

        "YES!" Aragorn shouted, took out his sword, and shoved it, in a very "Return of the King video game"-esque move, into Diana's basement floor.

 

All: *twitch*

 

        "You have way too much pent up anger."

 

Boromir: Not really.

 

Hayley said, stopping her convulsions for the moment.

 

Merry: You mean she’s been, like, dying for the entire time and no one’s noticed—or cared?

 

"You're like..Angergorn."

 

All: *massive collective twitch*

 

        The rest of group snickered, even Jack and his unicorn, even if it was only because the unicorn had just kicked Gimli in the...yeah.

 

Merry: I don’t think that “…yeah” is a body part.

Boromir: It’s not.

Pippin: I don’t want to know how you know.

 

        "Angergorn." Legolas said, trying not to laugh.

 

Merry: More random attempts to be witty that aren’t! Just stop already!

 

        "DON'T CALL ME THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" Angergorn whined.

 

Boromir: *sarcastically* Who is this “Angergorn” character you speak of? Surely not one of Tolkein’s.  I know an “Aragorn” who does not whine and is the future King of Men, but not this fellow you speak of.

Pippin: You’re really stuck on this whole “Future King of Men” thing, aren’t you?

Boromir: Well, you have to admit, it is kinda sexy.

Pippin: Point taken.

 

        "Meow." Hayley went back to doing her convulsions.

 

Merry: “HAYLEY” is a cat?  Can cats have convulsions? Can cats talk?!

Boromir: Relax. Logic and self-insertions definitely do not go hand in hand.  Now, inhale, exhale. Inhale. Exhale.  That’s it.  Nice deep breaths.  Don’t let it get to you.  It doesn’t matter.  I think GT would be more than happy to report the story for abuse, ot has so many things wrong that one is bound to be against the fanfiction.net guidelines.

Merry: You’re right.  Thanks…have you been taking a yoga class or something?

Boromir: Kinda.  I took my dad to this “emotions” class/clinic thing. He needed it.  But again, I don’t know how…he just kinda showed up at the Citadel one day, and it’s not like I could kick him out or anything. I guess the movie canon fanfiction got to him, and he came to beat up Gandalf or something…

 

The world was normal once again. Until she started humming the "Under the Sea" theme from the Little Mermaid.

 

Merry: NO! Stop with the randomness that isn’t funny!

 

        After a few minutes, Hayley's convulsions stopped for good. I think. But she started to cling to Jack's leg. He didn't seem to mind though.

        "Let's play a new game." Hanna said.

        "OH! I have an idea!" Diana said, "We can play capture the flag!"

 

Pippin: Let’s not.

 

        "How do you play that?" Boromir asked.

 

Boromir: Actually, I know how to play—and I don’t want to play, especially with you!

 

        "Well, there are 2 teams and they each have a flag. The teams hide each flag and then, the members of each team go over to the other teams side to try to find their flag. But if someone from that team tags you, you have to go to jail."

        "JAIL?!" Jack cried, "WHAT JAIL! I AM NOT GOING TO ANOTHER JAIL AND BEING FORCED TO HAVE BLOODY EUNUCHS AS CELL MATES!" Jack curled up into a ball and started to suck his thumb.

 

GT’s voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Stopstopstopstopstop!!! I’m melting!

Pippin: *in an undertone* I think you should take her to those classes to, if you ask me.

 

        "No, not that kind of jail!" Jenna explained, "It's a spot where you stand until someone from your team frees you."

        "Oh, that's interesting."

        "Very interesting!" Hayley said, beaming at the Captain in all his .... uh... Jack Sparrowness?

 

Merry: *twitch* You couldn’t think of ANY other adjective?

 

        "Okay then, let's split up into teams." Adrienne suggested.

        "I WANNA BE ON LEGOLAS'S TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The members of S.O.L.F screamed in unison. Legolas cringed.

 

Pippin: So are we.

Merry: (as Legolas) Shoot me now.

Boromir: (as Fellowship) Shoot us now.

 

        In the end, Team 1 consisted of Legolas, Diana, Jen, Katherine, Jenna, Hanna, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Amanda and Jenny. Jack Sparrow, Hayley, Adrienne, Aragorn, Anne, Lydia, Miriam, Gandalf, Boromir, Frodo and Sam were on Team numbah 2.

 

Merry: Do we care?

Pippin: Uh…

Merry: No.  The answer is no, Pip.  And stop playing with that vegetable.

 

        Yes, I just typed numbah.

 

All: *twitch*

Merry: …and proven yet again that you are not creative and can not write if you life depended on it.

 

        Gandalf said in an overly dramatic voice "So it begins...."

 

Pippin: (as Gandalf) Our doom has arrived.

 

        Both teams went outside and hid their flags. Merry, Pippin and Jenny stayed behind to guard the jail, as did Anne Lydia and Miriam.

        "I FOUND IT!!!!" Gimli shouted, waving a green handkerchief in the air.

