kilaron

Kilaron looked down from the weyr�s ledge to where the newest batch of weyrlings were practicing drills for the first time. He smiled a little smile, knowing almost first hand how horrible it would be for them. Ramala had certainly complained of it enough, and from what little he heard from Yesereth, the black dragon hadn�t liked it much either.
But that was over now, he, Ramala, and Yesereth would be leaving Beach Shards Weyr for good. Ramala had just left to the new Weyr to put herself in a wing, and he�d stayed behind to pack up �their� things.
He never thought he�d missed the trading clan so much until it came time to pack. Somehow making enough room for everything in the packs, folding things down to a quarter of their normal size, wrapping the breakable things, packing up hides and books, made him think of getting ready to pull out. He missed the noise, and the life, his Trading clan had had. He�d heard little from his family since he and Ramala had come to the Weyr; both of their families had heartily disapproved of their leaving, and of their �union�. That troubled Ramala, but Kilaron found it amusing.
As Kilaron sat out on the dragon ledge, he thought about all the differences he and Ramala had. He thought of how brave and moody she could be, rushing headfirst into all sorts of things she wasn�t ready for; he tended to evaluate things first, think about the best way to go about them, and act accordingly.
   It still worried him that they�d started a relationship so quickly. Relationships thrown together in haste never lasted long. But he and Ramala seemed to share some kind of bond, a sort of deeper understanding and trust; it delighted them both, but Kilaron in particularly. That one thing might keep them together despite everything else; despite the things that were so different about them.
Of course the biggest difference was Yesereth, the black dragon that took up so much of Ramala�s time. Yessie was the main reason that the relationship hadn�t settled into a comfortable compatibility, she took up so much of Ramala�s energy; the girl had little time left for Kilaron. Kilaron didn�t mind at first- they�d been able to spend all their time together before the hatching, and when Yesereth was a hatchling. But then Ramala had the grueling Weyrling practices, and now she would be fighting Thread. Kilaron was still undecided about that as well; he had a natural urge to protect all things he loved, and the idea of Ramala out there in Threadfall worried him.
But the biggest thing plaguing his mind was what would happen when Yesereth flew for the first time. Oh sure, that was a long way off in the future; but it was still something he had to worry about. He�d already learned of the �ground rules� and in special circumstances other parties could be allowed to �participate� in a flight; but his situation didn�t warrant that. He knew Ramala was as worried about it as he was, and he couldn�t think of any way to make it so she wasn�t placed in situation she didn�t want to be in. Save one.
If he had a dragon, worthy of catching Yesereth, he and Ramala would remain true to each other as they�d promised in the beginning. Kilaron pondered this for a while. If he was going to be spending a lot of time (the rest of his life perhaps?) in the Weyr, he might as well be useful. Right now all he did was do odd jobs around the place, tolerated because he was the mate of one of the rare�s riders. But if Kilaron could Impress�
He faltered there. He�d never been Searched, and was getting almost too old stand Candidate anyway. There was also a nagging fear at the back of his mind: a fear of dragons in general. He didn�t like to admit it, but except for Yessie, he�d never really been comfortable around dragons. They made him feel nervous and highly inferior. He couldn�t imagine standing out on the Sands with kids as much as ten years younger than him, and watching them bravely Impress while he was left hanging out there without a dragon. And what if he did Impress, but Impressed a blue? What good what that do him and Ramala when Yesereth flew? Not that he cared much what color he Impressed, but he wanted a dragon big enough to fly Yessie.
Stupid twit. He told himself. You�ve stopped thinking about yourself. Ever since you came here it�s been Ramala this and Yesereth that. Every breath you took from that day forward was in their shadow. Wouldn�t it be nice to do something for yourself for once? Ramala and I have something that can�t be changed, so I don�t need to tiptoe around anymore.
That was the first thought of Kilaron�s that ever focused mainly on himself. Before he came to the Weyr, all his thoughts centered on his clan. Once he was with Ramala, all his thoughts were for her. But now he felt something pulling from inside, something telling him it was very important he develop a sense of self before it was too late. One would guess it had something to due with the clutch of eggs currently hardening on the Sands.

                                                    Later that afternoon�..
Kilaron had gone off into the main record room to find some information about trades available in the Weyr. He didn�t want to be a stable boy for the rest of his life if he could help it. But as he was scrounging through the records, trying to find useful information, he heard someone cursing softly from behind him. He turned around to see a woman standing there, choking on dust from one of the older hides. Kilaron smiled warmly at her.
