panwyn1

He went forward didn�t he?� Panwyn called back, almost brightly. It bothered her when people gave her bits of advice that didn�t make much sense. What did it matter whether she kicked it forward or squeezed it forward?-as long as it went forward, that�s all that mattered to her. As soon as this was over she�d be going in for a long soak, and that�d be the end of this whole ordeal.
�My Lady, don�t use the reins to hold yourself on! Use your legs and balance yourself in the saddle.� One of the instructor�s journeymen called to her. Panwyn rolled her eyes.
�Use my legs, don�t use my legs, make up your mind will you!� Nonetheless Panwyn sat a little straighter and tried to balance her on the runner�s back. It was a little easier this way, without all the pulling the runner to a stop and all. But the bounciness of riding this animal was starting to jar her mind. It would be so much more worthwhile if she were in her father�s study, working out what would be the best crops to plant next turn. With this turn such a wet one, more tubers and less wheat should be grown��. Panwyn�s mind drifted off, and she stopped paying attention to what she was doing. The high-strung stallion sensed his rider�s �absence�, and took the bit into his mouth. Finally! He was free to go where he pleased, and not deal with this ignorant girl anymore!
A sharp jerk of the runner�s body, and an all to untimely meeting with the ground below jarred Panwyn from her thoughts. As she spat out the dirt that had gotten into her mouth and was trying to stand up, both the instructor and his journeyman understudy came running up to her.
�Lady Panwyn! Are you all right? Traj, send for the Healer. I�ll get her to the Hold proper.�
�I�m fine!� Panwyn said around the choking sobs that were beginning to consume her. She slammed her fist into the ground, trying to stop the tears; she really was too old for this childish nonsense. But that only caused her to sob even harder. And why were they picking her up? She was fine. �Stop.� She said. �I can do it on my own�� But a flood of tears interrupted her words, and no one paid attention.
�There there Lady, you�ll be fine. No need to worry�happens to everybody their first time.� The old instructor told her as he half dragged, half carried her towards the Hold. Panwyn tried to get out of his grasp, but he assumed she was just being hysterical, and held onto her more firmly.
�No!� Panwyn felt herself yelling. �Let me go! Let my get back on�.� But by that time she was at the Hold�s doors, and was being received by her mother and a Healer. But she was fine! Panwyn had to bite back the rest of her tears so her mother wouldn�t yell at her for making her face red and blotchy.

