MST: Running Away, by Blimbey73
MSTed by
Queen Aragorn, Tabachka, and Girl Tree
Disclaimer:
I do not own any of The Lord of the Ring characters,
they all belong to J.R.R Tolkien!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Why don’t we keep it that way?
Who
I love.SO much and wish I owned all them!
GIRL
TREE: First of all, if you love them so much, why do you screw up their lives?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Easy, you /haven’t/ even read the story yet.
GIRL
TREE: Good point. But anyway, secondly, they’re MINE! They are tied up in cages
in my room!
TABACHKA:
Except Legolas; he’s in mine.
But..>Aurora and some of the minor characters.are
all mine.hehe!
ALL:
And you can keep your stupid characters!
TABACHKA:
And you need spaces instead of periods!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Already this story is sounding horrible.
GIRL
TREE: It hasn’t started yet. Besides, it was your idea!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Whatever.
-Prologue-
The Fellowship had each just returned home
TABACHKA:
They EACH returned home? The Fellowship is one thing! It could be each MEMBER
of the Fellowship returned home!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I think there will be much more wrong with the story for us to pick on
little things like that.
and were beginning to settle down.
TABACHKA:
Choose tenses!
GIRL
TREE: One tense, stupid!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I’m wondering what she means by ‘settle down’.
TABACHKA:
I don’t wonder.
GIRL
TREE: I don’t want to know.
However,
this rest did not last long,
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Rest? Darn.
for Gandalf had come across some horrible side note
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Gasp! A side note . . . OF DOOM!
TABACHKA:
Side note? Where?
GIRL
TREE: Do they know what side notes are? Do WE know what side notes are?
and immediately called the whole gang back to Rivendell.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *sings* Hail, hail, the gang’s all here!
The
evil's armies were rebuilding, with new spirit, and another metal to search
for.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *pulls out metal detector* Take that!
GIRL
TREE: (as Sauron) All right, everybody, go
search for metal! It’s . . . METAL SEARCHING TIME! *does a little dance
routine*
"Gandalf, why have you called us back?" Aragorn asked.
GIRL
TREE: (as Aragorn) I thought we were over.
"I am afraid, that when the ring was made, a duplicate was made.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Everybody needs a spare . . .
TABACHKA:
That’s not possible! He only has so much evil IN him . . .
Though,
this 2nd ring contains just as much power, its wasn't made from the fires, so
it does not require to have the fires destroy it,"
GIRL
TREE: What the heck?
TABACHKA:
Grammer TOTALLY wrong.
GIRL
TREE: That’s just - no. And spell out ‘second’. What, are you too lazy to write
out a couple more letters?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: There is just TOO MUCH wrong with this plot. I can’t even make cruel
and witty comments about it.
GIRL
TREE: Yes you can.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Yeah, it’s what they don’t pay me for.
"Another ring? That is impossible," Gimli
grunted. "How could another ring be remade?"
TABACHKA:
How is it REmade?
GIRL
TREE: And Gimli doesn’t grunt.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *grunts* Dunno.
"It seems that Sauron had a daughter..a
hidden daughter,"
GIRL
TREE: How do you hide a daughter? And how does an eye reproduce, exactly?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Easy. Moth-proof storage bags. I was hidden
there until I was four.
OTHERS:
*blink*
Gandalf started but once again the fellowship started on
with their many questions on how, who, what, etc.
TABACHKA:
I want to know who, too. But not how.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: She’s just too lazy to write it all out.
GIRL
TREE: I’m still stuck on the whole eye-reproducing thing. And you don’t use
etc. You just don’t.
"LISTEN!" Gandalf bellowed and suddenly the fellowship all sat down
and listened.
GIRL
TREE: When did they stand up?
"Thank
you. It seems that when Sauron was going crazy,
GIRL
TREE: He was crazy to begin with! Actually, he wasn’t crazy, he was EVIL!
TABACHKA:
You can’t be crazy and evil at the same time?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I know I am.
OTHERS:
Me, too.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Poseurs.
he raped a poor elf from pure anger and evilness for the ring.
GIRL
TREE: WHAT?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Evilness for the Ring?
TABACHKA:
You know, they die when they’re raped. So unless the
gestation period is very, very fast, it‘s not possible for that elf to have a
Mary-Sue daughter.
GIRL
TREE: *Pippin voice* What‘s gestation?
