MST:
For the Love of a Daughter, by Yuri Kitty
MSTed by Queen Aragorn
-
[Aragorn
and Arwen are forced into the theater with much pushing on shoving on behalf of
Sparky and QA. Rather disgruntled, they sit.]
ARWEN:
I’m scared. Estel, what’s happening?
ARAGORN: *twitch*
Oh, no, this again. *rocks back and forth in a fetal position*
ARWEN: Estel?
QA:
He’s just having flashbacks of last time. Which, FYI,
will not be posted because I accidentally deleted it. But it was very
traumatizing.
ARWEN: What
happened?
QA: Well,
this chick Silawé showed up and joined the
Fellowship, and Aragorn was forced to be her father-figure/mentor/best friend.
ARWEN: *shudders*
How terrible. I’ve heard tales . . .
QA: Yes, it
was pretty bad. Well, anyway. I’ll leave you two to it. [Exits]
ARAGORN: *pops
up* Is she gone?
ARWEN: I
think so. Shhh, it’s starting!
ARAGORN: Noooooo! *dives for cover*
This does
not follow my own plot of my version of LotR.
BOTH: Riiiight.
ARAGORN:
Probably relating to some other story she has.
ARWEN: I hate
it when they change the plot. Except if it’s me rescuing Frodo and not
that fake blond Glorfindel.
ARAGORN: Hey!
That was purely un-canonical and you know it!
ARWEN:
You’re just jealous.
GIRL TREE:
The last time I heard that, I flamed the idiot to the deepest circle of hell
and back.
QA: What are YOU doing here?
GT: *grin*
Butting into other people’s MSTs!
If anyone cares.
BOTH: Nope!
GT: Just like
I care about the crap we learn in Bio.
But I just
thought this would be
ARAGORN:
Utter crap.
a change... it probably won't be more than a chapter and
probably won't be on my site too long; depending on how many people review and
such. ^^
ARWEN:
Fanfiction.net is HER site? Somehow, I don’t think so.
ARAGORN: This
is boring. Wanna make out?
ARWEN: Hell,
yeah.
QA’s
VOICE: Stop! Stop! THIS IS PG, you royal perverts!
ARWEN: *gulps*
Sorry.
GT: *rocks
back and forth* Mine…mine…not hers…Mommy…Strider mine…nooooooooooooooooo!
So, if you
like, REVIEW! If you don't like,
ARWEN: Feel
free to murder me. Preferably at a time when I look nice.
REVIEW!
Just REVIEW! ^_______^ ON TO THE STORY!!!!!!!!!
ARAGORN: *waves
a pennant halfheartedly* Woo. Hoo.
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. *sobbidy-sobbidy-sob* ;_;
ARAGORN: Yippity-yip-yip-pee!
For the Love of a Daughter. By: Yuri Kitty
Arwen and Aragorn had a child.
ARWEN: No
shit, sherlock.
GT: Hey! That’s
MY line!
ARWEN: Did you INVENT it?
GT: No, but I
stole it. Good enough.
It was
long after the end of the War of the Ring. They had a child together;
ARWEN: Hello,
redundancy.
ARAGORN:
Alternatively, we could have had a child apart. But that would involve sperm
shipping, and, well, the Pony Express has deteriorated since Bill retired.
GT: Oh Eru.
a child that was as pale and beautiful as the snow,
ARWEN: *sarcastically*
I’ve always wanted a daughter who looked like a pile of nondescript
white stuff.
ARAGORN: You
could have just used Gandalf.
GT: Ooo…I’m telling him! And he’s learned a
new trick – with his staff.
with hair dark like a raven.
ARWEN:
Meaning that it was made of feather.
ARAGORN: I
knew you slept with Gwaihir!
GT: *twitch*
She had a
soft disposition
BOTH: *blink*
and her eyes were the color of her mothers; fair and
welcoming.
ARWEN: Bitch
doesn’t know what color my eyes are! I’ll show her!
ARAGORN:
Well, obviously she hasn’t read the books.
ARWEN: Great.
She knows me as a hobbit-chasing, love-doubting, Ranger-deserting freak with
chipmunk cheeks.
They named
her Maya.
ARWEN: MAYA
IS NOT AN ELVEN NAME!
ARAGORN:
Maybe we named her after Gandalf.
ARWEN:
That’s Maia, you idiot.
GT: Take it
easy on him…you can’t be a King of Men, have an average sized male
ego, and intelligence greater then that of Peter Jackson all in the same
person.
Maya was a quiet child, half-human and half-elf.
ARAGORN: No
shit, Sherlock. Even Legolas could have figured that out!