The next day Panwyn was sitting out in the courtyard, reading over one of her favourite books. After giving her a thorough examination the Healer had pronounced her �shaken� and ordered her to rest for a few days. Panwyn had been so embarressed that she didn�t mind staying in her room, out of sight, for a sevenday. But the Healer also said �fresh air� would be helpful. So here she was, out in the courtyard; being snickered at by any fosterling or kitchen brat walking past. Panwyn had half a mind to tell them off, but held her tongue. After yesterday�s dramatic performance she knew she deserved the snickering.
So why don�t you just grow up Panny? She asked herself. You�re nearly sixteen�much too old to be carrying on like a child. That poor man, what was his name? Oh well, Father�ll probably have one of his arms for letting me fall off the runner. Why can�t I do anything right? It�s not fair.
�I thought you might be out here.� A voice startled Panwyn from behind. Looking up and shading her eyes Panwyn made out the figure of her older sister. Panwyn immediately looked back into her book. The last thing she needed was Janawey to pluck at what remained of her dignity. Janawey was everything Panwyn was not: intelligant, sophisticated, beautiful and able to ride runner without putting the entire Hold into an uproar. Janawey was also the independent one, refusing to marry even though she was over twenty. And of course Janawey could get away with this, because she was their father�s favourite.
�Yeah.� Panwyn muttered, turning the page in her book, trying to drop hints that Jana was not wanted. But Jana didn�t get the message, and sat on the edge of the long chair that Panwyn was reclining on. Panwyn curled her feet up, away from her sister, and flipped another page.
�You�re reading that pretty quickly.� Janawey observed.
�Wow.� Panwyn muttered. �Am I really allowed to read quickly? I didn�t know I could. What with my needing your permission and all�.I�m so glad you approve.�
�I don�t.� Jana said, smiling. �Whatcha reading?�
� �Watcha� isn�t a word!� Panwyn retorted to her sister, who was practically raised on grammar hides.
�Is now.� Jana yawned. �I heard about what happened yesterday��
�You and everybody else. If you�re here to make fun of me, take a number.� And Panwyn inclined her head towards the latest group of young fosterling skulking about the edge of the courtyard, making cry faces at Panwyn. Jana scowled at them, and they quickly dispersed.
�Actually I was here to make sure you were okay.� Jana�s kind words made Panwyn explode.
�Okay!? You think I�m anything else? I fell off a runner Jana, I didn�t severe my arm, or break both legs! Why does everybody treat me like thin glass, and you like tough metal? I�m sick of being the little girl, Panwyn concentrated on her embroidery. It was a handkerchief with a green dragon on it. It was for Jana. Jana had written home about two sevendays ago, briefly informing her family that she had Impressed a darling little green called Palith. Panwyn was happy for her sister. Or, as happy as she could be while being jealous at the same time. But to strengthen her resolve to act more mature, Panwyn decided to make a present to congratulate Jana with. Today it was embroidery.
Yesterday it had been a short story about a boy who Impressed a bronze when he was only a guest in the stands; and three days ago she had tried to paint her sister a picture of a green dragonet hatching. All attempts failed miserably. Panwyn discovered she had little talent as a writer, and even less as a painter. The only thing she could do halfway decent was stitch and sew.
Panwyn�s thoughts kept running towards anger and feeling inferior as she stiched the dragon�s wings, but she firmly reminded herself of her plan, she thought instead on what she would do in Jana�s shoes. Well, that�s absurd. Panwyn told herself. If you were in Jana�s shoes you�d be in the Weyr right now, with a dragonet all your own. No, if you had been Jana, you�d have hidden in Jana�s room while the Search dragons were here and never made it that far. It�s a good thing you�re not Jana, Panwyn, you�d have ruined two lives. And Panwyn smiled at the thought. This being whole being an adult thing was easier than it appeared. And her next decision was that next time dragons came, she would stand close enough to touch one.
One step at a time Panny, one step at a time. And she bit off the end of the thread.Jana!� And Panwyn threw her book to the ground in anger. Jana patiently reached down and picked it up, wiping dust from the cover as she handed it back to Panwyn.
�You�ll never be anything other than a little girl if you don�t grow up.� Janawey told her sister, and then stood up and walked away. Panwyn stared after her, eyes shifting moodily, and then she sighed and went back to her book. What did it matter what Jana said anyway? What did Jana know��

Apperantly Jana knew a lot, because a the next day Search dragons came to the Hold, and took Jana with them. When the two huge dragons had landed in the courtyard, Panwyn had been frightened and retreated into the Hold for cover. She sat in her room, staring at the large beasts from her window. Jana, however, had rushed out to see them, and was promptly Searched. Of course their parents were so pleased�it was their first child to ever be Searched.
Panwyn watched, almost jealously, as Jana got on the large blue dragon and took off. Panwyn didn�t even know which Weyr she was going to! And Panwyn would probably never see her sister again. Fardling Jana, everything good happened to her.
Oh stop it girl! Jana�s right, you�ll never be anything unless you grow up a bit first. For a brief moment Panwyn thought about what kind of person she was right now. There was nothing really wrong with her was there? Oh sure she cried sometimes, and got embarressed easily..but life as a whole was good to her. Wasn�t it? But Panwyn couldn�t fool herself this time. She would have to take a deep breath and just get over it. She realized she couldn�t spend her entire life in her childhood, despite what she really wanted to do�..

Panwyn concentrated on her embroidery. It was a handkerchief with a green dragon on it. It was for Jana. Jana had written home about two sevendays ago, briefly informing her family that she had Impressed a darling little green called Palith. Panwyn was happy for her sister. Or, as happy as she could be while being jealous at the same time. But to strengthen her resolve to act more mature, Panwyn decided to make a present to congratulate Jana with. Today it was embroidery.
Yesterday it had been a short story about a boy who Impressed a bronze when he was only a guest in the stands; and three days ago she had tried to paint her sister a picture of a green dragonet hatching. All attempts failed miserably. Panwyn discovered she had little talent as a writer, and even less as a painter. The only thing she could do halfway decent was stitch and sew.
Panwyn�s thoughts kept running towards anger and feeling inferior as she stiched the dragon�s wings, but she firmly reminded herself of her plan, she thought instead on what she would do in Jana�s shoes. Well, that�s absurd. Panwyn told herself. If you were in Jana�s shoes you�d be in the Weyr right now, with a dragonet all your own. No, if you had been Jana, you�d have hidden in Jana�s room while the Search dragons were here and never made it that far. It�s a good thing you�re not Jana, Panwyn, you�d have ruined two lives. And Panwyn smiled at the thought. This being whole being an adult thing was easier than it appeared. And her next decision was that next time dragons came, she would stand close enough to touch one.
One step at a time Panny, one step at a time. And she bit off the end of the thread.