        "Gimli," Hanna said, "That's our flag."

        "Oh. I knew that."

        "ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!" Aragorn cried, "WHERE IS THE BLOODY FLAG!?!?"

        "Angergorn..."

 

Boromir: *sighs* I still do not know who you speak of, evil-bitchy-one!

 

        Who will win Capture the Flag?

 

Merry: Don’t care.

 

Where in the world did Angergorn comefrom? Well, I actually know.

 

Pippin: Obviously. You invented the little bugger.

 

        But here is an interesting fact! My friend Hayley helped me write Chap. 5 and was actually humming the "Under the Sea" theme from the Little Mermaid. But, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH HAYLEY!

 

Boromir: NO! Damn you, Hayley! Why didn’t you delete this story when you had the chance!

Merry: And so begins the sixth chapter.

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own LOTR or jack Sparrow.

 

Pippin: We’ve been through this before.  We are happy you don’t own them.

GT’s voice: Jack is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

Merry: Er…of course.  Anything you say.

 

A/N: Sorry this Chapter took soooooooooooooooooo long.

 

Merry: We were just sad that you didn’t forget about it or delete it.

 

I just never got around to writing it.

 

Boromir: Damn, why’d you start again?

 

I was gonna give up FanFic writing for Lent,

 

All: YES!

 

(Yes, I’m Catholic)

 

Pippin: Kinda obvious, ain’t it?

 

But I gave up Watching LOTR and Playing the Games. I know, I’m trying to accomplish the impossible.

 

GT’s voice: Actually, not really.  If you were to use logic and common sense.

 

Chapter Six: Truth or Dare: Round 2

 

Merry: Crap.  I hate this game.

 

        “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TACKLING ME FOR?!” Legolas shouted, “I’M ON YOUR TEAM!!!” The members of SOLF tackled him to the ground and were on top of him.

 

Merry: *drily* Gee, I wonder why.  Silly Legolas, such a blonde.

 

        “That doesn’t mean we can’t tackle you!” Hanna said, squeezing Legolas harder.

 

Pippin: Where, exactly, is she squeezing?

Boromir: Ooooo! Aragorn’s gonna be an-gry!

Pippin: *snigger* You mean “Angergorn”.

Boromir: *snort* Right. Angergorn.

 

So far, the game wasn’t going so well.

 

Merry: Huh.  ‘Magine that.

 

Team 1 had to keep re-hiding their flag because Gimli kept revealing where it was. The SOLF members weren’t even attempting to find the flag, Aragorn lashed out at anyone who so much as mentioned Angergorn or Unicorns. Or PMS.

 

All: *twitch*

Merry: Stop there.  There are people reading this who don’t care about that kinda thing.

 

        “MERRY! You let Boromir get Adrienne free from jail!” Jenny cried in anger.

        “No I didn’t!” Merry replied, “I can’t run that fast because I...I’m...”

        “Short?” Pippin finished.

        “SHUT UP!” Merry slumped to the ground and started to cry. Then, Jack came along and accidentally tripped over Merry.

        “Sorry there mate, I didn’t see, Merry.” This only made him cry even harder.

        “Geez Merry, your such a crybaby.” Jenny said.

        “BRING IT GIRLFRIEND!” Merry jumped up and stood in a ninja-like position.

        “Oh, so that’s how it’s gonna be?” Jenny stood on one foot and kicked the other foot out in the air, revealing a red converse with starred shoelaces. “I shall now unleash the Red-Shoed Ninja!”

        “HIYAH!” Merry attempted to jab Jenny with his pinky, but failed as Jenny dodged the attack at the last moment using her quick, agile reflexes.

 

Merry: *rocking back and forth in a fetal position*

Boromir: This chick has issues. Big issues.

 

        “Hey, you tried to tig me!” Jenny said, sounding annoyed.

 

Pippin: Randomly.

Merry: I didn’t know what tig was until I met Billy and Dom!

Boromir: Yeah, same.  How are we supposed to know about a game that “nonfictional” characters made up if we’re “fictional”?

 

        “Your point?”

        “You weren’t officially invited into the game of tig!”

        “Yeah I was!” Merry held out a certificate that read:

 

        Meriadoc Brandybuck

 

        You have been officially accepted

        In the game of Tig. Signed,

 

K. Hayley Nickerson Adrienne E. Yoder Diana T. Mousetis

 

Merry: First of all, you don’t need an “invitation”. Secondly, who do these chicks think they are, signing BS like that?

 

        “THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Jenny screamed, “NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS! HAYLEY! ADRIENNE! DIANA!”

        The game was paused for the moment and Diana, Hayley and Adrienne came running to the scene. “What’s wrong?” Adrienne asked.

        “He’s got an official Tig Member Certificate!”

        “What?” Hayley said, “I don’t remember signing one.”

        “I didn’t either.” Diana and Adrienne said unison.