She was
very curious about things.
ARWEN: (as
Maya) Where do babies come from? What does it mean
when Faramir tells Éowyn to meet him in the
bedroom? Why does Legolas walk around naked all the time?
ARAGORN: Your
guess is as good as mine.
Aragorn
and Arwen both adored her,
BOTH: NOT!
as did everyone else who knew her. Legolas,
especially.
ARAGORN: (mutters)
Pedophile.
ARWEN: (as
Legolas) Maya, come here and be adorable and stick your hand down my
breeches.
Legolas
had a daughter
BOTH: NO HE
DIDN’T!
about Maya's age and, even as babies, they played
together and were friends.
However, one night
ARAGORN: They
were having a pillow fight in their underwear, and realized that they were
meant to be something more.
ARWEN: *snorts*
ended this almost-perfect tale. Arwen and Aragorn
were happy.
ARWEN: Hey,
that’s right! We WERE happy when this ended!
GT: Wow!
Something was right! The world is ending!
After the
threat of Sauron had been defeated and the ring destroyed, they finally felt
safe.
ARWEN: (mutters)
Not when Éowyn came
to visit, we didn’t.
But that
they were not. One night, when they did least expect it, there were creatures
afoot that had a very evil plot.
BOTH: *snort*
ARAGORN: I SO
hope they kidnap her.
GT: Do they
mean MarySues, orcfish, or
Chewy?
QA’s
VOICE: Mole-People.
They
sought revenge on the life of Aragorn,
ARWEN: Not
you, mind. Just your LIFE.
ARAGORN: Oh,
well THAT’S okay, then.
for all that he had done to them and to their great and
powerful Dark Lord, Sauron.
ARAGORN: Which, technically, was nothing!
ARWEN: Oh, Ilúvatar. How many times have I said that your
playboy days would come back to haunt you?
Yes; the
creatures that were going to destroy Arwen's and
Aragorn's sweet life was none other than that of a band of orcs.
ARWEN: That
is a completely improper use of semicolon!
ARAGORN: How
about a completely improper use of TOLKIEN?
ARWEN: That,
too.
ARAGORN: *gloats*
Our life is sweet, man.
While Arwen and Aragorn lay asleep,
BOTH: *snigger*
not suspecting a thing, the orcs
attacked. They moved stealthily, which was quite an achievment
for creatures of their stature.
ARAGORN:
I’ll say.
They crept
into the room of little Maya and they
ARAGORN: Had
their juicy sweet way with her. The end.
ARWEN:
You’re sick. You know that? Sick!
went along with kidnapping her
BOTH: Yay!
and leaving the home of her parents.
ARWEN: I’m liking this fic after
all.
ARAGORN: What
happened to Eldarion?
ARWEN:
Probably laughing in the closet.
But
something they had not counted on: Maya awoke and began to cry.
ARWEN: How
unusual! Her being a baby, and all.
ARAGORN:
Okay, it is completely OOC for Orcs to do something
like kidnapping a baby for revenge. Face it. They’re not that smart. Uruk-hai, maybe, but -
Almost in
an instant, Arwen was awake and was wanting to rush to
her daughter's side. Aragorn, however, stopped her.
ARAGORN: (as
himself) Darling, it’s an opportunity! We can get rid of her once and
for all!
"No." He said quietly. "You must not go. Let me. I will get
her."
"But..." Arwen started to object. She was cut off by Aragorn shaking
his head.
"No." He repeated. "It could be dangerous."
ARWEN: How
could you know?
BOTH: Plot
hole!
There was
another cry from their daughter. One more urgent; more
needing.
ARAGORN:
Malicious little sex fiend, isn’t she?
ARWEN: Stupid
pervert, aren’t you?
GT: EGADS!
Now I know where QA gets her Heleness from!
Arwen
nodded her head only slightly and, as if upon her signal, Aragorn got out of
bed and grabbed ahold of his sword.
BOTH: *snigger*
ARAGORN: (as
himself) Let me just take care of this first.
He moved
swiftly throughout the house and to the room of his daughter.
Within Maya's room, she was in the arms of the orcs.
ARWEN: I pray
to Varda that English is NOT this author’s
first language.
They
seemed a little surprised and unsure about her crying.
ARAGORN: (as
an Orc) It’s like
she’s trying to speak to me! (to Maya)
Look, you’re cute, but I have no idea what – AUGHHHHHHH!
They did
seem to realize that her crying would arise resistance
from either Arwen and/or Aragorn.
ARWEN:
Whereas if they kidnapped her quietly, we would be fine with it.