When
the woman
GIRL
TREE: She can’t be a woman, she’s an elf!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Assuming, of course, that she exists. Which we
firmly do not want to believe. *shudder*
got pregnant, she could not get rid of the baby, for elves can only
chose children for pure elf children,
QUEEN
ARAGORN: WHAT?????
TABACHKA:
It’s called abortion. But they can only abort pure elf children?
GIRL
TREE: That makes no sense.
TABACHKA:
Wouldn’t it be better to abort NON-pure elf children?
GIRL
TREE: Do they even know about abortion?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Probably not. I wish they had aborted Elrond. HE wasn’t a pure elf.
GIRL
TREE: The Arwen wouldn’t be alive. And Estel would
probably be some kind of punk . . . person. Punk ranger who turns evil!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Where on EARTH are you getting this?
which this child was not, Sauron but a curse on the baby.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: But? Like a ram butts?
TABACHKA:
I think she meant ‘put’.
GIRL
TREE: No, she couldn’t have. That would have been logical. And of course, logic
is bad.
TABACHKA:
*looking back over sentence* That made no sense
whatsoever.
The
curse was to never be worth more than anything than a piece of metal.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Mary-Sues aren’t even worth that. And they don’t need a curse for it.
Sauron
intentionally met something small,
GIRL
TREE: What? He met some small elf?
TABACHKA:
Like a hobbit?
GIRL
TREE: A hobbit-elf!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: How do you INTENTIONALLY meet someone?
like a piece of worthless metal from a shield or sword,
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Yeah, because they’re SO worthless.
GIRL
TREE: Okay, I’m confused between the kid, and the raping, and the metal. Am I
the only one?
but since the ring was in the back of thoughts by accident that's
what the spell became.
ALL:
WHAT?????????
Out
of pure hatred, another ring was formed from broken shields and swords.
GIRL
TREE: Why out of hatred? You don’t like the shields and swords? Or are they
just too worthless?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: This is practically self-mocking.
The
girl, Aurora is now somewhere probably about 20 years of age,
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Which would make her about one in human years.
TABACHKA:
You invented this girl. You should know how old she is.
because this was while we were still on our way to the fires. And is somehow considered a full elf. Our problem is, is
that she is the one who bears the ring, though no one is able to find her. Find
her, find the ring."
QUEEN
ARAGORN: This story’s problem is, is that EVERYTHING is screwed, up.
GIRL
TREE: Very well put. Fits right in.
TABACHKA:
If they know that she’s half-eyeball, half-elf, then why is she considered a
full elf?
"But, Gandalf, how will we destroy it, if we can not throw it into the
fires?" Legolas asked.
"Why did the first ring made from the fires, get destroy in the fires,
Legolas?" Gandalf questioned.
"For they were made in the fires,"
"Precisely, so how would a ring made basically by a girl, be
destroyed?"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Wait, who made this ring?
GIRL
TREE: I thought Sauron made it, by his hatred. Unless this is all a scam, and
Sauron is the girl, and the girl is Sauron. But that would mean she conceived
herself.
OTHERS:
*blink*
GIRL
TREE: What a slut.
"By her..but how?"
TABACHKA:
Good question.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: By her MAGICAL MARY-SUE EYEBALL POWERS, of course!
"Some say, that if she is working for you, that the ring is too, but that
is a myth, what is said to be done, is last blood drop from her body touch
it."
"You mean.kill her?"
Legolas was shocked.
ALL:
YES! YES! YES! KILL HER, KILL HER, KILL HER!
TABACHKA:
If part of it is myth, wouldn’t all of it be myth?
GIRL
TREE: Good point. Can I PLEASE torture her?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *absentmindedly drops thumbscrews* Ooops.
TABACHKA:
What do you think MST stands for?
GIRL
TREE: Mary-Sue Torture!
ALL:
YAY!!!!!!!
"Legolas, we must destroy this ring. If one night's mistake threatens
peace for Middle Earth, then I am willing to fix that risk at any cost,"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: One night’s mistake? I thought it was rape!
GIRL
TREE: How can you fix a risk?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: With AutoZone’s free loan-a-tool service.
Aragorn
proclaimed and the others agreed.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Hold the dwarf-tossing! Did she just make MY Aragorn say something in
her twisted Sue universe? *grabs thumbscrews* I’ll be needing
this.
Legolas
shook his head to say he agreed,
TABACHKA:
Normally you nod your head to say you agree.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Actually, in
TABACHKA:
Apparently in Mary-Sue fics, too.
but did not feel it was right, after all what had she ever done? As
far as he knew, the girl had had a rough life?