It was a few months later that Panwyn got the opportunity to touch a dragon. There had been a particularly nasty Threadfall that morning, and one of the crops had accidently been burned. Two dragonriders came to inform her father of the disaster, and to reassure him that it was being taken care of. Panwyn watched from her window vantage point, the dragonriders land, and watched her father grow angry as they told him what had happened.
It was then Panwyn noticed the two green dragons resting in the courtyard near their riders. Despite her fear, Panwyn felt strangely attracted to them. She was drawn to them in a way she had never been before. Maybe it had something to do with the way she�d been acting and thinking lately�..She had to get closer. Panwyn darted from her window seat, down the stairs, and into the courtyard.

"Panwyn! Stop that nonsense and get over here!" Holder Vann roared at his daughter, who had been sneaking around, trying to get closer to the dragons. The girl was old enough to know better, and should act accordingly! Luckily Panwyn obeyed, and came to stand politely next to her father, shy of the dragonriders. Panwyn bowed her head and courtseyed.
"Good day dragonriders." Panwyn looked over the shoulders of the dragonriders to see the beasts behind them. The large creatures still frightened her, but she was determined to touch one. Panwyn stilled her rapidly beating heart and lifted her head a little higher. No, she wouldn't let herself become afraid this time. The Holder Vann, however, seemed very embarressed by his daughter's preoccupation with the dragons.
Probably because her sister got Searched. It was always like Panwyn to want whatever Janawey had. He thought to himself, and was relieved to see that the riders found Panwyn more amusing than annoying. The woman rider even started to talk to the young girl.
"Good day, Panwyn is it?"
"Yes rider." Panwyn replied respectfully; fully aware of her father's scrutiny. She didn't really want to get on his bad side just to be close to a dragon. The woman laughed.
"No need to be so polite girl, I don't always insist on appropriate titles." The woman extended her hand. "I'm Brenna." Panwyn took the hand and shook it warmly. Brenna nodded towards the other greenrider, a male. "And this is Z'rae." Panwyn nodded to him.
"Enough Panwyn, go see if your mother needs anything." Vann tried to shoo his daughter away, but Brenna motioned the girl to stay.
"Wait a moment Panwyn, would it be alright if we asked you a few questions first?" Panwyn blushed, but shrugged.
"Of course." She said.
"How old are you Panwyn?"
"Nearly sixteen."
"Have you ever been to a Weyr?"
"No."
"Have you ever ridden a dragon?"
"No."
"Have you ever been Searched?"
"No, she hasn't, and what does this have to do with anything?" Vann interrupted. Z'rae smiled and Brenna nodded to Panwyn.
"Just two more questions. Panwyn? Has any of your family ever been Searched?"
"My sister, a few sevendays ago. Why?" Panwyn was curious and frightened about why these dragonriders wanted to know about her. And her history with dragons particularly.
"Good." Brenna said. "One more questions. How would you like to travel to Beach Shards to be a Candidate?"
"Her?" Vann asked skeptically.
"Me?" Panwyn squeeked. She never expected, in her life, to be Searched. She was still frightened of being near the dragons-green dragons at that! How could she go to a Weyr, and live their the rest of her life? It would be terrifying. Yet, Jana had gone to the Weyr, and Panwyn thought about all the things she woudn't have to do if she Impressed. She wouldn't have to marry some old, stuffy Holder, that was for sure. She wouldn't have to worry about all the 'proper' things a Holder girl had to worry about. No more troublesome fosterlings, and the people in the Weyr would certainly be more interesting than the ones she was associated with now. Why not? And it would be wonderful to have a dragon all her own. I don't think I'd be afraid of my own dragon. Panwyn thougbt to herself.
Panwyn's father was undecided on the subject. He was pleased when one daughter had Impressed; but he couldn't really do anything with Janawey anyway. Panwyn was perfect for an alliance marriage. But two daughters in the Weyr offered a world of possabilites......As it turned out, he had no say in the matter. For the first time in her life Panwyn decided to make up her own mind about something.
"Of course I'll go with you to the Weyr." Panwyn exclaimed, excited and frightened at the same time.