ARAGORN: You
and your goddamned beauty sleep.
GT: She sleeps?
They way you talk one would think you go at it 24/7…
They were
desperately trying to quiet her when Aragorn appeared, his sword ready.
BOTH: *snigger*
ARAGORN: I
think we’ve been reading too many badfics.
They were
all surprised at this, but they at least knew how to deal with the situation.
ARWEN: Yes,
surprised. Considering it’s his home, and all.
ARAGORN: By
"deal with the situation", she doesn’t mean . . .
The main orc, who had been holding Aragorn's daughter, tossed her to
another orc as if she was nothing more than a blunt,
immobile object.
BOTH: Riiiight.
ARAGORN:
She’s not? And all this time I thought she was a beach ball . . .
Aragorn's
eyes locked onto his daughter as she screamed in terror, being thrown.
ARAGORN: . .
. into the Dumpster.
GT: Yay! Do it! Do it! Do it!
His eyes
never left her and his breath seemed to be caught in his throat.
ARAGORN: *claws
at throat* It’s stuck!
When she
was caught, he eased a little. He did not know that she was safe, but he at
least knew she was not dead.
ARWEN: More’s the pity.
Not yet.
ARWEN: Ha!
And that was all that mattered at the moment.
Aragorn, his eyes narrowed in anger, turned to his opponent;
the head orc. He held his sword in front of
him,
ARWEN: Yeah,
that’s right. Bear your sword at the "head" Orc.
ARAGORN: No
thanks, love, I don’t flow that way!
GT: *snigger* Riiiiiiiight.
offensively, poised to attack. "Leave my daughter
alone." The orc did not speak; only glared back
at Aragorn. Then, without a word or hardly a movement, the orc
pulled out his hard blade and thrust it down upon Aragorn.
BOTH: *snort*
ARAGORN: Hard
blade.
ARWEN:
Thrust.
BOTH: Heh.
GT: And you
said you didn’t flow that way.
Aragorn
defended, but only barely. He nearly lost his footing
ARAGORN: Hey!
I resent that! I’m the best fighter anyone knows!
ARWEN: Ego.
ARAGORN:
Sorry.
and cursed at himself for doing so. It was very difficult to
fight an orc and have all your concentration on
killing it, when more than half your mind and your whole heart was focused on
making sure your daughter was not harmed by these vile creatures.
ARWEN: What
about me? Don’t you care about me? Or Eldarion?
ARAGORN:
He’s safe in the broom closet.
Aragorn regained his footing and pushed back with considerable strength that
knocked the orc off-guard. He staggered and fell
backwards; but he was only to be replaced by another orc,
who was only all-too willing to fight Aragorn.
ARAGORN: This
is SO INCREDIBLY DULL.
ARWEN: Wanna make out?
ARAGORN:
Hell, ye –
QA’s
VOICE: IT’S STILL PG!!!!
BOTH: Drat.
GT: *twitchtwitch*
Aragorn
fended him off and fought another one that jumped up when signaled; as if this
was all planned out.
ARAGORN:
Those Orcs sure know how to choreograph.
While he
fought them, Aragorn was constantly aware of the crying and screaming of his
baby child in the
ARAGORN: Bed.
ARWEN:
Pervert.
hands of an orc. Out of
the corner of his eye, Aragorn saw the orc trying to
shake the child to shut her up.
ARWEN:
Intelligent, aren’t they?
ARAGORN: Hey,
I’m not complaining. Who can say shell shock?
This only
caused her to cry and scream louder. Full of rage and fear for his daughter's
life, Aragorn slashed the chest of the orc he was
fighting and charged towards the one that held his baby. He cut off the arm of
the orc as Maya fell.
ARAGORN: (as
himself as Arthur) I win!
ARWEN: (as
the Orc as the Green Knight) ‘Tis but a scratch!
ARAGORN: (as
himself as Arthur) You’re arm’s cut
off!
ARWEN: (as
the Orc as the Green Knight) No it isn’t!
ARAGORN: ‘Tis!
ARWEN: It’s just a flesh wound!
Aragorn
caught her just in time and, with his sword in one hand and her in the other,
he held her gently against his chest.
ARWEN: Awwwww. Look at
ARAGORN:
Shameful. Really, it is.
He gently
kissed her forehead before clashing blades with another orc
and trying to get her away from them alive.
ARWEN:
That’s right. MUCH safer to bring her into the fray
than to leave her with an Orc momentarily.
ARAGORN:
That’s my plan.
GT: Is that
even possible? Fighting off Orcs while holding an
imaginary baby to your chest?