TABACHKA:
Why is that a question?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I had a rough childhood? People teased me for my rabid Aragorn
obsession?
But
trying to make him feel better, he thought that she WAS still Sauron's daughter, so she had to have evil in her..somewhere.
TABACHKA:
Make WHO feel better?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Who’s to say she’s not evil all the way through? *shudders* She
IS a Sue, after all.
Sorry
everyone but that was my first chapter, so it was pretty weak..but please keep reading, because I have a really
good idea! Thanks!
GIRL
TREE: And that’s her entire second chapter.
TABACHKA:
Thank God it’s shorter.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Heehee, you’re not supposed to do that. *reports
abuse*
ALL: Yay!!!
TABACHKA:
Next chapter!
My
Note: Thanks everyone for the great reviews!
TABACHKA:
You got great reviews for that? Oh my god.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *sniggers* My review wasn’t great.
Actually, I didn’t leave one. I should have.
Sorry
for some of the confusion..
TABACHKA:
Was any of it NOT confusing?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: It was bad. I wasn’t confused about that at all.
this really is my first fanfict.so I'm a new
girl on the block..so give
me any and all the pointers you can...but please in a the nice way you've been
giving them in! Thanks!
TABACHKA:
You’re welcome.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Now I’m glad I didn’t leave a review. Not.
Chapter 1: The New Beginning
TABACHKA:
I thought we already started! There’ve already been two chapters!
GIRL
TREE: But it was a prologue. You gotta give ‘em that much.
TABACHKA:
That much and no more.
The
Fellowship were resting the night in Rivendell,
planning to start for their search the next mourning.
GIRL
TREE: How do you rest the night?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Why are they mourning?
"I'm just confused though, about how Sauron was able to have this kid,
didn't we destroy him," Aragorn asked.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Wow, she found her own plot hole!
TABACHKA:
He couldn’t possibly have had it BEFORE he died?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: When he was a BIG FLAMING EYEBALL!
The
2 were the last ones at the dinner time.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Which two?
GIRL
TREE: Dinner time? *snigger* Dinner time.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Sometimes I just don’t get you.
GIRL
TREE: Not many people do.
The
rest had gone up to bed.
TABACHKA:
Before dinner? Some of them are hobbits, you know!
"This child was before we had destroyed him,
TABACHKA:
Ha! I was right!
how he came back, I'm not quit sure, but one thing is positive and
that is that we need to destroy him,"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Wait, when did he come back?
TABACHKA:
He didn’t come back, did he? He just had a daughter!
GIRL
TREE: Which popped out of nowhere, apparently.
TABACHKA:
No, it popped out of the elf. The dead elf.
GIRL
TREE: I’m not going into the birds and bees of it.
Gandalf
remarked. He still couldn't believe that something this BIG had gotten by him.
TABACHKA:
BIG!
GIRL
TREE: Yes, yes, yes! Very BIG!
"This child, she has no ability to defend herself.correct?"
Aragorn still had a fuzzy picture in his head about what they were searching
for.
TABACHKA:
They’re searching for a half-eyeball, half-elf girl. It would be difficult to
miss.
"I know nothing about her,
TABACHKA:
She is a half-elf half-eyeball girl!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: WE KNOW!!!!
she is a mystery all..I wouldn't be
surprised if even Sauron himself knows anything about her,"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: You mean ‘nothing about her‘?
GIRL
TREE: Isn’t he her dad, supposedly? Or mom, or whatever?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Plus, he but a curse on her! And I don't know what that means but I’m
thinking they have to come into contact!
"So, we are looking for a faceless girl.
TABACHKA:
Okay, I’m pretty sure she has a face.
GIRL
TREE: Unless it’s one great, big flaming eye.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Most likely. She’ll probably seduce Legolas anyway.
GIRL
TREE: How would they kiss? I mean, they always end up snogging
each other . . .
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Eskimo kiss! *Eskimo-kisses Aragorn*
We
are going on a mission, looking for anyone.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Maybe they’ll find us.
GIRL
TREE: (as Fellowship) I am searching for anyone! Look, I found a person!
And another person!
My
friend, I know that we must do this, but what were setting out to do tomorrow,
is nearly impossible,"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: To find anyone?
GIRL
TREE: Wow, that’s gonna be hard.
"I am aware of that, but that makes us even with Sauron. He does not know
what he is looking for either. Though, we do have one advantage, we can think
like an elf, like Legolas. We know, that we need to find a girl with a ring,
simple as that,"
TABACHKA:
I have a ring. GT has a ring. We all have rings!