        DUN DUN DUN DAAA!!!!

 

Pippin: Randomly.

 

        “Who did then?” Hayley scanned the crowd. No one looked guilty. “Wait, where’s Katherine?”

        Then, they could hear whispering coming from behind the trash cans. “You’re now an Official Member of Tig!”

        Diana peered over the trashcans and found Katherine handing Pippin a forged Tig Member certificate!

 

Merry: Heaven forbid.

 

        Oh, how the plot thickens.

 

Boromir: Was there a plot?

Merry: No.

 

        Is there even a plot?

 

Boromir: HEY! I just asked that!

Merry: And I just answered it: NO!

 

        Anyways, Adrienne, Hayley and Diana were outraged.

        “KATHERINE! I can’t believe you would do this to me!” Diana cried, “It’s strictly against the Tig Club rules!”

 

Pippin: It’s not a bloody club!

 

        “I...well...” Katherine stammered.

        “No, Katherine, I don’t want to hear it!”

        “Katherine I. Preston, We, the founders of Tig, hereby banish you from the truly awesome game of TIG.” Adrienne said. She pulled Katherine’s certificate out of nowhere and ripped it in half.

        “FINE.” Katherine sneered, “I’ll just go to TARA GOODPASTER’S house. But YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE LAST OF ME!!” And with that, she stormed away.

        “What was that all about?” Lydia asked.

        “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.” Anne replied curtly, “Let’s continue the game anyways.”

 

Merry: How much you wanna bet that the stupid authoress had a fight with “Katherine” in real life, and hates “Tara Goodpaster” in real life, too?

Boromir: I’ll bet a blow on my Horn of Gondor.

Pippin: YOU’RE ON!

 

        “Hey guys,” Jenny said, “I have a song you guys have to hear!” She cleared voice and the whole crew sat down in front of her. “Lalalalalalala Buy a Dta so that no robbers can get in your hose and then when they get in the hose goes BEEP BEEP!”

        Jack Sparrow stood up and clapped, though he had a little trouble standing with Hayley clinging to his leg. “Beautiful love! Bravo!”

        Everyone stared at him, wondering ‘Why?’

        But then again, Jack was drunk.

        So I guess that explains it. Yup, it does.

 

Merry: Not really.

 

        “What? I thought it was a wonderful song!” Jack replied with a slight blush in his cheeks.

        “Alrighty then,” Miriam said, “Let’s just do something else...”

        “Like what?” Boromir asked.

        “I don’t know...” Miriam’s eyes sparked with a new idea, “Let’s play truth or dare again! I have a very good idea!” She rubbed her hands together and laughed maniacally.

 

All: NO! NO MORE!

 

        “Umm, I don’t know...” Gandalf said, in an unsure tone.

        “Aw, come on!”

        “Fine.” Gandalf sighed, “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to go on this damn quest!”

 

All: *twitch*

Boromir: Gandalf. Does. NOT. Say. “Damn”.

 

        They all entered the house again. The crew sat in a big circle in the living room and Diana made popcorn, though Hayley was cautious to stay away from it.

        “Okay, everybody comfy?”

 

Pippin: No. No one is.  They want to leave.

 

        They all grumbled in response.

        “Okay then,” Miriam looked over the crowd many times. “Hmm...SAM!”

        “NO! NEVER!” Sam cried and curled up into a ball and was shaking with fear.

        “Dude, I haven’t even told you the dare yet.”

        “Oh. Go on.”

        “Sam, I dare you to...KISS A DOG”S BUTT!”

        “NO! NEVER!” Sam cried and curled up into a ball and was shaking with fear.

        “You must!” Miriam laughed like a loon.

        “But there isn’t even a dog here, so HA!”

        “BUFFY!” Hayley called. A small Pomeranian strolled into the room. But then, the dog started to spontaneously roll around on the floor.

        “She takes after you, I see.” Legolas said to Hayley, eyeing the dog.

        “Yeah...HEY!”

        “So,” Miriam said evilly, “The Time has come, dear Samwise!”

        “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

All: *massive twitchiness*

Pippin: This story is making me twitch too much.  Stupid story.

 

        Will Sam go through with the Dare? And what about Katherine? Why was she forging Tig Certificates? (Well I’d tell you why, but I’d cuss too much and no one would want that.)

 

Merry: No one cares about any of it.  So why don’t you just go away now?

 

If you want to know what Tig is, watch the commentaries in the Extended Version of FOTR.

 

GT’s voice: WHO WOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT TIG?!?!?!?!?!?

Tabachka’s voice: GT, relax. Here, have some medication.

Queen Aragorn’s voice: Here, have some sugar.

Tabachka’s voice: You.  Are. Crazy.  She’ll go through the roof.

QA’s voice: *giggle* So?

Tabachka’s voice: Good point.  As long as we get some too!

QA’s voice: Of course!

 

Chapter Seven: Tara and her Nungas- Nungas.