It did not matter if he died;
BOTH: HEY!
she just had to live.
From their bedroom, Arwen heard the familiar noise of fighting. She was
frightened. Not so much from the fight itself,
ARAGORN: But
from the brothel she feared would follow.
ARWEN: (accusingly)
You said those days were over!
but for the lives of the two she loved most in the entire
world.
ARWEN:
Aragorn, yeah. But Eldarion is safe in the closet!
Making up
her mind, she decided to make for the room and try
ARAGORN: To
join in when the REAL fun started.
and aid Aragorn and her little Maya. She could not sit there
and do nothing when she knew that she could help them live.
ARAGORN: Ohhh. Arwen, Warrior Princess strikes again! What’ll
you steal this time? Legolas’ bow? Gandalf’s staff?
ARWEN: Hmph.
ARAGORN: Or
will it be Arwen the Teenage Witch, bringing us back to the light?
ARWEN: SHUT
UP!
Aragorn had done it.
ARWEN: He had
undergone the operations. He finally knew what it was to be a woman.
ARAGORN: HEY!
GT: Noooooooooooooooo!
He had
defeated them all.
ARAGORN: *gloats*
I win!
Walking
over to the table in the center of the room, he placed his daughter gently
down. She seemed to have a sense that it was all over and that, she once again
was safe.
ARWEN: I seem
to have a sense that, this story is getting progressively worse.
She was no
longer crying and she looked up at her father with big eyes. A faint smile
broke out across Aragorn's face. He gently brushed his hand over her forehead
and knelt down to softly kiss her. "You are safe, little one. Stay that
way."
ARAGORN: (as
himself) Until I command you to jump off the roof.
Which will be now.
He smiled
at her as he straightened once again.
ARWEN:
"Straightened."
ARAGORN: Heh. Heh.
But once
he did, he gasped a sharp breath of air and seemed to choke out. His eyes grew
light and translucent,
BOTH: *blink*
ARWEN: (sing-song)
The eyes are the window to your soul! No wonder
there’s nothing to see.
as if they were deprived of oxygen. He clutched his
abdominal area and, when he drew his hand away, saw that it was covered in
crimson blood. He was stabbed.
ARWEN: WHAT
kind of grammar is that?
ARAGORN: (outraged)
What the hell kind of PLOT is that? Didn’t I
suffer enough falling off a cliff in that one badfic?
ARWEN: That
was the movie.
ARAGORN: What
I said.
GT: How can
you be stabbed and not know it? You’re not super-human or anything, it’s
not like it wouldn’t hurt.
The leader
orc, who he had not killed, had arisen and decided to
claim his revenge by killing Aragorn himself.
ARAGORN: THAT
makes a whole mess of sense.
GT: He was
dead! He should stay that way!
ARWEN: Told you it was just a flesh wound.
Unfortunately for the lovely elf-maiden Arwen,
ARWEN: *preens*
ARAGORN: Talk
about ego.
ARWEN: Why am
I a maiden? We had a daughter, didn’t we?
ARAGORN:
TOGETHER!
she arrived just in time to see her love get stabbed by the
rough sword of the orc. "Nnnnnooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" She
screamed
ARWEN: (as
herself) Aragorn, how could you? How could you cheat on me?
out as the orc forcefully withdrew
his blade and Aragorn fell roughly to his knees, onto the floor.
ARWEN: (as
herself) It’s never like that with us!
ARAGORN: You
are so totally killing the moment.
Arwen
rushed over,
ARAGORN: To
join in.
ARWEN:
You’d like that, wouldn’t you?
but the orc stood between the two
of them. He held out his sword, ready to strike. Arwen hastily muttered some
elf magic words
BOTH: *groan*
ARWEN: Abra cababra, ding dang doo! Give me some money and your wish will come true!
and the orc's skin began to crumble
and it was soon nothing more than a pile of debris and rock on the floor
between Aragorn and herself.
BOTH: *blink*
ARWEN: I SO
wish I could do that in real life.
ARAGORN:
Handy for when the kids misbehave.
ARWEN: *glares*
ARAGORN: I
– I mean, for when I misbehave.
GT: WAIT! His
skin crumbled, yes, but what about the rest of him?!
Kneeling down beside her fallen love, tears spilled from her eyes. Aragorn
gasped for air as he tried to spend longer in the real world,
ARAGORN: Which would NOT be THIS world.
to be with his beautiful wife and daughter. He muttered
something, and his voice was already getting hoarse and incoherant.