GIRL
TREE: *reading card* You are a mugger. Mug
another player.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I’m mugging Mary-Sue.
"Gandalf, I fear that." Aragorn was interrupted by the screaming
upstairs.
TABACHKA:
Who’s screaming, and why?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Obviously someone was murdered. *thinks* It was probably Mr.
Green in the conservatory with the orc-blade.
TABACHKA:
Or the rope. Hee hee.
He
looked at Gandalf and the 2 started to laugh. Echoing from upstairs, you could
hear Gimli and Legolas arguing about this time around who would kill the most Orcs.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Or the most Mary-Sues.
"Just like old times," Gandalf chuckled.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: (as Gandalf) Legolas and Gimli were together, loud screaming
noises were always coming from upstairs, for that very reason . . .
TABACHKA:
And it wasn’t giggling . . . or moaning . . . ew!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: And there was rope . . .
"That's what I'm afraid of, we nearly failed last time and because of the
last time, ones in the fellowship now must live a horrible life.
Gandalf knew he was talking about Boromir and Frodo.
TABACHKA:
Boromir is dead! He isn’t living ANY life!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: And Frodo is safe and happy in Valinor. Unless he, too, was raped by Sauron and bore a Mary-Sue child.
TABACHKA:
*watched Girl Tree do Frodo’s chicken dance* No, he’s doing his
chicken-dance.
"What
needs to be done, needs to be done, that's all I can
say, now go get some rest, we will need to be leaving early tomarrow.
*
TABACHKA:
Rest. Heehee. Right.
GIRL
TREE: I’m not going to comment until we stop talking about this.
"See, you have an advantage, because you are tall, more go after you,
giving you more to kill," Gimli started.
TABACHKA:
Kill?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Or be killed by?
TABACHKA:
I was thinking more . . . kill, or rape!
"I would see you having an advantage, because you can sneak up on them,
and get them quickly.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Heh.
Oh,
but that's right, you can't reach them. Maybe we should have borrowed a stool
from Rivendell," Legolas argued.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Wait, I’m confused? Where are they now, if not Rivendell?
The
fellowship sighed and let out a laugh.
GIRL
TREE: Capitolize Fellowship!
Their
2 friends, had been going on for hours.
GIRL
TREE: Going on where?
TABACHKA:
Spell out ‘two’, and why do they have a comma?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: This story, is getting worse.
"I don't trust an elf's stool," Gimli shoot back.
TABACHKA:
That sounds so wrong.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Considering that Elves are master craftsmen and all.
Legolas was about to respond, when they saw a village come into view.
TABACHKA:
A village? But they’re still in Rivendell!
GIRL
TREE: It just goes POOF! and appears!
ARAGORN:
*poof* *appears*
QUEEN
ARAGORN: YAY!!!!!!!
GIRL
TREE: I like it when that one goes POOF!
"Gandalf, I do not remember having a village here," Aragorn stated.
TABACHKA:
Neither do we!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: (as Aragorn) Last time I checked, the Last Homely House was
strictly a suburban area.
GIRL
TREE: (grumbles) Strictly that, the LAST HOMELY
HOUSE!
Gandalf stared at the village, he did not remember the village either.
TABACHKA:
You’re not alone.
He
tried to listen, but heard nothing. "Legolas do you hear anything?"
Legolas shoot his ears up
ALL: *blink*
*burst out laughing*
GIRL
TREE: You can’t shoot your ears up!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Thank you, Captain Obvious!
and tried to hear a clue of anything. "Everyone is shushed to be
quite.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I wish the writer would be shushed to be quite.
TABACHKA:
I think they mean quiet.
There
is fear..much fear.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: There is bad writing . . . much bad writing!
Though,
it is not fear for getting hurt, it is fear for someone else.like.."
QUEEN
ARAGORN: The MSTers?
Legolas
was shocked by how suddenly everything was quite even for him.
GIRL
TREE: What was quite even?
"Like.." Aragorn whispered.
GIRL
TREE: Aragorn doesn’t whisper. He mumbles.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: (as Aragorn) Like, oh my gawd, like,
totally!
"I don't know, it is silent, not even the tree's leaves dare to
move," Legolas stated trying his hardest.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: . . . to think!
GIRL
TREE: Do we even WANT to know what he’s trying to do?
TABACHKA:
Probably not.