 

Merry: *twitch*  Nonono. Hell no. You can’t make me.

GT’s voice: I can and I will.

 

“MWAHAHHAAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAAAAHAHHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHA” Miriam paused to take a breath, “Where was I? Oh yes- MUHAHAHAHHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAAAHAHAAAAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA AHAHHAHA-”

        “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SANE, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?!” Aragorn shouted. Miriam stopped laughing and shot him an angry glance and muttered something about “stupid fictional characters.

        And someone, I’m not saying names, LYDIA, made the mistake of upsetting him even further. “Angergorn....”

        “AARRGGHH!!” Aragorn ran to the corner and started rocking back and forth. He was sucking his thumb and holding a blanket that just appeared out of thin air.

        It just APPEARED.

        ...came out of nowhere...

 

GT’s voice: *sarcastically* Lemme guess, Harry Potter apparated into your house, transfigured a condom into the blanket, had a massive orgy with Ron, Hermione and Draco, gave you a blow job, performed a Memory Charm, and then dissapparated.

Pippin: Er…Am I the only one who didn’t get that?

Merry: No.  I think she may have lost it this time.

 

        Anyways, Gandalf, Amanda, Adrienne, Jenny and Hayley smacked their foreheads.

        “Whoa. Gandalf’s a Forehead Smacker?” Jenny asked.

        “Well, yes.” Gandalf replied, “In this story at least. And in the Lord of the Rings Story. And... oh heck, yeah I am an official Forehead Smacker. I think.”

        “Okay then.”

        “So, Sam, shall we commence with the dare?” Miriam asked all mysterious-like.

        “NO!”

        Do you think that Sam will: Run into the glass door and be knocked out cold. Start singing “Sometime when we touch...” and drive Aragorn completely insane and escaping amid the chaos or: Make Frodo do it. If you guessed A you’d be right! NOT.

        If you guessed B, you’re wrong and a bit on the loony side. Don’t ask me why, you just are.

        If you guessed C, you’re just dumb.

        What Sam really does is as follows:

        He kissed the dog’s butt. I’m being totally serious. He really kissed the dog’s butt and had to go into therapy for months. Also, I’m SO not going into details, as they are bloody and gory and gruesome.

        “HAHAHAHA!” Miriam had a camera in her hands and was laughing like a loon on April Fool’s Day who just “de-panted” someone and...oh, never mind. “I HAVE THE ULTIMATE BLACKMAIL! ALL MUST BOW DOWN TO ME!”

        “Why all of us?” Legolas asked.

        “I don’t know.”

 

All: [as Helen says] *squint*

 

        “SHH!” The crew turned around every which way to find out who said that. Diana and Anne and Jenny stealthily sneaked over to where they thought they heard the noise. The three of them peered around the corner into the dining room. Tara Goodpaster and Katherine were sitting there whispering to each other.

        “Okay, so then, you pull out the water balloons and I’ll get the monkey-”

        “I like to whisper too!” Jenny’s brother, Doug stuck his head in between there. And he too just appeared out of thin air.

        He just APPEARED.

        ...came out of nowhere...

        I’ll stop doing that.

 

Merry: Thank Eru, she’s doing something right.

 

        “DOUG?!” Jenny said, sounding shocked to no one’s surprise, “Since when were you in this fanfiction?!”

        “Uh, I don’t know.” Doug replied.

        “Okay then.”

        “Katherine,” Diana said, “NOW what are you plotting against me?”

        “Well our plan was sort of ruined when you came in.” Katherine answered. “But, our plan was this: We were going to lure the SOLF Members out side with a card board cut out of Will Turner, and then knock you out with water balloons, and then lure everyone else-BUT LEGOLAS- into the basement with a lure thingy and throw a rabid monkey down there to keep ya busy. Then, I’d take Leggy boy home with me!”

        “Do NOT call me Leggy Boy!” Legolas shouted from the other room. “My name is LEGOLAS. Say it with me, LE-GO-LAS! I-” Legolas pulled out a razor, “-am a MAN!”

        By then, everyone came over to witness what was going down, yo. (Sorry, I had to Ghetto at that moment. I dedicate that moment to Jenny Penny!)

 

Boromir: NO MORE AUTHOR’S NOTES OR DEDICATIONS!

 

        “So,” Anne said, “Since your revenge plan failed, what’re you going to do now?”

        “I CHALLENGE YOU TO A GAME OF...SOCCER!” Katherine said.

        “But you hate soccer.” Diana replied.

        “Well, you’ll see why I chose soccer later on in this fic.”

 

Pippin: How do they know they’re in a badfic?

Merry: They don’t. 

Boromir: I’m quoting QA here, and she said it about another badfic, but it applies to this one too: “This is practically self-mocking”.

 

Katherine replied and she winked at Legolas. Which made him cringe.

 

All: *cringe*

 

        “I’ll be the referee!” Doug said excitedly.