�Hello Brenna.� The woman looked up, startled, and grinned when she saw Kilaron. Putting the dust covered hide back on the shelf she took a few steps to where Kilaron was sitting.
�Kilaron! It�s been a while since I�ve seen you. Last time was when Ramala was looking for some oils to ease the sores on her..uh..rear from weyrling practice.� Kilaron chuckled.
�Don�t remind me. I don�t know how I managed to stay on her good side during then.�
�Well, anyhow, it�s good to see you again Kilaron. I was afraid you might not be around anymore.�
�No chance of that Brenna, at least none that I can see. Ramala assures me I�m good enough to keep.� Kilaron said in a sarcastic voice, and Brenna laughed.
�That good huh? No, well, non-riders come and go all the time, if you know what I mean.�
�Yeah, I know what you mean.� Kilaron stared at the floor for a long moment, and shifted uncomfortably. He didn�t know what to say after that; and Brenna just stayed there, looking as uncomfortable as he did. It was a long moment before either of them spoke again.
�Kilaron?� Brenna asked quietly, and continued without waiting for him to acknowledge her. �I know this is going to seem a bit odd, but Nikath is telling me��
�Kilaron! There you are!� Ramala came in, striding confidently in her riding gear. She sat next to him and looked at the hidebook in his hand. He put his arm around her, protectively.
�So?� He asked her, and she beamed up at him.
�Queens wing.� She told him, and almost bounced around with giddiness. �They have no rares at all yet, and since Yessie�s so big they put us in the queen�s wing. Isn�t that great?�   Kilaron, who had been worried about Ramala�s safety, and knowing that the queen�s wing was the safest wing of fall, thought it was.
   �Wonderful.� He murmured, and leaned against her. Brenna, who had gone unnoticed, congratulated Ramala.
�We�ll miss you Ramala.� She said. �But good job on getting into the queen�s wing. It�s hard to do, even for a black as large as Yesereth.� Ramala beamed under the praise, and Kilaron felt strangely odd, as if this was only confirming his future doing nothing. If only he and Ramala could go back to Trading�.no, no one would let Yesereth leave the Weyr, Ramala included.
�Kilaron?� Brenna spoke again in a quiet tone, and Ramala, who had been going on about what happened between Yesereth and the other queens, got silent and stared up at Brenna, almost apprehensively. Kilaron knew she was getting jealous, and why not? With her gone all day, she probably thought Kilaron was getting bored of being alone. Kilaron tightened his arm on her shoulders to reassure her.
�Yes?� He asked, wondering what was bothering the Searchrider so much. Brenna smiled nervously and licked her lips.
�Well, it�s just�Nikath is telling me�Kilaron,� Brenna said finally, �would you like to be a Candidate for the clutch that�s on the Sands right now? Nikath thinks it�s a good idea.�
Next to him Ramala gasped, and began to smile wildly. It was obvious she was talking to Yesereth, and before Kilaron could say anything Ramala murmured.
�Yessie says that�s a good idea.� And Ramala laughed out loud. �Fardling dragon..always keep things hidden!� And Ramala hugged Kilaron ecstatically.
Kilaron still hadn�t said anything. He was thinking to himself. How could this be? Why hadn�t he been Searched before then? Ever? He�d been to plenty of Weyr�s throughout his life, and met plenty of dragons, so why now? And what again, if he didn�t Impress? He was too old, mentally, to be sullen and jealous like a child, but he knew how embarrassing it would be if he didn�t Impress. But didn�t he have to try? Didn�t he owe that to Ramala and Yessie? And to himself most? His life was the Weyr now, shouldn�t he try to do something worthwhile?
�Kilaron?� Brenna asked him, and Ramala looked at him worriedly. But Kilaron shook his head slowly, and smiled.
�Of course I�ll stand Candidate, after all, I have to be prepared when Yessie flies.�
I told you I was good enough to wait. Yesereth said, letting both Ramala and Kilaron hear her. As usual, Kilaron was surprised when he heard Yesereth�s voice, and he silently thanked the black dragon.
Don�t be silly. Yesereth told him. Ramala doesn�t thank me when I talk to her. But Kilaron ignored that comment; he was too busy being �congratulated� by Ramala.