"What sort of creature could have scared them so bad?" Aragorn asked
placing his hand on his sword.
GIRL
TREE: A Mary-Sue!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Heh . . . placing
his hand on his sword . . .
"No, not scared them. They have heard us...there is a secret here that
only the trees know about."
TABACHKA:
And unfortunately, the trees’ leaves are being quite.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: You mean fortunately.
Gandalf
exclaimed. He looked back down at the village. It seemed dead as if no one was
there. However, from one tiny little hut, smoke emerged.
TABACHKA:
If there’s smoke, it doesn’t seem dead!
"I don't know about any secret, but I'm hungry and this village looks
ready to cook me a long meal,"
TABACHKA:
If the village is dead, then why is it going to cook you a long meal?
GIRL
TREE: And why a long meal? Why can’t it be a good meal, or a hearty meal?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Because all they have is a Subway, and all they have there are footlongs.
Gimli
snorted. "If the trees are gonna be stubborn and
not help us, then fine, we don't need their help. Hear that trees, WE DON'T
NEED YOU HELP!" With that, Gimli trotted down the hill.
GIRL
TREE: Gimli does not trot. Horses trot. Unless Gimli is a horse, in which case
he would trot.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Hey Girl Tree, they’re asking for your help.
TABACHKA:
(as Fellowship) We don’t need you! Help!
"He is right, we will get nothing out of the trees," Gandalf agreed.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Except maple syrup.
TABACHKA:
But the trees’ leaves are quite. They won’t talk.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *shines flashlight on tree* For the
last time! Where were you on the night of the twenty-fourth?
"Then, we might as well see what this village is about,"
TABACHKA:
The village is about people living in it!
Aragorn
agreed and followed Gimli. Gandalf went down as well. However, Legolas stayed
there. Anxiety ceased him,
GIRL
TREE: Oh, yeah. That makes a lot of sense.
this secret was big.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Bigger than Gandalf’s nose.
TABACHKA:
Pretty damn big.
Something
about this village too, gave off evil vibes.
GIRL
TREE: *snort* Evil vibes! (as village) I’m
sending evil vibes!
"Legolas, come on," Aragorn motioned.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: And somehow words came out.
GIRL
TREE: WHERE did he motion to go?
RANDOM
OBSERVER: Dirty mind!
GIRL
TREE: *cough* Helen.
Legolas
looked down the hill to see Gimli all ready all the way down
TABACHKA:
In this case, ‘already’ would be one word.
GIRL
TREE: *snigger* No comment.
and Aragorn and Gandalf were half way. Brushing off his feeling, he
started down as well.
GIRL
TREE: How do you brush off a feeling?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: With those lint-clinging roller things.
My Note: Was that at all better???? Be completely honest.but
try to be nice!
ALL: *silent*
GIRL
TREE: Yeah. That’s better.
TABACHKA:
. . . nice.
GIRL
TREE: Sure. You could say that. Nice, horrible, it’s all the same!
RANDOM
OBSERVER: *rolls eyes*
Chapter
2: The Village Prize
"Hello, is there anyone here?" Gimli grunted.
TABACHKA:
Gimli STILL does not grunt. He talks.
He
has waited
QUEEN
ARAGORN: TENSES! TENSES!
by the entrance until the other 3 had come, before he had made his
presence known.
ALL: *blink*
"Hush you fool, we cant be sure..of
who's here," Gandalf hissed.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: She LIKES throwing in random ..s, doesn’t
she?
TABACHKA:
It’s dead! There’s nobody there!
"Dwarves." Legolas joked as the he skidded
past his friend.
TABACHKA:
Why is he skidding? Elves don’t skid! They nance!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: (as Legolas) Dwarves! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t sleep alone at night!
The four looked down the empty row of houses.
GIRL
TREE: Empty houses? How do they know they’re empty?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Because there’s smoke, of course.
There
was no longer one with smoke coming from it.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I stand corrected.
"Should we split up?" Legolas asked.
TABACHKA:
Yes. Definitely. Split up.
GIRL
TREE: So smart.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Just like in a horror movie.
"What good would that do, if the person's already left?" Gimli asked,
trying to redeem himself.
TABACHKA:
What’s he redeeming himself for?
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Unspeakable bedroom activities with a certain wood elf.
"Good idea, Legolas, you and Gimli check the end houses,
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Ha!
TABACHKA:
Oh my god. I think Gandalf wants this relationship to work.
Aragorn
you and I will check these,"
QUEEN
ARAGORN: No! No! What are you implying?????