        “Since when did you know anything about soccer?” Jenny asked.

        “Since I read this book.” He held out a book called Everything You Need To Know About Soccer In Three Minutes.

        “That’s extremely weird.” “That settles it then!” Jack popped in, dragging Hayley along who was STILL clinging to his legs. “We attack at dawn, savvy?”

        “Attack what?” Hanna asked.

        “Uhh...”

        “That’s what I thought.” Hanna said.

        “Anyways,” Doug (?)

 

Pippin: What’s with the “(?)”? Is it Doug or isn’t it? YOU’RE the writer, stupid. You would know.

 

 said, “We’ll play two on two ‘cause no one wants to join your team.” He was referring to Katherine and Tara.

        “Okay, BRING IT ON DIANA!” Katherine jabbed at Diana in the shoulder.

        “Oh, don’t get all up in my kool-aid, girl!” Diana replied, snapping her fingers. Suddenly without a warning Katherine HIT her. In the shoulder.

        “Oh, now you’ve asked for it!” Diana would’ve beaten the crap out of Katherine, but Legolas and Aragorn, who apparently left his blanket, had to hold her back to avert a massacre.

        “All right then mates!” Jack piped up, “Remember, NO QUARTER! ATTACK, YOU SCABUROUS DOGS!”

        “Attack what?!” Hanna asked, “There is nothing to attack! NOTHING! Besides, what does ‘No Quarter’ mean?”

        “No mercy, savvy?” Hayley said, beaming at Jack.

        “Okay, love, I can’t feel my leg.” Hayley reluctantly let go of Jack’s leg after Boromir threatened to call her a G. Girl.

        “Best 2 out of 3?” Katherine said.

        “If you think you can manage it.” Adrienne replied.

        “First round,” Doug called, “Katherine and Tara vs. Diana and Legolas! Let the beat down begin!”

        Katherine was playing offense for her team and so was Diana for her team. That left Tara and Legolas to be goalies. The whistle blew and the game started. Katherine had the ball first out of sheer kindness since she wasn’t a very good soccer player. She dribbled the ball down the field a little, but it wasn’t long before Diana gained control of the ball. It also wasn’t long before she scored.

        “GIMME A ‘D’!” Merry shouted

 

Merry: *cringe*

 

, and the rest of the hobbits and Gimli (again, ?)

 

Boromir: I concur.  With Pippin. 

 

were acting like cheerleaders and doing far too many high kicks. (Seriously, picture Gimli doing high kicks. It’s hilarious.)

 

Pippin: No…it’s a major turn-on…

 

        “D!” They answered.

        “GIMME A ‘Y’!” “‘Y’!” “GIMME AN ‘A’!” “‘A’!” “GIMME A ‘N’!” “‘N’!” “GIMME AN ‘I’!” “‘I’!” “GIMME ANOTHER ‘A’!” “‘A’!” “WHAT DOES IT SPELL?!” “DYANIA!” “Dude,” Diana walked over with the soccer ball under her arm. “My name is spelled D-I-A-N-A.” “Oh.” Merry smiled, “We’ll just do another cheer!” “NO!” Everyone else said in unison. Diana got back into position and Katherine started with the ball. Out of pity, Diana let Katherine past, but it still didn’t make a difference. Katherine kicked the ball at the goal, but, Legolas blocked the ball using his quick elvish reflexes. HE’S SOOOOO AWESOME! All the SOLF members cheered. Even Katherine. Oh, girls and there obsessions. Anyways, The two teams changed their line up. Legolas and Tara were on the offensive positions. (Things are gonna get weird now.) While Tara was running down the field, her...uh...basoomas, or nunga-nungas as I so lovingly call them,( I LOVE YOU GEORGIA NICOLSON!) were going every which way. And the oddest thing of all things odd happened. Her nunga- nunga’s whacked her in the faced and she was knocked out cold. I told it was odd.

 

All: *twitchcringetwitchgag*

 

 

“Holy crap,” Pippin said, “That’s was the FUNNIEST thing I ever saw!”

 

WHEN WILL THE INSANITY END!?!? Probably when I get 20 chapters.

 

Boromir: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Merry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Pippin:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—

Merry: Uh, Pippin?

Pippin: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—

Merry: PIPPIN! Shut up!

Pippin: Oh. Sorry.

 

But anyways, the whole Tara-getting-knocked-out-by-her-nunga-nungas thing was and idea I got from a book called Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas. Teehee!

 

Merry: You belong in an insane asylum. 

Boromir: Bring on the next chapter!

Pippin: Yeah, bring it biyotch!

 

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings, I own not. A/N: The story might not be updated too often cause I’m trying to do my homework, write a POTC fanfic, write an extra credit LA story, and keep my sanity all at once.

 

Merry: I have a solution.  Stop writing. 

Pippin: *nods vigorously*

 

Los siento mucho!

 

Pippin: Randomly.