But Arwen knew what he had said. He had muttered,
ARAGORN: (as
himself) I was the one who broke your favorite vase, I threw away the
Evenstar pendant on purpose because it was ugly, Éowyn
and I WEREN’T just friends, and . . . I left the toilet seat up.
ARWEN: You
bastard!
"Maya..."
Arwen looked up on the table where Maya had been laid.
BOTH: *snort*
She was
dead.
ARWEN: Why,
exactly? She was fine a moment ago.
ARAGORN: And
you used your Cyclops vision to get the Orc before he
touched her.
More tears
overflowed from the elf's eyes and splashed down on her dying love. Aragorn did
not need Arwen's words to tell him that he was not
able to save the life of his daughter after all. He knew it.
ARAGORN: *cackles*
Because I . . . KILLED HER MYSELF! MUAHAHA!
ARWEN: NOW I
know what happened to that puppy.
"Arwen..." He mumbled, his voice still
hoarse and becoming more and more non-understandable as each second passed.
With great strength and energy, he lifted his palm and placed it on her
BOTH: *wait
with bated breath*
cheek.
ARAGORN:
Damn!
"I
love you."
Tears poured from her eyes as her hand met his face and she gently stroked his
ARAGORN: Come
on, come on . . .
face too.
ARWEN: Ha.
ARAGORN: I
never have any fun.
"I
love you too, Aragorn." She whispered through her falling tears. "I
love you." She knelt down closer to him and they shared one last brief
kiss before he died
ARWEN: Happy
now?
and his skin turned cold and lifeless.
ARAGORN: No.
"Nnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!"
Arwen screamed in agony, looking up at the ceiling.
ARWEN: (as
herself) Too bad about Aragorn . . . look! Mosaic!
In a quick
decision of agony and grief, she picked up the dagger from the crumbled orc and stuck it in her chest, within her heart.
ARWEN: This
is so dumb! I would never do that! Especially not for you!
ARAGORN:
Thanks. I so feel loved now.
She then
fell onto Aragorn. Her last words, before she died were, "It was all for
the love of our daughter."
BOTH: How???
ARAGORN: I
died. She killed herself. How does Maya the Moronic figure into it?
ARWEN: And
what about Eldarion? I have him to live for!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
ARWEN: Ohhhh, I hate that.
Yuri Kitty: *reads over* Damn! That IS depressing, ain't
it?
ARAGORN: Not
really.
ARWEN: Kind
of funny. But depressing in the
"I-can’t-believe-anyone-would-write-this-crap" way.
It's like
"LotR" meets "Romeo and Juliet"
and a hint of Laurlene MacDaniel!!!
BOTH: *groan*
ARWEN: I HATE
Laurlene MacDaniel.
*sigh* Now
can people understand why it's not apart of my own LotR
story?
BOTH: Yes!
ARWEN: And we
can understand also why YOUR LotR story
isn’t a part of the REAL LotR story!
^^;; First off, if it WAS, I'd be ((my character, Maya)) dead.
BOTH: *scream
and point fingers* Mary-Sue! Mary-Sue! Mary-Sue!
My mother
((Arwen)) would be dead, and so would my father ((Aragorn))!
ARAGORN: No
shit, Sherlock.
ARWEN:
That’s the third time we’ve said that.
ARAGORN: This
author has a penchant for stating the obvious.
One hell
of a story and plot line where all three people are dead, huh? ^^;;;
ARWEN: (sarcastically)
Yeah.
ARAGORN: I
didn’t notice a plot. Did you notice a plot?
GT: I didn’t. But I did notice that you obviously don’t
get enough lovin’. I have this friend, Helen, and she can
help.
*sorry*
This story is really sad. And
serious.
BOTH: *snort*
Weird to think of me writing something serious. Especially THIS
serious! But hope you enjoyed it! R&R!!!!! Critics appreciated!!!
QA: *pops
back in* I bet she loved MY review, then.
ARWEN: Can we
go now?
QA: You can.
But the King stays.
BOTH: *glare*
QA: Oh, fine.
Whatever. Um, credits, right. Let’s have a big
round of lackluster applause and suspicious muttering for Yuri Kitty, the
writer of this monstrosity.
[Lackluster
applause and suspicious murmuring]
QA: And many
thanks to the directors of this film, 120 Mexican Whoopee Llamas. And 352 Regular Llamas. And a moose.
MOOSE: *bows*
QA: And me. For the lovely MSTing.
ARAGORN: *throws
cabbage*
QA: Was that
REALLY necessary? Oh, well. Hope you enjoyed the show.
GT: What
about ME?! Hey? Hello? Is anyone there?
…you
people suck.