Gandalf
ordered as him and Aragorn barged into the closest house.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: *grumbles* He never barges into my house.
"2 times in one day.
GIRL
TREE: Oh my God.
TABACHKA:
Don’t go there. Just don’t go there.
I'm
on a role," Legolas laughed.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: So . . . many . . . comments . . .
The
two were speed walking to the end houses.
GIRL TREE: Only old ladies speed
walk.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Duh, why do YOU think they were in a hurry to get inside the houses?
"Rotten luck.I'm just
tired," Gimli defended himelf, while Legolas let
out a chuckle and rolled his eyes.
TABACHKA:
Legolas knows he won’t be tired once they get to the house.
GIRL TREE: Do
Elves chuckle? I have yet to hear an elf
chuckle.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
For someone who’s planning to fall in love with Legolas, he sure appears
gay here.
When they had reached the end row, they decided to go to the one to the left.
"Why this one?" Gimli argued.
TABACHKA: Why
not?
GIRL TREE: (as Legolas) Because
it has a nicer bed.
TABACHKA: No
duh.
"Because I am getting rather strong warmth vibes, so be ready,"
Legolas warned.
TABACHKA: Ow ow!
GIRL TREE:
Turn it up!
TABACHKA: Be
ready for the warmth vibes!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Smut fic alert! Smut fic alert!
GIRL TREE:
Actually, I think that’s just us trying to make sense out of this stupid
thing.
Gimli
got out his axe and prepared himself.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Oh my. What kind of foreplay does
this involve?
GIRL TREE: *screams, cries, and rocks back and forth* Mommy!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as Girl Tree) The
elf is giving me the full view again!
"Us, dwarves are always ready.
ALL: *crack up*
TABACHKA: (as Gimli) For
anything that may come. Including you.
GIRL TREE:
Please no, please no, please no . . .
Who ever is in here, is nothing that I can't
handle," Gimli muttered
QUEEN ARAGORN:
I bet!
TABACHKA:
Handle them, Gimli!
GIRL TREE:
You go girl! You can tame
whatever’s in there!
TABACHKA:
It’s not whatever, it’s whoever.
GIRL TREE and QUEEN ARAGORN: No, it’s definitely whatever.
and ventured off into a room.
TABACHKA: A
bedroom!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
I told you so!
Legolas
kept going down the hall, to the last door, that was closed. Slowly, opening
the door, it made a loud creak.
"Of course," Legolas thought to himself. Suddenly, he heard a low
chant coming from the closet.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as closet) Wannahakalugi, wannahakalugi
. . .
GIRL TREE:
QA, are you acting like a witch again? How many times have I told you to stop scaring
your gym teacher that way?
Come lord, save me from these evil villans, Come
lord, save me from these creatures, Show me that your there, By
letting me see tomarrow.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
*blink* In
Middle-earth, the Elves worshipped Ilùvator.
TABACHKA: (as closet) Come,
lord, come!
Preparing his arrow in his left hand, Legolas crept to the closet. Quickly
swinging it open, he was face to face to a gem, a jewel.
TABACHKA: The
jewel is saying come lord come?
GIRL TREE:
The jewel can talk? I want that
jewel! I need a friend.
TABACHKA: You
WANT that jewel?
GIRL TREE: As
a friend!
Legolas
body froze, as his mind went off into a dream. When, it came back, he relized the girl, no, the she-elf was standing there covering
her head with her hands and whimpering.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as girl) Don’t
rape me! Okay, maybe just a little bit!
TABACHKA:
It’s not rape if you’re willing.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
And Sues are always willing.
"Shhh..tas ok.I am nu wanyale
an hurt you," (Sshh, its ok..I
am not going to hurt you)
QUEEN ARAGORN:
What the heck?
TABACHKA: One
language at a time please!
GIRL TREE:
Just like you use one tense.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
That’s not supposed to be Elvish, is it? Please tell me it’s not.
Legolas
exclaimed as he pulled her hands down.
TABACHKA:
From where?
QUEEN ARAGORN:
And WHY?
She
looked up from the ground and into his eyes. The 2 stood there, not knowing
what to say or what to expect, when Gimli came slamming through the door.
"Get your hands off him," he bellowed at the top of his lungs,
TABACHKA: (as Gimli) He’s
mine, dammit!
but stopped when he saw it was a she-elf.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as Gimli) You
said it was just a phase!
GIRL TREE: (as Gimli) Galadriel,
is that you?