 

Chapter Eight: The Return of the Unicorn

 

Pippin: When did they ever leave?

Boromir: I don’t think they ever did.

 

        Pippin clutched at his stomach and rolled on the ground, laughing. Katherine was fanning Tara, trying to revive her. It wasn’t working so well, and no one else bothered to help. The others were deciding to play next. Or, in Pippin’s case, clutching their stomachs and were rolling on the ground, laughing.

        “Uh... I don’t think this match is going to continue, so what do you want to do?” Jen H. asked.

        “Hmmm...” Frodo scratched his beard.

 

Pippin: No he doesn’t…

 

(Yes, Frodo has a beard...in this fic anyway.)

 

Boromir: You can’t do that!

 

“I KNOW! Let’s give each other pedicures and manicures!” Everyone looked at the Hobbit’s feet. They were extremely hairy and the toenails were overgrown and disgusting. Boromir screamed like the little girl he is and fainted.

 

All: *jaws drop*

Merry: No. Just no.

Boromir: FALSE CHARACTERIZATION!!!

 

        “OH! I have a WAY better idea!” Adrienne said, “Let’s all get in the car and every time we stop at a red light, we’ll count how many people pick their nose!” Everyone looked at Adrienne funny.

        “C’mon guys, it’s America’s Pastime!” came a voice from behind. They all turned around and saw whom else but Homestar Runner from standing beside Strong Bad!! (They’re both from homestarrunner.com, the funniest website in the world!)

 

Merry: We don’t have that in ME.

GT’s voice: I can name at least twenty other sites  funnier than that!

 

        “HOLINESS THINGS OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!” cried Diana, “It’s Homestar Runner and Strong Bad!!!!”

 

Pippin: No, really? I had no idea!

 

        “Whoa. These peoples actually know us.” Homestar said.

        “Well, duh, dumb-star! You have your own web site!” Strong Bad said.

        “Oh, like Batman.”

        “What the crap? Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

        “So how’d you guys get here?” Amanda asked.

        “Well...” Homestar started, “It all starts with a mommy and a daddy and they go up to the bedroom-”

        “Hey wo!” Pippin interrupted, “That is SO my line!”

 

Pippin: Actually, it’s not.  You can have it.  Really, you can.

 

        “No, you crap-for-brains!” Strong Bad said, “She meant how we got into this house!”

        “Ooooooooooooooooh! Now I get it!” Homestar replied, “Well, I don’t know how we got here.”

        “Holy crap, you’re the one who suggested we rent a Unicorn to get here!”

        “I WANT A UNICORN!” Aragorn shouted. He curled up into a ball and his blanket magically reappeared.

        I just appeared...

        ...came out of nowhere...

        Sorry, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

 

Merry: Stop it.  We don’t want a commentary!

 

        “What Unicorn?” Homestar asked in his really hilarjimous

 

Boromir: Not a word.

 

voice. (Yes I just typed hilarjimous.) A unicorn nudged his head into Homestar’s back.

        “THAT UNICORN!” Everyone said in unison.

        “That’s not a Unicorn, it’s a platamapus

 

Merry: Not an animal.

 

!” Homestar laughed, “Wow, you guys are stupid.” They all rolled their eyes.

        “So, what do you want to do?” Jenny Penny asked. (From now on Jenny Hess is going to be called Jenny Penny, and Jen Heller, Jen H.)

        “I think we should do what Adrienne said.” Lydia suggested, “That’s sounds real funny!”

        “Well, I can drive.” Doug said.

        “And I can prance around like an idiot!”

        “We all knew that, Pranciblad! You only pranced half way here and you a rented a Unicorn!” Strong Bad mumbled some unintelligible words and besides, they probably would be too inappropriate for me to list.

        “Oh, I doubt it,” Homestar said, “I drove.”

        ~*~

Pippin: Please don’t explain this disaster-in-waiting…

 

They all squeezed into Doug’s car as best they could.

 

Pippin: Damn.

 

Needless to say it was just a bit crowded. “Get your foot out of my ear Aragorn!” Hayley snapped. “Whose butt is in my face?” Hanna asked. “Mine.” Legolas replied. “Oh. Okay, never mind.” Hanna smiled, and Legolas tried to smack his forehead, but he hit Gimli instead. “Holy crap, who farted?!” Strong Bad yelled over all the noise. Merry blushed. “Okay, we’re coming to a red light.” Doug announced. The car slowed down to a stop. They all looked out the window and counted in their heads, except Homestar. He preferred to count out loud. “One...two...three...eight...seventy-two...button...” Diana and Hanna looked at each other in confusion. “Uh...Homestar?” Diana said, “Did you ever lean how to count?” “Why of course I did! I almost graduated from Crazy Go Nuts University!” “Oh. Okay. For second there I almost thought that you said something remotely intelligent.” Hanna laughed. “What’s that mean?” Homestar asked. “What?” “That word.” “What word?” Hanna thought for a bit, “Oh, you mean intelligent.” “Yes!” Homestar said, “Intelivision.” “It’s another word for ‘smart’.” Adrienne replied. “When did I say something smart?” Homestar asked. “Never.”

        “That what I thought.” Homestar said. They all drove around in Doug’s car for an hour and went back to Diana’s house.

        “How many people did we count?” Sam asked.

        “1,678,345,344,209,654.” Jenny Penny replied.

        “Whoa.” They walked into the front door only to find the Unicorn and a bunch of his Unicorn friends (and a possum!) completely trashing the place.

 

Pippin: Um…..

 

        Oh yeah, they were all trashed too. “Whoa...” said one of the unicorns, “Look at all the stars...I’m going to count them! One ... two ... three... eight... seventy two...button...”

        “Well,” Lydia said, “Homestar, I think you found a new friend.”

        “ALL RIGHT!” Lydia rolled her eyes and smacked her forehead. Homestar sat down next to the unicorn and they had a very odd conversation. Or rather, very dumb conversation.

        “Oh gosh, if my mom sees the place like this, she’ll kill me!” Diana said in dismay.

        “Wait,” Miriam said, “Since when are there parents in this story?”

        “Well, there isn’t.” Diana replied. “My parents are only mentioned this once in this story.”

        “Okay then.”

        “Anyways,” Diana continued, “We have to straighten this place up.”

        “Why?” Amanda asked, “I thought your parents were only mentioned in this story.”

        “Well, A.) I don’t like messy places, B.) We need something to entertain the readers. So let’s get to it!

 

Merry: We were never entertained.

Boromir: You know, if your parents come and burn you all for trashing the place, it might get remotely interesting.

 

A/N: Okay, Homestar and Strong Bad were thrown in here for some more comical relief. (Not that you need anymore, I know your ribs hurt from laughing so hard.)

 

Merry: Haha, right. Funny. Sure.  Whatever

 

And my health teacher seriously recommended counting how many people pick their noses at red lights. Oh and sorry if this chapter was really stupid and boring.

 

Pippin: The whole thing was stupid and boring.

Boromir: It was worse than stupid and boring.

 

I just needed to come up with something.

 

Merry: Not really, you didn’t! 

Pippin: Look! The last chapter!

Boromir: HUZZAH!

HUZZAH!

HU—

Merry: Wrong movie, dude.

Boromir: *blushing* Oh.  I knew that.

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Lord of the Rings, yo. Or Homestar Runner. Or Strong Bad. Or Jack Sparrow.

 

A/N: If you’re a girl scout, and you’re proud of being a girl scout, and if people making fun of girl scouts offends you, DON’T READ THIS.

 

Merry: You are so rude, making fun of people like that.

Pippin: Especially people that you can scare away from their boxes and boxes of food.

 

Chapter 9:Attack of the Girl Scouts

 

        “How’d you Unicorns get here anyways?” Jenna asked while picking up a banana peel off the floor.

        “It’s a bit complicated.” Unicorn #2 said, “It all starts with a mommy and a-”

 

“HEY!” Pippin and Homestar said in unison. They stared at each other in an angry stare-off. Homestar blinked first.

 

“HA!” Pippin cried triumphantly, “I win! The line is MINE!” Everyone rolled they’re eyes. Pippin did a little victory dance. “WOOHOO!”

 

Pippin: *blink* I am such an idiot.  In this story.  Where’s Denethor? Does he want to burn anything.

Boromir: Don’t tempt him.  He’ll burn you. That’s what really happened.  See, Faramir was telling him to go burn Gandalf since he stole the bleach Dad was going to use.  Unfortunately, Gandalf didn’t arrive soon enough, and Faramir, being the poetic, straight, romatic that he is, does not have a very good relationship with Dad.

Pippin: Wow, really? I had no idea. But anyway, I don’t care what burns.  As long as I didn’t have to read this anymore.

 

“When did we decide that?” Homestar asked.

 

Merry: You didn’t.

 

“After the Angry Stare-Off. What, do you want to fight for it?” Pippin mocked.

 

“Ok.”

 

“Dude, you don’t have any arms.” Jen H. said. (Homestar Runner is basically a marshmallow with legs and propeller cap)

 

“Yes I do.” Homestar walked up to Pippin and punched him in his stomach. Pippin fell to the ground and had trouble breathing. When he tried to speak, his voice was high pitched.

 

“I don’t think violence is the answer...” Pippin said in his weird voice.

 

“...It’s the solution!” Miriam finished.

 

Pippin: *cringe* DENETHOR!

 

“No fighting!” Diana said, “I don’t want to go to court because two fictional characters beat each other up. Besides, my parents would kill me.”

 

“I thought you said that your parents would only be mentioned once in this story.” Amanda said.

 

“Oh. Oops.” They all continued to clean up while Pippin continued fighting with Homestar. (Though no blood was involved, sorry!) The Unicorns were too wasted to help, and as for the possum...well we won’t go there.