"I'll.I'll.I'lll.." He walked
out of the room, like someone had pressed the rewind button on him.
ALL: *blink*
QUEEN ARAGORN:
At least he got the picture.
The girl looked up at Legolas. "Who are you?"
"I am Legolas, daughter of."
ALL: *crack up*
GIRL TREE:
Daughter? DAUghter? DaughTER? DAUGHTER!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(mutters) I
knew it. I knew it, I tell you.
Legolas
began, when Aragorn and Gandalf came crashing through the door, weapons at
hand.
TABACHKA:
Gimli alerted them. (as Gimli) There’s a GIRL stealing my elf!
"Legolas, what happened, we heard Gimli shreak,"
Aragorn began, but then too saw the girl. "Who.who.is she?"
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Oh, no! Her evil Sue eyeball
powers are affecting him too!
TABACHKA: Why
do we care?
"My lady," Gandalf spoke. "Who are you? What happened to
everyone?"
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as girl) I
ate them.
GIRL TREE:
In bed last night.
ALL: *thinking* Helen!
The girl looked at the old wizard, as tears started to swell in her eyes, but
she pushed them aside.
GIRL TREE:
How do you do that? I think I’m
speaking for all of us here.
"I
am Ro, As for everyone, there as no one, but me
and."
TABACHKA: (ominously) YOU!
GIRL TREE:
And my daddy.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
And your mom.
The
girl drained off. "Just me, nobody else.
Gandalf and Aragorn exchanged glances. They knew the girl was lying about it
being just her.
TABACHKA:
Liar! We could tell by the way
she drained off!
GIRL TREE:
Please? How do you drain off?
Gandalf
figured hed get that part of story out of her later.
TABACHKA:
Pillow talk.
"Well,
my lady if its just you, then I insist we must take
you with us,
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Pervy old man.
for it is not safe for you to be here by yourself."
GIRL TREE:
Yeah, because it’s so much more safe with us
men, when all we care about is having bed buddies.
TABACHKA:
Don’t tell me you’re surprised or anything.
GIRL TREE: Naw, I’m not.
"Your concern is flattering, but I cannot leave. This is my home," Ro
QUEEN ARAGORN:
RO? For an ELF?
GIRL TREE: Valar save us.
TABACHKA: Ro
is such a horrible name.
explained, while brushing her hair to the side.
GIRL TREE: DO
you brush your hair to the side while talking to people who have weapons?
It
was then that Gandalf and Gandalf alone noticed that she was holding her sleeve
covering her left hand. But through, the sleeve, Gandalf could see a figure, a
ring underneathe.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
No one saw that coming at all.
TABACHKA:
What’s the point of covering if you can see through? Oh my god!
She’s wearing a see-through shirt!
No wonder they’ve all turned pervy and horny!
"I am afraid that urak-hai are heading this way
and we have no choice but bring you with us, wheather
you like it or not," Gandalf said.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Likely story.
GIRL TREE:
How are you going to force her?
TABACHKA:
After all, she has her evil eyeball powers.
His
head was going a million miles per second.
TABACHKA: How
the heck does that work?
"Ro.Ro.that must be short for
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Or pROstitute.
This
could be the girl.the she-elf.
TABACHKA: RO
could be the she-elf? Are you sure about
that?
How
do I destroy the ring. I can't take actions, though,
right now, until I know for sure. See if she knows anything," Gandalf
thought in his head.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
And just where else might he be thinking?
TABACHKA: He
thought in his foot.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Right now he’s thinking with his . . . staff.
GIRL TREE: *slaps head* Duh,
he’s a wizard. He does things
differently from normal people.
rak-hai?!?!?"
TABACHKA: Rak-hai? What the
hell are rak-hai?
GIRL TREE: (as Ro) Oh,
no, some non-existent beings are trying to attack us! I’m so scared!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Probably trying to say something about her rack.
Ro
shuddered. "This way." She began to bite her
bottom lip. In her head she began to think, "I can't let them find me. No
not now, but how did they find me? Gabriel? No, he couldn't of..."
TABACHKA: I
can’t let them find me? But they already
found you!
GIRL TREE:
Gabriel sounds like a girl’s name.
TABACHKA: No,
it’s a boy’s name.
QUEEN ARAGORN: Well for one thing, it’s NOT an elf name.
ALL: *nod*
"Are you sure, that it will be no extra stress for you," Ro asked.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as Gandalf) I assure you, I
ENJOY that kind of stress.