 

“What’s up with that possum anyways?” Merry asked.

 

“Well,” said Unicorn #6, “The Possum threatened to replace our crack with pixy stix if we didn’t take him along.”

 

“Pixy Stix.” Diana said, “Cause not every kid can afford crack.”

 

“Riiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhht....”

 

“Cleaning up this mess won’t help with my complexion at all!” Legolas said in dismay.

 

“It’s okay,” Hanna said, “You look hott not matter what.” She sighed.

 

“Uh, thanks...I think.” Soon after, pounding was heard at the door. They all went to answer the door. Don’t ask why it takes that many people to answer the door. But they all answered the door. But before they did, Diana peered out the door to see who was there, and her smile turned to a frown in a split second.

 

Pippin: This is all so random it’s not even funny.

 

“Whatever you do, don’t answer the-” Too late, again. Sam opened the door already. “-door.”

 

“Hi, would you like to buy some cookies?” Three little girls, about the age of nine, stood on just beyond the door. The were dressed in the customary clothes of the horrid Girl Scouts.

 

Diana hurried toward the door. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. “NOOOO!” She leaped at Sam, knocking him to the ground before he could accept the offer. She got back up and faced the little devils. “*Lle naa vanima lle atara laniena!” She slammed the door closed.

 

“What was that for?” Boromir asked, “And since when can you speak elvish?”

 

“Hello, I’m only a S.O.L.F. member! It’s required to know elvish.” Diana said, “And those innocent looking girls were the evil girl scouts of doom. They reign terror on unsuspecting souls by overcharging them for really disgusting cookies.”

 

“But I like the thin mints!” Jenny Penny said.

 

“Oh, but you don’t understand.” Diana said, “My mom-”

 

“That’s the third time you’ve mentioned your parents.” Adrienne said.

 

“Anyways, My mom made me join girl scouts and it was horrible! The troop leader was soooooooo mean. And none of the girls had any brain cells cause they were brainwashed by the evilness of the Girl Scout ways.”

 

Merry: And ya know, no one really cares about your past experiences. Or your future experiences.  Or your present experiences.

 

“Holy crap,” Strong Bad muttered, “They’re just a bunch of little girls!” Strong Bad opened the door and stepped outside. The others closed the door behind him to prevent the battalions of Girl Scouts to enter the house. Outside, phrases such as “GET THE BA*****!” were heard along with Strong Bad’s screams. Five minutes later, Strong Bad was able to find a way back into the house.

 

“They all came out of nowhere!” He said in between sobs, “I couldn’t stop them! It was horrible!” Jenna put a consoling arm around Strong Bad’s shoulder.

 

Merry, Pippin and Amanda looked out the window. “Uh, they kind of stationed themselves outside your house.” The Scouts had formed battle stations all around the house. They were armed with cookies and other Girl Scout things.

 

“We’re doomed.” Aragorn said, “I wasn’t supposed to die this way!”

 

“I know.” Jen H. said.

 

“How would you know?” Aragorn asked.

 

“I know A LOT about you.” Aragorn took a few steps back.

 

“Well, what should we do?!” Gimli frantically asked. Diana strode the room back and forth, trying to think of a solution.

 

“I’ve got it!” she cried. Diana quickly ran to the phone and dialed.

 

“Who’re you calling?” Miriam asked.

 

“Katherine. Shh! It’s ringing... Hi! Is Katherine there? Thanks.” Diana received confused stares from the rest of the group. “Hey Katherine. We REALLY need your help. There’s like, a TON of Girl Scouts outside of my house, waiting to pounce...Ok. Hurry up though. See you!”

 

“Why’d you call Katherine?” Gandalf asked, “I thought you were mad at her.”

 

“I wasn’t really mad at her. I was...well...it’s a complicated emotion.”

 

Boromir: Great, an apology in disguise. WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE!  DON’T ADD THINGS LIKE THAT IN THE STORY!

 

A few minutes later, there was a knock at the back door. Diana answered it. Katherine was standing there, adorned in the Girl Scouts vest.

 

“Nice disguise.” Jenna commented.

 

“Thanks.” Katherine replied, “Anyways, here’s the plan...

 

A/N: That chapter wasn’t too good either, but you’ve got to stick with me!

 

Merry: None of it was very good. 

 

 It will get better, I promise.

 

Boromir: Hah.  That’ll be the day.  Too bad I won’t be here!

 

I mean, we haven’t even gotten to the chapter where we go on Mission Steal Orli’s Boxers. Who wouldn’t want to stick around for that???

 

All: I WOULDN’T!

(Lights turn on and GT walks in.)

GT: That’s it! Thanks guys!  Here’s your ke—

(They grab the key and run.)

GT: I love you too.  Anyway, I would like to give Michicko credit for this piece of crap.  And me for the comments…and…yeah…I think that’s it! Ta!

 

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