"No, it is fine my lady," Gandalf assured, grabbing her hand that he
saw the figure on.
TABACHKA: He
saw the figure, all right.
GIRL TREE: (bitterly) Her
size-two figure.
TABACHKA: In
bed!
Ro,
looked down at his hand, but instead offered her other hand, which he excepted after looking at her other hand for a second.
TABACHKA: He
already grabbed her other hand! It’s
like, I’m shaking your hand, and then I’m like, no, you can’t have it, take the
other hand!
GIRL TREE:
I’m confuzzled.
TABACHKA:
You’re not alone.
"You
shall ride with Aragorn, for I do not ride swift and Legolas already has Gimli
to carry."
TABACHKA: Oh
my god.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
But he doesn’t mind, does he?
GIRL TREE:
Too many things implied.
TABACHKA: No,
they can all share her.
Ro
looked at the man she expected was Aragorn.
"Hanta V," (Thank you)
ALL: HANTA
V????? HANNON
LE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
QUEEN ARAGORN:
I didn’t know people stooped so low as to actually MAKE UP ELVISH. I thought it was just an urban legend. *cries*
GIRL TREE: *pats back* I
know, it happens to all of us. The moment of truth.
It hurts.
Ro
bowed her head to show apprication and then followed
Gandalf outside.
TABACHKA:
Notice she keeps following Galndalf. Let’s wonder which Fellowship member she’s
fixated on. Sicko.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as Ro) Hmmm,
Legolas is hot, but Gandalf has a really long staff. I guess it’s a draw.
TABACHKA: (as Ro) I’ll
shag them both.
"She is hiding something." Aragorn whispered to Legolas as the 2
dropped behind.
"I do not feel she lies, I feel she is telling
the truth,"
TABACHKA: (as Legolas) I
feel her all right.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Considering the authoress TOLD us she was lying, Legolas must be really
dumb. Which I guess is in character for
once.
ALL: A
DIVERSION!
"I didn't say she was lying, just maybe that shes
not telling the whole truth,"
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Um, so what would you call that?
TABACHKA:
Again, let’s go back to what you said about how she was LYING.
Legolas thought about this concept.
TABACHKA:
Hard. It’s hard for him.
"Cant be," he thought to himself.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
And it took him ten minutes.
The 2 had thought that she had not heard them, for they were quiet, but had
forgotten one thing. She was an elf, she could hear anything.
TABACHKA:
Elves cannot hear ANYTHING.
GIRL TREE: I
am confused. I would rather paint
Justin’s toenails than read this crap.
TABACHKA:
Whoa.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
You’re in luck, because that’s the rest of it.
A/N:
What do you guys think?
TABACHKA: I
think it sucks.
GIRL TREE: I
second that motion.
I'm
slowly learning elvish so im
not that good yet.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
She’s not slowly LEARNING Elvish, she’s slowly MAKING UP Elvish.
TABACHKA: Not
that it’s Elvish or anything.
GIRL TREE: I
think she had her cat walk across the keyboard.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as cat) jhfuieIuobsufoWANTnfioahfawioeTOoihfsioadfSHAGihfsaiofLEGOLAS!
TABACHKA: But
all the authoresses do that with their cats apparently.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
Ew! Bad mental picture!
but im trying!!! Hehe..dont u wonder who Gabriel is.and
what shes hiding?!?!?!?
ALL: NO!!!!!!
GIRL TREE: I
though Gabriel was a guy.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
I guess you were right all along.
O and don't worry ill bring my "R"
stuff next chapter.when she gets her flashbacks!
TABACHKA:
No. Please no.
GIRL TREE: You
speak for us all.
QUEEN ARAGORN:
(as next chapter) Ro
was walking along when suddenly she remembered where she’d seen Gandalf before.
TABACHKA: In
her bed!
GIRL TREE:
And then she died. The end. Everyone
cried . . . tears of joy.
ALL: *clap*
Keep
reading and ill try to write more soon. Give me reviews though, because they
really help!
ALL: No!
QUEEN
ARAGORN: I’ll give her reviews. Just not the kind that
help.
TABACHKA: Let’s give her this site.
QUEEN
ARAGORN: Anyway, folks, hope you enjoyed
the show.
GIRL TREE: *cough* Not *cough*
ALL: Bye! *wave*
Credits:
“Running
Away” written by and stolen from Blimbey73.
MSTed by Queen Aragorn, Tabachka,
and Girl Tree.